#1 Comfort:
Hakkai had never been a very physical person; despite all his passion, he was reserved and rarely allowed others to be that close to him; as a result, it took him rather longer than normal to not freeze when Gojyo touched him, whether deliberately or accidentally, and even longer to realise that they were intended to comfort or cheer, that the redhead was just trying to be a friend.
#2 Kiss:
The first one was an accident, just a brush of Gojyo's lips against his temple as the redhead turned over in his sleep; the second one was probably an accident too, Hakkai concluded, when Gojyo took a swig of water from a bottle Hakkai had just drunk from; and the third……and the fourth……in retrospect, he realised he had been quite blind, right from the beginning.
#3 Soft:
When Hakkai was angry, his voice became even smoother and softer, like quicksand or strangling silk.
#4 Pain:
Hakkai always felt a twinge of pain when he healed Gojyo, which was very strange, because his chi techniques never caused him pain when he did the same for anyone else; but being quick on the uptake, he soon figured out that it wasn't the chi.
#6 Rain:
They lit candles in their room once – and the lights flashed through the curtain of Gojyo's hair as he leaned forward and concealed both of them under it like a rain of fire seen through red silk.
#5 Run:
'Gojyo, run, immediately,' Hakkai said flatly as he reached one hand up to his ear, and though he would have balked at such a blatant order from anyone else, he made tracks immediately and as fast as he could, because this was Hakkai, and he knew which battles to pick.
#7 Chocolate:
Hakkai bought chocolates whenever he could, and most of them fed Goku's bottomless stomach, pilfered shamelessly from Sanzo or Gojyo; and even though Goku's keen nose told him that there was definitely more chocolate in the bag Hakkai carried, he didn't ask, because if Hakkai could put up with all their vices, he deserved a few of his own, and didn't even protest when he could smell some of it on Gojyo's breath the next morning.
#8 Happiness:
There was an odd sort of feel to just sitting, talking, with the slim excuse of a pack of cards, while Gojyo smoked like a chimney (really, that smell! Abominable) and the minutes ticked away without memory or past obstructing their smooth forward movement – he hesitated to call it happiness, because it was subtler and more complex than that.
#9 Telephone:
Gojyo spent nearly two hours nagging Sanzo to buy them all cell phones, until the priest finally yelled that he had no intention of footing Gojyo's phone sex bill; Hakkai smiled widely and cheerily declared that the chances of that were slim to none, as he and Gojyo usually slept within speaking distance of each other anyway, and greatly relished the Too Much Information look both the others adopted.
#10 (Ears):
Once, prompted by semi-suicidal curiosity, he slipped a single limiter off while Hakkai slept, and watched fascinated as shadow-vines curled over the healer's body, ears sharpening and lengthening; he replaced the limiter quickly, though not before a distinctly not-human eye had opened – but neither ever spoke of it again.
#11 Name:
It was both amusing and not that Gojyo never tripped over the name Hakkai, as Hakkai himself sometimes did, expecting some other form of address; it made sense, because Gojyo had never really attached any name to him except Hakkai, but somehow he still thought it was not right……and he gave up, for once struck by illogic
#12 Sensual:
Everyone called Gojyo sensual, but it wasn't his looks, stunning as they were, that made him so; it was the way he moved, the stride of one who was at peace, if not happy, with himself, the dangerous charm that he could turn towards anyone, the electric wit and quick smile.
#13 Death:
He watched dispassionately as each red lock of hair – that hated red – fluttered down to the floor to curl and glow like a pool of blood, like blood washed in rain, spilling over his fingers as he lifted a dead man's weight……and he thought about death.
#14 Sex:
Gojyo hated sharing a bed with anyone, even if they'd just had sex; and now, lying next to a wounded man he'd never so much as thought about kissing, he knew exactly why he had feared that intimacy.
#15 Touch:
'It's not because of you or the rain or anything,' Gojyo said, looking shifty and adorably guilty, because if there was one thing Sha Gojyo was utterly horrible at, it was being a convincing liar, 'It's just that there wasn't anything happening in the bar – no scene, no girls, no booze, ya know?' and Hakkai tried very hard not to show how touched he was, but he must have failed at it, because Gojyo stammered and grew redder and finally ducked into the bathroom to gain some composure, and Hakkai laughed and laughed.
#16: Weakness:
Gojyo was completely selfless when it came to those he cared for, undone by even the smallest kindnesses, the most trivial favours – so unused to them, he was, that he would die for a traitor even if their friendship had been one of words and not hearts – Hakkai accounted for that in his dealings with Gojyo, but could not bear to call it a weakness.
#17 Tears:
They had a huge fight over Hakkai's reckless style of fighting that ended with Gojyo trying his damnedest to drink a bar dry and Hakkai spend the evening staring out of the window blankly, open book in his lap and one hand curling over his stomach; the next three days were hell, as Gojyo was being exponentially more annoying and Hakkai staying stonily silent in the front seat; on the fourth day, Gojyo found two tears in his jacket neatly mended and Hakkai already in his room, and he had a wide grin on his face as he wheedled Sanzo into switching with him.
#18 Speed:
He had long reconciled himself to being unable to outwit Hakkai; the speed of his reactions both to words and actions was that of one who was both simpler and more complex than Gojyo was.
#19 Wind:
Watching Hakkai move was like watching the wind; swift, decisive and smooth.
#20 Freedom:
Tenpou asked him what he would do if he could do anything at all; Kenren thought for a while and said, 'Find a rule-book and break every rule in it, and maybe I'd want to go kill someone I hated, and scream insults at all the gods and……' he trailed off, and when Tenpou made a questioning sound, he just shook his head and kissed him.
#21 Life:
Hakkai was not a man who could live solely for himself; he needed someone to live for, battle for, love, and some part of him recognised this, which was why he fought so fiercely for love when he found it.
#22 Jealousy:
He knew that Hakkai was possessive, knew it intellectually – the man had slaughtered thousands, literally, for his love – but the physical reality of it didn't strike home until one evening when the girl who had been attempting to flirt with him was cut off in mid-sentence by a harsh grating sound; she turned, gasped and fled, and without her obstructing his view he could see the quiet, satisfied smile on Hakkai's face, and the five deep slashes in the wooden table, made cleanly and precisely by what just had to be claws.
#23 Hands:
After a particularly long and vicious battle, Gojyo found Hakkai sitting apart from the others, staring down at his palms distantly; he caught those hands in his and held them closed, and Hakkai blinked and returned to him.
#24 Taste:
He found his tastes running towards brunettes, brunettes with trim figures and pretty, pale faces; and when he looked into a pair of liquid dark eyes and was vaguely irritated that they weren't green, he realised why, and was promptly horrified enough that he ran out on her without a word of explanation.
#25 Devotion:
To anyone else, it would have seemed that Hakkai was the devoted one, the one who took care of Gojyo's every need and was always there for him; they never thought to question who had followed whom on this dangerous journey.
#26 Forever:
Forever was a word they didn't voice; they were too scarred and too afraid to risk tempting fate with such a reckless proclamation – but unvoiced was not the same as unthought, and looks always spoke louder where they were concerned.
#27 Blood:
There was always blood between them, trapped in red hair and red pasts and painful reminders; ignored perhaps, but never quite forgotten.
#28 Sickness:
They could have made vows, made declarations, promises and a hundred other things; sickness and health, richer or poorer, better or worse, fidelity, loyalty, honour, obedience, support, devotion, love – but in every way imaginable, they had proven that even before there had been any need or thought of such intimacy between them, and neither ever gave it any thought.
#29 Melody:
Hakkai hummed as he worked, nearly as tuneless as Gojyo, because he was usually too distracted to stick to a tune; but once, when Gojyo was particularly struck by a bit of melody, he drummed up the recollection and sang, words echoing sweetly in the kitchen, a memory of voices lifted in worship to a god he had never believed in.
#30 Star:
There were nights in the mountains, clear and inky-black skies with stars spread across them like scattered tears frozen in the ice of the land they were passing through; Hakkai always went outside to watch the stars on nights like those, although he shivered with the cold – Gojyo always tagged along, using the cigarettes as an excuse, and they stood together, which made the cold more tolerable, at least.
#31 Home:
Home had always been pretty green eyes, been Kanan, been theirs, but despite all his stubbornness and determined clinging to the past, he was forced to redefine it.
#32 Confusion:
'Make your farewells before we do this,' Gojyo said harshly, 'I won't be a replacement, won't be an escape; there must be no confusion; if you're with me, I want you with me.'
#33 Fear:
Hakkai only turned a full-strength Mass Murderer™ Glare on him a few times, and it made him nervous; he knew that his youkai form gave him chills on the best of days (even if another part of him could freely say that it was frighteningly sensual as well) and Hakkai in a fury was enough to have him leaping to obey, as did they all, even if Sanzo would never admit to it; and how strange it was, knowing all of his friend's past, knowing the horror and bloodlust that he was capable of, that the thought of Hakkai leaving him was the only thing about the other man that made him truly afraid.
#34 Lightning/Thunder:
Together, they were lightning and thunder; and in that practiced misdirection they fought better than they could have alone.
#35 Bonds:
Many things about his best friend had surprised Gojyo on occasion; his unflappable calm, his steely determination, his unrestrained fury; but the biggest of these surprises was that Hakkai could be really, really kinky when he wanted to.
#36 Market:
Gojyo had Definite Ideas about when his fridge was restocked, namely before the rains when the girls stayed home, and whenever he began to starve; the first time Hakkai handed him a shopping list with one of his sweet You Wouldn't Dream Of Refusing Me, Now, Would You, Gojyo Dear, Because I Do Think You Want To See the Sunrise Tomorrow smiles, he sulked about it all the way to the market.
#37 Technology:
The adrenalin rush of battle and triumph faded quickly when faced with severe wounds, hunger and thirst; and though it was hardly the victory dinner Hakkai had imagined having after the end of their quest, he found he was perfectly content with some noodles Gojyo had scavenged from somewhere, leaning against banks of destroyed computers that were still crackling and smoking; and surrounded by forbidden technology, he leaned into Gojyo, shrugged at the ironies of life, and ate.
#38 Gift:
Gojyo had little ability with chi, but he eagerly took up Hakkai's offer to teach him acupressure; perhaps it was because he was so open and so physical in his affections compared to Hakkai, but his gift for the art was obviously greater than Hakkai's own.
#39 Smile:
Hakkai claimed not to remember why he had smiled at Gojyo as he lay dying, or even that he had – both knew that if Gojyo asked him why, he would have had to reply that he was glad to be dying, and the next question, inevitably, would have been one he never wanted to answer.
#40 Innocence:
There was too much knowledge in their eyes for men so young, love shattered in rejection, drowned in blood; betrayal and pain, fear and rage; and they guarded their youngest (or oldest) companion all the more fiercely for it, in the knowledge of what they had lost, which still dwelled in those innocent golden eyes.
#41 Completion:
Soiled goods together, he had told him, matter-of-fact, yes tomorrow is garbage day – there was no reason for his heart to slam against his chest and then fall utterly silent, or that feeling of utter completion, solace, to steal through him and wash away things he didn't even know he'd felt the pain of.
#42 Clouds:
Hakkai loved to teach, it filled some emotional and intellectual need in him, and Gojyo never tired of watching him come alive like that; so when he leaned against Gojyo's chest, red hair trickling down onto a green tunic, and pointed out and named every kind of cloud that was chasing across the clear blue sky, Gojyo held him and listened carefully.
#43 Sky:
Some time after defeating Kami-sama, he managed to wangle the details of why they came after him from Goku; his eyebrows shot sky-high at Goku's description of Hakkai's display of temper, and he chuckled when Goku told him that he looked almost as scary then as he did without his limiter.
#44 Heaven:
Hakkai was a realistic man, and he knew how slim his chances were of seeing heaven, and how little he desired that place, having known its essential injustice – but he could find a haven, and that was more honest, at least.
#45 Hell:
'"Perhaps this planet is another planet's hell,"' Tenpou had quoted once, and as he saw Nataku being led away, broken and bloodied from yet another battle, he couldn't help but agree.
#46 Sun:
They had to make an unscheduled stop when Hakkai suffered from sunstroke; and though both Sanzo and Goku noticed how Gojyo hovered anxiously over the unconscious Hakkai, all three of them neglected to tell the healer when he recovered the next day.
#47 Moon:
Cold, silver light glimmering off cold silver limiters, casting highlights into spiky dark hair, throwing emerald green eyes into deep shadow – he looked unworldly, unbearably distant, and it made Gojyo's breath catch.
#48 Waves:
Gojyo's voice was as soothing as the sound of waves when he whispered sleepily into Hakkai's ears, hypnotic, lulling; and his hands traced fire on his skin in delicious contrast.
#49 Hair:
They had both cut their hair in mourning for the dead; when Hakkai returned, Gojyo decided that it was time to let it grow out again.
#50 Supernova:
There were two ways for a star to die, Tenpou had read once; the lesser stars dimmed and faded into obscurity, and the greater ones immolated themselves in a self-made, glorious destruction, a negation of the universe's power over them so complete that they refused to even die on its terms – and if they were going to die, that would be the way to go.
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A/N: Regarding #35: you know it's true. Just look at him. Doesn't he seem (and my keyboard typed seme instead of seem here, incidentally, which I found wildly funny and simply had to share) a closet freak? Thanks to moonsilver, sohmamomiji and EoS – repeat reviewers! Whee. Hm-hm. This is the second-last (phew. These things are work) and the last will be 10K, so.