I in no way own Grey's Anatomy or its characters….

The harsh light of the hall assaulted her eyes as she opened the door, but the desire to put as much distance between the two of them held greater urgency than avoiding slight discomfort. She pulled her white terrycloth robe tighter around her slim body and hurried down the hall to sanctuary of her own room. It was hard to believe that she felt this dirty, but she did. It seemed that her conscious was indeed working after all. A nauseous feeling found its way into her stomach along with a sudden realization; one that she had pushed farther and farther back into her mind. When she had slept with Mark before, somewhere in the back of her mind she pictured them together. If she wasn't going to be with Derek, then it made sense that she would be with Mark. That was before Alex came into her world and found his way into heart. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't even be feeling this way about Alex. He himself told me that the kiss meant nothing to him…just because he kissed me back didn't mean that he wanted to be with me. I'm stupid…I shouldn't be feeling this way…right? Trying to convince herself that she was right usually made her feel better, but tonight it just wasn't working.

She reached the door, thankfully she was able to open and shut it quickly. She slid to the floor. Damn it! My life is always going to be like this. I had my chance at happiness and now it's over for me…small tears spilled out of the corner of her eyes and slowly made their way down her cheeks. I can't believe I slept with him…it was stupid and I KNEW it.

She was still beating herself up when a knock on the door had her bolting up in surprise. Sudden apprehension filled her. He was going to be out there, wondering why she left in the middle of the night. He was going to want answers and she didn't have answers. She gathered up her courage, he deserved something, some explanation and she was going to be woman enough to give it to him. On that note Addison opened the door.

"M….."

She had prepared herself for battle, but suddenly the breath left her body, her face lost its color. She stood staring into the face of Alex Karev.

"Alex?" The name still sounded weird coming out of her lips; it was so personal. When had she begun to see him as simply Alex not Karev?

"I know that you weren't expecting me, but there is something that I need to say. I've tried to avoid it, to push it out of my mind, but I can't so here it is."

With that he pulled her to him. The kiss was intense. It was heart stopping…blood rushing. His mouth was rough, demanding. He wanted and he took. At first Addison was so stunned that she could do nothing more than cling to his shoulders. She had no control, it felt like she was drowning and coming up for air all at the same time. It didn't take long before she regained her bearing and began kissing him back just as intensely; wrapping her arms around his neck to bring their bodies even closer together. His tongue was everywhere at once. It was a delicious feeling…one that had her reeling when he finally pulled back. They were still locked in the embrace, his head resting against hers while their ragged breathing filled the air. It was a wonderful sound; one that Alex wanted to hear over and over again. Before he could think, he reclaimed her swollen mouth. This time there was no hesitation, only sweet, eager willingness. She took as much as he took and gave more than he could have ever imagined.

"Addison…I…Addison…"

It was nothing more than a breathless whisper. He pulled her more fully into the room and shut the door. The electric sparks going off in her head were rapidly spreading heat, an intense heat throughout her body. She wanted him; she wanted him so badly she felt like she was going to burst. For Alex nothing else mattered except feeling Addison trembling and clinging to him. He couldn't get enough of the way it felt to hold her, the way she moved with him; against him. The feelings that he thought had disappeared when he lost Izzie to Denny were still alive and they were screaming for Addison. It was an incredible high.

He gently lowered her to the bed and began to kiss her face, her neck, her hands. Those hands that he had seen numerous times save the lives of mothers and their babies. These hands offered hope...healing. He couldn't get enough. The robe she wore was the only thing between him and her sweet skin. He wanted, needed to take, to give, to conquer and be conquered. Addison riding her own high couldn't remember where she had been and what she had been doing prior to Alex's arrival. However as he began to peel away the robe, she stiffened in horror as the realization came crashing around her with the force of a tidal wave. She had just slept with Mark. Less than two hours ago his mouth and hands had been all over her; he had kissed her and been inside of her. And here was Alex, sweet, sexy, sensitive Alex kissing her, getting ready to explore her body; to take her and claim her as his. The dirtiness and sudden panic that she felt made her stomach churn and her head spin. She pushed him away and gulped for air while wrapping the robe tightly around her. Alex had no idea what made her shy away; what made her look like she was going to be sick. He reached out to touch her, but she shied away, curling herself into a tight ball on the opposite side of the bed just out of his reach.

"Addison…Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" The confusion in his voice was laced with desire.

"No it's not you…It's just that…Alex we can't do this. Not here, not now."

"What do you mean? I thought…I don't understand."

Passion could still be clearly seen in his eyes and she could hear his laborious breathing even with the space between them. Tears began to weld in her eyes and her voice trembled when she began to speak.

"It's not you Alex; it's me and I can't ask you to understand…"

"Yes you can. All you have to do is tell me; whatever it is I'll understand."

His body was calming down and his brain was beginning to work more clearly. He knew that he kissed her and she kissed back. Her body had reacted the way a woman's does when she wants the kisses and the caresses.

"No you won't…I like you so much…more than I even knew…you have this way with the patients…you really care about them, it's so genuine, so heartfelt….you work so hard to create this macho image, but when you let someone see through it you're such a beautiful person and I…I think that I could be falling for you hard and I…I…"

"Well that's definitely not going to make me upset. I was coming to tell you the same thing. Well not the macho part, but the me falling for you part. I had this whole speech running in my mind, but when I saw you looking all fragile and flustered it just seemed that I would get the point across more clearly if I showed you instead of stumbling over the words, but I want to tell you what I was going to say…now."

"Alex…I"

"No Addison," he said cutting her off with a wave of his hand. "I came here to tell you what I needed to say, not to fall into bed with you. I mean this is nice, but it's not what I wanted to do and I'm glad that you stopped me because what I want with you is more than just a night…You are an amazing woman. You're not only amazingly talented, but you're strong. People like Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloane don't and can't define who you are because you don't let them. You are decisive and wonderful and…"

Before she could stop them, the tears that had been welling in her eyes and blurring her vision slowly began to trickle down her flushed cheeks. There was nothing in the world that she wanted to hear more. For the past few weeks he was the only thing on her mind; during the day and during the night. After he had told her that he wasn't looking for a relationship Addison felt cut off; lost. She had been full of an all consuming need for which there was no substitute no matter where she looked, no matter who she looked to. Now here he was, tonight of all nights, sitting on her bed, lips swollen from her kisses, hair tousled from her hands, saying all the things that she had been dreaming, needing him to say. She knew she had to tell him. Not waiting for him to finish, she blurted it out.

"Alex, I slept with Mark…tonight…"

"What?"

It was said quietly…there was no malice in his voice, no laying of blame; only simple confusion. It had her hurrying on while drying her eyes. He deserved an explanation, no he deserved the truth.

"I could do the crying thing, and trust me it would be easier, but I'm going to tell the truth…"

She took a breath and continued on

"You know that I have been falling all over myself when I've seen you. I kissed you the other night and it was great, but them you told me basically to fk off and today after all the drama I was lonely…I just couldn't face the idea of coming back to an empty room and so to combat that feeling I slept with Mark. It's unforgivable I know. I can't believe that I did it and if I had it to do over again I wouldn't have done it, but that can't happen. So if you want to leave I understand perfectly, but I want you to know that I do like you a lot and if you want to continue what we were about to start, the relationship not the sex, I would really love and appreciate that, but ultimately it's your call."

He looked at her, wonder clearly written on his face; what he said next surprised and shook her more than if he had got up and stormed out. "To be honest…I would have done the same thing. You were lonely. I get that. I blew you off. I know that. Mark is a grade "A" asshole, but he also meant enough to you that you were willing to cheat on Derek with him, so I can understand why you turned to him. You don't have to feel bad about that. You're human Addison and even the best of us get lonely and need a little sex. The important thing is that you feel enough for me to let me know, to let me choose. What you did is not unforgivable because there is nothing to forgive."

With his next breath he leaned over, closing the space between them and laid a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I'm gonna go, but I'll see you tomorrow at the hospital."

With that Alex slid off the bed and out the door leaving Addison to digest all that happened. She in turn slid off the bed, walked into the pristine bathroom. She turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up. When steam began to rise and fill the room, she slid the robe off of her shoulders and let it slither to the floor. Things are going to different from now on. No more Mark to cushion the falls, no more indecisiveness. I am back in control and things are going to stay that way. She scrubbed her body until it held a rosy glow. The harder she scrubbed, the more she felt like she was shedding off the baggage that she had been carrying around for way too long now. She wanted to feel clean, to feel free. The past was done, things were going to change. Alex was her future and the only thing she had to do head toward it; toward him. The rest of the details would work themselves out in their own time.