Ultimate Poker

On board the Flying Dutchman, crew members are entertaining themselves. Some are staring off into space, some are telling their life stories, and others are playing some game involving dice. They used to play Go Fish, but then Davy Jones banished that game from his ship. He's kinda sensitive about fish jokes.

Hammer: I wager ten years.

Undead Fish-man Gerald: I match that bet.

Undead Fish-man Wilbert: Me too.

Will stands watching the game. Bootstrap sneaks up behind him.

Bootstrap: BOO!!

Will has a mild freak-out attack.

Bootstrap: You're jumpy today.

Will: Don't scare me like that! What do you want, anyway?

Bootstrap: Are you wondering how that game is played?

Will: I think I get it. They're all trying to fake each other out. But what are they gambling?

Bootstrap: Years of service, what else have we got?

Will: Oh. Fun. So... can any crew member be challenged?

Bootstrap: Yep.

Will: Anyone? Anyone at all?

Bootstrap: I could be mistaken, but I swear I just said that.

Will: Just making sure. I challenge Davy Jones.

The entire crew gasps, and turns to look at Will. It's like one of those hokey cartoon movies where everything freezes and focuses on one guy who just announced that he likes to dance ballet or something.

Bootstrap is about to plead insanity for Will, when Davy Jones comes thudding onto the deck. How he heard that challenge all the way belowdecks, especially while he's playing the organ, is left up to interpretation. Undead Fish-man Wilbert claims that there's hidden microphones everywhere, and that Jones wears the earpiece under his tentacles. Undead Fish-man Gerald, however, thinks that Will and Jones had this worked out ahead of time, and did some sort of time-warp thing for the dramatic effect. Think what you will, but Davy Jones shows up, right on cue, to say his next line.

Davy Jones: I accept. What are the stakes?

Will: My soul. An eternity of servitude.

Bootstrap goes into cardiac arrest.

Davy Jones: Against?

Will: I want this.

Will throws the drawing of the key at Davy Jones. Davy Jones, once he untangles the drawing from his tentacle beard, looks at it and gives Will a look that says, "How do you know about the key?" Then he says it out loud, for those who aren't as adept at interpreting fishfacial expressions.

Davy Jones: How do you know about the key?

Will: That's for me to know, and you to find out.

Undead Fish-man Gerald: That is so second-grade.

Will: If you're chicken, you can still walk away.

Undead Fish-man Gerald: And that's so third-grade.

Hammer: Cork it, Gerald. No one asked you.

Davy Jones is not chicken. He sits down at the table. Will and Davy Jones shake up their dice and set the little cup thingies on the table. Then someone else joins them. It's Bootstrap. Apparently Undead Fish-man Wilbert was kind enough to revive him.

Davy Jones: What are you doing?

Bootstrap: I wanna play too. I'll match his waver.

Will: Uh... no he's not. Alzheimer's.

Bootstrap: Is not. I'm in. I bet three twos.

Davy Jones: Four fours.

Will: Four fives.

Undead Fish-man Wilbert: AHH!!! Too much math!!!

Undead Fish-man Wilbert runs away.

Bootstrap: Six threes.

Davy Jones: Seven fives.

Will: Eight fives.

Davy Jones: Haha, welcome to the crew, sucker.

Bootstrap: Sixty-seven thousand twelves.

Everyone stares at Bootstrap.

Bootstrap: What? Are you saying I'm a liar?

Davy Jones reveals all the dice.

Davy Jones: You're a liar and an idiot. Now you're stuck here forever. As for you, Little Turner, feel free to go. As soon as we make port.

Davy Jones laughs, and the rest of the crew joins in, whether or not they got the joke is up for interpretation. Davy Jones leaves.

Will: He's right.

Bootstrap: About what?

Will: Well, for one thing, there were definitely not sixty-seven thousand twelves under those cups, idiot. What did you do that for?

Bootstrap: You were going to lose.

Will: It was never about winning or losing.

Bootstrap: The... key?

Will: Yes! I wanted to know where it was!

Pause.

Bootstrap: Oh.

Later that night, after the crew is mostly asleep, Bootstrap walks up to the Undead Fish-woman who is steering the ship. Yes, woman. You'll see in a minute.

Bootstrap: The captain says I'm supposed to take your place.

Undead Fish-woman Mildred: What? Why? Aren't I doing a good job?

Bootstrap: No, you're doing fine. He just doesn't want you to get tired.

Undead Fish-woman Mildred: I look tired? Are there dark circles under my eyes?

Bootstrap: No, I just said--

Undead Fish-woman Mildred: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT???

Bootstrap: What?

Undead Fish-woman Mildred runs away sobbing. Bootstrap is weirded out by Mildred's behavior, after all, he hasn't really dealt with any woman for a long time. And Will's mom wasn't nearly that irrational. Usually.

Will, meanwhile, is belowdecks, sneaking into Davy Jones's organ chamber. Davy Jones is asleep with his face on the organ, sustaining, all at the same time: a G chord, a B chord, an F minor chord, an A flat chord, and a D major chord. Needless to say, it's making an awful noise, so Will doesn't worry too much about waking the fishface. Will skillfully maneuvers his way through the tentacles to where the key is kept. He steals it, and in its place he puts the drawing of the key. Guess who's going to be more than slightly ticked off when he wakes up.

Will goes up to the deck, where Bootstrap is waiting at the helm.

Bootstrap: Here, take this.

Bootstrap tosses a knife to Will. Will jumps out of the way and the knife stabs itself into the floorboards.

Bootstrap: You missed.

Will: I would've sliced my hand to ribbons if I had caught it!

Bootstrap: That's why you catch it by the handle. The side that isn't sharp. Don't you know anything?

Will pulls the knife out of the floorboard.

Bootstrap: Anyway, get yourself to shore where it's safe. And don't worry about me. It was always in my blood to die at sea.

Will: So it was a fate you had to choose, was it?

Bootstrap: Well... no. I guess I could say I had to do it... turn pirate, to support you and your mom, but by golly, it's fun. Now get out of here.

Will: I'll come back for you, I promise.

Bootstrap: Sure, kid, you do that.

Will starts to leave.

Will: And dad?

Bootstrap: Yes, son?

Will: Don't say "by golly". It makes you sound like Beckett.

I had fun with this chapter. Those that know me know how I like to exaggerate large numbers, which is where the sixty-seven thousand came from. And I even added in some "Bonus Beckett Bashing", just for fun.