Summary: Somebody has a very cruel sense of humor when it comes to Christmas gifts... Pity Cloud and Tifa! PITY THEM!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I don't own the song in its original form. I do, however, own this new version of it!

Queen's Quornor: Now for a bit more fun... And because it doesn't look like I made it clear enough in the last chapter, Jenova's undesired, unwelcome remains were disposed of by Cloud in the following fashion: he pureed them in Tifa's blender, then poured them in the main 'Incoming' tank of the local waste treatment plant. Jenova is now floating in a bunch of shit. Exactly where she belongs.

Day Eleven

On the eleventh day of Yuletide, someone evil sent to me...

"Tifa!"

The martial artist looked up from the stove, her gaze following the sound across the ceiling to its source: Cloud's bathroom upstairs. Wondering what was wrong, she finished putting the scrambled eggs on a huge platter and set it on the table, allowing the Remnants, the Turks, the kids, and the metal-bound ninja access to it. "Kadaj, make sure Yuffie eats. If she spits her eggs out again, you have my permission to rub them in her face," she instructed, heading for the stairs. "I'll be right back."

Running up the stairs, she made a beeline for Cloud's room. They had a mutual rule between them; if the door was open, it was safe to come inside. A closed door meant something unsuitable for casual (and the children's) eyes was going on within, and an invitation for entrance was required before said door was to be opened. Cloud's door was open; it was safe.

The martial artist peeked inside. "Cloud?"

"Tifa, I have a problem," came the muffled reply from the bathroom opposite the bed. "Suggestions?"

"What problem is it?" she asked, stepping inside his room.

Her reply came when the bathroom door swung open and the swordsman stepped out. The only thing hiding his body from view was a towel hanging around his hips. Tifa suddenly found herself drooling, and swallowed a mouthful of saliva before her crush could see.

Then she came to the realization that Cloud didn't exactly...look like himself.

She had been so distracted by the water glistening on his tanned skin, flushed from his shower, that she had failed to notice that his hair was not in its usual gravity-defying spikes. His soft blond hair hung wet and straight, the longest strands as long as Kadaj's, but in the fashion of normal hair. Not Cloud's hair.

"Cloud, what...?"

"I need hair gel," he stated flatly, crossing his arms over his (hard, toned, drool-inducing) chest. "I'm completely out."

Tifa tore her eyes away from his washboard abs to adopt a puzzled look. "I didn't realize you used gel. I've never seen you use it before, not here and definitely not while we were out on the road."

Cloud pinked slightly, as if embarrassed. "Well, I do. And I did. I was just clever about hiding the bottles, that's all."

"Where on Gaia did you hide them?" she asked, unable to wrap her mind around the idea of Cloud using hair gel on a daily basis. She'd touched his hair before; it never, ever felt stiff and crusty, as normal gelled styles did.

"Pants."

The simple answer stunned her. "What?!"

Cloud bit his lip, not looking at her. "That's why the pants were so baggy. I had my bottles of hair gel in them."

Tifa stared at him for a second, and then leaned back and howled at the celing, wrapping her arms around her middle in laughter. The idea of Cloud Strife, the renowned hero, monster-slayer, and much-desired bishie walking around with plastic bottles of hair gel in his pants was too ridiculous for her to maintain a straight face.

Cloud glared at her, waited patiently until her cackles faded into mere giggles. "Are you finished?"

She nodded vigorously, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. "I think so!"

"Good. Now, unless you want me to go down there looking like the woman so many men wish I was, get me some gel!" Cloud paused as a thumping sound advanced up the stairs. "What the...?"

Yuffie appeared in the doorway a moment later, her face smeared with yellow bits of egg. "There's somebody at the doooowhoa baby!" She whistled, vocally approving of Cloud's current lack of conventional attire. "No wonder Tifa's got the hots for you, Spikes! You're the hottest hunk of man-meat on the Planet!"

If Cloud was beet-red, Tifa was a shade of crimson previously unknown to the color wheel. "Yuffie!" she complained, mortified.

"What? I know you fantasize about him! I'm right next to your room, and these walls are pretty thin. I can hear you moaning his name at night." Yuffie closed her eyes and opened her mouth in a mocking face, imitating the other woman's sounds. "Cloud! Cloud!"

"Shut up!" Tifa clapped her hand over the ninja's mouth, unable to even glance at Cloud. "You're hallucinating. You need food."

"But I just..."

"Here! Eat!" Tifa scooped some egg out of Yuffie's hair and shoved it in her mouth, forcing her jaw shut and pushing her out the door. Suddenly very aware that she was alone in a bedroom with Cloud, who was now aware of her nightly activities, the martial artist found herself unable to turn around and actually look at him. "Um... I'll...go buy you some hair gel."

"Tifa..."

He didn't get a chance to finish the sentance. There was a cry of "Cloud/Spiky/Dude!" from the front door, and Tifa took the opportunity to flee.

The numerous houseguests and family members were at the bar, holding a big, gift-wrapped box. Axys held out a card to the martial artist. "This was outside. It's for Cloud."

"Thanks, Ax." Tifa took the card and read it to herself.

Yuletide Greetings to my Dearest Friend, Cloud! I know you will need These Gifts before the Day is complete!

One brow raised, Tifa glanced inside the box.

Hair gel. Exactly as Cloud had asked.

Normally, Tifa would jump at the chance to take these up to him. But after Yuffie's revealing comments...

"Rude, would you mind taking these up to Cloud, please?"

...eleven cans of hair gel, ten Jenova pieces, nine SOLDIERs moping, eight Vincent's coffins, seven kids a-hyper, six stolen weapons, five mastered materia, four Shadowfoxes, three Remanents, two drunk Turks, and a clumsy little thieving brat.