Chapter 15

Rent Asunder

"He hasn't come out of that room in two days..." Meilin sighed, leaning back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "He's barely eaten anything."

"Can you blame him, though, for what that card made him see?" Fai asked, tilting his head slightly, trying to smile but failing.

"He..." Sakura began, paused as though to think about it, then nodded. "Yeah, he seemed so... lost in his own thoughts... when we left..."

"Kinda reminds me of you..." Meilin muttered, thinking no one heard her.

"What do you mean?" the princess asked, and the other girl stiffened.

"Oh huh..." She scratched the back of her head and laughed nervously. "I was just thinking... I mean... you both give each other the exact same look when you don't think the other is watching..."

A slight head-tilt from the brunette female had the other girl forcing a laugh to try to cover for her own mistake.

"Well uh... how do I say this... umm," Meilin rested her chin on her hand, and pursed her lips in thought. "He... he kinda gives you this look like he used to give the other Sakura before he confessed he loved her. Except... he knows nothing will come out of his feelings this time so he just kind of looks alone and like he's trying to stay unattached. And it's not working very well." She frowned. "And you... you give him a similar look but..." she shook her head. "I don't know how to explain it. But really? You both look awfully lonely."

The princess seemed to consider her words for a moment, tilting her head down to stare at the table ahead of her, and the book on top of it. She knew what it was- a memento from a person gone, and she herself a reflection of that same visage. She turned to Syaoran's door, frowned, and stared intently at it. What he was...

He was pretty much the same to her- a reminder of something that might never be again.

She got to her feet and slowly limped her way to the door to his room, now thinking perhaps she understood what the card had been trying to show to them.

Step, twist, thrust, withdraw, step, step, twist, thrust, twist, cut, rest. Syaoran let a slow breath as the edge of his sword came to rest on his fingertip. A knock sounded through his room, loud enough that his younger self probably would've cut his own finger, starting in surprise. As it was, he just narrowed his eyes and said nothing, even as he heard the door open, caught the reflection of the princess entering his room off the flat of his blade. Slowly he righted himself, turned to look at her, trying to keep his bitter mood from his face and only partially succeeding.

He turned from her, looking out the sliding glass door to the balcony, doing nothing more than increasing the awkward tension in the room. The door clicked shut, and he looked at her, finally. So this was to be a talk without the interference of others.

"I think I understand," Sakura stated, keeping her emerald gaze firmly upon his form, even as he suddenly looked away.

"Understand what?" He asked, his voice markedly steady, but dry and listless.

"Why you keep looking at me the way you do," her answer was delivered in a soft tone, but he still winced as though she had yelled.

Syaoran looked back to the window, stared outside at the evening sky, let his eyes linger on the color-splashed clouds. "Don't you think it's odd..." He stated finally, nearly causing the princess to jump. "That, even though Yuuko said everyone would meet people they knew, and they did, they never met themselves? There... was an exception of course-"

"Yes," Sakura interrupted, before he would tread on a subject best left unattended at the moment. "I do think it's odd that, though we've searched high and low, been to every corner of worlds in some cases, we've never seen people that resemble ourselves."

"Why do you think that is?" He asked, his sword slowly falling downward in his hand as his grip loosened.

The princess shrugged, awkward, then figured he couldn't see her, and answered verbally. "I'm not sure. Perhaps... it would be because there's only meant to be one of each person in any given world."

He tilted his head back slightly and squeezed his eyes shut. His voice came out strained when he spoke again. "So... what happens when we enter into a world? What do you think happens to the... us who originally inhabited the world? Do you think one party might-"

"Disappear from the world?"

He nodded, a harsh motion of his head as his shoulders tensed. The sword shifted as his hand clenched around it.

"I'm not sure that's how it goes," Sakura answered, stepping quietly toward him. "Don't you think, if that had been the case, there would have been a big commotion about it? I know everyone that had known her here probably panicked when you told them she was gone. It should have been the same way in other worlds..." She paused, eyebrows arching up suddenly as she understood. "... I'm sorry Syaoran-kun..."

"I was trying," He laughed, leaning forward against the glass for support. She could hear it in his voice, the effort he was exerting to not cry. "I was trying to hope that maybe, after this was all over, and everyone was back where they belong, she'd come back..." His voice finally broke with a sob, and he dropped his sword. It hit the ground with a noisy clatter. "But you're right. You're right. What right do I have to hope... That was my price for trying to save the world..."

"Syaoran-kun..." Sakura whispered, reaching out and touching his shoulder. He cried out a heart-wrenching sob, one that caused her eyes to well up, and collapsed to his knees. She followed him down.

"And then... right when reality had completely sunk in and even people who had stubbornly clung to their hope had lost it, youappeared... and for a moment I believed she had come back," he shook his head violently. "That's not the case, though. Oh no... because you're a princess, everything she wasn't; graceful, elegant, well mannered... you don't seem to be afraid of anything..."

"That's not true," She whispered, hands still on him. "I'm afraid right now... I'm afraid you're going to do something to hurt yourself! I'm afraid of what you are doing right now to yourself!"

Syaoran spun around quickly, and Sakura barely had time to move or risk getting elbowed in the stomach, or, as was his original intent, pushed backward.

He looked right into her eyes this time, and though his tear-streaked face was set into a glare, his eyes didn't convey anger; just a stomach-churning, hopeless, lonely despair.

"And you always seem to know what to say!" He spat at her, like an accusation. She flinched back slightly, and he jabbed a finger at her. "You always have just the right words, don't you?" His hand dropped, and then he shifted; he was going for his sword.

Sakura's heart leapt into her throat- she didn't know what he was going to do with his sword, but she had to stop him, and so she dove forward, catching his hand and slamming into him, knocking him back into the glass door hard enough it cracked.

"Syaoran-kun! Don't! ...Stop... please..."

"WHY?!" He cried, tilting his head toward the sky. "Why?! You're not her, you're not my Sakura, and I'm not your Syaoran... so why?! Why does it feel like I'm in love with you?! Why, when I know nothing is going to come of any of it, why does my heart keep insisting?!"

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, and moved slightly, slipping her previously trapped arm around his back, wrapping it around him. It just caused him to let another of those heartbreaking sobs that made another tear run down her cheek.

"I feel like I'm betraying her... I know I shouldn't do this..." He paused, sniffed, bit his lip, and still managed to heave another sob. "I hate this! I hate this feeling! I hate all of these feelings! I hate not having any hope for the future, I hate my heart trying to tell me I'm in love with someone I'm not... but most of all, I hate myself for believing it! For believing all of it!" He fell silent again, heaving sobs hard enough he could feel his stomach twisting, feel the bile rising in the back of his throat. If he didn't calm down soon, he'd get sick.

The princess released the arm she'd been holding, instead choosing to have it join its twin, wrapping it- wrapping herself around him- pulling him as close to her as she could in their position.

"Y... You're not alone, Syaoran-kun..." she said, finally, voice soft near his ear. "Everyone here, everyone in this apartment has lost someone they loved dearly. From the inhabitants of this world who lost the other Sakura, to Fai-san, who lost his brother and king, to Kurogane-san, who I'm sure lost someone dear to him. It's just that you keep it locked so tight it just builds up until it hasto escape..." She backed up, placing her hands on either side of his jaw, meeting his tear-reddened amber eyes. "So next time you're feeling that pain... don't hide it. None of us will judge you..."

Syaoran looked up, forcing a plastic smile through his tears, and reached up to wipe away a stray tear from Sakura's cheek. "You forgot to mention your situation."

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore..."

He shook his head. "Don't try to tell me that; you lost someone, too. You lost your Syaoran."

"But..."

"Your situation is almost identical to mine, except you've got a better chance of getting the one you love back," his smile touched on the more genuine side, though another tear trickled its way down his face. "But that's what the cards wanted to tell us, right? We're not so different, but I think we were the only ones that hadn't realized how similar the others' predicament was to our own." He leaned forward, wrapped his arms about her middle, and pulled her back to him; she fell along willingly, sniffing and nuzzling her face into the joint of his shoulder, catching a hint of the scent that was his alone; that autumn forest with an underlying muskiness, something that changed the image in her mind from a simple, empty forest, to a scene of a young, lone wolf dashing among the trees.

The image vaporized when she heard Syaoran laugh, a harsh, hoarse noise, especially with her ear so close to his mouth. "I really haven't changed, have I? I'm still that selfish little brat-child I've always been."

"What... do you mean?" She asked, her tone much softer.

"Look at what I'm doing, sitting here, clinging on to you like the needy little kid I am. I didn't even give you the choice in this position," He sighed, and his grip loosened, only for him to stiffen as she tightened her hold.

"It's alright Syaoran-kun... I don't mind. Besides," she inhaled again. "You're warm and comfortable and smell good."

Syaoran's face turned bright pink and he looked down, trying to hide it under the fringe of his bangs. "If you say so..."

"Besides, weren't you alone for ten years?"

"I... don't know. I think it was closer to five or six," He stated. "Time flows differently between the world I was trapped in and this one. This one goes faster. And, not to mention the difference in time from the other worlds we went to."

"Well if you were alone for that long, I'd think you would need a hug," she said, and her voice was light, a touch of teasing as an undertone.

"Hey, don't sacrifice your own comfort or happi-"

"And who said I wasn't comfortable or happy?" She scolded, and Syaoran flinched a bit at her tone, though he was smiling beneath it.

"As you say, Princess."

"Dinner," Meilin's muffled voice drifted through the closed door, startling the two where they sat. Laughing nervously, blushing, and avoiding eye contact, they disentangled themselves from each other, and Syaoran stood quickly to offer a hand to the princess, knowing her disability. She took it, smiling and standing with an ease that told him he probably hadn't needed to do that.

-

A/N: Watch carefully as he breaks under the weight of his own feelings. It's a smashing good time.

Thank you parma-violets for the compliment about not knowing where this plot is going. I strive to make it unpredictable so when it does end it feels better.