Alex sat in the hospital room with her Mum and Dad and still felt the tears rolling down her face. Gina felt guilty for making her daughter feel upset; she hadn't meant to do that.
"I'm sorry darlin', I didn't tell you to distress you. I just thought you both needed to know what happened. Apart from my friend Amanda, nobody knew you existed, and the longer I left it... I don't know, the harder it became to talk about you." Gina explained as she held her daughter close.
"Gina I would have taken care of you both, even if Alex wasn't my daughter. Why didn't you tell me?" Davey asked. He had tears in his eyes but remained calm.
"I didn't know Alex was your daughter, I really did think Marshall was. If I had have known then what I know now then I would have done everything differently." She explained. "I didn't want you to feel responsible for me and I didn't want you finding out about what happened between me and Marshall."
"I would have killed him, in fact if I ever come across him again I will." Davey said angrily.
Both Alex and Gina gave small laughs as Gina kissed Alex on the forehead.
The atmosphere in the room was calm and yet tense at the same time. Gina continued to comfort Alex when something happened that threw them all off guard. An alarm on one of the machines that Ginas' Mum was attached to sounded and two nurses came rushing in.
A doctor followed closely behind them to help and give his diagnosis.
"It appears that she's had another stroke. I don't think it was as serious as the first but it will have certainly hindered her recovery. She's stable again now but we will be keeping a closer eye on her." He told Gina about twenty minutes later.
Gina looked down at her Mum as she lay in the bed. She looked peaceful and for the first time Gina felt a different feeling, sorrow.
"What are her chances, honestly, of pulling through?" She asked the Doctor, her voice sticking in her throat.
"Honestly? Not great, but then again she could surprise us all and pull through." He said.
"Thank you." Gina managed to say.
He left the room and left the three of them to continue talking. Gina became very quiet and subdued which Alex picked up on.
"Mum, are you alright?" She asked comfortingly.
Gina slowly nodded and Alex walked over beside her, placing her arm round her Mums' shoulders and resting her head on one of them.
"I'm alright, it's just... what am I going to do if she dies? I've looked after her my whole life; I've given up so much for her, my childhood, my daughter, every relationship I ever had when I was younger, but she's my Mum. I felt nothing when my Dad died. I didn't even go to his funeral. All of these years I've felt nothing but resentment and a sense of duty, but now I feel heartbroken at the thought of losing her." Gina said as her eyes filled with tears.
"Shhhh." Alex said comfortingly.
"I've always had to deal with things on my own, even when we thought Richard had died. My Dad was already dead by that stage and when I told Mum, it didn't even register with her that her son was dead." Gina continued.
... You know baby when you're in my arms... The radio played in the kitchen. "That was Shakin' Stevens with She drives me crazy..."Gina turned the radio off. She had a splitting headache and was already in a bad mood.
She had just received a letter from her brother in Longmarsh prison. He was being detained at her Majesty's pleasure after being wrongly convicted of murder. Richard was devastated and he had just lost his appeal. Gina knew he wasn't coping well inside but her weekly visits were all that kept him going at times. She re-read the letter in her hands.
Dear Gina.
I hope you are ok, as I'm sure you will be, but we can't kid ourselves anymore. I'm not going to be getting out of here any time soon so it's only fair that you carry on with your own life. I want you to forget about me and move on. What I'm asking... no telling... is that you no longer come to visit me. I don't want you seeing me in here so this is goodbye for now. Hopefully one day I will be released and we'll see each other again.
Take care of yourself, Richard X.
No matter how many times she read over the letter it didn't make her feel any better, if anything it made her feel worse. She decided that she was going to find out what was going on once and for all.
She grabbed her coat from the hall way and her car keys then drove towards the prison. She would speak to John Campbell he'd know more about what was going on. John was a prison officer on her brothers' wing. Gina had known John for a long time; he had been a beat officer around the area where Gina grew up. That was before he transferred and became a prison officer instead. He remembered Gina and her brother well and had become a private contact for them whilst Richard was inside.
She drove twelve miles west and finally turned down the quiet road that led into the prison car park. She told the security guard on the front gate who she was in to see and he let her through. Another guard approached her and took her into the main building. As they got to one of the doors inside she came face to face with John Campbell.
"Gina what are you doing here? I was just on my way round to see you." He said gravely.
As soon as he said that Gina knew straight away that something had happened, something certainly didn't feel right.
"John what's happened?" She said the panic evident in her voice
"Follow me in here." He said pointing into a room on their left. "You'd better sit down."He added as he shut the door behind them.
Gina did as she was told and sat on one of the chairs in front of her. John did the same and didn't know where to begin. He knew that the news he had to tell her would absolutely cripple her.
"Gina I am so very sorry but we found Richard hanging in his cell this morning. Myself and a colleague tried to resuscitate him but it was already too late, he was dead when we arrived." He explained.
Gina felt as if someone had just ripped her apart limb from limb. She tried to stay calm and unemotional, but she couldn't. Her sobs became more and more violent as the time past. Her brother had been the only family she had who she cared for. Without him her life was empty.
"I need to go out for some fresh air." She said finally.
"Right I'll come out with you." John said.
They walked silently into the yard at the back of the prison and Gina lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.
"I got a letter from him this morning telling me to stay away. At least I know why now." She said between puffs of smoke.
"If there's anything I can do for you, day or night, give us a shout yeah?" He said.
She looked at him and smiled weakly.
"Thanks John but I'll manage on my own from here." She replied before dropping her cigarette on the ground and walking back towards her car.
She drove back towards her house taking a detour on the way to see to her Mother. She wasn't sure how much point there was in telling her about Richards' death but somewhere inside she hoped that she was wrong. She opened the front door and picked up the mail from the door mat. She placed them on the sideboard and walked upstairs to her Mums' bedroom.
She threw open the curtains letting fresh light into the dark dingy room. Her Mum stirred slightly as the light shone on her face.
"Mum it's Gina." Gina said as she gently shook her awake.
Her Mum looked at her but it didn't appear as if she recognised her. Gina was accustomed to this blank look, but at this moment she really needed for her Mum to know who she was.
"Mum I have to tell you something. Richard died this morning, he hung himself in his cell at Longmarsh." She explained, feeling frustrated when she met the same blank look. Nothing was registering.
Distress and exhaustion kicked in and Gina no longer had the strength to try to communicate with her Mother.
"I'll make us a cup of tea." She said with what strength she had left.
Davey and Alex had fallen asleep whilst Gina sat holding her Mums' hand throughout the rest of the night. It was now nine o'clock in the morning and the hospital began to bustle with action.
Alex stirred at last and then looked apologetically at her Mum. She couldn't believe she had fallen asleep when her Mum needed her the most. She nudged Davey awake, who jumped a little with fright at being woken suddenly. They sorted themselves just in time as the Doctor entered the room.
He looked at Gina with a sorrowful gaze.
"We've got the test results back and I'm afraid that it's not good news. After the second stroke last night her brain as stopped showing signs of activity. I'm sorry but she is brain dead, the only thing keeping her alive is the life support." He explained.
Ginas' eyes filled with tears and she looked lost and forlorn as she stood in the middle of the room. She felt helpless as if she was a little girl again.
"I'm guessing you need my permission to switch the machine off." She said to the doctor.
"That's correct as you are her next of kin." He replied.
Davey wrapped his arm around her and tried to comfort her.
"I'm not sure if I can." She whispered so that Davey and Alex were the only ones who could hear. "Out of all my bad memories I only have one good one, I'm not even sure if it's real." She continued.
Gina ran into her bedroom and hid under the bed. She giggled when she saw her Mums' feet pace around the floor. She looked under the bed and shouted "rar" as she lifted her daughter from underneath.
Gina laughed and squirmed as her Mum tickled her ribs as she pulled her onto the bed.
"Right you madam, it's time for bed." She said as she tried to tuck Gina into the bed.
"Aww but Mummy I want to stay up and play." Gina said grumpily.
"You can stay up late when you get bigger." Her Mum replied.
"But I am big Mummy, see I'm this many." Gina said as she held up two chubby little fingers.
"Well you might be that many now but how do you expect to get any bigger if you don't sleep?" This last statement made Gina think.
"Ok Mummy, love you." She said as she snuggled down under the duvet and closed her eyes.
The light was switched off and the door closed behind her Mum.
"I can come back in a little while if you wish to have some time alone." The doctor said.
Gina shook her head.
"No, if I don't do this now then I'll never do it." She said.
She took a couple of steps towards the hospital bed and bent over her Mum.
"I love you." She whispered into her ear so that no one else heard. She then kissed her on the forehead before stepping back beside her daughter and husband.
Alex held on to her hand and Davey had his arm round her waist. She looked across to the Doctor and nodded her head. He pressed the button which turned the life support off. Everyone remained silent so that the only sound that could be heard was the rhythmic beeping as it gradually slowed.
Beep beep beep... beep beep... beep... beeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
The sound filled the room until the Doctor shut the last of the machine off.
"Could you give me a moment on my own?" Gina asked Alex and Davey.
"Yes of course we can. We'll be outside the door if you need us." Alex said as she led her Dad out of the room.
Gina sat with her Mum for the best part of an hour before she made her way outside to Alex and Davey. She looked and felt exhausted.
"Are you alright?" Davey asked her.
"Yeah I'm ok, I think I just want to go home now and get some rest." She said.
They walked out of the hospital and drove back to Sun Hill in silence. They all felt emotionally wrecked but Gina felt something else as well, peace. She no longer felt the same resentment or anger towards her Mum that she once did.
She walked into her house and went straight to bed. She was fast asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow. She would start organising the funeral tomorrow but for now the most important thing was to get some much needed rest.