Chapter 20- No!

"No!" The tone in her voice surprised even her. He turned around and looked at her, unsure what to do.

"No!" She repeated, even stronger this time. "I'm not going to let you do this, Jess! Talk to me, tell me what you're feeling, yell, scream or stomp your feet, just don't walk away like this! This broke us up before, I'm not going to stand by and just watch it happen again!"

"And what exactly do you want me to say, Rory?"

"Anything!" She half pleaded, half demanded, looking him straight in the eyes. He ran his hand thru his hair in frustration, taking a few steps back towards her.

"Fine! You want to know what I'm feeling? I'm angry! I want to go, find that idiot and wipe that stupid grin of his face! I'm angry with myself for leaving. I'm angry and I want to smoke but mostly I just want to beat that moron until his own mother can't recognize him!" He clenched his fists again, wincing as the pain from his bruise shot through his whole arm.

"What about me?" She won't cry…not again. "You didn't mention me. Do you hate me?"

"I…can't hate you." His voice broke as he said those words. "Do I like this? No way in Hell! But it's not my place to judge you, Rory. I've done my share of stupid things and I know how it feels. I just have to think about this."

"But…after you think…you'll talk to me? I don't want to just pretend it never happened."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Yep." He leaned over and kissed her gently, cupping her face with his left hand.

She watched him walk away and then went to her house, finding her mother sitting on the couch, watching a movie. She sat next to her, resting her head against the back of the couch.

"Hi."

Lorelai looked up from the bowl of popcorn in her arms.

"Hey. Did something happen? You don't look to good."

"Got into a fight with Jess."

"Why? You two looked so happy when you left the diner."

"We ran into Dean."

"And?"

"And I hadn't told Jess about me and him…and Dean decided that he had to tell him."

"Ouch. I'm guessing that didn't go very well."

"Not at all…he made Dean go away but after he was so mad…He did promise to talk to me after he calmed down, so that's one step up from high school. Ugh…This is officially the worst Friday night in history."

"Sorry, kid." She put the bowl on the table and rubbed her daughter's arm.

"I'm just going to read, ok?"

"Sure…but if you want to talk I'm here."

"I know…thanks, mom."

"Anytime."

She walked to her room and sat on the bed, opening the book that she had read four times in that week. His book…It had been just one week since Mitchum had told her that she couldn't do it…but that turned out great in the end. Fridays definitely weren't her days. She flips over to the third page- first and second are empty- and rolls her fingers over his name, printed in neat black characters, just above the name of the book. She had memorized every place that had his name…the front cover, the third page, the fourth one, next to the technical description of the book, just three quarters of an inch higher then the middle of the page. She could probably find this book, and the characters that spelled out his name, in the dark in the biggest library. Not that she'd tell him that…he'd just shrug it off and pretend it's nothing, even though they both knew that it was more, it was huge, it was what no one, except her, thought he could do, it was just the start. She smiled as a memory seeped into her brain "That's about three feet."…three quarters of an inch, three feet…that school of hers did pay off in the end.

Hours later she is woken up by a light tapping on her bedroom window, one that she still recognizes, even after all these years. She put the book under her pillow and walked to the window, opening it.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"Jump in."

"It's late."

"So?"

He jumped over the short wall and closed the window behind him, sitting on the bed and she followed him, sitting in front of him.

"You should have told me, Rory."

"I know…but things were good between us. Are good. I would have told you eventually."

"When?"

"When you'd ask…who was first."

"And if I never did?"

"Then…I don't know. I wanted you to know. I just needed to be sure that we could get over this before I told you. I didn't want to risk losing you again."

"I'm not mad…not at you. But…why?"

"You had just come back, asking me to go away with you…and I couldn't. And…I thought that if I went back to him everything would go back to how it was before…you. He told me he loved me, he was going to divorce Lindsay, and maybe it was stupid of me to believe him but I did. I wanted so badly to stop pining for you…he was the first guy I kissed after you. And this was more then a year after our last kiss."

"What about the phone call? You said…you were going to move on."

"I tried to. But I kept comparing everyone to you. And I was scared that it would happen again, that I'd get hurt like that again. I was scared that you'd come back and find me with someone else and leave. But after the night at my dorm…I thought I was never going to see you again."

He pulled her closer to him, kissing her temple while she rested her head on his chest.

"I'm sorry, Ror…I shouldn't have left, not the way I did anyway. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know. I'm sorry too, for not telling you sooner. I should have known that something like this was going to happen."

"But can I beat the crap out of that moron the next time I see him?"

"No."

"Oh, come on…at least a few punches. He's a big boy, he can take it." He replied smirking a little.

"No." She picked up his hand and looked at the wound. "Does it hurt?"

"Nope."

She put her feet up on the bed, getting more comfortable while still holding his hand. "So…are we good now?"

He wrapped his free arm around her and kissed her on top of her head.

"Yeah…we're good."

A/N: Merry Christmas! And a big thank you for your reviews.