Disclaimer: Can't people use a little common sense and figure out by themselves that I'm insanely jealous of JKR's brilliance?

"The best way to lose weight is to develop an orthodox belief in some religion that doesn't allow any fun"

Gregory Nunn

September – almost October

Running during breakfast has become a daily routine. No one joins me in the showers afterward either. It's refreshing to my brain. I know running burns calories. I'll loose weight quicker this way.

October – at last

Lily was asked out by James Potter again. I don't know why she keeps refusing him. He's quite good looking. Lily says it's because he's a pompous ass, but I don't think so. Then again I've never talked to him. Lily and Victoria don't like the Marauders, though I think Victoria is a bit less against them than Lily is.

They've both talked to the Marauders. The Marauders never talked to me. I'm not pretty enough. That's why I don't understand Lily. If someone as good looking and popular as James asked me out I'd say yes in a second. I wonder if that makes me desperate.

Not that a James would ever ask me out. They only like the pretty skinny girls – not people like me.

October

I wonder if I'm getting skinnier. I haven't noticed any significant weight gain, but I haven't noticed any weight loss either. I wish I would notice something. That way if I was gaining weight I'd know to exercise more. I guess I'll just have to depend on the mirrors. They never lie.

Hogsmeade weekend is coming this Friday. Lily is going with James. After all the things she said about him I surprised she chose him. It's not like she didn't have other options. Unlike me. I've never been on a date. I'm not going to Hogsmeade with anyone.

Neither is Victoria though. She said she'll be spending some time with Remus and the rest of his friends. It seems like she likes him. He is too quiet. It scares me. Mostly because quiet people seem to notice other quiet people. I don't want him to notice me. I like being invisible. When I'm invisible no one sees how fat it is.

Victoria says she only likes Remus as a friend. I don't think Victoria would lie about something like that. If she says she doesn't like him I'll believe her.

Sometime later

Hogsmeade was torturous. While James and Lily were out on their date Victoria and I walked around with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. Remus had to go home to take care of his mother. Victoria said since we'd made plans with all three of them we couldn't cancel just because Remus wasn't going to be there. Victoria doesn't even like the Marauders. I don't get it.

Anyway, Peter is a dull idiot. All he does is follow Sirius Black around as if he was some minion of Sirius'. Black just makes constant comments that make me more self conscious. He's quite good looking, but that's all he cares about – in anyone.

I'm not pretty enough for Black. And I'm certainly too fat for him. What an ass!

Victoria tried to incorporate me in their conversations, but I knew I shouldn't say anything. I would just bring attention to myself and my fat.

I look slightly less fat from my right side. I made sure I always stood on the left so that no one would have to look at my fatter and therefore uglier side. Of course when I can stand in back of everyone I do.

Why is Peter not bothered by being chubby? Isn't everyone bothered by it? He most definitely isn't. All he did when we went to eat was stuff his face with dish after dish. I couldn't bear to watch – it was so disgusting.

Black stuffed his face too, but with a slightly more gentlemanly manner than Peter did. They eat so much. How does Black not get fat? Is it Quidditch? Maybe I should join the Quidditch team. I could loose weight quicker. I must remember to ask someone on the Quidditch team about it.

We went to the Three Broomsticks to spy on Lily and James. Victoria and Sirius laughed at them the entire time. I spent most of my time in the bathroom. I like to stay out of their way. In the bathroom I won't be tempted to eat anything or have a butterbeer. And they won't notice me if I'm not there.

They looked like they were having so much fun, sitting there laughing at Lily and James. But Victoria and Sirius Black are beautiful people. And beautiful people shouldn't be forced to talk to people like me.

October- and not too far in

My spells are weakening. My school work is failing. And I've been sleeping a lot.

I've formed a schedule for myself. Running in the morning instead of breakfast, then showers. Then the library for lunch. And common room for dinner. Then run again when everyone comes up to study.

I still don't know what to tell Lily and Victoria when they ask where I am. Studying, I suppose, they know I'm behind. But I'll come up with something. I've always been good with that.

Running has gotten difficult. I run out of breath and can't make it across the grounds. I have to stop, or pass out.

Later

Tonight, while I was running, I ran into Sirius Black. Not literally. Thank Goodness. If I'd actually run into him he would have noticed how fat I am.

I wonder why Black asked why I was running. He said I didn't need to. He was just trying to make me feel better about myself, I am sure. I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. He continued running with me. We didn't talk much. There wasn't anything to say.

I tried to keep up with him, but had trouble. I ran out of breath; I was so faint. I had to stop. I tripped over a root and fell, nearly passing out. He stopped and waited for me to get up. Thank god he didn't notice how out of breath I was, or how pale I was.

I lied and told him I hurt my ankle and was going back in. He offered to help. I declined, but he helped anyway. I had to pretend to limp even though I didn't need to. I just needed rest. And I needed to get away from him. He's just so arrogant. I hate him. He's annoying

October – sometime in the middle of the month

Lily woke up early this morning. She asked me to walk down to the Great Hall for breakfast with her. She was going early and knew I "always did." I couldn't refuse without making her suspicious. We walked down to the Great Hall, but we really didn't say much. I mentioned I was tired. It was a good excuse for my silence.

I was so hesitant when we finally got to the Great Hall. She'd noticed before when I didn't eat and made me eat something. And there were so few people in the Hall, she would definitely notice. I couldn't let that happened again. There are too many calories in all the food they serve.

So I talked. A lot. Since I was talking so much I "didn't have time to take a bite." But Lily still noticed. She's so observant! It's going to cause me to gain weight.

"The jam's really good on the toast," she said. "Why don't you try some?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. It was such an awkward situation. I didn't know what to do so I took the toast.

"I don't really like jam," I started to say, but I was cut off. Victoria came into the hall, hair in perfect, lovely curls, and took a seat next to us.

As soon as she came down people started filing into the hall. Soon enough the hall was filled and voices were heard from every corner. I didn't have to worry to Lily paying attention to me. James came down and she didn't have time for me anymore. I didn't expect her to. In fact, I was depending on it. It was because of Lily paying attention to James that I didn't have to consume four hundred more calories than I needed.

But right now what I really need is a run. I missed my morning run and that's going to cost me.