Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, Darth Vader, a cookie, or myself, I'd be sitting in my mansion drinking champagne right now. Except I'm not old enough to drink champagne.
"Emmyyy…." Ed whined, getting tired.
"Silence, commoner! I told you that you'd have to push the car the entire way!"
"Why can't you just turn the engine on, dammit?"
"Because I'm a freak environmentalist."
"You're a freak, period."
"Oh, Edo! You mean it?" Emmy exclaimed, jumping out of the car and running around the back to glomp Ed, who was, in fact, pushing the yellow Volkswagen Beetle up a rather steep hill.
Ed slipped as Emmy glomped him, and the rusted old Beetle was about to crush the two. Emmy sighed and picked up the car with one hand, continuing up the hill.
"… WHAT THE HECK!" screamed Ed as he ran to keep up with her.
"What?" said Emmy. She turned around to face him with a confused expression.
"How… How did you pick that up?!"
"Hmm? I'm the slayer." she said.
"The slayer?"
"Hai. The slayer."
"What's a slayer?!"
"Never mind then. To eBay!!!" she roared, running up the hill.
Meanwhile, back at the house…
Envy was preparing to take a shower (why can't he shape-shift the dirt off?) and left his clothes on the bathroom floor. Little did he know (dun dun duuuun) that he had accidentally locked a tabby kitty under the name 'Valentino' inside the bathroom with him. Insert incredible GASP here! And that tabby kitty under the name 'Valentino' was… EVIL! Naw, he just had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he had no opposable thumbs, so he couldn't use a human toilet… And then he noticed a pile of black fabric litter box on the floor for him. How convenient!
Envy got out of the shower and was about to pull on his clothes, when he noticed something smelled very… BAD…
"AH!" he shrieked, recoiling from the urine-soaked miniskirt, "NO!!!"
He quickly wrapped a fluffy pink towel around himself and ran downstairs, to where Rachel was watching him battle Ed in the fifth laboratory. He watched the TV screen for a while, before pointing at Rachel and screaming "ONE OF YOUR FILTHY CATS PEED ON MY CLOTHES!"
"Calm down Envy, we'll put it through the wash,"
"Eep!" he squealed, "You can't machine wash it! You have to dry clean!"
"You bought clothing that's only dry cleanable?! YOU MORON!"
"I happen to like softer clothing," he said.
"Oh well. You can wear my dad's clothes until yours come back."
"No! I need my breeze!"
"Fine, you can wear my Envy cosplay," she sighed.
"Yay!"
Back on the road trip…
"I TOLD YOU THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS EBAY CENTRAL!" yelled Ed.
"Oh, hey, where's the eBay Central? It's supposed to be here…" wondered Emmy aloud.
"There's no. Such. THING!!!"
"Oh, well. Back to the car! Ed, you're pushing the entire way this way!" she cheered.
Edward groaned for a very long time before walking tiredly over to the Beetle and giving it a hard shove. It started moving slowly, and then quickly started gaining speed while heading down the steep mountainside.
"Uh-oh," said Emmy. The car lost direction, and veered over to the cliff-side. With a large splash, it landed in the gray ocean.
"Oh… Crap… Well, I guess we're walking!" said Emmy cheerfully, skipping down the side of the mountain. Ed groaned and followed her.
Once at the house…
"Aw, what a handsome kitty," cooed Envy, stroking the back of the sleek black cat Blackie. Blackie squeaked his high-pitched meow. "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU MOTHER-"
"Envy, don't curse!" called Emmy and Rachel's dad from the kitchen. Where he lived.
"Sorry Mr. Rachel and Emmy's dad!" Envy called back. He turned to face Blackie, his new enemy. "I'll be back," he muttered in a perfect imitation of the Teminator, turning and walking into the kitchen.
"Hey, Mr. Rachel and Emmy's dad. What's for dinner?"
"African ground nut stew!" said Tim (that's his name!) happily.
"Oh. Yum!" cheered Envy, who was now raiding the fridge.
"En, could you pass me the peanut butter?"
"Sure Dad," he tossed the jar, "Why peanut butter?"
"Hmm? The stew."
"Oh… Kay…"
Envy grabbed some mustard, bread, cabbage, tofu, chocolate sauce, and jelly from the fridge, and joined Rachel in the living room to watch FMA and make his mustard, cabbage, tofu, chocolate sauce and jelly sandwich. Rachel stared at his sandwich.
"What, do you want some?"
"Naw, I'm full," she responded, turning back to the television.
"Oh, and Envy?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't you dare drive a car through our house to kill Blackie."
"Oh. Okay."
And then Emmy crashed through the basement window.
"We're back!" she called, though they were no more than six feet away from her.
"Gah…" Edward dropped through the window after her, carrying several boxes labeled 'eBay' in the normal rainbow letters. He tripped and the boxes flew across the room. Envy tore open the one that landed on his lap.
"Yay, my outfit!" he squealed, taking out a perfect cosplay of his costume.
"Wow, that cosplay's a lot better than yours, Onii-chan!" chirped Emmy happily as her sister began to sob. Envy looked into the box with a funny expression before pulling out cosplays of other random anime characters.
"Weird…" he said, pulling on Roy's gloves and trying blow up the sofa. He was unsuccessful, you see, for he can't use alchemy.
"Okay Edo!" squeaked Emmy, "I'm gonna tie you up again!"
"NO!!!" he yelled, and then Emmy chased him out of the room, suddenly brandishing thick chains.
"Come back here, cutie!" she yelled as she ran out of the room after him.
Silence.
"I'll have some of that sandwich now." said Rachel.
"'Kay."
So? Whaddaya think? Will you review? Please? PLEASE?! I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE!
Thank you!
Buh-bye now, I have to chase Edo and tie him up.
Have a nice day!