I own neither FMA, nor Inuyasha… Nor Kathy, who is an invention of herself, and who tells me that she actually is this pervy. Hm.

"Eeeeeemmyyyyyyy…" called Kathy.

"Yeah?" Emmy called back from the basement, where she was watching Death Note with a hysterical fangirlism every time Raito appeared on the screen.

"Come here, quick!"

Emmy sighed and pushed herself off the couch, "This had better be good," she muttered under her breath.

She lumbered up the stairs to see Kathy grinning evilly.

"Hey, Emmy," she whispered, "I got a great idea."

"Hm?"

"Ed's taking a shower!"

Emmy's eyes widened. "No, Kathy! No no no no no! Absolutely no!"

"Aw, you're no fun," Kathy pouted.

"Pervert."

"That's me!" she giggled cutely and skipped up the stairs. "Come here when you're ready!"

"Kathyyy!" she whined.

"Be back soon!" Kathy responded, completely ignoring what Emmy was saying.

Emmy sighed and trudged down the stairs to the basement.

"Oi, 'bout time you came down," growled a voice from the shadows.

"Hm? En… Envy-dono?" she asked, tip-toeing nearer.

"Yes, you moron, now UNTIE ME!" he shouted.

"Ow! Well I'm not going to untie you if you act like that!"

Envy sighed and growled. "Fine. Could you please untie me, pretty girl?"

"Is that the best polite you can do?"

"Yes."

"Then I guess that's more like it," she said smugly, flicking on the lights and walking towards him. "So why are you tied up, anyways?" she asked, starting on the knot, "And how did you get out of Anywhere?"

"Long story… But I'm tied up because of your freaking nutsy sister!"

Emmy stopped. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! She decided that I wasn't her cartoon crush!"

"…Wait. Where has Rachel been for the past few chapters, anyway?"

"She got transferred to an Inuyasha fanfiction on her request."

Emmy stared. "Inuyasha?! Then that must mean her new bishi is…"

Envy nodded and growled. "Sesshoumaru."

"Wait a sec… Why are you angry? You hate my sister."

Envy looked up and glared at her. "I'm Envy. Duh."

She just nodded and headed upstairs, not bothering to finish untying the shape shifter.

"OI! YOU!" he shouted after her.

Two or three minutes later…

Emmy banged her head against the kitchen table, not knowing what to do until Ed finished his shower. Who was she supposed to annoy? Envy? Nah, she thought, He'd just kill me. What fun would that be?

"Yes!" she heard whispered from upstairs.

"AGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!" shouted Ed's voice in response.

Emmy banged her head against the kitchen tale again before yelling, "FINISH YOUR DAMN SHOWER, EDO!"

"THEN COME UP HERE AND MAKE KATHY GO AWAY! I'M NOT COMING OUT 'TIL SHE LEAVES!"

"Aw, Edo, you're so mean!" whined Kathy's voice.

Emmy sighed and hummed the Ievan Polkka, going to the fridge and taking out a leek to chew on [1. She then decided they were going on a trip.

"KATHY!" she called, "LEAVE EDO ALONE! YOU CAN SPY ON HIM LATER!"

Kathy whined. "I want to now!"

Emmy growled and stomped up the stairs, to where Kathy was standing with the bathroom door cracked open. Emmy grabbed her ear and pulled her downstairs, so Ed could finish his shower.

"Listen," she said cheerfully to Kathy, "We're going to Inuyasha. We have to rescue my sister."

Kathy stared at her. "B-But… Ed… Shower…" she blubbered turning her head to stare up at the landing upstairs.

Emmy slapped the back of Kathy's head and growled. "Come on, Kathy! We'll get to wear costumes!" she sang. Kathy looked up and gasped.

"Really? Really, really?!"
Emmy grinned and nodded. "Really!"

Kathy giggled, "Great! I'll get started, okay, okay?"

Emmy nodded again, "You do that."

Kathy closed her eyes and breathed out. She separated her hands, and a light that looked like Rasengan glowed there. The air around them flashed a bright blue, and they suddenly looked completely different.

"That's the advantage of being the Illusion Alchemist," grinned the now much taller, thinner, and bright red-haired Kathy.

"Yeah," sighed the yellow-eyed and pointy-eared Emmy, "I wish I could use alchemy. All I can do is change everything that happens in this story, including whether Ed will choose you or me or Winry."

Kathy slapped her, "Stop breaking the fourth wall, you fool!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Kathy sighed. "Now we think up feudal Japan-sounding names."

"I'm Akimoto Emi!" squealed Emmy, raising her hand and waving it madly.

"Right! And I'm… Sakamoto Asuka!"

"…Anyways. How are we supposed to get there?"

"And Rachel would be Nakamura?"

"Actually, she would be Sakura, but knowing her, she wouldn't want to share the same name with that pink-haired idiot."

"Right! Now how do we get there?"

"That's what I just asked! Anyway, I guess that we'd have to ask the FF people to transfer us to an Inuyasha story."

"Alright!" squealed Kathy. "Now I'll go change Ed!"

"Um, maybe you should let him get dressed, first," pointed out Emmy.

Kathy stared at her. "Why would I do that?" she asked before running up the stairs, singing.

Emmy sighed and played with her now long, white hair. "I look like Sesshy-sama!" she cheered, looking in a mirror. "I'm so prettyful! I think I'm going to annoy Rachel a bit…"

"I'm back!" cheered Kathy, dragging Ed downstairs the way Kagura drags Kyo. Emmy silently apologized to Kyo before running over and laughing at Ed.

"Okay, I'm changing him now!" giggled Kath before placing her hands on his forehead. The light around them glowed bright blue for a second, before fading back to normal. Ed looked exactly the same, except with black hair and blue eyes. Emmy and Kathy screamed with insane fangirlism, before attacking Ed with hugs and "You're so cute like this!!!"

"Okay, okay, shut up!" yelled Ed, prying them off of him, "Why are we going to feudal Japan?"

"We have to save Rachel-chan. She's in love with Sesshoumaru."

"Who isn't, though?" asked Emmy, sighing. Ed and Kathy glared at her.

"Okay," he said, "I get it. When are we leaving?"

"Now!" cheered Emmy, closing her eyes. In a flash, they were in a forest, with a well behind them.

"Um…" Emmy said, "I think I landed us in the fifties or something."

"Fifties? Like, the 1950's?" Kathy asked, "I love the fifties! Well, except for the racism… And sexism… And… Actually, the fifties suck!"

"Nope, episode fifty or something. Sorry, these are the boring episodes," she said, rolling her eyes, "Inuyasha doesn't go demon-y once in these episodes! So dull!" she whined.

Ed sighed, "Anyways, where are we supposed to find your sister?"

"Where we find Sesshoumaru." Kathy stated, looking around herself.

"Then we'll need a tracker," responded Emmy, leaning against the stone well.

"Or we could just, ya know, find the protagonists and wait for Sesshoumaru to attack us." Kathy pointed out.

"Good idea, I'm too lazy to think of a character that could be a tracker, so let's go with that."

"Oh look," said Ed in a fake voice, "The protagonists."

"Yatta! Who would've thought they'd come here?" Emmy said in an equally fake voice.

"Stop being bad actors and let's go!" announced Kathy, kicking Emmy off of her perch on the well and following the gang of main characters. Emmy looked at Ed and he shrugged, before getting up and following Kathy.

"Yo!" Emmy called after the protagonists, causing the improper grammar-er, the moron, the womanizer, and the cool one to spin around and look at her. Oh yeah, and that annoying fox thing, too. What's-his-face.

"Um," started Emmy, "We are travelers, searching for the Shikon jewel!"

They stared at her like she was nuts.

"And, um, we'd like to help you in your quest!" finished Kathy.

"But," said the cool one (that's Sango, for those of you who didn't know), "You're demons."

Ed looked over at Kathy and Emmy.

"Dammit!" they exclaimed.

"Stupid Kathy!" Emmy yelled, "Why did ya hafta go and make me a demon?!"

"Well, I'm a demon, too!"

"How come you guys get to be demons? How come I have to be a boring old human?!"

"Because you're so hot as a human!" squealed Emmy and Kathy in unison.

"But, you're still demons," said Sango.

Ed, Kathy, and Emmy looked at each other. "Yeah," they said in unison, "So?"

"So…" she started, grabbing the big boomerang-y thingy on her back, "We have to slay you."

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!" screamed Ed, "What did we do to make you wanna SLAY us?!"

Sango paused for a moment.

"Besides," continued Emmy cheerfully, "Isn't the annoying fox thing a demon?"

"That's Shippou!" shouted Shippou.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Emmy, waving him off.

"But seriously," said Ed, "Please don't kill us! I have a brother guy!"

"Oh yeah…" said Emmy, "Why hasn't Aru come to save you from us yet?"

"…"

"Excuse me," said the womanizer guy who looks disturbingly like Roy (or maybe that's just me), walking up to Kathy.

Kathy blushed and then looked seriously angry. "DON'T EVEN START THAT BABY CRAP WITH ME!!!" she screamed, slapping him away.

"Anyway…" said Ed, sweat-dropping. "Do you know where this Sesshoumaru guy is?"

Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"Nice move, Ed. Nice move." Kathy said sarcastically.

"Lord Sesshy will be mad at you." Emmy said angrily, causing everyone to turn to her instead.

"Lord? You guys work for Sesshoumaru?" the slut-munster asked, reaching for an arrow as Sango lifted her boomerang thingy.

"No no no no no!" Ed yelped, waving his hands around, "We're just trying to find someone he, ah, kidnapped! DON'T KILL US! OR AT LEAST NOT ME!"

Sango sighed and put the boomerang away, muttering something like, "I wanted to kill somebody…"

"You still haven't introduced yourselves," said Kagome snobbily. "I'm Kagome."

"We know, slut munster," muttered Emmy, "But I'm Akimoto Emi! My friend here is Sakamoto Asuka, and that sexy guy, I mean, my other friend, is Fujiwara Taiki! Taiki means large radiance. Wow, why do all these names mean the exact opposite of the person?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU COULD LOSE HIM IN A BOWL OF RICE?!"

"Anyway, HE'S MINE, SO DON'T TOUCH HIM!" Emmy barked at Kagome and Sango, who blinked.

"Why haven't I said anything yet?" asked Inuyasha, but everyone ignored him. Heh heh. Inuyasha.

"Is anyone listening to me?" he whined again.

"Wait!" growled Ed, glaring at the bushes behind them.

"What is it Edo---I mean Taiki?" asked Emmy.

"I thought I heard something…" he responded, straightening up again.

When suddenly, Sesshoumaru jumped out from a tree above them, pinning Inuyasha on the ground.

"YAAAOIIII!" Emmy and Kathy shrieked in disgust, recoiling as Sesshoumaru's claws dug into Inuyasha's arm.

Rachel jumped out of the bushes, screaming insanely, and being followed by Rin and that toad guy who really needed his mouth duct-taped shut. The fan character she'd transformed into was a fox demon, but a hell of a lot cooler than Shippou, and taller too (-gets killed by Ed for mentioning height-). She began whacking Kagome on the head with a club.

"Wait!" Emmy cried out to her sister, who briefly stopped maiming Kagome to look at her. "No, no, carry on."

Ed shrugged and whipped popcorn out of nowhere, sitting down and watching the fight. Kathy and Emmy, who were cheering on Sesshoumaru's legion, soon joined him.

"Popcorn," demanded Kathy, holding her hand out as he passed the bucket to her.

"GO LORD FLUFFBALL!" cheered Emmy, waving a novelty hand that said "#1" in bold white font.

Ed shrugged and cheered on Sesshoumaru as well---he already didn't like most of the protagonists. Except the cool one. 'Cause she's cool like that.

A mutilated Kagome wandered over to the Sesshy-sama fanclub and fell heavily in front of them.

"Is she dead?" asked Emmy, poking her with the novelty finger.

"Only one way to be sure," stated Ed, transmuting his arm into a blade and chopping her head off. Her twisted screams died out as she poofed into dust.

"Weird." Kathy said.

"Hm." Emmy smiled, poking the pile of dust. "I always knew she was a vampire."

The dust reformed into Kagome, who smiled brightly and skipped off to whine about how Sesshoumaru was beating the crap outta her crush (it's obvious, duh).

Ed got bored of watching Rachel wound Shippou, and stood up.

"Taiki-chan?" Kathy asked.

"There's something I want to do," he muttered, walking over to Miroku.

Miroku turned and looked at him. "Can I help you with something?" he asked before Ed sent his metal hand right into his mouth, knocking out a few teeth.

"YOU! LOOK! JUST! LIKE! THE BASTARD COLONEL!" Ed shouted at him between punches.

Emmy and Kathy cheered him on, devouring the popcorn he'd made for himself.

"MY GOD, MY TOURNIQUET!" sang the fangirls in unison.

Ed paused and looked at them. "Why are you singing that song?"

They shrugged and continued to dive into the popcorn, Emmy still humming the song.

"Ya know," said Kathy, ignoring the tortured screams of Miroku, and Inuyasha, "This is kinda tiresome. Wanna do something plot-turning?"

"Sure," shrugged Emmy, standing up.

"So what do you wanna do?" Kathy asked.

"Hm… Let's make the two female protagonists fall in love with Edo!"

"Edward Elric is MINE, WOMAN, MINE! But not a bad idea…"

"Dangit!" shouted Emmy suddenly.

"What?"

Emmy looked up at her with watering eyes. "Do you realize this is the longest chapter of Kidnapped! I've ever written?"

Kathy gasped. "Oh noeses!"

"We must make this chapter worth the extra effort!" cried Emmy, holding her fist up to her chest and going all chibified like they do in Peach Girl (my new obsession 'cause it drives my sister nuts).

"Yes!" agreed Kathy happily, "We must, we must!"

"Okay!" cheered Emmy, "Plan Pair-Kagome-and-Sango-With-Ed is go!"

Kathy grinned and held up a fist for Emmy to punch.

"Waita go, sister!" she beamed.

[1 "Ievan Polkka"---this is a Finnish song that translates to "Eva's Polka." Most of the words are actually just gibberish, even in Finnish. The song's cause for popularity was its use in episode 2 of Bleach, when the character Orihime Inoue was twirling a leek. This four-panel animation is called "Loituma Girl," or, more commonly, "Leek Spin," often combining the two words to a simple "Leekspin!"

The song has two verses, and actually is in a loop so it can be played forever. I love it, but it drives my parents crazy.

And… This is my favorite chapter so far! It's surprisingly fun to write Ed into the world of Inuyasha, even if you make him as horribly out of character as I do. Note to self; do not call Kagome a slut munster in the future. I'm sure to get some angry letters for that one. .

I wish you happiness, you foolish fans! Ja ne!

(Oh yeah, and review. Or else.)

Next chapter: Kagome and Sango's Crush!

Oh, wait, one more thing! Even people who don't have a crush on Ed or Envy can be in this story! Yes, we can write your bishi into the story! (Yes, we can and will kidnap Roy and Al.-Grin-)

Why does my sister keep using her poison claws on me? OH, USE POISON CLAWS, WILL YOU?!-Pulls out kosher marshmallow gun-