Wow, NINE chapters? NINE?! This is my all-time longest fanfiction… Disturbing that it should be the one where my characters loosely based off of my sister and myself kidnap FMA characters. Hm. Dangit, I want an excuse to kidnap other characters! Mmm… Purple… Okay, I think I've sniffed one too many Sharpies! Time to unleash my Sharpie-induced horror upon random anime characters! But first!
I own neither FMA, nor the terror that is Inuyasha (no matter how addictive it is). Oh yah, and I don't own the awesomeness of Brainiac! Science… Abuse!!! And I do not have the power to make the manga for FMA to be translated faster so I can read volume. Six. FRICKING. TEEN! Ahem. When, when will it come out?! And now to begin my fanfiction. Let's see if I can remember where I last left off, even though it was only yesterday. O.o
It was a sunny day in the world that was supposedly feudal Japan (even though it clearly was not), as Sesshoumaru pummeled his younger half sibling (with the help of Rachel and her club of death), and Miroku's beautiful face was being disfigured by a metal fist. Oh, the joy of automail! Emmy growled, and Kathy turned to look at her.
"Emmy-chan?" she asked, confused.
"We're… We're…"
"We're what?"
"We're out of popcorn!" she cried, then gesturing to the empty red and white bucket.
"Oh noeses! What ever shall we do?!" wailed Kathy, clutching the sides of her face.
"We must force Edo-kun to create more!"
"But now! We mustn't interrupt him whilst he strikes the Roy doppelganger!"
"We must! For we are out of popcorn!" wept Emmy.
Kathy blinked. "Why are we talking like this?"
"Beats me," shrugged Emmy, picking up the cardboard bucket and licking the insides.
"Well," Kathy pointed out, "We still need more popcorn, so let's go bug Ed."
"Okay!" sang Emmy, jumping up and skipping over to Ed.
"Edo-kun?" she asked, tapping on his shoulder.
"What?" he growled.
"Ah, um, nothing!" she said.
"Okay then." He smiled a smile that would send fangirls off a cliff. And I mean literally, if he jumped off a cliff, masses of girls would eagerly follow him, willing to accept their own deaths as long as they could see that smile one more time, even if they had to suffer through oblivion, and bombings, and being killed a thousand painful deaths, and… Well, needless to say, Emmy's heart rate quickened, and she found herself growing dizzy. Unfortunately, Kagome and Sango happened to look in that direction when Edward smiled, and found themselves growing flustered.
"I… I…" started Kagome, breathing quickening.
"I think I'm in love!" cried Sango, dropping her boomerang and falling to her knees.
Emmy heard Sango's cry and looked in her direction. "Uh-oh," she muttered, sweat-dropping, "This isn't what I meant by 'a little crush,' ya know?"
Kathy, too, looked over and Sango and Kagome, and noticed that their faces were flushed bright red. But, having not seen the glorious smile, she simply shrugged and went back to wanting more food.
"Dammit, I'm hungry!" she whined to the skies, hoping they would send her popcorn.
Emmy (after waking up from the fainting spell she'd gotten at seeing the awesome smile), shook her head and poked Ed in the back again.
"What this time?" he asked, turning around and glaring at her.
"Um! Popcorn… Please…?" she squeaked.
Ed sighed and clapped his hands, producing a striped bucket of popcorn. "Here," he said, tossing her the container.
"Wait, didn't that just defy the laws of Equivalent Exchange?"
Ed blinked. "It's made of Miroku."
"Yay, Miroku-corn! Arigotou, Taiki-chan!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
Emmy giggled and skipped away, past Rachel who was now fighting Rin for the love of Sesshoumaru (Rin was winning).
When suddenly, a SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! opened in the sky. Screaming, Envy fell from it and landed on top of Miroku. He stood up and dusted himself off, ignoring Ed's whines of "I was pummeling that!"
Envy growled and kicked off the ground, flying a ridiculous height before landing right in front of Sesshoumaru. Silently, he leaned forward, glaring at Sesshoumaru.
"Yes?" asked Sesshoumaru calmly. Envy hissed and punched him in the face.
"OH NOES!!!" cried all of the fangirls at once, "NOT LORD FLUFFBALL!!!"
The girls turned and looked at each other, deciding that they hated their rivals in the realm of winning Sesshoumaru's lobve (lobve?), before breaking out into a fury of angry slapping and declaring superiority.
"You stole my fangirl!" Envy accused while kicking Sesshoumaru in the gut.
"Oh, Envy-kun!" Rachel squealed, breaking away from the fight and glomping him, "You do care!"
Envy screamed and kicked her off, "Of course I don't! But, I'm Envy, so… Yeah…"
He went back to kicking Sesshoumaru, ignoring the disappointed-looking Rachel. Sesshoumaru got a tad bit pissed off, so he ripped off Envy's head. That's what happens when you mess with Sesshy.
"Ow!" Envy whined, "I needed that!"
His body then ran off to catch his head, which was flying through the air at high speed. He caught it, and threw it at Sesshoumaru.
Ed looked over and yelled, "Hey! That's Al's trademarked head move thingy!"
Envy glared at him. "No it's not! You wanna fight, midget?"
"Oh, you've done it now," muttered Emmy.
Ed ranted something utterly incomprehensible, and attacked Envy, who stumbled backwards into the pit of fighting fangirls. The two were instantly ripped to shreds, while Sesshoumaru whistled and backed away slowly.
Emmy sighed. "Okay, fangirls, stop the fight."
A few fangirls (since when were there so many?) glanced over at her for a few seconds, before returning to their swooning over the new members of the fangirl pit (poor, poor Ed and Envy.)
Emmy sighed again and took out a whistle and an air horn. She blew both of them at once, gaining the attention of everyone in a square mile vicinity. The fangirls slowly and reluctantly backed away from the bishies, pouting and walking off in opposite directions, Kathy and Rachel returning to Emmy.
"Wait! Nakamura!" Sesshoumaru commanded. He wasn't just about to let a loyal minion flee!
Emmy punched the air, opening a new SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!!
"I have doughnuts! We can share them!" Sesshoumaru begged. (So much fun to write OOC for this story!) At this, Rachel's illusion-y fox ears perked up, and she spun around. She slowly began walking towards Sesshoumaru in a zombie-like state. Once she arrived by his side, she grinned maliciously, snatched his doughnuts, and ran like hell towards the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! while calling "THANK-YOU-VERY-MUCH-LORD-SESSHY-I-WILL-RETURN-EVENTUALLY!" before jumping into the doom vortex ().
Soon they popped back into the kitchen of Emmy and Rachel's house.
"Wait a sec…" Emmy began, nervously feeling the air around her, "…Where's Ed?"
"Who wants to know how I found the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!!?" Envy asked happily.
Emmy continued to whine and feel the air while Envy explained, "I somehow," glare at Emmy, "Managed to untie myself from the basement," glare at Rachel, "And found the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! that Emmy left a' spinning in the kitchen!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great, WHERE'S ED?!" Emmy squealed nervously, beginning to run around in circles.
Kathy shrugged and skipped downstairs to watch who-knows-what on the TV. Prob'ly Brainiac [1(Kimblee loves that show).
"Oh yah, and I didn't see your dad in the kitchen," Envy added, "Which is weird, 'cause that's where he lives."
"Oh, he's in Hawaii," Rachel explained.
"HE ABANDONED US?! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED WITH MY FIRST DAD!"
"No, no, no, he's working. Besides, he's getting plenty of snow up on Mauna Kea. [2"
"Wait a sec, your first dad?" Emmy asked, suddenly aware of the conversation, but still waving her arms around in search of the braided boy.
Envy coughed. "Um… I'm gonna go watch Brainiac."
Emmy sighed and punched the air again.
"I'm gonna go get Ed."
"You do that! BRAINIAC! SCIENCE… ABUSE!!!" Rachel announced before running down the stairs.
Emmy wished she could go watch its awesomeness with them, but instead she leapt through the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! to get her bishi.
She shrugged as she passed through. They were probably only watching that episode with Britain's squirtiest food (an actual experiment from the show).
Elsewhere, Rachel, Kathy, Envy, and Kimblee sat on the sofa watching that one poor Brainiac who had better get paid more than the others being stapled to a wooden board and lifted up about twenty feet before dropping painfully onto a mat. Yes, this happened. Darnit, I like that episode! Kimblee was about to zip ahead to the part where the man dressed up as what's-her-face causes a chain reaction that blows up a car, but the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! appeared before them, and Emmy stepped out, dragging Ed, with Kagome and Sango grabbing at his feet. Just before the portal snapped shut, the two badly drawn girls jumped through.
"DAMMIT!" Emmy and Ed cursed in unison, "GO AWAY!"
The others were a tad bit annoyed that the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! was still in their way of watching Brainiac, but they were even more terrified of the two women that stood before them now.
Kimblee paused the TiVo so he wouldn't have to miss a second of the show.
"Ah!" Emmy announced, pointing a finger at the suddenly noticed Kimblee, "Kimblee!"
Kimblee raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell was wrong with this girl, before she kicked him off the couch and sat down in her rightful place.
"You stole my place," she pointed out. The Nutso Alchemist (I meant Crimson. I really did.) shook his head and jumped out the window of the basement. Dammit, I feel like Shigure! Why does everyone have to break my house?!
Kagome and Sango looked around themselves.
"Where… Are we?" Sango breathed.
Emmy grimaced. "If you didn't know, you shouldn't have followed us.
[1 "Brainiac"----A British TV show that shows the most insane, revolting, and explosive experiments. It goes from figuring out which place on the body is most painful to pluck hairs from, to figuring out how to get drunk without drinking, all the way to figuring out what stains the most (using human subjects, of course. That poor guy's skin will never be the same color. Ha ha… Magenta). And yes, there's much more. Usually they explode stuff. LOTS of stuff. Mwahahahaha!!!
[2 "Mauna Kea"---A large mountain in Hawaii, that our dad works on about three to five times a year. Since he's an astronomer, he has to work in the mountains so that the telescopes will be able to see past the cloud layer. Yes, he is getting a lot of snow. He even sent us a picture of he and his coworkers digging their car from the snow. And even better! At the station, he saw the announcer guy from Brainiac! Sweet!!! Yes, our entire family watches this incredibly awesome science show (and yes, Kimblee would love it with a passion. Exploding caravans!!!)
Okay, I'm done ranting. Sorry about the repetitive use of the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! but it humors me, and therefore must be done! Okay, I'm gonna… Write an AU or something… :::Shrug:::