The Road Not Taken: Another Path
Chapter 3
April 8, 1971
The day was one of those cold, rainy spring days in Indiana. Sam had walked out to the small cemetery where Tom was buried. He could have driven but somehow he needed the chilled air to drive him onwards. He'd been unable to bring himself here since the day they'd buried his brother. The thought of seeing that gravestone with Tom's name on it and the dates April 15, 1947- April 8, 1970 just made him shudder. Tom had died at 22, just short 7 days short of his 23rd birthday
He knew that his mother came here each week. He could see the flowers that she'd brought the previous Tuesday had started to fade, looking rather woeful – not unlike Sam's inner reflection. Each time she went to Tom's grave, she would come back and go into her room, not really saying anything to anyone until she came out. Sometimes it was a few minutes. Sometimes over an hour.
"God, Tom. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I guess it just hit me with the State Finals just finished. This year we made it, didn't win though. No Nose wasn't around this year to cause us any problems." Sam grimaced as he thought of No Nose Pruitt and how he'd simply beaten him from all angles, including when the ref wasn't looking. Coach Cauley had been devastated after they lost against Bentleyville. Sam felt he'd let his team down. Lisa Parsons had left with No Nose. He'd thought she was just doing it to make him jealous but she ended up marrying him back last November. They already had a child on the way. His thoughts turned again to the recent State Finals. "Mom and Dad were at the game, but this time, I know you were first in their thoughts-- remembering your State Finals."
A cold wind blew through Sam and he pulled his coat closer around him. "Mom and Dad are doing OK, I guess. Mom's gotten quieter and Dad…well Dad spends a lot of time in his workshop and in the fields. He just seems lost in thought." Sam remembered how easy his Dad and Tom used to talk, like they were on the same wavelength. Somehow, even though he knew his Dad loved him as much as he loved Tom, they just didn't speak as easily. It bothered Sam a bit and he wished he could be closer to his father, like Tom had been. "I know they think about you a lot. I've seen Mom pulling out those picture albums before she goes to bed."
"Katie's 14 now and the boys are starting to call. I know Mom's really worried. Katie just seems to want to grow up in a single day." He smiled a bit as he remembered finding Katie and her friends Elaine, Sarah, and Mary Lou trying on different shades of eye shadow one day in her room. He'd told them that lots of guys liked a more natural look. They'd giggled and rolled their eyes and said he didn't know anything about girls.
It wasn't that Sam didn't like girls, he did. A lot. He'd even had a crush on Lisa Parsons but had been too shy to say anything. And Sam didn't like the way some of the guys at the school seemed to like "keeping track of their scores" like it was some sort of a game. He felt that being in a relationship with a girl should be special, even in the early stages.
The wind howled again and his thoughts suddenly turned back to what he was there to say. He shuffled his feet a bit and put his put his fist to his mouth, his eyes tightly shut. Then he looked up to that gray stone slab with Tom's name carved deeply into its surface and the words exploded from his lips. "Tom, I'm not going to MIT like you wanted. I'm going to help Dad out with the farm. You know how much it means to him. I know it's not what you expected me to do." His voice suddenly went almost to a whisper. "Heck, it's not what I expected to do." He stood there for a few moments, hugging his upper torso. Then his voice came to him again, with the same force as before "But, damn it, Tom! You're not here anymore. Dad needs me. I hope you can understand that I need to help him. I have to be here for him."
Tears started falling from Sam's eyes, obscured by the raindrops that had already found a home there. He felt the ache in his heart, the sadness that he'd never hear Tom's voice answer his again. Again, his voice grew softer and quietly he whispered, "I hope that heaven's a really nice place."
A deep wrenching sob escaped his body. "Why, Tom? Why? I know you'd always wanted a military career but this war, it's just too costly. I need you here. I need my big brother now more than ever. Just between you and me, I gotta admit I'm a bit scared. I've never really been away from home before. And you're too far away."
Sam pushed at his eyes, willing the tears to stop. His voice cracked a bit, his heart aching. "I just want to be your 'little brother' again."
Sam stood there in the somber, gray day feeling the exquisite pain of that somber, gray moment. Then he turned and walked away.