After Bella's funeral I went into my house and ran up to my room, locking the door once I reached it, knowing my family would be close behind. I sat on my bed and heard everyone's thoughts race though my head like daggers stabbing an already open wound. Everyone was thinking about me and about how sorry they were for me.
Poor Edward, thought Alice, So close to their wedding.
I hope he doesn't do anything crazy like the last time, thought Esme, I couldn't lose him.
Please Edward, Carlisle begged, please think before you react.
I blocked their thoughts out, drowning myself in my own instead. For the past days everything that could have been; I could have saved her, Alice could have predicted this, she could have gone to Florida as planned.
I had also wondered why she hadn't gone as she had intended. I finally concluded that I would never know. She was gone, Charlie didn't know, neither did her mother.
I buried my head in a couch cushion, replaying today's events.
Her funeral had been open casket, to my horror and despair. The whole town turned out for it, as well as her mother, Phil, and many others from La Push. Everyone knew Bella Swan. Nobody wanted to say goodbye, her mother, and I, having the hardest time, lingering for approximately ten minutes each, saying our final goodbyes. The entire church had been full of crying bodies, gently rocking together. My family and I had sat close to the front, heads bowed.
The hardest part of today was that today was the day we were going to get married.
I shook my head and ran into thoughts of what I was going to do with myself.
My first thought, of course, was to go to the Volturi. I thought about this long and hard, going in and out, remembering how Bella saved me from that the last time. I finally came to the conclusion that that one option would kill Esme and Alice inside.
My second was to suck it up and move on. This thought only took me a few minutes to crush. Moving on like nothing happened-that Bella hadn't happened- was not an option.
My final thought was, the simplest, and yet, the hardest. It was to accept that I could never bring Bella back, to accept this fact and be depressed for a while. I finally gave into my misery, falling to the floor, thinking of my Bella.
Bella, I asked, Why'd you leave me?