The Road Not Taken
Chapter 22
March 29, 1974
Sam walked into the lobby of his dorm after receiving a phone call from Donna that she'd arrived. He'd packed a bag as Donna had suggested that since she had the hotel room, they might as well put it to use for their reunion. "You sure are a sight for sore eyes," were his first words as he arrived.
Donna smiled. She and Maggie had driven up to Purdue after they learned the team had won the National Invitation Tournament the previous Sunday. In the same week, George had been offered a job at a commercial construction firm as soon as he graduated that May. It was a great first job for George and would give him excellent hands on experience using his knowledge of mechanical engineering. Maggie had wanted to celebrate with him. Sam had been asking for Donna to visit again as well, and the two women figured the event warranted it.
"You're not looking so bad yourself, Sam." She went into his arms and he gave her a long passionate kiss. Donna was surprised as Sam tended to be rather circumspect with his shows of affection in public. When they broke, she looked up into his eyes. "Wow. You must be really glad to see me!"
Sam nodded his agreement. "You don't know how glad, Donna. Hell, it's been over four months."
She smiled remembering that Thanksgiving weekend when she had agreed to marry Sam during his weekend in San Francisco. Since then, they had talked on the phone more and writing had picked up as well. She'd spent Christmas break in Spain with her mother and both of them still had school responsibilities. Getting together physically had been extremely difficult. "I know, Sam. I've missed you too."
He gave her another kiss and she melted into it. When one of the other students walked by muttering, "Just get a room," Sam reluctantly ended his greeting, a bit embarrassed at the comment, and not a little concerned with how accurately that statement foretold their plans for the evening. Donna saw the look on his face and, deciding that leaving the building was a good idea, asked, "So, you want to get some dinner?"
"Yeah. That sounds good." His flushed visage returned to a more normal shade. Sam picked up his bag and started walking out of the building, Donna beside him. "How do hamburgers sound?"
"I was thinking Italian."
"Italian it is." They headed over to his pickup. Sam threw his bag in the back and opened the door for Donna. She jumped up into the passenger seat. Sam got in and started the truck. They headed out for a little restaurant that Sam had discovered a few months prior. "I think you'll like this place. The lasagna is terrific."
When they arrived, Sam helped Donna down and they walked into the little restaurant. The tables were covered with the stereotypical red and white checkered tablecloths. In the center of each table was a candle in a basket cover bottle that the wax had been allowed to drip onto. The waitress seated them at a table near the fireplace.
"This is quaint," noted Donna, as she looked around and took in the ambiance of the restaurant.
"Yeah. They stay to a tried and true theme but their food is really good." They checked out their menus and quickly decided on their orders. Sam ordered the lasagna and Donna got the ravioli with meatballs. As they waited for their meals, they talked.
"So, tell me about the latest you've heard from MIT." Sam rested his arms on the edge of the table and leaned forward eager to hear
"Well, you remember that grad student I told you I met in Spain?"
"Yeah, Paul Roth."
"Well, I saw him again at the Physics conference that was in Columbus last month. He's got some great ideas looking at the quantum effects in crystal formation. He said that I'd be a great addition to their research team."
Sam smiled. "You'd be an asset wherever you go, Donna."
"Thanks, Sam. I just wish…"
Sam looked at her sharply. "If you're going to say anything about my plans for the future, stop. I really don't want to get into that." He suddenly softened, his eyes begging her to just let the former drop. "I just want to spend a nice evening with you, Donna. It's been so long since we've been together."
"Okay, Sam. I want to spend time with you too. I have missed you so much."
He took her hand and looked deeply into her eyes. "And I've missed you. I was really hoping you'd come home with me at Christmas instead of going to Spain." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I love you, Donna."
She smiled, answering with a teasing sound, "I'm glad. Makes being engaged sort of special."
"Yeah. It tends to help, doesn't it?" He'd missed seeing her eyes when she was gently teasing him. Talking over the phone had kept them up to date with each others lives, but it wasn't the same as being in the same space together. They looked at each other for a moment more when they became aware of the waitress placing the tray on a folding holder to the side of the table. Sam released her hand and they watched as the woman skillfully manipulated the dishes with their entrees.
"Careful, the plates are hot," intoned the server, placing the meals in front of them. "Is there anything else I can get you?" the woman asked once they were served. Sam indicated he'd like some additional cheese. The woman nodded and headed off to get it.
Donna took a bite, surprised at how good the ravioli was. Sam commented that he thought the sauce was some of the best he'd ever eaten. The server returned with the cheese and Sam place a hefty amount on his lasagna. Over dinner, the engaged couple continued to talk about their plans.
"Sam, do you think we could have a small ceremony? I just don't want to have a big church wedding."
"Why not?" Sam was curious. He really hadn't thought deeply about this point, but based on his knowledge of weddings, they usually seemed to be rather sizable.
She looked down, an inscrutable expression on her face. "Well, I know my parents had a big one and look where that got them."
Sam reached over and took her hand again. He knew that Donna still hurt when she thought about her father who'd left when she was nine years old. His voice was soft as he answered, "You know, Donna, not everyone who gets married separates. My parents are going on their twenty-ninth year together.
She looked up into his eyes knowing he was truly saddened at her pain. "I know, Sam. That's what you grew up with. I grew up with an absent father." She paused, another wave of sadness crossing her face. "I don't even know what's happened to him. He never called or wrote. It was like he walked out of our life and simply disappeared.
"So you've said." He squeezed her hand and nodded. "Okay, Donna, small ceremony."
A grateful smile was his answer. As they continued, the talk turned to her upcoming graduation and the plans she was making. "I'm still working on my final seminar. I'm a little nervous to be presenting in front of the faculty."
"You'll do great, Donna. I know you have the material down. You've been studying enough." That was one of the reasons Donna hadn't been able to get away to come to even one of his games this season. He'd missed having her in the crowd, but he knew doing well on the seminar was very important to her.
"I know I have it. It's just I'm not sure how good my presentation skills are." She paused and added, "Although Paul did say he'd give me a critique next month."
"Next month? What's next month?"
She explained, "They're holding a Physics conference at M.I.T. in April, and I'm going. Dr. LoNigro thought it might be nice introduction to the type of research that's is being done at the school."
"Well, I hope you enjoy it." They finished their dinner and Donna said she was too full for dessert. Sam paid the bill and they left. Donna had asked Sam to spend the weekend with her since she and Maggie were going to stay two nights and since the basketball season was over, he had agreed. They arrived back at the hotel and spent the night reclaiming the bliss they had discovered the previous November. Sam and Donna finally fell asleep in each others arms.
When Sam awoke, he looked to the clock. It was seven a.m. and he was surprised at the late hour. He normally didn't sleep that late. Then again, normally he didn't have a beautiful woman in bed with him who he'd spent the night making passionate love to. As he gazed lovingly over at his still slumbering Donna, it crossed his mind how lucky he was to have met, wooed, and won her. She was everything he'd ever wanted in a woman. He gave her a light kiss on her shoulder and then quietly slipped out of bed to take a shower.
When he emerged from the steamy room, he had one towel wrapped around his waist and was using another one to dry his hair. Donna had awoken and he found her still in bed, a pensive look on her face.
"A penny for your thoughts?" She didn't answer. "Okay, I raise my offer to a nickel but that's as high as I'm going." His attempt to lighten her mood didn't seem to have an effect. "What's wrong, Donna."
Finally, she spoke. "Sam? What do you expect of me?"
"What?" Sam dropped the towel he just used to dry his hair on the bed and sat down next to Donna, a confused look on his face. He certainly didn't expect this after the previous night.
She repeated, "What do you expect of me? I mean, I know we've gone back and forth about this, but you really, really plan on going back to the farm, don't you?"
He nodded, not sure where she was going with this. He'd been honest with her from the first. He knew she wasn't fully thrilled with the idea but she'd gone along with it. "Yes. That's been my plan and I don't see any reason to change it."
She sighed, her shoulders sagging. "That's just it. I thought I could live with that as well. Now that I'm getting ready to go to graduate school, I'm not so sure. I don't think I want to live a rural life."
"Oh, that." Sam said smiling. He patted her on her leg before getting up and pulling his clean clothes out of the bag he'd brought. "You could probably get a job teaching at Indiana State or at the Community College after you get your doctorate, Donna. The farm isn't so far away as to prevent you from continuing in your field." His voice showed that he considered this to be a reasonable idea.
As she listened to him talk, her mouth turned downwards and she shook her head, stating firmly, "I don't want to teach. At least I don't want that to be my primary job. I want to be working on cutting edge research and I know that type of research isn't in Elk Ridge or anywhere close to it."
As his head poked out of the green cotton sweater he'd pulled on, he frowned. "What are you saying, Donna?" Sam was definitely sure he didn't like the direction the conversation was going.
She steeled herself before answering sure that Sam was not going to take her next words well. "I don't want to be a farmer's wife. I don't want to live my life on a farm. I'm a city girl, Sam. I want to live in the city at an institution doing cutting edge Physics research." She stopped herself for a moment, looking at Sam, looking into his eyes that spoke his feeling of betrayal. Trying to get him to understand she continued, "I want to do that with you, Sam. I love you, but I want us to live somewhere other than your home town."
Sam sat there, not saying a word at first, processing what she was telling him. Donna was again giving him a decision to make, one he thought she'd at least somewhat accepted before. Obviously, he was wrong. "Why now, Donna? You've known since we met what I have to do. My brother's gone and my sister's not too keen on staying around Elk Ridge. I'm all my family has left to keep the farm in the family."
She tried to reason with him, "Couldn't you just lease it out? Let someone else do the farming and you still keep the land?"
He shook his head which left no doubt that he thought her idea was unacceptable. "It doesn't work that way, Donna." He was getting a bit angry about the way she was expecting him to give up what he knew was his obligation, his responsibility.
"Well, I understand your sister's attitude. I mean, I've never really been to keen on farm life myself. I thought I could do it. I thought that my love for you would allow that. I guess I just want something more, you know?" Donna plaintively asked, her arms crossed defensively in front of her
Sam got up and started pacing, the magnitude of his upset plain in the speed he paced in the sizable hotel room. Three strides up, three strides back. "No. I don't know." He turned to his fiancée, an anguished look in his eyes. "Why are you doing this now?"
"Cause I have my whole life changing soon. I realized it this morning. I'm graduating. I'm going to graduate school. And I find I want more from life. I just don't want to live on a farm." She got up and walked over to him. He'd stopped pacing and was standing, looking at her. She wrapped her arms around him, placing her head on his chest. "Sam, you've told me your plans and I thought I could live with them. I find now that I can't but you can change your mind and live with mine. You know you would love the world of theoretical physics. You know more from dabbling in it them most people do from years of study." She felt him straighten, a tensing of his back muscles.
"No, Donna." He said it plainly, softly, but she knew then, it was probably a losing battle. Still, she had to try.
She let him go and looked up into his eyes seeing the stubborn decision sitting in them. "Sam, why do we have to follow your dream? Isn't mine important enough?"
He let out a sharp breath. "Of course your dreams are important. I love you and I want you to be happy, but we both have to compromise."
"You're not." The way she voiced it spoke volumes to Sam and he realized that she truly felt he was not giving her a choice.
He tilted his head, his lips pursed. "Yes, I am. I understand your need to continue with Physics. You just need to lower your sights a little. Teaching at Indiana State would be a good profession. Think of the students you could inspire."
She couldn't believe he didn't see her need to do more. Inspiring others wasn't the reason she'd followed the science, accepted the scholarship and research assistanceship. "It's not enough, Sam. It's not enough for me." She started taking her ring off. "Here," she said, anger clouding her voice. She shoved the ring at him.
Sam was equally upset and didn't take the ring. "What are you doing, Donna?"
"I'm giving you back your ring. Until you start thinking of my needs and desires, I know I don't want to continue this." She took his hand and placed the ring it, turning and walking away immediately afterwards.
He stood there, shocked. He looked into his hand seeing his grandmother's ring, small and delicate, in his palm. He looked up at her retreating back. "You're just angry right now. You don't mean this." His voice was painted with the pain he was feeling, the distress that her decision was bringing him.
She turned suddenly, her eyes blazing. "Yes, I'm angry. And I'm hurt that you persist with this misguided plan to hide out on a farm in Indiana instead of using your special talent. I can't believe you're willing to cast it, and me, aside just so that your precious stupid farm can stay in the family!" There, she'd said it. Ever since she'd learned exactly how special a gift he had, she'd felt it almost criminal that he'd ignore it to milk cows and plant corn. Sam had a destiny before him, even if he didn't see it.
He felt he'd been shot in the heart. How could she say this to him? How could she turn so cold? "That's not fair, Donna. What about you? You want me to drop everything I know I need to do to follow your plan. Don't you think you're being selfish?"
She stood her ground. "I know that you have the potential to do so much more, Sam and you're going to throw that all away to stay a farmer in a hick town."
He disagreed. His home town might not be as fancy as San Francisco, but it was full of kind hearted souls who had known him and his family for years, although quite a few had had to move away in recent years as their farms failed. "Elk Ridge may be off the beaten path, but it's not a hick town. God, Donna, I can't believe you're saying this to me." He reached out to her once more. "I love you. That should be enough."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm really sorry but it isn't enough. I love you too, but I can't stay with you if you insist that's how I have to live my life. I just can't." She turned away from him, again.
Sam sighed, staring at her back. He'd never thought he'd be in this situation. He'd given his heart to the woman he loved and after she agreed to love him for who he was, she turned on that promise. He walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulder. "Okay, Donna. I think you're making a mistake. I do love you but I have to follow what I know is right for me."
She nodded but didn't say anything more. He let go of her shoulder and finished dressing and getting his things together. Through it all neither said a word although Sam would steal glances at Donna. She looked sad but determined. Finally, zipping up the bag, he turned to her figuring he'd provide a way back. He hoped she'd take it. "Donna. I'm still ready to talk this out. Let me know when you're ready to do that."
She shook her head. "No, Sam. You're not going to change your mind, and I'm not going to change mine either. It's better if we just end it here and now." A tear started falling but she brushed it away. "Goodbye, Sam."
He walked over to her and took her in his arms once more. She started to cry in earnest. He let her cry wondering all along what was he doing. Part of him didn't want to let her go, wanted to cave in and change his plans and follow that siren song of theoretical physics but another part told him he had responsibilities to family and that thought finally won out. Whispering into her hair, he breathed, "Goodbye, Donna. I wish you happiness." He gave her a final kiss on the head then turned and walked out the room and out of her life.