A/N: This chapter should clear up some of the confusion over just what the hell was going on in the last chapter. :) I hope everyone likes it.
Chapter 7 – Outlaw Blues
Shego looked in amused annoyance at the gun aimed at her chest, her eyebrows rising to match her hands after she heard the Lieutenant declare that assault, battery and attempted murder were the charges being brought against her. She said nothing as the Lieutenant continued to mirandize her, but her hands dropped to her sides as her mind attempted to figure out who in the hell she was supposed to have assaulted. Hard as she tried, she really couldn't think of anyone that shouldn't have been covered by her pardon from GJ and instead of being affronted, she was really just more confused.
"…You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you," the Lieutenant continued. Shego rolled her eyes; she knew it was a part of the spiel, but everyone knew she could afford an attorney. "Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?" the Lieutenant concluded.
"Yeah," Shego confirmed. "But it doesn't mean I understand what the hell is going on." She and the Lieutenant glared at one another, and the Lieutenant's grip on her gun got tighter as Shego's fists came up into the air. Before either one could act, though, a thump was heard from inside the van and it distracted them both.
Kim grimaced, disgruntled that she had given her element of surprise away. She had heard Shego stop suddenly as Shego had gotten out the van and had then heard the Lieutenant speak, which was a big clue as to what was going on. She had no idea what Shego was being arrested for; she had done her homework before she had left for Chicago and she was fairly certain that in their home state she was above the age of consent and Shego could not be charged with a crime. Seeing as Shego had done nothing else arrest-worthy that she knew of, Kim was both puzzled and angry that the Lieutenant was bothering them once again.
"Open the van," the Lieutenant ordered one of her officers, training her gun on the side door behind Shego. "And get the suspect out of the way."
"Yes, ma'am," he answered, grabbing Shego's arm. Shego shook him off and stepped out of the way under her own power.
"Get your hands off of me," she barked. "And I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned the Lieutenant, knowing full well Kimmie had made the thump, and knowing if Kimmie had heard what was going on, she was probably pissed. And if he was awake, Rama would be pissed off just because Kim was.
"And why not?" the Lieutenant asked. "Something you are trying to hide?"
"Nope," Shego replied truthfully. "But there is probably a pissed-off redhead and a pissed-off leopard on the other side."
The Lieutenant laughed unpleasantly. "Like I care," she scoffed. "Open it," she ordered her officer. He did as he was told and slid the door open to reveal a glowering Kim and a growling Rama with his teeth bared. Most of the officers took a step back involuntarily; there was a menace flowing from the teenager and the cat that none of them really wanted to mess with.
"Told ya," Shego muttered.
Rama crouched, ready to take out the person he had determined was the biggest threat to his mistress. His other, newer mistress forestalled him, though. "Don't, Rama," Kim ordered quietly. "You'll get yourself shot." He snorted in disgust, but relaxed his stance and sat down. Kim hopped out of her van and stood by her girlfriend, her arms crossed. "What exactly is going on here?" she asked Shego, blatantly ignoring the Lieutenant.
"I'm being arrested," Shego confirmed. "Nice show of badassery by the way; I almost wanted to take a step back myself," she teased with a wink.
Kim smirked, but blushed at the same time. "Thanks," she said, her cheeks coloring. "You seem to bring out that side of me."
"I'm not complaining, Princess," Shego insisted. "I think it is adorable."
"How can badassery be adorable?" Kim countered.
"When the badass is the girl you're in love with and her anger is not directed toward you," Shego explained.
"Oh," Kim said, and the blush grew deeper. "So what exactly are you being arrested for?" she asked hurriedly, wanting to change the subject.
Shego shrugged. "Assault, battery, and attempted murder, apparently," she replied.
"Of whom? And when?" Kim demanded. "All of your outstanding warrants have been cancelled."
"Dunno, Pumpkin," Shego answered. "So, Lieutenant, who did I assault, batter and attempt to murder?" she asked sarcastically. "And when might this transgression have occurred?"
"A criminal complaint was filed on Friday, January 2nd by a Miss Nina Johnson in association with an alleged attack that occurred at this address at approximately 11:30PM on the night of December 31st," the Lieutenant answered. Kim and Shego looked at one another. So the victim was Nina, the jilted and scheming former girlfriend. That was one mystery solved, at any rate. Or so they thought until the Lieutenant kept talking. "A 911 call was placed from this address on the 31st and when police and emergency vehicles responded, they found Ms. Johnson unconscious on the floor. After remaining in a coma for two days, she came to and described her attacker, the description of whom could only be one person," the Lieutenant said triumphantly, giving a more descriptive recitation of events than she usually did to show Kim and Shego that the charges had merit.
Kim frowned. The evidence against Shego did sound pretty damning, but she knew for a fact that Shego had not been in Middleton at 11:30PM on Wednesday. "We were in Mexico on Wednesday, Lieutenant," Kim said firmly. "There is no way that Shego could have been here."
"Tell it to the judge, Miss Possible," the Lieutenant said curtly. "I don't know what privileges you think your reputation as teen hero affords you, but they don't include giving a two-bit, incorrigible criminal a free pass just because you two are apparently screwing one another."
Kim looked shocked, like no one had ever spoken to her like that, and, Shego realized, no one probably ever had. Kimmie'd always either been the good girl, getting into trouble only when the good of mankind, or Ron, or a puppy, or whatever, was at stake, or, she'd been the scamp, doing what she damn well pleased and then charming her way out of it with that damn pout of hers. To have someone that wasn't a megalomaniac out to take over the world or Bonnie who actually disapproved of her was probably a new experience. But, Kim as was her wont, adapted to this unfamiliar situation with ease, and Shego couldn't hold back her grin as a retort came swiftly towards the Lieutenant. "I might be sleeping with her, but every time I went after her for breaking the law, she actually ended up arrested and convicted," was the tart response, and this time it was the Lieutenant's turn to look shocked. Shego smiled; Kim was so adorable when she got snarky. Shego also couldn't help but be at least a little proud that Kim had just admitted to being her lover in front of the cops.
The Lieutenant coughed; she wasn't expecting Kim to admit to that kind of relationship so readily. She regrouped as quickly as could, but there was a noticeable pause before she said anything else. "That very well may be, Miss Possible," she said at last, "but times have changed; you don't seem to be turning her in now."
"Why should I turn her in when she hasn't done anything?" Kim challenged. "I know where she was then, and unless there are two of her, she didn't do it." Kim's voice trailed off as she said the second sentence and Shego glanced over in interest. Unless she missed her guess, Kimmie was figuring something out.
The Lieutenant snorted but said nothing, turning away from Kim and putting the handcuffs on Shego. Shego tested the metal; she could have melted through them in a snap, but she decided to play nice. "Bye, Pink," she said, almost nose-to-nose with Kim after the Lieutenant had turned her to put on the cuffs. She took advantage of the situation and kissed Kim deeply, disconcerting the surrounding police by her show of affection. The Lieutenant tugged on her handcuffs and they broke apart. Shego sighed, giving Kim a quick kiss on the forehead as she made another request. "It looks like I'm going to need a lawyer, Pumpkin," she said. "Do you think you could call Bob for me?"
Kim looked at her. "Bob's an estate lawyer," she said, puzzled.
"Well, yeah, but he always represented me in the past," Shego said, shrugging.
"And what happened at all of those trials?" Kim asked, figuring an estate lawyer, even an estate lawyer as genial and intelligent as Bob was, might be out of his element in a criminal trial.
"We would go to court, I would plead guilty, I would go jail and when I got bored, I would bust out," Shego answered.
"See, yeah, that won't work this time because you're innocent," Kim replied, rolling her eyes but still smiling at her. "I have a couple of criminal lawyers that I know; I'll call them up and see if I can cash in a favor."
Shego smiled back. "If you think it's necessary, Pink," she said affectionately.
"It is," Kim answered warmly. The Lieutenant, tired of all the sentiment, pulled the handcuffs harder, forcing Shego to come away from Kim. Rama growled a warning from the van, and interestingly enough, the pulling became less pronounced. Shego winked at Kim as she was put in the back of the car, and after the door had been closed, the Lieutenant came over to say one last thing to Kim.
"You had better have a permit for that animal," she warned.
"I do, from the director of the wildlife refuge, the head of animal control, the mayor, the governor and the Secretary of Agriculture," Kim said sweetly, and she wasn't lying. She knew having a wild animal out and about would cause concern, so she had made every effort to make sure Rama had the necessary paperwork and could legally be out and about. The Lieutenant scowled at her, but said nothing and retreated to her car. She drove away and all of the other officers followed her in their cars, leaving Rama and Kim alone.
"Well, that sucked," Kim admitted to Rama, and Rama nodded in agreement. Kim rubbed his head and then looked around, her gaze settling on the Mansion. Her chin lifted and her shoulders squared as she put aside her anger towards the Lieutenant and her worry about Shego and focused her thoughts on fixing the situation that was causing both. As her offhand comment to the Lieutenant about there being two Shegos reminded her, there was another version of Shego running, or rather, floating about, and that version was very protective of Shego and did have a tendency to meddle. "Come on, boy," she said to Rama. "We need to see if anyone is home."
She used her keys to let herself in and opened the door before coming to stand in the foyer and literally freezing in her tracks. It was colder in here than it was outside and it couldn't have been more than 20 degrees Fahrenheit out there. She zipped up the jacket she was about to discard and went to check the thermostat, taking note that she was seeing her breath. The thermostat was set at very reasonable temperature of 68 degrees Fahrenheit and the unit was turned on. She reached up to feel the vent that was right above her head, and there was warm air coming out of it, but it could do little against the pervasive chill in the Mansion. She did a quick survey of the windows and doors, but they all seemed to be closed. Kim smiled, but then frowned. The person she wanted to speak to was here, but she was angry or upset about something.
"Aunt Sheila?" she called out warily. There was no response, but that didn't surprise Kim. Aunt Sheila might not be in the mood for talking and she might not even be in this part of the house. Kim started on a thorough, room-by-room search, going at first through the downstairs before moving to the upstairs. She finally found Aunt Sheila in the wardrobe room, floating before the wardrobe containing her and Aunt Mim's weddings gowns and the outfits Kim and Shego had worn to Homecoming. She didn't acknowledge Kim's presence at all, but instead reached out a ghostly hand to touch one of the sleeves of the left-hand wedding gown. Her hand passed right through it, but she tried again, and this time she succeeded in procuring it. She gently brought the sleeve up to her face, looking at it sadly before letting it drop. She turned to face Kim, her face downcast, and Kim was stunned to see what could only be tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. "Aunt Sheila?" Kim said gently. Sheila looked up at Kim, and the utter sadness on that face was heartbreaking to see. Aunt Sheila wasn't just upset; she was devastated.
"Leave here, Mim-jay," Sheila ordered quietly, turning away from Kim. "I cannot bear the sight of you and I do not wish to harm you."
"I can't leave until you tell me what happened with Nina," Kim said firmly. "Shego's been arrested and if she's convicted, she will be in jail for the rest of her life. She has finally admitted that she loves me; I couldn't stand to have her taken away now."
"She has always loved you, Mim-jay; she was just too prideful, too scared and far too big of a fool to admit it," Sheila said, her voice still a sad whisper.
"I know that and that's why I want her with me, not in jail for a crime that she didn't commit," Kim answered in exasperation. "I need to know what happened with Nina so I can get her out."
"I cannot help you, Mim-jay," Sheila said and started to fade from view.
Kim's anger snapped. "Why won't you help me?" she asked, her eyes flashing. "Don't you even care what happens to Shego? Where's Aunt Mim? I can hardly believe that she would stand by and let you do this to Shego."
Sheila's face swiftly reappeared and Kim felt an unseen hand clasp her throat and begin to tighten. "Mim is not here; now leave my house!" Sheila growled, letting go of her grip as she threw Kim backwards. She disappeared from view as Kim landed on the floor.
Kim rubbed her throat. She got up slowly from the floor and left the wardrobe room. She didn't leave, though; she was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed her. She activated her wrist Kimmunicator. "Hey Wade," she said when he appeared.
"Hey Kim," he replied. "What can I do for you?"
"Shego's been arrested for a crime she didn't commit and the one person that can clear her is a distraught ghost," Kim summarized. "We need to get in contact with Aunt Mim to see if she can talk sense into Aunt Sheila, but she isn't in the Mansion right now. I know this sounds crazy, but do we have any mediums or psychics that owe us a favor? I need to talk to Aunt Mim now and I don't know how to summon her."
Wade lifted his eyebrows but said nothing, instead turning his attention to his computer screen. He scanned the information he had accessed, and after a couple of minutes, he grinned. "You're in luck, Kim," he said. "We do have a medium on the favor list. I'll call her and see if she can meet you at the Mansion as soon as possible."
"Thanks, Wade," Kim replied. "And could you do me one more favor?" she asked rhetorically. "Could you call Ron and ask him to meet me over here? I really need a friend right now."
"No problem," Wade replied. "I'll call you back when I have some info."
"Spanking," Kim answered. "Talk to you in a few, Wade."
"Bye, Kim," Wade said.
Kim looked around cautiously before ducking into the parlor. She didn't want to upset Aunt Sheila any further, but she was darn well not leaving. She sat on the couch gingerly, as though it might bite, and when it seemed okay, she settled in a little more, but she still stayed on edge, ready to jump and run at an instant's notice. A few minutes passed with neither call from Wade or attack from malcontented ghost, and Kim didn't know if she should be worried or grateful. At last her Kimmunicator rang and she hastily answered it. "What's the sitch, Wade?" she asked.
"Ron is on his way over and so is Bea," he answered. "They should both be there in a few minutes."
"Bea?" Kim questioned.
"Bea Tnick from the Rhapsodizing Rutabaga. Apparently, not only is she a hippie, she's a spiritualist," Wade replied enthusiastically. "And she was very gracious to come over right away when I explained the situation and explained it was you." Kim smiled a little. She liked Bea, and if she had actually thought a little bit, she could have figured out that was who Wade could have been calling. Bea was one of the few people that Team Possible had helped out that Kim could even imagine being a medium.
"Thanks again, Wade," Kim said. "Bye," she added as the doorbell rang just then.
"Bye, Kim," Wade said and signed off.
Kim went quietly down the stairs and answered the door. Ron was on the other side, and Kim grabbed him up in a big hug. "Easy, KP," he said, hugging her tightly in return. "Wade filled me on some of the details," he said when Kim relaxed her grip a few moments later. "So, SG is in jail, huh? How are you holding up?" he asked, concerned.
"Okay," Kim said noncommittally.
"That well, I see," he commented and decided something was needed to lighten the somber mood. "So how was Mexico?" he asked impishly. "And how was SG?"
"She was awesome," Kim admitted before realizing what she'd said. She blushed a deep scarlet, and in spite of the fact that the situation dictated sympathy, Ron laughed heartily at her expense. Kim sighed. "How did you know about Mexico?" she grumbled.
"Monique told Lindsay and Lindsay told me," he confessed, still chuckling. His face grew serious, and he turned Kim to face him. "Before we get too involved in saving SG, KP, I just want to let you know that I am happy for you both," he said sincerely. "I was upset at first, but I am over that now, and all that matters is that you are my best friend and you are happy. Well, that, and Lindsay is kinda more my type than you."
"Yeah she is," Kim agreed. "You have a lot in common with her. And she is straight, which is a bonus."
Ron chuckled. "True, that," he said.
Kim smiled. Embarrassment aside, this conversation was making her feel a whole lot better, a feeling that increased as she saw Bea coming up the walk. "So wonderful to see you again, Ms. Possible!" Bea said effusively, her face breaking out into her trademark smile.
"It's good to see you too, Bea," Kim replied. "But please call me Kim."
"I would be delighted," Bea said dreamily. "So, Kim, Mr. Load informs me that you have a discontented spirit?"
"Yes, and I need help contacting the one other spirit who can calm her down," Kim explained.
"Spirits are fickle, Kim, but I will do my best," Bea promised. "Shall we go in?"
"Sure," Kim said. "But you'll want to keep your coats on."
The three of them entered the house, only to be stopped by a growling clouded leopard.
"Ahh!" Ron exclaimed, jumping back.
"It's only Rama," Kim assured him. "It's okay, Rama; it's only us." Rama stopped growling, but continued to stare at Ron. Ron looked back warily before scooting past him to join Kim in the foyer.
Bea closed her eyes and allowed herself to soak in the vibrations and aura of the house. After a few moments, she opened her eyes. "There is an unhappy spirit here," she said.
Kim really had to resist the urge to roll her eyes and say "well, duh!" She also had to resist the urge to brand Bea as a phony. "Can you feel anything else, Bea?" she asked politely, keeping her thoughts to herself.
Bea closed her eyes again, her brow clenching and her face growing melancholy as she felt something else. "She is unhappy because she is alone and alone she is not whole. The other half of her essence is missing," she said, her sympathy for the plight of the ghost she was sensing apparent on her face.
"The other half of her essence? " Kim said, puzzled.
"The one other being she cannot exist without," Bea explained. "She is trapped here without that being."
"That being can only be Aunt Mim," Kim realized. Bea looked at her with dreamy curiosity. "Her wife," Kim explained hastily.
Bea nodded. "Were they married long?" she asked.
Kim did the quick math in her head. "Eighty-three years," she calculated.
Bea smiled briefly. "Then yes, that is who she probably cannot get back to," she said.
"Do you think you could bring Mim here?" Kim asked hopefully.
"I can ask her to come, but I can't guarantee she will or can," Bea answered. She sat down on the nearest chair and began to meditate, speaking quietly to herself.
"Shouldn't be around a spooky table holding hands?" Ron asked Kim quietly.
Kim shrugged. "I have no idea how to hold a séance, Ron," she whispered back. "That is why Bea is here." They watched as Bea continued to mutter under her breath. At first nothing happened, and Kim started to feel discouraged. Then, slowly but surely, a form started to appear and Kim hoped that it was Mim. As soon as the spirit had fully materialized, though, it was quite evident that it was not, for never in her life did Mim have a moustache, and this one did. He also looked a great deal like Ron.
Upon seeing him, Ron forgot that they were trying to be quiet so that Bea could concentrate. "Uncle Jon?" he asked excitedly.
The ghost broke into a wide grin. "Ronald, my boy! I was hoping you might be accompanying young Kimberly," he said happily. "How has life been treating my favorite present-day relative?"
"Well, I got dumped by my girlfriend for another girl, but then I met someone awesome," Ron said cheerfully.
"Happens to the best of us, my lad, but we Stoppables land on our feet," he said with a wink. He turned his attention to Kim. "Ah, young Kimberly, Mim has told me so much about you. I wish we could have met under better circumstances," he said regretfully.
"Me, too, sir," Kim answered.
"Please, call me Jon," he insisted. "That goes for you too, young lady," he added, addressing Bea who was looking at him mellowly, yet proudly, from her place on the couch. She nodded and Jon smiled. His face sobered and he looked at all of them. "I apologize for not being the spirit you wished to see, but Mim has been remanded to the ethereal realm, and she sent me in her place."
"What happened, Jon?" Kim asked. "Why is Aunt Sheila down here and Aunt Mim up there?"
"Because they broke the rules," Jon said simply. "They were warned time and time again that they were not to interfere with events down here, but they did not listen. After this latest altercation, it was decided that enough was enough and they were to be punished. The most effective way of punishing them was to separate them."
"For how long?" Kim asked, frowning at what she considered to be an excessive punishment.
"Forever," Jon said sadly.
"Forever?!" Kim echoed, outraged at the injustice. She opened her mouth to say more, but then a quiet voice cut through the room.
"How is she, Jon?" Sheila said softly and everyone turned to see her floating near the entrance to the room.
"About as well as can be expected, Lil," Jon said. "What with her soul is ripped apart and all."
"That was not my fault, Jon," Sheila said, her tone defensive as she came closer.
"Then whose fault was it, exactly, Lil?" Jon challenged, his voice rising. "Whose fault is it that you are down here eternally miserable and my best friend is up there eternally despondent? Whose fault is it that you two could never manage to learn that rules apply to you just as much as they do to other people? You were not supposed to be down here, Lil; you knew that, you ignored it, and now the both of you are in your own little versions of hell."
"Are you quite finished?" Sheila said angrily.
"No," Jon said, equally angry. "And I won't be finished until we find some way to fix this stupid mess you have managed to get yourselves into." He took a calming but physiologically superfluous breath and calmed down. His face softened. "I love you both far too much to see you both miserable like this," he admitted.
"How are we supposed to rectify this, Jon?" Sheila asked. "The judgment was final."
"Well, Mim can't come down here, so we need to get you back up there somehow," Jon decided. "That way you can plead your case to whoever sent you down here in the first place and at the same time be with Mim."
"How am I supposed to return? I am banished," Sheila reminded him.
"Find a way to be resurrected and die again?" Jon proposed.
"Been there, done that, Uncle Jon," Ron answered. "And I don't think the purple lady is around anymore."
"Oh," Jon answered. He thought some more. "You could return in my place," he offered.
"I cannot do that, Jon," Sheila said immediately. "You would be banished here forever."
"It would not be forever," Jon disagreed. "Because once you and Mim are reunited, you will find a way to make everything all right."
"I do not share your faith, Jon," Sheila replied. "It was the two of us that concocted this whole situation to begin with."
"True, but the rules don't apply to you two, and you always find a way around them," he said with a smile. "You won't leave me down here." Sheila sighed. It was so tempting, but she would not risk Jon being here forever.
"Um, not to be a spoilsport, but wouldn't they know if Sheila came back instead of Uncle Jon?" Ron asked reasonably.
"Not until it was too late; then they could do nothing about it," Jon explained. He looked at Sheila who was still very obviously not going to go along with this plan. "There is no decision to make, Lil," he said cheerfully. "You are going back and you are going to get all of this cleared up."
Sheila glared at him, sensing that there was subterfuge afoot. "You were planning this from the moment Mim asked you to come," she accused.
Jon shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not," he said noncommittally.
Sheila sighed. "I'll never be able to repay you," she said at last.
"Repay me as you always have: by making my best friend happy," Jon said. "Besides, I am still in your debt for introducing me to Monica."
"That debt was paid long ago," she protested. She looked around one last time at everyone, not knowing if she would see them again. "Good bye," she said, and disappeared before she could change her mind.
"So now what do we do?" Ron asked as they all stood looking at one another.
"We wait," Jon replied. They all sat down and stared at one another before Kim realized she had something more pressing and excused herself to call the criminal lawyers she knew. Ron, Jon, and Bea, on the other hand, kept sitting and looking at one another, the living ones shedding their jackets as the heat started to return to the Mansion. Ron, growing fidgety, decided to look around on the bookshelf and much to his delight, found a stack of games.
"Um, Parcheesi, anyone?" he offered.
"I would love to play," Jon said enthusiastically.
"That would be lovely," Bea agreed.
"I'm in," Kim said, coming back into the room after finishing her quick phone calls.
As Ron was getting out the board and pieces, he started to make conversation. "So, Uncle Jon, who was Monica?" he asked.
"My wife," Jon said proudly. He chuckled. "But heavens above was it a brouhaha when I married her. Mim and Sheila were having a Sapphic relationship right under everyone's noses but I was the one who was scandalizing the town."
"Why?" Kim asked, as she picked the red piece. "Was she African-American?" she asked, thinking there might be a Monica/Monique connection
"No, worse. She was Jewish," Jon said, chuckling.
Kim laughed. "I bet it was tough being fodder for the town gossips," she said.
"Eh, we managed and after a while they got bored and left us alone," Jon replied. "And they'll leave you alone too, after they get used to you being with a female ex-convict."
Kim smiled. "I hope so," she said. She put her piece on the board, thinking wistfully of her beautiful ex-convict. She missed Shego, and going to bed without her tonight was going to be sucky.
Middleton County Lock-Up – Later that Evening
Shego sighed and turned over yet again. This sucked. Yesterday night she was in a large, warm, comfortable bed making love to her beautiful girlfriend who, after she had rocked Shego's world yet again, had wrapped her adorable self around Shego and had fallen asleep. Tonight, though, Shego was in a small, cold, crappy bed with no adorable girlfriend. She sighed again and flipped over onto her back, trying to fight the temptation to say fuck it, bust out and go spend the night with Kimmie. That probably wouldn't do her any favors at her trial, though, she thought grumpily.
Another thought occurred to her. She didn't have to bust out and go to Kimmie's house; she could just bust out and leave Middleton altogether. They would never catch her and she could return to her old life, the one where didn't have to follow the rules like some love-struck sheep.
She thought about it, sighed and pulled up the crappy blanket. "Aw, fuck it. Baa," she said defiantly, surrendering her old life to the new one she wanted to make with Kimmie.