Chapter 3: On the Brink of Insanity
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, its predecessor and all their characters.
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" – Green Day
A flash of lightning sliced through the sky, and then thunder rumbled in the distance, like a dragon in its death throes.
I
walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't
know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
Why me?
Tilting his face towards the overcast sky, Cloud welcomed the refreshing chill pelting his face and closed his eyes as a holy man would in prayer as the cool rivets of water dripped off his skin. Taking a swift glance at his reflection on a rippling puddle's surface, it was no surprise to him to see that he had not aged at all… Not since... "The day Nibelheim burned to the ground…" he mumbled forlornly. I guess I have the Jenova cells to thank for that… Much as he hated to admit it, he was just like Sephiroth… An abomination to Gaia.
The Jenova cells combined with the Mako infusion enhanced his body to its maximum potential. His wounds healed faster, he was faster, stronger… A perfect killing machine. Never aging… Unable to die as easily as he would have liked…
I
walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where
the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
He was damned, cursed…
"You are… A puppet…"
I
walk alone
I walk alone
Cloud shivered at the memory and cupped a few handfuls of rainwater and splashed it on his face for good measure. His brilliant blonde hair was in its constant disarray, sticking up all over the place. His ocean blue pools with their cursed Mako glow were dark and so endlessly sad that it was like a dagger through the heart to see him. He had such a pensive expression… So lost and so filled with sorrow.
"Like someone who has lost his soul…"
He had heard that many times. Not that any of it matters to me… She was my life… My soul... When she died… So did I. He thought sadly as he raised his arm and felt his fingers fold comfortably around the handle of his sword, Ragnarok. Right now, he needed to get out of Midgar, "I need answers…" he muttered reaching into his jeans front pocket with his free hand and fingered the smooth contours of the mysterious object he had received from… Someone close to him. "There are just too many questions…"
I
walk alone
I walk a...
"Where do you think you're going?"
Cloud stealthily retracted his hand at the sound of a feminine voice he knew very well but chose to ignore and instead continued walking towards the exit. "………"
A rapid, almost angry thundering of feet followed, and then a strong hand gripped his shoulder and yanked him backwards with a brute force that sent him stumbling blindly and slamming painfully against the wall of a dilapidated home. The impact caused the wall to sunder and Cloud ended up sitting on a pile of broken bricks. As the dust settled with the rain, Cloud raised his head, peering at his attacker from behind his dripping bangs, a blank look on his face. The veil of rain only enabled him to make out the blurry silhouettes of what looked like two badly misshapened mushrooms.
My
shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the
only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will
find me
'Til then I walk alone
Then the impossible happened.
The larger mushroom spoke… Actually… Snapped.
"What the #$ is wrong with ya! Runnin' off an' ain't telling us where ya goin'? I oughtta knock ya block off!" A faint smile touched Cloud's lips. He could recognize that gruff tone anywhere. "It's nice to see you too Barret and you too Tifa." He replied in a quiet monotone, pulling himself to his feet Tifa and Barret stepped into his line of vision, each holding an umbrella. Marlene was bouncing on Barret's muscled shoulders trying to catch the raindrops that fell off the umbrella. "Hi Cloud!" she chirped. "Daddy, could you put me down? I wanna play in the rain!"
Barret seemed to calm down a little at the sound of his daughter's voice and gave a soft approving grunt as he lowered Marlene onto the floor.
The little girl squealed in delight and started spinning in circles with her arms stretched out, laughing giddily as the rain kissed her face. She stuck her tongue out to taste to rain and wrinkled her button nose at the bitter taste. Cloud stared on expressionless, Marlene reminded him so much of…
I'm
walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On
the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Aeris…
In one blinding instant, in his mind's eye, there she was dancing next to Marlene, the image of her seemed to shift and quiver as if it were made of water. She was dancing in the rain, a swirl of red and yellow flowers twirling around her gracefully. Her musical laughter echoing around him. A red petal fell against her cupped hand, like a blaze against her skin. She stopped dancing and gave him a smile, before blowing the petal towards him. And just like her breathe; slow as a dream, she faded away into the mist.
"We heard from Elmyra that you're leaving again…. Why?" Tifa demanded, breaking Cloud from his daze. Her chestnut eyes were blazing, her slim arms crossed over her chest.
"I had a dream." He simply stated his blue eyes fathomless, yet completely serious.
His
companions simply stood and stared. A dream? They both
thought incredulously. "'Cuz of THAT ya walk out on everyone?"
Barret yelled, on the verge of shooting Cloud the Dreamer's brains
out of his pretty head. "A dream is just a dream! It's not as
if…" Tifa waved a gloved hand at him, a silent but effective
gesture that told him to shut up.
Read
between the lines
What's ed up and everything's alright
Check
my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
"It was about… Her. Am I right?" Tifa asked quietly, carefully, her gaze steady and unwavering. Cloud the Silent did not reply. All he did was sigh and look up to the sky, the soothing sound of the rain reverberating in his ears.
"So what if it was… And so what if it wasn't?" He finally replied, his tone cold and tired. "Why would it matter?" O-KAAAY… Obviously he doesn't want to tell us anything… What else is new? The large man thought rolling his eyes skyward in complete exasperation "It's just that…" Barret started. Ya becoming more an' more unstable… We're worried dammit!
"You want her back don't you?" Tifa probed interrupting Barret in mid sentence. Cloud lifted his eyes to meet hers and she almost recoiled at the sight. They say that the eyes are the windows to a person's soul. Tifa thought dizzily as she found her own emotions quaking and crumbling with the sorrow in his eyes. Cloud looked away, another sigh escaping his lips. He was silent as he continued staring at the raindrops breaking the surface of a puddle near Tifa's chunky leather boots.
I
walk alone
I walk alone
"She's never coming back Cloud… You have to face reality… It's…"
"…Fate."
I
walk alone
I walk a...
"Reality is such a nice way of saying tragedy…" Cloud stated monotonously. "This so called 'reality' I'm living in… Is nothing more than an elaborate nightmare. Why should I awaken if the only place I can find her is in my dreams…? In my memories…? There at least… She's alive…"
"Cloud… We all know how much she meant to you… We know… How much you loved her… But she's… Gone." She reminded him softly, trying to break the glacial barriers he had built around his heart, around his mind.
My
shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the
only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will
find me
'Til then I walk alone
At
that, Cloud seemed to stiffen slightly before tossing his head back
and letting out a laugh that was a little wild and feverish, his eyes
flashing, a mixture of self loathing, sorrow and fury. Spike is
really losin' it, Barret shivered inwardly and noticed his
female companion cringing slightly. Barret couldn't blame her;
Cloud's maniacal laughter was disturbing in more ways than one.
I
walk alone
I walk a...
"Love… It's such a simple word don't you think? But do you HONESTLY believe that everyone who falls in love? Every love story will have a happy ending?"
"No matter how much you give, with every ounce of your soul and every breath of your life, there is just no such thing as a happy ending. You're right… Separation is inevitable. It's the cycle of life… People live… People… Die." Cloud paused and inhaled a slow, ragged breath, trying to control himself from breaking down in heart wrenching sobs.
"One will always be left behind to endure the pain… Always alone… Left to battle with dreams… That brings sorrow great enough to drive anyone crazy…"
"But despite all that… How… can I stop dreaming if my love for her is as tangible as the air I breathe and transient as the voices I hear in the shadows…? I'm… empty without her. My reality… has no purpose, serves no meaning… I just can't forget her… Can't stop loving her."
"I just… want… to meet her there…"
I
walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where
the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
His friends fell silent at his outburst, only Marlene seemed unaffected and continued happily splashing and wading through the puddles with her girlish shrieks and giggles.
"I just want to meet her… there." Cloud repeated softly.
The sound of the rain suddenly seemed very loud.
"Hey… er… Spike? Don't do anything stupid ya hear? Ya may not care what happens to ya anymore but there are others around ya who do!" Barret almost yelled in panic, appalled at the words uttered by the young man he once respected and knew.
"Cloud… She died for US… For you. She wouldn't want you to just… give up like that." Tifa's clear voice held a pleading edge. "She wanted you… To be happy."
"I just stood there and watched her… No… LET her die!" Cloud countered coldly with a dismissive flick of his hand. "Can't you see…? It was my fault…" He raised his trembling hands meditatively to his now ashened face. "Her blood… Still lingers on my hands… I can see it… I see her death in my dreams every night; I just stand there helpless as her body falls lifeless into my arms. Her blood… her blood…" His voice slowly trailed off, his eyes completely distant, lost in the depths of the memories that still haunted him. "I… Can't be forgiven… Can't be redeemed…"
"Cloud…" Tifa tried again, reaching towards him.
He drew back almost on reflex, like a wounded animal that refused to be treated and held up a shaking hand as he backed away his friends. "Please… Just leave me alone… I'm sorry…" His eyes were dark as he spoke softly. "Just leave me alone…"
My
shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the
only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will
find me
'Til then I walk alone...
"I have to go."
OOoooOOoooo… CLIFFIE! (giggles) Don't you just wanna kill me? Ha ha ha….
Poor Cloud… He's all suicidal now… (gives him a teddy bear) What is he hiding? Where is he going?
:P All questions will be answered… Eh… well most of it anyways… In the NEXT chapter! (Provided I can figure out how to continue that is… :p)
Hey again everyone!
WAAAA…. Having a problem now….
Should this fic be 'Romance/Angst' or 'Romance/Mystery'? ARGH! Why can't they just give us 3 genres? Ha ha ha… ANYWAYS…
More reviews! Ooohhhh… I love you guys! (hugs my reviewers) All your support really makes me feel on top of the world! Kinda stuck at Chap 4 now though… Suggestions anyone?
Shouts To!
Fifty Points of the Mind: Thanks for the tip! (prays for more reviews) Ha ha ha…
icewolf9: Wow…. Seriously? Me? An inspiration? (floating) Ha ha ha… Lemme knowwhen YOUR fic comes out yeah? I'm looking forward to it:
Espers: Thanks! I'm glad that you're enjoying it!
asga: Hey again! How'd you like it so far?
Clorith: Hey my bestest friend and cousin of mine! When you updating YOUR fanfic?Ha ha ha….