Chapter 3
It was if the world had stopped. And all that was left was her. Sat, with desolation around her. She couldn't stop crying. The tears poured down her cheeks. She couldn't stop.
Li knew she was sobbing, but to her, it was all just despair. It was everywhere. She could hear muffled voices. Alex was talking to the doctor. She didn't dare lift her head. She didn't know if she'd be able to cope with that. To be part of the world again. To see them. Because then she'd be a part of it again, she'd be a part of the desolation, and it would be real.
The images kept fluttering through her mind. Flashes, all blurred and mixed up. Like a butterfly trapped behind glass. She couldn't see it clearly, yet it kept at her. Mixing her up. Showing her again. Different bits all mixed up. Taunting her. She wondered that if she opened her eyes, the images would go away. But how much could she face? What was worse? Reliving the nightmare in her head, or facing the nightmare of reality?
Li opened her eyes, blinking in the light. She was sat curled up on the floor against the chair. The doctor was gone. Paulo was gone. Alex was gone. And of course, he was gone too. He'd always be gone now. Amber was sat in the corner, staring at the wall. If anything, Li thought, Amber looked rather calm. God knew what she was thinking though.
Li slowly untangled her arms and legs and hoisted herself onto the chair. She gripped the sides of the seat, still looking at Amber. The silence felt like frost. Li willed Amber to speak, but looking at her friend told her that Amber didn't even seem to acknowledge her presence.
"Amber?" Li said tentatively, her voice breaking. Amber didn't reply, and Li felt the tears at her eyes again. The lump in her throat got worse. "Amber, I - " But she couldn't do it. She had to get away. She had to let it out.
Not even looking at her friend, Li pulled herself up and swiftly walked to the door, as she swung it open and pushed her way through, she was vaguely aware of Alex, out of the corner of her eye. But she didn't stop. She couldn't stop. She had to get away.
She pushed her way through people. Nurses and patients and families. None of them were important. They weren't her. They weren't him. Without even realising it she found herself in some toilets. She walked over to the cubicle at the far end, the reds and blues of the room blurring in front of her. She shut the door with a bang, rammed the lock across, flung her self down onto the toilet, and cried.
God she cried. She'd never felt like this in all her life. Never. She'd never cried like this in her life. Tears ran freely down her face as she let out chocked sobs, her breaths short and desperate. She couldn't stop. She couldn't stop crying. She couldn't stop feeling like… It was the worst feeling in the world.
She heard the door swing open. Someone had come into the toilets. But she couldn't stop crying.
"Hello?" The voice said, "Is someone there? Are you OK?" Li sniffed and managed a strangled, "I'm fine." She swallowed and tried to calm down her breathing. But it was still there. The awful feeling was still there. She reeled off some toilet roll and wiped her eyes. The voice spoke again.
"If you're sure then…" It trailed off. "Sorry for disturbing you." Li didn't answer. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered now.
She leaned forward and rested her head on the door. The floor shone proudly up at her. Li didn't care. God knew where any of the others were, or what was going to happen. It didn't matter. Because it hadn't worked. Crying hadn't worked. Because it was still there. The awful feeling was still there. And Li knew. She knew. It would never go away…
A/N: This chapter and the two previous ones were edited since 15/04/08. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, it is much appreciated, and to my beta, spinkle22 - Elle xx