Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with CBS, Guiding Light, Daniel Cosgrove, or Marcy Rylan.
Author's Note: Glad you guys like it, so far! I'm really lovin' this couple on GL guys. If they're on, I can actually watch a whole episode now! My story is a bit melodramtic/angsty, but hey, I classified it as angst after all! XD Sorry if you aren't into, and for this next chapter, if you're weak hearted, you made need tissues!
Hope you continue to enjoy….
For Keeps
III. "A spontaneous what?"
A whole night and most of another day had passed since her trip to Cedars, but Elizabeth Spaulding had not slept a wink. All night she had cried. Cried, and prayed for forgiveness for all of her sins. All of the things she had done wrong in her life that had caused God to punish her this way. She had cried to the point where she felt she had no tears left. It wasn't possible for this many to come out of one person. But they kept coming, in torrents.
Their had been no chance of her going back to the Beacon. She couldn't face Bill. See that stupid crooked little grin. And not even because she was mad at him, it was because she felt he had reason to mad at her. She had just left him a note, and took Reva up on her offer to stay in an extra room at the Cross Creek house with her.
Reva had catered to her, and listened to the story that Lizzie had been pained to tell her. And after she told her, they didn't speak of it anymore, by Lizzie's own choice.
"You need to tell Bill" Reva has said simply, fearing to bring the topic back up, but knowing the suggestion needed to at least be made. "He would want to know."
Lizzie shook her head from her seat beside the window, tracing patterns in the fog the frosty night air was making.
"No Reva. The Bill you used to know would have wanted to know. The Pre-Venezuela Bill. This Bill…he wouldn't care at all."
"Miss Spaulding, I hate to be the one to tell you this-"
"No, it's okay." Lizzie said, trying to be bright. "I know I seemed shocked and stuff before, but I really want this baby. In fact, you don't understand how much. So it's fine that I'm pregnant this soon."
The doctor bit her lip and little, and brought hand up to her temples.
"You just made this so much harder to tell you." The doctor sighed sadly "But you have to know."
"Know what?" Lizzie asked, lip trembling in anticipation.
"Miss Spaulding…you were pregnant. The reason it took so long was, I did extensive testing. You conceived in late November…however, somewhere a few weeks back, I would guess about the time the sharp pains started, you suffered a spontaneous abortion."
"A spontaneous what?" Lizzie choked out.
"It's just what we call miscarriages that had nothing to do with anything the mother did. Like some are caused by falls, or trauma, or stress, but since you've experienced none of that, it's more of a spontaneous thing."
Lizzie sat heart broken, but she didn't even know the doctor wasn't finished yet.
"Also Miss Spaulding, the test shows that the toxins from the miscarriage have damaged your womb and cervix a bit. It'll take some further testing later to determine just how much."
"What does that mean?"
"Well, pending the extent of the damage, it could mean that you can no longer carry children."
At Cedars, Bill waited for his own results. The results would tell him whether he would live life in the dark forever, or that his eyesight would improve gradually, with time.
"Good news" Rick said in an almost disinterested voice. "Your sight is coming back."
Bill almost shook with glee, not really picking up the hint if in Rick's voice.
"That's what I like to hear Doc. When exactly?"
"Possibly in the next few days. Just try not to think about it, or you'll strain your eyes and do further damage."
"Sorry, but it's all I will be thinking about."
"It would seem to me you have bigger things to be thinking about." Rick said, more anger reaching his voice.
Bill sat confused for a minute, and then remembered a very important detail. Rick was Lizzie's stepfather.
"Lizzie."
"Yeah, Lizzie." Rick said scathingly "You need to think about what a bastard you've been to her and what she's going through right now. It's the last thing she needed this year, of all years."
"No offense, but Lizzie and I aren't a couple. I mean, she's completely overreacting. I've even tried to reach her and she won't return any of my calls. Reva finally answered and told me all pissy like that Lizzie wanted nothing to do with me right now. My own Aunt, taking Barbie's side. "
Rick just shook his head.
"Yeah, over reacting to the thought of never having children again. It's a pretty trivial issue," He said sarcastically.
Bill's eyes widened, and at that moment, when his eyesight was the furthest thing from his mind, it came back to him.
"Bill you most certainly cannot go up there, she wants you nowhere near her" Reva said after he had pushed his way into her living room. She was clutching his arm, as he made for the stairwell.
"Hey, I had a right to know this. It's the decent, courteous thing to do. You know, let someone know they're going to be a father, or that they were gong to be a father," He said darkly.
"I agree you had a right to know, but the way you've been acting, I didn't blame her for not wanting you involved. She felt like you wouldn't care."
"That's just because she doesn't know me."
"I agree Harlan Billy Lewis III, she doesn't know you, not the you I know. But, she saw glimpses of him, or she would have had no interest in you at all. She wanted to see him, but for some reason you want to hide him from everybody these days."
"Aunt Reva I'm still the same person, I've just grown up. I'm not as naïve and trusting as I use to be, and nobody can stand that I'm no pushover anymore."
Reva cut her eyes.
"If you call being a grown up going around and treating people like dirt."
"Well, I've learned from some of the pros" He said sarcastically.
"I wish you were still little enough for a whippin', because that's exactly what you need"
Bill sighed frustrated, even more affected by what Rick had told him than he was letting on.
"Just let me see her Aunt Reva, please."
Reva thought better of it, but sighed. It was the bet thing to do, and he had at least said please.
"Okay, but you best be on your very best behavior, or I'll get your Daddy over here. Now I hate to treat a man in his thirties like a child but-"
"I know, you'll treat me like an adult when I deserve it. I got it." Bill said over his shoulder, already on his way upstairs.
When he got to her door he froze. He didn't know what to do. Did he knock, or just go on? When he was in the room, did he open with a joke, or did he apologize? What do you do when a woman loses your child? What is the standard? Do they make a Hallmark card for the occasion? How do you make her feel better? How do you make yourself feel better?
He heard faint sobs, and thought about turning around and walking right out of the house. Instead, he rapped lightly on the door.
"No supper Reva, I still can't eat" He heard an almost unrecognizable voice call. It was so tiny, so listless.
Bill opened his mouth to speak, but knew the second she heard his voice, that if she was refusing to see him, he would not gain entry into the room. So, he just threw open the door.
The way she looked, he wished he hadn't got his sight back. He could have gone his whole life without seeing her like that.
It was only seven thirty, but she was already bundled up in the bed's covers, though it looked like sleep was the last thing on her mind. Her face was wet, red and shiny. It was so stressed, she'd probably been crying all day, and had taken it up again. She didn't yell at him immediately, because her eyes were pressed closed, apparently trying to avoid the light that the opening door would bring from the hallway.
He walked as lightly as possible, and sat on the edge of her bed, and leaned into to kiss her forehead. It was burning up. She was making herself literally sick.
Through wet lashes, she blinked her eyes open. She didn't scream at him.
"Bill. I'm sorry."
That was all she said.
F/N: More Bill/Lizzie interaction in coming chapters, I know there hasn't been much so far! Review, please!