Title: Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?

Author: Clashingway

Summary / A/N: The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class, which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and there WILL be more chapters later in time.

So, heres a new chapter - as promised. And surprisingly, it isn't even based on a song - although people with the same taste in music as me will probably find one line that I sort of picked up from a song. I hope the chapter doesn't suck too much.

Thank you all SO much for reading and reviewing. And, again, I would like to ask you to please push the pretty button and to leave me your thoughts once you are done reading this.

HAPPY EASTER

Disclaimer: The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

I only borrow the characters and locations, as well as the songs, and if any of their owners would like me to remove their properties out of my story, I ask them to tell me and I'll do it as soon as possible. No copyright infringement intended.

20 Questions

I looked at her, and the expression on my face must have probably looked as puzzled as I felt.
"Did I... do anything wrong? Did I... bite your lip, or...?"
My first question surprisingly brought a smile to her face, and my second one made her burst out laughing. She placed a little kiss on my lips, which pretty much told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, but yet I wondered what was going on.
"See the snow?" she asked, gesturing towards the sky, a huge smile on her face. Snow? I thought she must have been kidding me - it was September, and besides I was the one standing on the sidewalk, wearing nothing more than boxers, so I would've been the one to notice such a thing as snow, if anything... right? Well, apparently not, because when I looked up, I really saw small chunks of white, slowly and peacefully falling down from the sky, and soon after I could feel the wet cold landing on my bare skin.

"Wha-...it is... September," I said, a little surprised, and gave Rory a questioning look. I actually thought it hadn't been cold enough yet, for even anything close to snow falling down to earth.
Rory's smile grew even wider, and she tightly put her arms around me.
"It's snowing, Jess... every time it snows, wonderful things happen, and everything seems... magical... like a fairytale."
"So... we're living our fairytale?" I asked, a tiny bit of sarcasm in my voice - I just couldn't help being amused, she really sounded like a little kid. All I got as a response was a small nod, accompanied by a warm smile.
"You're getting goose bumps... thats so not fairytale-ish," she said and now was the one to sound sort of amused.

Upon her detection of my goose bumps, we had decided to go back to my place, so I wouldn't freeze to death, and to... talk. Yes - we had actually decided to talk; and I honestly didn't know what to think about that. I mean, yeah, I had changed over the years, and it was possible for me to say more than two words and to advance my opinion by grunting, but yet, I was kind of afraid of talking.
Did that mean she had just changed her mind again, and that by kissing me, she had realized that she did indeed love that Logan Hamburger... Cheeseburger... Huntzberger, and that she had decided to go back to that jerk again?
Hundreds of questions shot through my mind on our way back to where I lived - which was a lot, considering I lived only four blocks away.

Once we were back at my place, I changed into some decent clothes - which were a pair of black jeans, and one of my old Distillers T-Shirts, and got us some coffee. We sat down on the sofa in the living room, facing each other, and just started at each other in silence for a few minutes, before she finally broke the silence.

"So...," she started, obviously hoping I would say something, but when I did nothing but cocking my eyebrows, she sighed a little and continued talking, "... you... me... are we going to...?"

"... add another chapter to our fairytale book that was thought to be already having an end?" I offered, looking into her eyes. She managed to do a mixture of nodding, and shrugging. She just looked back at me, so I guessed it was my turn to continue talking this time. "Is that... what you want?"

"I...," she began, and looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes again, "...I... don't know."

"You... oh..."
So she had come all the way from Hartford to Philadelphia - had driven about 178 miles - and had kissed me, without knowing what she wanted. I sure didn't want to sound anything close to bitter, but... that sounded just... grrrreat.

"I mean... I don't even know if I still know you; what have you been doing the past - almost three years? And... I have obviously changed, too... after all, that's... what you told me. I just... who says this - us - is still going to work out? After all those years? Do you think Cinderella and Prince Charming would have still lived happily ever after if it would have taken him three years to find the glass slipper?"
"I... we could... try?" I suggested, after I had let out a sigh. She didn't say anything for a while, and then all of the sudden, as if it had been the greatest idea she had gotten in a long time, she quickly and enthusiastically asked me to play 20 Questions with her - to get to know each other again. I hesitated for a moment, and then agreed to it. I was almost afraid of what kinds of questions she would ask, but on the other hand, I by now knew that communication was an essential part of having a relationship, and that being honest with her would probably be the key to her trusting me again. I let her start.

"Why did you date Shane? I mean... she totally wasn't your type... she had bleached away her brain, and the only thing you guys seemed to have in common was the inability to communicate with words..."
I cocked an eyebrow. Inability to communicate in words... that certainly was one way to put it. And so was dating.
"Shane and I never really... did what you would consider dating. We were... friends with benefits; or maybe not even that. To be honest, I used her. Used her to make you jealous, used her to make you want me. I mean, not want me as in ... want me, but... want me as in wanting to be with me. And she knew it - all I needed was something to get your attention with - and all she wanted was something to kill her boredom with..."
"Why didnt you just... ask me out?"
"Farmer John... and even if I didn't show it, I was... a nervous wreck around you - you drove me crazy, and I couldn't explain the way I felt around you to myself..."
I wasn't sure if that now meant she had already asked me two questions - according to the rules, but then again I wasn't even sure if 20 Questions even had rules. I had never before told her that much about me, about the way I felt, but I didn't even think about it twice. Dr. Phil. That's what had made me think about communication, and sharing thoughts, a few years ago. So... why not just talk? After all, it was the key, right? And the key was all I could think about, because I really wanted there to be an us, a Rory and Jess, again.
And then it was my turn to ask her something.
"Why did you... sleep with Dean?" I asked, and it was almost harder for me to ask this, then it had been to respond to her first question, where I had actually had to talk about what had been going on in my mind years ago.
"How do you...?"
"Luke. And Farmer John himself. Luke alluded to something, and when I stopped by in Stars Hollow to drop something off at Luke's, Dean saw me and the first thing he told me that he got what I had - according to him - always been waiting for - what had made me wanting to be with you in first place."
"Was that what...?" she asked, a little taken back. I quickly shook my head.
"No, Ror... it wasn't. That was what Dean said, and what probably most of the town thought, but... it really wasn't."
A soft smile crawled across her face, before she finally started to answer my question.
"For the... same stupid reason I first got together with Logan. I... one day, you simply disappeared. Then you came back, told me you loved me, and before I could say anything, you were gone again. Then you showed up at Yale - asked me to run away with you - and although I didn't mean to say 'no' to your last question, that whole... thing... just made me break down. As soon as you were gone, I started crying like I had never cried before - I knew I had made a mistake, but... I also knew that it was too late by then. So I decided that life had to go on, and that it was time to finally move on. I just tried to... find a replacement for you. I know, it sounds stupid - you're not just some... coffee mug, or crayon, but... I... had to try. And the fact that I knew it would drive you crazy if Dean and I... it just... seemed to make sense," she explained, and suddenly seemed to find her own lap rather interesting, since that was where her gaze wandered to. I nodded a little.
"Did you... I mean... were you still in love with him?" My question immediately made her look up again, and shake her head.
"No. I... I didn't... love him anymore once we got together... you and me."
"So... you didn't always compare me to him?"
"I...," she blushed a little, "...sometimes might have... but, that wasn't because I... loved him more than you or anything, it was just... it's something my mind sometimes has a tendency to do... compare things... or... in this case... people."
Again, I nodded a little. I had always known that she had sometimes compared me to Dean, but it was good to know that she hadn't still been in love with him when we had been dating.
"It's your turn again..."
"Where... where did you go when you left?"
"I went to California... Venice Beach, to be exact," I wasn't sure if she wanted me to tell her why I had gone there, too, but... this way, there would be one more question less she could ask in the end.
"Why exactly did you drop out of Yale?" I asked, not giving her a chance to do the whole 'Two-in-One' thing again.
"I did an internship at one of Mitchum Huntzberger's papers, and... as an intern, I thought it was my job to observe and learn, and to do what I was told. One day, Mitchum pretty much blew up on me, told me that I was... a gray mouse... too shy... and too quiet... to ever make it as a journalist. He... shattered my dreams, and I was stupid enough to let the whole thing get to me, so I... decided to take some time off."
"Whole family of dickheads, huh?"
She laughed a little and nodded.
"My turn again," she declared, and thought about how to word her question for a moment - probably because she didn't just want to get a one sentence answer again, "Why did you leave to... California? I mean... one moment, at Kyle's Party, you told me you weren't sick of me, and then... when I didn't want to... you just... walked out, and suddenly... were gone..."
I sighed a little. That was the question I had never wanted her to ask.
"I wasn't sick of you, and I know I would've never gotten sick of you. The thing at that party - I am sorry for that. I... should've known better than to push you, or to even try. It... you came into that room, obviously caring, and... that just... I... I was scared. When you asked me if I was sick of you, I... wanted to tell you that I wasn't. Tell you how I felt about you, and then... I don't know. Big black out - you know, the whole... words coming out of my mouth thing had never really worked, and... I decided to try to show you that I... loved you, and that I cared, and... it obviously was the wrong way - which then scared me even more, because screwing things up had been the last thing that I had wanted to do. And then... my fath-, no, my sperm donator, Jimmy, showed up at Luke's. Big chance, I thought - I had never known him, and... seeing him there made me do the biggest mistake of my life - I left the one and only for a man who had left me and my mom, shortly after I had been born. He didn't even want me there, but just coming back to the forsaken town of Stars Hollow didn't seem like a possible option either..."
Rory nodded a little, and it almost seemed like she understood. But I was sure it only seemed like it - after all, it had been stupid. I myself didn't even understand why I had done it.
"Why did you break up with me, if you knew it was me who was calling?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Don't give me that look. You could've said something; no, should've said something. Because that's what phone calls are for - to talk. You had been gone - vanished like a fart in the wind, and then you kept calling without saying anything... calling at all made it look like you cared... but... it was too much. I was waiting for you to come back, kept telling myself and others that you would, but... you didnt even show up to my graduation, and... it already seemed like it had ended, so one of us had to make the final cut, and since you hadn't, I had to do it." She was right. Sort of, I guessed. "My turn again. Why didn't you say good-bye, and why didn't you say anything when you called?"
"Ror, you need to stop doing that 'Two-in-One' thing, seriously," I said, smirking, and pretty sarcastic. I didn't really mean it, but I am sure it should've been considered cheating. "I... didn't say good-bye, although we met on the bus, because... I knew I couldn't have left if I would've said good-bye, if I would've had to see the disappointed, and maybe even mad look on your face. You weren't even supposed to be on that bus - seeing you, sitting next to you - it made me think about just getting off the bus, and turning around, for several times. I... just couldn't say good-bye. And I know you never deserved the way I treated you. And why didn't I say anything on the phone? Because I was afraid. I felt like anything I would say would be the wrong thing, and would just make things worse... by now I know better, but I guess I had to make a million mistakes to realize whats right and wrong. ... Did you ever give the old Ernest another chance?"
"Yes, sir. Reread The Old Man and the Sea, and tried reading Truth at First Light. I think I finally got what that old nut case tried to say with all those fishes, but Truth at First Light kept putting me to sleep, so I gave up on the whole Hemingway-affair again. Ever talked things over with Ayn again?"
"Yup... but Rand was and still is a political nut," I said, smirking - this whole conversation kept bringing up memories from the day I got her picknick-basket. Dean had been going crazy, while we had been having a blast.
"Why did you decide to go to Washington that summer? Dean kept on rambling about how you had actually said you didn't want to go..."
"Because of you. Well, actually because of what had happened at Sookie's wedding..."
"...the kiss?"
"...yes. You made me dizzy running circles in my head, even when you weren't there, and... Dean... he was... Dean. I just needed some time on my own to sort things out."
"When you showed up at Yale - why did you ask me to run away with you? I mean...you should've known how important education was to me."
"Because I saw you standing in the hallway with Dean. I had come there to talk to you, but when I saw you guys, it was like someone caused a short-circuit - I just... stopped thinking, and all I could manage to think of was you and me getting away from that place, that town, because I knew that if we would want to start over, we couldn't do it in Stalkerazzi City. Why did you keep saying nothing but no?"
"Because I couldn't think of anything else, and because I didn't want to make it too easy for you - after all, you had left, and I guess I tried to... punish you. What I realized too late was that by punishing you by saying no to no matter what you said, I punished myself, too. If... if I wouldn't've said no to your very last question... would you have... stayed?"
"Yes. No. Yes. It... when I told you not to say no just to make you stop talking, and just to say no if you really didn't want to be with me, I... hoped you wouldn't say no. And... then we... would've had to talk things over, would've had to figure something out. I wouldn't have stayed in Stars Hollow, but... maybe some place in New Haven - all I wanted was to be with you, to get another chance. At Kyle's party, when... when you told me to stop... was it because of the location, because it was me, or... merely because you hadn't... been ready?"
"It definitely wasn't because of you, or because I wasn't ready yet, Jess... I... honestly, when you had that black eye, I told Mom I thought about... doing it... with... you. It was just... the party... and... I was serious when I told you I was afraid someone might walk in. And even if I never got the perfect first time as I had always pictured it, I should've known that the only way for it to be perfect would've been to... have it with... you, and not... Dean. I... I really did love you, and... I..." I realized that she going to go off into rambling, so I decided to make it easier for her.
"It's okay, Ror... I just... wanted to know if it had really been because it was... at the party," I sad and gave her a soft smile.
"How... many people have you been with since we... broke up?"
"Been with as in had a relationship? None. Been out on a date with? Uhm... two. Been with as in... had sex with..."
"...I don't even really want to know," she said, laughing a little, which made me shrug. All right, she didn't want to know. Apparently she had just wanted to know if I had ever fallen in love with anybody else.
I was just about to think of another question to ask her, when she already spoke up again.
"Hey... Jess? Can we... well... screw getting up to twenty questions?" she asked, smiling a little, as she scooted closer to me.
"We didn't even make it to ten each, and Miss Precise wants to already drop it?"
She nodded, and kissed me, which made anything else seem unimportant anyways.
"One last question," I mumbled against her lips, and pulled back a little, so I could look at her. "Do you... want to add another chapter to our fairytale?"
"We should just... try it. If it should turn out not to work, we can still... call it a never ended sequel, but at least we would be able to say we tried, right?"
"Right."