WARNING: This chapter requires Kleenex.
Chapter 5
Days had passed since the arrest of John had taken place. Chris had tried his best to keep the man, and all past events from his thoughts. He had succeeded in that and the dreams of him and John had ceased. He'd got along with his life, ventured out a little more than usual but otherwise little had changed in his routine.
Chris had just been grocery shopping and was cautiously opening the door, trying not to drop his bags. The sight that welcomed him as he opened the door, caused him to drop every single one, scattering the contents across the floor.
"Took your time didn't you?" The question was asked in a cool, casual manner as if there was nothing unusual about their current situation.
"What are you doing here?" Chris's words were barely audible but they were heard by the recipient.
"You know I can escape anything," again cool and casual. Chris stared at the man in his apartment, trying to read his features but failing. John's eyes burned into Chris like fire, and Chris could feel them eating into his soul.
"So what? Are you going to kill me now? Finish the job while you still can?" Chris's voice was strong and brave but inside he was terrified of the possibilities.
"No actually. I've come to apologize, to try to make amends. I know, I know, I can't make up for all the lives I've taken or the things I've done. I can't even justify them because I don't have a reason for them. I want you to know I'm sorry. It's not much and hell it's not enough for what I've done but it's a start. I'm going to burn for what I've done and I can't change anything but I am sorry. I'm fucked up seriously and I need help. But before I get that help I need you to know I'm sorry, I need you to believe me when I tell you that I regret everything I've done. I wish I could give you a reason for the way I acted. I wish I could give you a reason for the way I acted. I need you to know that and I need you to believe me, please Chris. I shouldn't have done those things, I shouldn't have hurt you. I'm sorry, I truly am, please, believe me. You know me, Chris, look at me and believe me."
The two men were now face to face, within arms reach of each other. John minimised that distance by reaching out a hand and touching Chris's face, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. Despite everything, Chris leaned his head into John's hand and closed hi eyes, relishing the touch he'd longed for. Chris kissed John's thumb lightly, needing to taste part of him before he spoke.
"John, what you have done to me is unforgivable and truly unforgettable. You killed my girlfriend, she was pregnant, did you know that?" John shook his head. "You killed my child. You shattered my career, my life and my heart. And for those things I will hate you eternally. You tried to kill me and it hurt me so much. The pain I suffer is here," Chris grabbed hold of
John's hand and placed it over his heart, holding it in place. "I never dreamt that I could feel the way I do. The pain and heartache I have suffered can be matched by no one. I need you to know that what you have done to me, my family, to my life. You ruined everything. I didn't think it was possible to hate anyone as much as I hate you."
Both men were now crying silent tears. John's hand dropped from Chris's face but his other was held over Chris's heart. Chris's voice was strong and clear but the tears managed to warp it slightly.
"After everything you have to me, you would expect me to cut your tongue out for even considering apologizing to me. Anything less just wouldn't be acceptable. But you know me, and you know me well. I don't do anything buy the book. As a matter-of-fact, I accept you apology though I don't forgive you. I believe that you're sorry and that you regret what you have done. When you love someone as much as I love you, apologies should be accepted."
"You still love me?" John's voice wavered and shook considerably, his eyes growing in surprise, his face stained in tears.
"With all my heart," Chris replied, his eyes locked John's, his own tears flowing freely.
John leaned forwards bringing his lips to Chris's, his free hand moving to the back of Chris's head, pulling him in. Chris kissed John hungrily, taking as much of his taste into his mouth as possible. Chris moved his hand from over John's and snaked it up around John's back, rubbing concentric circles into the nape of his neck. Both moved into one another, moaning slightly, their tongues clashing, their bodies mingling. They became one solid mass, totally intertwined, taking each other back in. Chris's scent filled John's nostrils, John's taste filled Chris's mouth. Neither wanted to let go, neither wanted to be separate. They wanted to be like this forever but both knew that it wasn't possible. John's caressed Chris's back as Chris continued to massage John's neck.
A loud and very unsuspecting bang interrupted their bliss, causing them to separate and move apart. Another bang came as the door broke from its lock, swinging open and slamming into the wall. Things became slow motion from then on. Shouts filled the room as a few men piled in through the doorway. They were shouting at John and Chris, causing chaos and confusion. Suddenly a gun was fired and things resumed to normal speed.
The bullet sped towards John, a perfect aim straight for the heart. Chris heard a screamed protest from his own vocal chords and he felt himself move. A huge force propelled Chris to the floor, a pain seared through his torso as he slammed onto his back.
"No!" John shouted and sank to his knees, pulling Chris to him. He held one arm round Chris's shoulders and the other hand went to the wound on his chest. There was too much blood for him to be able to stop, but he applied pressure anyway.
"C'mon Chris. Please. You can get through this, of course you can. Look at all the shit I've put you through, this is nothing." Huge sobs took over John as he tried to save Chris. The cops that were in the room couldn't do anything, instead they just watched.
"Oh God. Please Chris! Stay with me please." Chris's eyelids began to droop, his head lulled backwards and his life began to slip away. With all the strength he had he gripped John's arm. "I- I- I love you, Chris." John whispered the words just as Chris left the mortal world, dying in his arms. "NO!" John screamed it this time. His grip on Chris's shoulders tightened as he lowered his head to Chris's chest. He barely even noticed the blood on his face as he rocked back a forth, retaining his firm hold on the man he loved.