Chapter 13: What Was…Is Again
William pushed himself up off the bathroom floor with one thing on his mind. Buffy. He grabbed his keys and ran out the door. He headed directly for the dorms. Knocking loudly he waited as he heard stirring inside. Soon a blurry eyed Willow came to the door. "Spike?"
"I need to see Buffy."
"Look I know you guys had a fight tonight, but trust me when I say now is not the time. Buffy has a lot on her plate right now. If your really cared…"
William cut Willow off, "Look, I know about her brother. That's why I need to find her. She needs me."
Willow seemed to process the change in Spike. It was like he was… "William? Is that you?"
"Yes! It's me can I talk to Buffy now?" God she must be a wreck. Surly she could hear his voice form inside. Why was she letting Willow play guard dog?
"Well, I would but she's not here. She said she needed to be alone. I tried to talk her out of it but she left before I could get dressed again." William only now became awear of her flannels pajamas and bed hair.
"I'm sorry to wake you Do you have any idea where she went?" William really not liking the idea of Buffy out wondering the streets at night alone as a rule muchless in this condition. Her driving her car around upset was an even grimmer thought. Buffy was an ok driver. Unless upset then she tended to not make the best decisions behind the wheel.
Willow stiffled a yawn at his mention of waking her, "No, I wasn't doing much more then tossing and turning anyway. As for where she is I'm not sure. There are a couple coffee shops open late and a couple of 24 hours diners but she seemed pretty focused on being alone."
That's when William remembered when Buffy was younger how when she wanted to be away from people she would go to the park near their house. But that was quite a drive. "Ok, Willow this might sound strange but there wouldn't happen to be a park around here that Buffy liked to go to?"
A light bulb went off in Willow's head, "As a matter of fact yes. There is one not far from here. She likes to go down by the man made pond and watch the fountain jets in the middle go off." Willow then gave him directions. Throwing Willow a quick goodbye he was off again.
She was right were Willow said she might be. The fountain off for the night she was stitting on a bench overlooking the smooth water of the pond. Willaim aproched her not wanting to startle her too bad he spoke her name softly. Turning to look at him he could see the tears stains down her cheeks as she spoke to him, "Not now Spike. I can't do this right now…" She then looked back at the water.
William's heart ached with hers, "Oh Buffy, I…if I'd been a stronger man I would have been there when you found out. I'm sorry I let you down…"
Buffy looked at him again this time studying his face, "William?" William nodded. She jumped up off the bench and ran and threw her arms around him "William! Your back! I knew you'd come back!" Then all the sudden she jerked away from him her eyes filled with tears, "Oh William! He's gone! H-he's gone!"
William hugged her to him, "I know. Your parents called. I know about Riley." William's own voice heavy with emotion. With those words Buffy started to sob and William started to shed his own tears. They stood there for what seemed an eternity crying in each other's arms. Each wrapped in the pain of loosing someone they loved.
Finally William pulled away. "We should get you back to your dorm."
Buffy shook her head no, "I don't want to." she looked up at him with big doe eyes, "Can I stay at your place? Willow's going to want to help and talk and I can't right now. She only met Riley once. She didn't know him like we do. I just want to be with someone who knows. Who won't need to…" William cut off her babbling.
"Anything you need. But you should call Willow and give the poor girl one less thing to worry about"
Buffy nodded tiredly, "Thanks for understanding William." she smiled sadly, "You always seem to."
With that William steered her towards his car. She was quiet during the drive to his apartment. Calling Willow as soon as they had got there. Giving her a pair of sweats with a waist tie so they would stay up and one of his white undershirts. While she changed he started some hot coco. Directing her to the bedroom when she was done he gave her a mug of the coco and Then went to prepare the couch for himself.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked when he went to grab one of the two pillows on his bed.
"I'm setting up the couch to sleep on." he looked confused, "Like I always do when you stay over" Not that it has happened often but it has happened. So they already had the sleeping arrangement settled.
Buffy realized she was so used to him being able to read her wants she never voiced her need. "William, will you stay with me tonight." She looked at the bedspread the whole time not meeting his eyes, "I just…. I just need…" she started crying.
William was at her side in second his arms around her, "Shh… It's ok. I'll stay, if that's what you want." he felt her nod in to his shoulder and she hiccupped back her tears. Pulling away he wiped the remaining tears from her cheek, "I'm going to go change. Will you be ok?"
Buffy again nodded. He went and quickly changed in to his pajama bottoms. Walking back in to the room. Wondering if maybe he should dig out another undershirt so he was more covered up. But his mind went blank when he walked in the room. Buffy was laying in the fetal position her coco untouched abandoned on the nightstand. She looked so small and venerable. He wanted to go and wrap his arms around her and promise everything was going to be ok.
Instead he lifted the pulled back comforter over her and turned off the lights. He then went to the other side of the bed. He lay as far away as he could. He had been lying there in the dark looking up at the ceiling when he heard her speak softly. "Do you have to be all the way over there?"
"I didn't want to crowd you"
"If I felt crowded I wouldn't have asked you to stay. Please I just need you near. I don't know why I just do. Can we just hold each other? Just tonight?" Her voice was so small and unsure. He scooted closer and she shifted closer. He put one arm around her as she laid her head on his chest and wrapped one of her arms around his waist. They spent the next hour just laying in the dark holding each other. Taking comfort in each other. Finally surrendering to sleep.
The next morning William packed a bag then took Buffy back to her dorm to pack hers. They were driving to her parent's house today. It was a six to eight hour drive depending on traffic. While he waited for her to pack William couldn't help but think about how it felt to wake up with her in his arms this morning.
He woke before her. Waking with a warm sensation he never knew before. It took him a few seconds to not only register he was not alone but it was Buffy who was wrapped up at his side. He just basked in the warmth of having her near. Barely opening his eyes so he could look at her.
Soon she began to stir. As she moved beside him she woke up other parts of his body. Panicking William moved out of her grasp sitting up with his back to her to block her view of his problem knowing his movement must have woke her. "I'm going to get coffee started. We have a long trip ahead of us."
He peeked over his shoulder at the sleep rumpled Buffy. She yawned and nodded before curling up holding on to his abandoned pillow as if it were a teddy bear. He sat a bit more getting himself under control then slowly got up out of bed.
After starting the coffee he took a long shower. Peeking in his room he was relived to see Buffy had already gotten up. Quickly getting dressed he went out in to the kitchen where Buffy was enjoying a nice cup of coffee. She looked in deep thought when he entered but as soon as she saw him she flashed him an overly bright smile, "My turn?" upon his nod she put down her coffee and went to shower.
To keep his mind off Buffy and her current activity, he began to pack. Leaving a change of clothes outside the bathroom door. They would do till they got back to her dorm. As he packed his mind ping-ponged between Buffy and Riley not knowing which was causing him more pain to think about right now.
On the way to Buffy's dorms she was on his cell phone calling the college's main office doing what she needed to do to get time off from school. There was actual protocol in place to help students during this time of morning. They allowed the student up to three months for the purpose of morning if more time is needed then a special request would need to submitted.
Once Buffy was packed and they were on the road again they would speak of this and that. But two subjects where very much avoided. Riley and Spike. They would talk about anything else. Riley because the pain was still too fresh and Spike… well they each had their own reasons for not bringing him up. But there were no avoiding memories as they arrived in their hometown. By the time they pulled up to Buffy's parent's house both were on the verge of a fresh batch of tears. Their arrival at the Summer house was filled with hugs and tears. Again no one mentioned Spike. Instead plans were made. Memories shared.