AN: I longer chapter, and early update, how you all enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans
Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense
Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around
t.A.T.u
Chapter 31 – Breaking Up & Breaking Down
She was standing in a grass field, feeling the soft warm breeze blow across her legs. The soft whistle of wind in the distance, and the tranquil silence that enveloped the area brought calm to her mind. Beast Boy stood next to her, looking into her eyes. "Beast Boy…" she whispered, reaching out to him. The thought of him was intoxicating; she wanted to wrap herself around him right then and there. No Raven, we aren't together anymore. The voice of Beast Boy in her head was eerie, like continually echoing noise.
"What?" she breathed, looking at Beast Boy. It's over Raven… goodbye. Beast Boy walked away from her, turning his back to her, suddenly a girl materialised into the field. Beast Boy held the girl and kissed her, over and over, each time a blow to Raven's own heart. "You can't leave me Beast Boy…" Raven cried out, pleading him to return to her. Why not? You left me, said Beast Boy bitterly, his emerald eyes darkening. Raven backed away, feeling the hate that seemed to emanate from the green changeling. Flames erupted around her, burning up the fields, burning up Beast Boy. A hand grabbed her from behind, pulling her, and she turned around. Simon stared at her, his hand holding her arm like a vice. You're mine.
Raven woke up with a start, her breaths coming short and fast. Another nightmare to plague her nights, another horrific dream to wake her up. Raven sighed, putting her nightmare out of her mind, and she stepped out of her room, heading for the common room. As expected it was empty. Raven glided towards the kitchen, readying tea for herself. She loved that short while during the morning where she was all alone, just her and her thoughts. Thinking back to the previous day had been a blur after her conversation with Beast Boy, but at least nothing important had happened. Raven sipped more tea, revelling in the warmth of the drink. She could barely believe that Beast Boy had denied her. She had always thought that she would be the one to hold up, to have control, while he was the one who would always be tempted by her. The door to Robin's chamber opened, and Robin stepped into the common room.
"Good morning Raven" greeted Robin, as usual opening the newspaper at the kitchen table.
"Morning" replied Raven, taking another sip of tea. She knew it wouldn't be long before the whole gang were out, and the tranquillity of the morning would be destroyed. The common room doors slid open, and Beast Boy walked in, his head bowed. Raven looked up in surprise, she hadn't expected him to be up until much later. She hadn't been ready for his appearance, and she gasped as her stomach did a back-flip. Beast Boy glanced at her, before turning back to face the couch.
"Early morning for you Beast Boy" murmured Robin.
"Yea" grunted Beast Boy.
Raven remained silent, gulping down the remainder of her tea. "I'm going out now Robin" muttered Raven, already walking out of the Tower.
Robin nodded, still reading the headlines.
"Yea, I'm gonna head out too" murmured Beast Boy, also stepping out of the Tower.
Robin turned around, about to give Beast Boy a questioning look, but he had already left.
Beast Boy walked swiftly down the streets of Jump City. He had arranged to meet Lenore at the Central Café, and he severely hoped she would be able to take his mind off Raven. He had been unable to sleep for the majority of the night when thoughts of Raven had swirled dangerously through his head. She wanted him to move on, but he couldn't see it happening. He was trying to force himself out of love, and he wasn't sure if he was able to do it. But he wasn't sure if he was in love in the first place. Beast Boy let out a growl of irritation, he hated this situation. It wasn't long before he had arrived at the Central Café. A place that he personally had never visited before, only heard of. He walked towards a table, having sighted Lenore sitting behind it.
"Hello Beast Boy" greeted Lenore.
"Hey Lenore" murmured Beast Boy, sitting down opposite her.
"How are you today?" asked Lenore casually.
"I'm good I guess…" replied Beast Boy. He did feel good, he was glad that Raven really did have feelings for him, that it all wasn't some kind of hoax. That she hadn't really cheated on him. He knew her ploy, and normally he would argue against it, but not now. He said that he would stick by anything that Raven said, he had sworn an oath to stick by any of her decisions, even if he didn't like them. And that was what he was going to do. He woke up from his thoughts, seeing Lenore's mouth move.
"Do you want to have a coffee?" murmured Lenore.
"Okay" said Beast Boy quietly. Lenore motioned towards a waitress.
"Anything that you'd like here?" asked the waitress.
"May I have a macchiato?" asked Lenore. The waitress nodded in response, making a note upon a pad.
"Um what should I have?" said Beast Boy.
"They have a nice cappuccino" stated Lenore, glancing at Beast Boy.
"Oh, okay, I'll have that" said Beast Boy, as the waitress wrote down a final word before walking off.
"I assume that you haven't been here?" asked Lenore carefully.
Beast Boy shook his head, as two cups of coffee were laid in front of them. Lenore sipped her macchiato with care, and Beast Boy looked on. It reminded him so wholly of Raven sipping her tea in the morning that he got shivers down his spine. He had always admired the way Raven held herself, the way she would do things as if without effort but with utter grace and care. The way she'd sip at her tea as if it meant the world to her, but as if she couldn't be bothered with it either. Beast Boy sighed, thinking about Raven made his heart ache. He could barely believe that he had turned Raven down, the one thing that he had wanted, and hoped for, for so long now. And he had turned her down. He regretted it even though he felt he had done the right thing. He knew Raven wouldn't appreciate having him as an 'affair' under Simon…
"Are you alright?" asked Lenore.
"Wha?" mumbled Beast Boy, coming out of his thoughts.
"You looked a little dazed" explained Lenore.
"Oh, I'm fine" murmured Beast Boy, looking down at his cappuccino, and taking a sip. It reminded him of the time she had caught him drinking tea at midnight. Why did everything have to remind him of Raven? Would he never be free from her? Beast Boy sighed, wondering if Raven would ever stop flying through his mind.
Raven was sitting on a couch at Simon's house. They had been talking for a while now, but nothing interesting, not to her. Raven sighed, as she half-listened to the words that came from Simon. Beast Boy always knew how to enrapture her in conversation. Conversation was never idol, or pointless, it was always… Raven blinked hard, she had to stop thinking about Beast Boy. But how could she when he lived in her head, and in her heart.
"You know we've been going out for a while now" murmured Simon, interrupting Raven's thoughts.
"Have we?" asked Raven.
"Yeah…" said Simon.
Raven looked into Simon's eyes, searching for that tiny molecule of green that lay within the startling blue. Oh how she wished she could gaze into Beast Boy's emerald green eyes that always seemed to burn with everlasting fire. Her heart quickened at the thought of the green changeling. Raven was glad that he had denied her the night before, knowing she would never have been able to live up with forcing herself to choose between him and her obligation to Simon. She couldn't leave Simon, she would be hurting him, and that was something that she could never do. She had to admit, she liked Simon, not in a romantic light, but as a friend. He may constantly start up pointless conversations but he was a nice guy, and she couldn't help feeling she was friends with him. Having said so, she doubted she could ever fall for him romantically.
"Raven…" murmured Simon.
"Yes?" replied Raven.
"Are you okay?" Simon asked.
"Um… yea?" answered Raven.
"You just looked a little dazed there" explained Simon.
"Oh, well I'm okay" replied Raven quietly.
Simon nodded his head slowly. Still gazing at her. Though his eyes were a brilliant blue, Raven never really felt the power of them. Not like Beast Boy's. Raven had regrets for her decision, but she had a feeling that it was the right one, she had to do this. Her feelings for Beast Boy were another indicator why she had to, she had to protect him from herself. She still looked into Simon's eyes who seemed to be glued to her own. She saw him lean forward slowly, and she realised what he was about to do, what was about to happen. Memories flash instantaneously through her head. The arguments she and Beast Boy had had, the conversations, the consolations, the comforting, the holding, the kissing. Everything just flooded through her mind, and she wondered if she could ever have all that happen with someone else. No, simply no. She couldn't replicate love, she knew it now, she couldn't duplicate, pretend nor create it. Who was she fooling by trying to force herself to love Simon? Raven pulled away from him, avoiding a kiss.
"I'm sorry Simon" murmured Raven, "I'm… I can't do it… not yet"
Simon nodded his head slowly, looking down at the ground.
"I… better be going now, I'll see you tomorrow at the cinema…" Raven murmured, slowly getting up and walking out of Simon's house. Raven flew back to Titan's Tower, thoughts abound. Could she ever fall in love with Simon? Was there a possibility? But she had to, it wasn't whether she could, she had to, this was for life, she couldn't break up with him or deny him otherwise her sacrifice would have been selfish, and she would be going against the very oaths she had sworn, to not hurt people. And she liked Simon. She liked the way he always tried to make her smile. She liked the way he always tried to start up a conversation with her. She liked how he cared for her. She liked a whole lot of things about Simon, but the thing was she didn't love them about him. Raven blinked hard, hoping to diffuse the trouble thoughts from her head, as she headed back to Titan's Tower.
Beast Boy looked on as Lenore spoke.
"Did you enjoy the cappuccino?" she asked curiously.
"Yeah, it was nice" replied Beast Boy. He didn't know why but something about Lenore reminded him of Raven, so entirely that he couldn't get over it. It was just some kind of association. But then again everything reminded him of Raven. Why could he never get her out of his head? It was like some kind of virus or fever that had afflicted him and would only ever go away if he found the cure. And what was the cure? Was the cure to the virus, the virus itself? Beast Boy shook his head. Raven wanted him to move on, to leave memories of her behind, and that's what he had to do. But how could he when he was she hung in his head every minute, of every day.
"I was wondering today…" started Lenore, cutting into Beast Boy's thoughts.
"What about?" Beast Boy asked.
"Why did you ask me out?" continued Lenore.
Beast Boy looked at her. Why did he ask her out? He asked her out because he thought she'd be able to keep his mind off Raven, to keep him occupied so memories of a lost love would be erased. But it was the opposite, if anything she was flooding his mind with more and more memories with Raven. And would any person he went out with do the same to him? How could he fall out of love with Raven, and in with another? But how did he know that he was in love? Did he love Raven…?
Lenore looked at him, her eyes questioning, still sipping her macchiato slowly.
Beast Boy continued to think. Yes. He did love Raven, he knew he loved Raven. How he knew, he didn't know, it was like a feeling, a implanted knowledge from a higher being that told him that he loved Raven. There was no way for him to prove it, to know how he knew it, he just did. And how could he move on from her if he loved her? True love was forever, and he would never be able to leave her behind, not with love in his blood and veins.
"I was trying to get over someone" replied Beast Boy softly.
Lenore nodded slowly.
"You knew…?" asked Beast Boy quietly.
"You had it in you're eyes" Lenore murmured.
"I'm sorry…" said Beast Boy.
"No… don't be, I understand" whispered Lenore.
"Then we should stop seeing each other" suggested Beast Boy strongly.
"If that is what you want" stated Lenore.
"It is" breathed Beast Boy.
"You better be going then" murmured Lenore.
"Why didn't you say something, if you knew?" asked Beast Boy curiously, standing up, letting out a final question.
"It was better that you realised for yourself that this isn't the solution" muttered Lenore.
Beast Boy nodded. "Thanks" he replied, before slowly walking out of the Café, new knowledge in his mind.
Beast Boy stood in front of Raven's room, staring at her name that was scrawled across her door. Stolidly, he knocked upon her door, awaiting an answer. The door slid open, revealing Raven. She took in a sharp breath.
"Beast Boy" she stated with surprise.
"Hey Raven" Beast Boy murmured.
"Um… come in" Raven said, inviting him into her room. Beast Boy walked in slowly, looking around. She had gotten a number of new items to replace her previously destroyed ones.
"I was thinking about you" murmured Raven.
"Really?" whispered Beast Boy.
"Yeah" replied Raven softly, "thanks for not… for sticking by my decision Beast Boy"
"That's okay" murmured Beast Boy.
"It's frustrating…" said Raven quietly, almost speaking to herself.
"What is?" asked Beast Boy.
"This entire situation, it's out of control" answered Raven.
Beast Boy remained silent.
"I want you Beast Boy, I want to be with you so badly" whispered Raven.
"Raven…" started Beast Boy.
"But I can't, I can't…" murmured Raven.
"Don't do this to yourself Raven" said Beast Boy softly, looking at her with sad eyes.
"Beast Boy… I'm so sorry that it had to work out this way" whispered Raven.
"Don't be…" started Beast Boy.
"I just don't understand why? Why do I have to have these powers? Why do I have to be followed by the shadow of what I am all the time? Why am I cursed with this, am I never to be loved, and never to love?" cried Raven.
"Raven if you let it free instead of fighting it, nothing bad could happen. How could evil come from something as pure as our feelings for each other…?" replied Beast Boy softly.
"Even if that worked I couldn't be with you. I'm with Simon… I can't leave him…" murmured Raven.
"You have to choose between me or him Raven… that's all there is to it" muttered Beast Boy.
"I don't have a choice!" exclaimed Raven, tears welling up in her eyes, an ornament behind her exploding.
"Everyone has a choice Raven… it's up to you to decide" murmured Beast Boy.
"I just feel as if everything is conspiring against me… conspiring to keep me from you. It isn't fair Beast Boy, how can I fight against the forces I cannot control?" whispered Raven, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Raven…" breathed Beast Boy, feeling his heart burn with pain. He reached forward and held her in his arms, where he knew she was safe. He held her firmly, as if trying to squeeze away her pain, her worries, her problems. He wanted to hold her for eternity, so he held her.
"I'm sorry" whispered Raven, feeling Beast Boy's comforting arms around her. The pair held each other in gentle embrace, their feelings for each other swirling around them. And they held each other, as if holding onto the world. Holding each other firmly as it was the end of the world, as if they would slip away at the slightest release. Holding each other for what seemed forever.
AN: Well, hope you guys and gals enjoyed this chapter, another one will be updated on schedule, hopefully. Enjoy your day, thank you for all your reviews and I'm glad you are enjoying the story (if you are...). Also, since I'm new here and still learning the kinks of the system, so I've just enabled anonymous reviews.