I don't own it.
JAR:
I leaned into the casket and whispered "Brat." I smiled slightly and added, "The biggest." I kissed the casket and turned around. I looked at Edward's confused expression. He didn't know about Charlie and my inside joke. "Let's go," I said quietly.
He nodded and led me to the car. Once inside, I curled into a ball and fell asleep.
Bella's Point of View
When I woke up, I found myself in a pair of stone cold arms on someone's bed. I knew it was Edward immediately, because he was whispering in my ear, thinking that I was still asleep.
"I love you Bella," he whispered. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I didn't realize it would hurt you so deeply. You didn't deserve anything I put you through. You don't deserve anything bad to happen to you." He kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I wish you could believe me when I say I will never leave you again."
He paused and breathed in the scent of my hair before continuing. "How could you think that you have no one? I love you Bella." He kissed me again and softly pulled me closer to him. "Isn't that enough?"
He even lied to me in my sleep! I couldn't believe him. Maybe he wouldn't leave now, but what about when Jasper took another snap at me? What about when Edward realized I wasn't going to get better any time soon? Surely he would leave then.
I decided it was timed to wake up before Edward could lie anymore. Slowly, I opened my eyes and yawned quietly.
"You had the nightmare five times last night Bella," Edward informed me sadly.
"I know," I whispered.
"You hardly slept at all. Why don't you get some more rest?" he asked.
"I don't want to." I didn't want to have the nightmare again.
"It's Sunday Bella. You have nothing you need to do. Just sleep."
"I don't want to sleep!" I said loudly. I lowered my voice and continued. "I don't want to dream." I single tear escaped my eye. I curled into a ball and lay my head against Edward's chest. "Please don't make me sleep," I whispered.
Edward squeezed me closer to him and buried his face in my hair. "I won't make you," he said quietly.
We lay in eachother's arms for a while just listening to me breathing. I still didn't trust Edward, but it was nice to have someone with me right now. I wouldn't have him later, so I would try to take advantage of his comfort now.
Eventually, Edward broke the silence. "Do you want to eat? Esme made you some food," he said softly.
I wasn't really hungry at all, but I didn't want to upset Esme. "Will you go with me?" I whispered. I was afraid if he let go I would fall apart.
I felt him smile lightly into my hair. "Of course." He started to move away so I could stand, but I grabbed at his shirt.
"Don't let go," I whimpered. He stopped.
"I thought you would want to walk," he said confused. "You haven't wanted me to help you with anything lately."
"Don't let go," I said frantically. "Don't let me fall apart."
He looked at me sadly. "I would never let you fall apart." He picked me up bridal style, and I hugged myself closer to him. I closed my eyes allowing a few tears to escape down my cheeks.
"Don't cry," Edward whispered so softly that I wasn't sure I heard him. He wiped away my tears and carried me downstairs.
"Esme," he said softly. "Bella is ready for her lunch."
I opened my eyes and realized we were in the kitchen. Edward was about to sit me down in a chair but one look into my eyes made him change his mind. He sat down in a chair with me still held tightly to him.
"Bella, it's so good to see you up. You slept all day yesterday and most of this morning," Esme said as she set a plate of food in front of Edward and me.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"Don't be sorry dear. You have every right to sleep. Don't even worry about it. Now eat up."
Edward sat me up in his lap so I could reach the food. I ate a few bites of the sandwich, but that was all I could force down. I felt like I was going to throw it all up.
"Aren't you going to eat some more?" Edward asked me.
"No. I would only throw it up." I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.
"Should I get Carlisle to look at you?" he asked worriedly.
I shook my head.
"She doesn't need Carlisle," Esme said quietly. "When you are extremely sad like Bella has been, you tend to make yourself sick. She will probably be nauseous and get headaches for a while."
"Do you want to take a shower Bella? That might help," Edward suggested.
"I want to take a bath," I whispered.
"Do you need Alice to help you?" he asked.
"Alice took Jasper away for a little while. He was having problems with Bella's emotions."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"It isn't your fault Bella," Edward said. "Will you help her Esme?"
"Certainly."
"Edward, I can do it on my own," I said opening my eyes and lifting my head away from his shoulder to look at him.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes. Just take me upstairs and I can do the rest." I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes again.
He stood up and walked us up the stairs to the bathroom. He turned on the water with me still in his arms and then sat next to the tub to wait for it to fill up.
"Bella, can I ask you a question?" Edward asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said with my eyes still closed.
"What did you mean when you told Charlie you were all alone at the funeral?" He asked.
I froze in his arms. I thought I had told him never to bring that up. I had made myself perfectly clear that he was to act as if he hadn't heard anything. "I don't know what you are talking about," I whispered as I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"Bella, please answer me," Edward begged. "I need to know why you think you are alone when I am right here holding you, taking care of you."
"Only for a little while," I said quietly closing my eyes again and leaning back into him. "You are going to get sick and tired of doing everything for me Edward. You won't be able to stand to see me so sad anymore, so you will leave. But I can't help but be sad when my father just died and it's my fault," I whispered.
Edward turned off the water and stood me up. "Take off your clothes and get in the water," he said softly. "I will stay in here with you, but I will turn around so I can't see you."
I did as I was told and reveled in the warmth of the water. I turned and saw Edward sitting facing the door, making sure not to look at me.
"How is this your fault?" he asked getting back to the subject.
I turned my head and looked away. "If I had stayed home from school and gone with him to do some father-daughter things, he would have told the police station he couldn't come in, and he would still be alive," I whispered as tears started falling from my face.
"Bella, you had finals that you couldn't miss," he said. "Charlie understood that."
"But I should have gone with him," I whimpered. "He would probably be at home right now watching whatever game was on."
"You can't blame yourself Bella," Edward said. "This was not your fault."
I shook my head but dropped it. "And I will be with you forever Bella," he said. "I will never leave you. Of course I won't be able to stand to see you so sad, but that is because I love you. I hate it when you are sad. It breaks my heart. But no matter how sad you are I will always be here for you holding you together. I will always be here Isabella," he said with conviction.
"Some day, I am going to die Edward," I said morbidly. "And then we won't be able to be together forever. You will be breaking your promise the day I die."
"No I won't because I will find some way to follow after you," Edward said.
"That's sick Edward," I said. "Why can't you just change me?"
Edward stiffened. "I can't damn you to this life Bella," he growled. "I won't do it."
"See Edward. You obviously don't love me. You don't want me forever, but that's okay. I'm just a stupid, ugly human girl who needs help with everything now that her father died. And you are a beautiful vampire who doesn't want to spend the rest of forever with a human."
Edward stood up and put his hands to his head making sure to not look at me. "Bella, it's not that at all! I would do anything to be with you forever, just not that! I will not change you!" he yelled.
"Because you don't want me!" I yelled right back sitting up in the water. "Now get out of here!"
"Bella," Edward said.
"I knew this would happen Edward! I knew you wouldn't want me forever! Just get out," I yelled.
"But Bella…"
"I said get out!"
Slowly, he walked out of the bathroom closing the door behind him. I lay back down in the water and began to cry.
I knew he would leave me again, but it hurt just the same.
I lay in the water crying until the water grew cold, and even then, I stayed in and continued to cry. I really truly had no one.
Well, if Edward didn't want me and my dad was gone, what was the point in even trying to be normal anymore? I had only been trying for Edward so he would possibly want me still, but it hadn't worked. What was the point in anything anymore?
I sat up in the water, still crying, and screamed. I punched my fist into the wall and felt the bones snap. I didn't care though. I grabbed for my hair and pulled as hard as I could, ignoring the searing pain in my hand.
Edward banged on the door. "Bella?" he called frantically.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed. "You obviously don't want me! So just go away!"
I lay back down and whispered, "I have no one," before submerging myself under the cold water. I held my breath and could feel myself getting dizzy. I didn't want to come up for air though. Every breath I took only caused me more pain.
I had read somewhere that it wasn't possible for you to kill yourself by holding your breath. It was natural instinct to come out for air. The stupid article or whatever was right.
I came up gasping for air. I had to do this a different way. I had to do something that would keep me under the water so I wouldn't be able to come back up again. I wanted to die. Maybe then I would be happy. Then I could be with my dad who I knew cared for me.
"Bella?" Edward called obviously still worried about me.
"Go away!" I screamed.
I grabbed my broken hand and twisted it back causing me to scream in pain. I just needed to make myself pass out. Then I would stay under the water.
"Bella!" Edward yelled. "I'm coming in!"
"Stay away!" I yelled.
I twisted my hand back again, which gave me the desired affect. I could feel myself growing faint. I situated myself under the water and knew no more as the pain took me over.
"Isabella!" I heard Edward calling in the distance. I could vaguely feel him pulling me out of the water and wrapping me tightly in a warm blanket. I was shaking almost violently from the cold water.
"Bella!" he called again. I snapped out of it and began to cough up a bunch of water. Edward put me on my side and rubbed my back as I continued coughing up what had almost drowned me.
When I was done, Edward took me into his arms and rocked me back and forth. "Open your eyes Bella," he said frantically. "Open your eyes!"
Slowly, I opened them and looked up into Edward's concerned face. "Edward," I whispered.
"What were you thinking?" he yelled. "You could have died Bella!"
"That was the point," I said quietly.
"What?" he asked incredulously.
"You don't want me anymore. There is nothing keeping me here. I wanted to be with my dad, because he actually wants me."
"Oh Bella." Edward pulled me closer to him and continued to rock back and forth. "I want you forever Bella. I love you so much!"
"No you don't. You only want me for a little while. If you really wanted me forever, you would change me," I said quietly.
"Bella, you don't know what you are asking," he whispered.
I could feel my eyes growing heavy. They began to close, and Edward grew panicked. "Bella, stay awake! Stay with me!"
"I'm just tired Edward. And why would you care what happened to me?"
"You almost drowned in cold water Bella!" he said frantically, standing up and running out the door. "You could be hypothermic. And I love you! Why can't you see that?"
"Please just let me go to sleep," I said closing my heavy eyelids.
"No Bella!" Edward shouted. "Not until we get to the hospital. Just stay awake for me until we get to the hospital!" He was running at full speed now.
"Maybe another time," I whispered before I succumbed to the sleep.
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