A/N: I don't see the harm of having a serious and a funny Simpson's funny fanfic at the same time… although this isn't really that funny… it's just "bizarre"

Alex

I can't believe how much better he looks now… but he is still the immature little prick. I wish you would have grown up Bart… why do you refuse to grow up? We could have been perfect together.

"What the hell did you do to my hair?"

"Well it's the trend, I though you wanted a cool hair style,"

"Yeah but I didn't want to look like a fucking emo, dye my hair back to blonde or I will take special measures in making sure you don't ever work in this town again," I hear his mumble something that sounds like "what a bitch" but it's his fault…

"It's a pleasure having you back in town, Miss Whitney," That was obviously a complete lie after I was so mean to the bastard barber. I decide to ignore him complete and go shopping; I haven't been to a Springfield mall since when I moved away. Shelbyville Malls really suck.

After my short shopping spree I seem to be running out of things to do… I decide to visit Lisa… I don't care that Bart is there…

"Hey Lisa, What's up?" I say as I step into the Simpson's home which is always warm and welcoming.

"Uhhh not much really, Bart and Milhouse are kind of stoned…. So ignore them…"

"Stoned?"

"Yeah… they got some lemons last night… ended up sleeping with each other," One thing I didn't need to know.

"Hey Alex, how you doing?" Bart suddenly walks down the stairs, I was afraid he might all down and break his little wiener.

"Uhhh…. I'm fine,"

"Oh yeah me too… want to see my dog, Satan's Little Helper?" He seems less annoying when he is stoned, although I have no idea how that thing… uhhh his dog is still living.

"How do you feed it?"

"I don't… doesn't need food… it's a headless dog… why would it eat food?"

"Oh… that's nice…"

"I am totally sorry for how I acted last night," Like that's believable.

"It's okay Bart,"

"No it's not okay, I mean my little wiener couldn't satisfy you anyways, I shouldn't have attempted to love someone so beautiful, nice and smart," Dam it… why doesn't he shut up… he is making me feel all weird…

"It's fine Bart," I say more demandingly and Bart suddenly collapses.

"Bart??" Marge suddenly runs into the room and attempts to re-awake Bart.

"Seems like his late nights and drug abuse really did him damage,"

"I'll catch you later Lisa, I got to go for a shit," I promptly say before heading back to my mansion attempting to hold in my sudden diarrhoea. My slit let out a little brown penis on my car seat before I rushed to the toilet.

I'm so hardcore I poke till I bleed… its weird how I'm still a virgin. Who am I talking too?

Bart

"Oww!!! My head hurts like hell,"

"Well that serves you right for doing so many lemons," My mum yells at me in an aggravated scream.

"Chill out Ma, what you need is a happy meal," McDonalds actually sucks, like a catholic virgin.

"Meh I'm going to go to church, Jessica will be there,"

"But I though you liked Alex,"

"I do… but Jessica is a quick fuck… Lisa won't even give me a blow job unless if there is a female some where near,"

"I will give you one,"

"A blow job from your mum? That's so 21st century and all but I really want Jessica to do it…"

As I walk into the church I hear the chants of Reverend Lovejoy about the devil and shit.

"Yeah Satan Sucks," I scream once his sermon is finally over, he turns and looks at me in annoyance. How can such a hot and naughty girl be related to this old fuck?

"Hey Bart," Says Jessica

"Hey Bitch, want a fuck?" She smiles at me… I think I said it too loud though I think the reverend heard.

"Leave my daughter out of your sexual fantasy and hell bound ways,"

"Your daughter is the reason, she fucked me the first time when I was 12, it was fun too…" I think I gave him a heart-attack because he collapsed.

"Dad?" I knew Jessica hated her father but he kind of looked like he was dead, meh whatever.

"You know what will piss him off? Lets have sex on top of him, were in a church… he will probably kill himself when he awakes." She laughs and takes her bra off while pull my little wiener out. Boy was I right, he was pissed when he woke up.

"Ah fuck me Bart,"

"Take it Anal… Bitch your slit reminds me of someone, the guy were on top of," We both laugh as I ever her more thrusts.

"What are you doing, get off of me," Mr Lovejoy is pissed when he finally gets us off him. However my penis is still in her vagina so I decide to keep thrusting.

"Get off of her…" He suddenly starts laughing at my penis.

"Oh my gosh… are you like 4?" He continues his laugh before he pulls down his pants and reveals a 15 inch penis.

"This is what you call a penis and this is how you fuck a girl," He suddenly grabbed his daughter and inserted his massive penis into his daughter's vagina.

"Bart, take me anal," Jessica finally says. Me and Jessica and her dad enjoy the threesome until we realise we are in a church and it's a public place. Every is watching, most of them with erections.

"Bart?" Dam it… Alex is here….