— THE BIG 1/2 K CELEBRATION —

M-D13: Oh my god oh my god oh my god! oo! I can't believe it! I hit FIVE-HUNDRED! Actually, it might be over by one or two or so, BUT I HIT IT AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED!! YES, YES, YES!!

Hinata: G-g-g-good f-for you, M-Marine-c-chan … -shy smile-

M-D13: Nyaahh, thanks Hina… Anyways! Just incase you skipped over the previous chapter (which was an actual storyline, FYI), I'd like to introduce my new workers! Hinata, Shino, and a tranq-ed out of his mind Peine!

Peine: HEHEHEHEHE I'M A PRETTY ORANGE PRINCESS!! –runs around dancing-

Shino: -stares- … … I believe that Kakashi-sensei used a few too many tranquilizers on him…

M-D13: Only by a few –stares at the more than likely doped Peine- … Think he'll be all right?

Shino: He may be. Or he may not be. It depends on whether he used elephant ones or not.

M-D13: And if he did?

Shino: He may end up being mentally 5 for a couple years.

M-D13: … … Well, that's a waiting lawsuit. –sigh- Anyways … Hinata, disclaimer if you would.

Hinata: S-Sure… D-D-DISCLAIMER: M-Marine-s-san doesn't o-own a-any t-thing m-m-mentioned in t-this f-fanfiction/r-rules, and d-d-doesn't even own s-s-s-some of the r-r-rules a-a-and she'd l-l-like to thank her f-f-friends for th-the help…

M-D13: … Extremely stutter-ish, but good Hinata. Thank you! Oh, and I've meant to do this (and haven't) since chapter two or so, but if there's any certain rules you find really funny, tell me in your review! I'd loved to know what ones you thought were the best! And, while we're on that ...

Any rules you do not understand, ask. I will be glad to clarifiy them for you!

Now! With that all said (that's not even my job anymore ... Should be theirs! -points to Shino, Hinata and Peine ... then thinks twice- Or at least just the first twO!), on with the rules!

• Singing "Peine! Without love! Peine! Can't get enough! Peine! Like it rough, cause I'd rather feel Peine than nothing at all…!" etc. is not a smart idea. While Peine will probably kill you, Konan is likely to as well.

• Stuffing watermelons in your shirt and tying your hair back in two ponytails (if possible) and walking around saying you're Tsunade is not funny. For one thing, you might get killed by the Hokage herself.

• No, Kisame is not choking. He does not need mouth-to-mouth or CPR (which is technically the same thing). His skin is just naturally that colour. Really.

• Itachi did not use an 8-ball to decide the fate of his clan, or any other of his actions previous to or following the murder of the Uchiha clan.

• Making Kisame take the "I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine…" etc, oath is not a good idea. For one thing, he won't take it... Plus he is not a nice shark.

• Deidara and Ino are not inverses of each other. Deidara did not copy Ino's hair style (for one thing: they've never even met, and another thing is Deidara's older than her… she would've copied him). The two are related in no way at all.

• Marketing voodoo dolls of the Naruto characters throughout Konoha, Suna, etc., is not a smart idea… especially if you market an Itachi doll and sell it in Konoha… Sasuke will buy you out, most likely.

• Calling Sasuke "Sas-gay" is only funny until he, and the rest of his fan girl mafia, kill you.

• … nor is calling him "Sas-uke" a good idea, either. He'll claim he's on top. That will then bring up the subject, however, of "who's he on top of then??"

• Paying Kakuzu to kill someone for you, while reliable, might just make you end up without a penny (or whatever type of small, basically worthless currency you have) to your name.

• Calling Itachi "Chi-chan" is barely funny the first time. More than likely, if you call him "Chi-chan" more than once, you're talented, because most likely he'll kill you the first time you say it.

• I will not use sandpaper on Sasori and sand him down to make his "skin" smooth.

• … nor will I ask him if he ever gets splinters.

• I will not cut off Deidara's ponytail.

• … or try to glue it back in place if I do.

• I will not break any of the above or following rules just to see the reactions of the characters... Even thought I really want to.

• Sasuke is not a toaster. He will not cook your food or your toast; we're sorry to disappoint you.

• … nor is he an oven or a stove. Again, sorry to disappoint you.

• Stealing Hidan's Jashin pendant will result in you being sacrificed to said evil god by said evil person.

• I will not call Deidara or Sasori (or Sai for that matter) a "rip-off artist", kick them in the shin and then run for my life.

• … nor will I kick Jiraiya in the shin and scream "PEDOPHILE" and then run off.

• Tobi is not "otherwise known as" "The Great Pumpkin". We swear.

• … nor is he secretly Darth Vader.

• Do not call TenTen "NineNine", "ElevenEleven", or any other number that is said twice.

• Do not experiment with Sasori's flammability by taking his arms (which will piss him off in the first place) and rubbing them together rapidly to see if he catches fire.

• Attempting to read Make-Out Paradise and/or Make-Out Tactics (or Make-Out Violence…) on your own accord (or stealing it from Kakashi— which ever works for you) is likely to result in mind scarring. We highly recommend not reading it.

• Repeating everything that one of the shinobi says is not only annoying to them and time-consuming for you (as well as childish), but is likely to result in your death.

• I will not "speak in code" to any of the ninja.

• "Chat speak" is not accepted within any country or village and more than likely will result in your valley-girl/boy death. (LOL, JK!! … Okay, we know, not funny)

• I will not introduce the technology of "guns and ammunition" to the Naruto realm. Not only is likely to result in the death of many shinobi, you will probably get (accidentally?) caught in the crossfire.

• Do not tie Kakashi to a large stick in the middle of a rice field (or field or your choice) and stuff straw in his clothing. He is not an actual scarecrow.

• I will not attempt to cut the stitches on Kakuzu's face or on Deidara's arms just to see what will happen.

• I will not ask Peine if his peircings ever got infected when he first got them.

• Do not walk up to TenTen and ask her why she isn't wearing the Omnitrix (I think that's how you spell it ... if not, someone correct me). She'll be so confused it's not even funny (well, after the first five minutes, anyway).

• … nor should you walk up to her and start singing a modified version of the "Ben Ten" theme song. (Ex: "Now she's got super powers, she's no ordinary kid! TENTEN!")

• Contrary to popular belief, Gai (and Lee) does not go commando in public. (… Actually, we're still un-sure about this one.)

• Getting a chidori to the chest (or other body part) is not something that is easily shrugged off.

• … nor is a rasengan to the chest (or other body part).

• I will not walk around with a CD player constantly playing and say that it's my "theme song" or my "mood music".

• While the Akatsuki may wear nail polish, none of them are openly gay and are not gay until Masashi Kishimoto says so.

• The Akatsuki cloak is not a dress.

• Putting Sasuke on the side of a milk carton that says "MISSING NINJA" is not a very productive method of finding him.

• … and there will be no puns about "When did we lose him in the first place?"

• The rope around any sound ninjas' waist is not used as a noose.

• … or a lasso.

• I will not make fun of Shikamaru's "not too pretty but not too ugly" women standards.

• I will not crush Ino's hopes of getting Shikamaru by saying she's "too pretty" for him.

• … nor I will not crush Temari's hopes of getting Shikamaru by saying she's "too ugly" for him.

• Do not pretend you do not know the difference between Ino and Deidara.

• Do not pretend you do not know the difference between Ino and TonTon.

• Zetsu is not that piranha plant off the Mario games. He does not live in warp pipes.

• Sasuke's hair is not a live black-ish-raven-coloured cockatoo. Really.

• Just because Sasuke's hair looks like some sort of bird's ass (or head in the case of the cockatoo) does not mean it's a challenge to see if you can shoot him in the head (Y'know… bird hunting? Hahaha? ... Oh come on.)

• One does not ask Gaara how he "ninjas" with that huge gourd on his back and expect to not walk away with a big bump on the head.

• I will not hire any Uchiha or other fire-elemented or capable shinobi to use their fire jutsu while Gaara is in his ball of sand to see if it will turn into glass.

• … and if it does (more than likely it will) I will not roll the ball around and play with it.

• Do not go into the Forest of Death looking for any Kodama's. They won't be in there.

• … nor should you look for the Forest Spirit. He won't be there either.

• Asking the ninjas "would you rather…" questions is likely to result in the scarring of the mind when they answer truthfully.

• Gaara's gourd is not a giant, opaque bottle. There is sand inside, not a message.

• Stealing Gaara's gourd to set it afloat in the ocean (after, of course, putting a message in it and emptying out all the sand) has never been a good idea from the start.

• I will not tell Kiba that I think he might have an identity crisis.

• While many of the ninja need it, do not go around asking the ninjas if they want free therapy sessions. You'll get arrested, most likely.

• Do not tell Kabuto that's he's been replaced by Sasuke as "Orochimaru's Bitch". You'll send him into a spiraling depression and make him cry.

• … nor should you laugh at him and say "Haha! Orochimaru doesn't want you to host his body because you SUCK!!" That will also send him into a spiraling depression and make him cry.

• None of the ninjas can "Super Sayian" themselves. That's a different anime (if I spelled "sayian" wrong, don't yell D: I don't watch the show)

• Sasuke is "more special" than Naruto… at least in his opinion. (That episode was just too funny.)

• Naruto never starred in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, even though that wound he got from Kabuto was "just a flesh a wound!" (HA, I loved that episode too!)

• Staging a fight between Iruka and Kisame to see if Iruka will beat him up is not a smart idea

• … nor is selling tickets for said event.

• I will not throw anything at any of the ninjas' heads.

• I will especially not throw kunai at any of the ninjas' heads.

• Sabuko no Gaara is dub-wised known as "Gaara of the Desert". Do not call him "Gaara of the Dessert" and expect to live… because you won't.

• Kakuzu is not related to Jack Skeleton from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

• … nor is he secretly Jack Skeleton either.

• Chouji is not the Pillsbury Dough-Boy. Do not poke him in the stomach, he will not giggle.

• Gaara may be the "sandman", but is not the sandman. He does not put people to sleep with his sand. Actually, he probably pokes their eyes out.

• Tobi is not a scuba diver, as much as his blackbody suit underneath his cloak may suggest.

• Deidara does not make his hands make-out with each other.

• Itachi's necklace is not made of soda-can tabs. We swear.

• None of the ninja are DDR masters, no matter how much it looks like they dance when attacked repeatedly.

• When Shikamaru says "What a drag" he does not mean that he just had a really good smoke.

• The Monkey King Enma is not secretly Jiraiya, no matter how similar they look.

• Tayuya's hat is not secretly a "happy helmet", so do not go behind her and look for the switch.

• Do not steal Sakon or Ukon's lipstick. You'll make the transvestites cry.

• I will not steal any of the ANBU's masks.

• Do not go up to Deidara singing "Deidora, Deidora the explorer! DEIDORA!" He's likely to kill you. Slowly and painfully …

• Hitting Hidan with a cross and screaming, "the power of Christ compels you" does not compel him and will do absolutely nothing, other than probably write your death wish.

• I'm sure that at least most of us realize that Tsunade's necklace is shaped very … perverted-ish. However, there is no reason to tell said Hokage… or Naruto.

• Jiraiya is a millionaire (be it from the vast … popularity of his books … or by other means). If he asks you for money in the old "I'm a little short…" or to borrow money and he'll "pay you back", do not give it to him. Simple at that.

• … but if you do, you will never see that money again, I hope you know.

• Do not tease TenTen because she has no character depth. You'll make her cry and mope about her non-existent life.

• Do not tell Jiraiya that he needs a new hobby other than "stalking innocent and beautiful women". He won't listen to you.

• Do not tease Tsunade that she has entered the "age denial" state in her life. She'll start screaming at you and she may throw her chair at you.

• … nor should you tell her that you think she'll never win at gambling. That will cause a whole "I'll win one day. I'll show you. I'll hit it big. You'll see. You'll all see" incident that we would really like to avoid.

• Do not tease Lee because he is incapable of using contractions. You will make he cry and run off with his contraction-less life.

• Talking to the ninja insanely fast will make them think that you're on crack (or speed).

• I will not start a water balloon fight between any of the ninja.

• … nor will I start a snowball fight between any of the ninja because either of these may cause someone to get brutally injured by flying rocks or ice.

• Going up to Lee and talking to his eyebrows as if they were people or had a mind of their own will either A: make Lee think you're utterly insane and need to be sent to an asylum or B: get yourself killed.

• Abiding to these rules will most likely allow you to live in the Naruto Realm without death, injury, or other terrible obscenities. Choosing to ignore any of the above rules will most likely result in … well, death, injury, or other terrible obscenities. We strongly recommend you follow and abide to these rules and … well, just don't piss anyone off and you're good to go.

Peine: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

M-D13: … I hope he snaps out of that soon.

Shino: -filming this- I don't.

M-D13: ? ... Hey, you're filming this?? Why?

Shino: Blackmail.

M-D13: … Huh. Smart … Now, out-going response, please, blackmail boy!

Shino: … Sure. All flames will be dealt with accordingly. Flame us, we'll ignore you.

M-D13: Simple but to the point. That's why I hired you.

Shino: You pulled my name out of a hat.

M-D13: That too! :) Anyways! THANKS FOR READING!! Oh, and does anyone know what the hell that "abuse" button does?? ... Eh ... Anyways ...

R&R Please.