CHAPTER TWO:

Being privy to all information, Jack knew SG-1 had stayed on base last night. Restless, he'd left his VIP room early, grabbed a tray of food from the commissary and headed for Sam; his gift tucked inside his jacket, away from prying eyes.

Tapping on Sam's door with the back of one hand while balancing the laden try with the other, his mind toiled at the list of wacky ideas Vala had presented last night. He felt like he was starring in Freaky Friday, he channeling Vala and wondering how it was going with her channeling him.

xxxxxx

Staring straight ahead, totally absorbed in a litany of O'Neillism, Vala did yoga breaths through her nose. She was running behind her self-appointed schedule, not realizing how long it would take to actually find something other than BDU's that would be considered…well…appropriate morning attire. Hair was the first problem and after many attempts she pulled it back into a sleek, neat ponytail. No shiny clips, no tiara…she felt naked. Then shoes became an enormous issue. Her floor was littered with the debris of a shoe store bomb. She'd opted for a simple pair of low heeled pumps she'd never worn and had no idea why she'd bought them in the first place. Following that ordeal, Vala stood in the middle of her room in the sexiest underwear she could find, since, sadly, she was not allowed to 'show' any cleavage - but she could hide it under her clothes. If you wanted to call the plain, ordinary, never worn, high-waisted, unadorned denim jeans clothes. And, finally, the top. There was just no way to describe it. Well, one could call it sort of greenish, not a bad color really, but it had quarter length sleeves, and buttons and a collar. It was the most ghastly thing she owned – a gift from Samantha long ago.

Vala found herself standing in front of Daniel's quarters. She squared her shoulders, not pressing her breasts too forward, blinked her un-made-up eyes, licked her barely there lip gloss and, plastering on a sweet smile, she knocked.

xxxxxx

"Good Morning, gorgeous." Well, hell, that sounded stupid. Jack held the tray out in an offering. "Brought you breakfast."

"Ah…good morning, Sir." Did he just call me gorgeous? My hair is in rats, no make-up, fuzzy slippers and pair of Daniel's old pajamas he was going to toss out…yeah, gorgeous. She couldn't think of anything else to say as he stood indolently at her door.

Jack hiked the tray with a suggestive grin. Sam attempted a smile and asked for five minutes to get dressed. "You look great, Carter. I like you in fuzzy slippers. Our breakfast will be cold in five minutes." He moved around her and entered without an invitation to do so. Setting the tray on her table he stared at the wall. Okay, hand on hip and pouting is NOT going to happen, so, what was next? Oh, yeah…I remember.

xxxxxx

Daniel opened the door in black T-shirt and blue BDU pants that accentuated his body in undeniable hunkiness. Hmm, how does one NOT comment on that? What would Jack say? "Good morning, camper. I thought we might have breakfast. I need to go over that last tablet translation. I was thinking just now how confused I am, if it is from Greek origin, and since it was found near a temple to Roman gods, perhaps there was…what? Did I miss something else?"

He stared. Either she looked like a two-headed - instead of one-headed - alien, or Daniel had succumbed to some mental disorder.

"It's Sunday morning." He barely muttered in astonishment.

"Yeah, so it is. Look, Danny-boy, I don't have all day. Do you want my help or not?" Vala kept her face passive.

"It's Sunday morning."

"Why do you keep repeating yourself?" Accenting the question with a small shoulder shrug, she buried her hands in her pockets.

"Because every Sunday morning you have off, you sleep 'til three in the afternoon."

"1500 hours. Do you or do you not intend to work on the tablet?"

"I…I do. You want to help?"

"Well, of course dar… ahm, yeah. Sure. You bet ya. Get your notes and meet me in the commissary." It took a monumental effort not to toss her hair, leer suggestively or wiggle her six as she walked away.

--

Jack pulled the crumpled Victoria's Secret bag from inside his jacket. "I bought you something. It reminded me of you." He held out the bag, head tilted and eyebrows waggling.

Taking the gift Sam rooted around in the tissue paper while Jack poured coffee, preparing hers just the way she liked it, and placed the fruit, yogurt and cinnamon rolls on the table.

The unfiltered gasp behind him only made him grin wider. When he turned she had that 'doe eyes caught in runaway train headlights' look. "What? You don't like it?"

"Ah boy. I…I…what, I mean how, I mean why…" She held the full length, black, sheer negligee wadded in a fisted death grip.

He raised a shoulder, an eyebrow, and clinching his teeth he grinned. "It's just so you! Go ahead and try it on. I'll turn my back."

"Sir?" She squeaked out.

"Carter. Sam, call me Jack."

Sam took a step backwards and sat on the side of the bed. Staring awestruck at the filmy negligee, she whispered, "Sir?"

"What, you don't trust me? ME!? I'd never peek. Come on, breakfast is getting cold."

Wandering to the table as if in a trance, Sam looked down at the food. "It's supposed to be cold."

"Oh, well, so it is!" He pulled her chair out and with a sweep of his hand invited her to sit. "There. Isn't that better? Ya know Carter…Ah…I mean, you know Sam, you look exceptionally sexy this morning."

The left side of her hair was flat and the right side stuck upwards. The pajama pants were rolled at the waist to keep the hem off the floor, and the pajama shirt swallowed her up, coming nearly to her mid-thigh.

Jack took his seat, reached across and fluffed the left side of her hair. "There, much better. I thought maybe we could go to the mall later, have some cappuccinos, talk, maybe have a manicure. I have to get back to Washington tonight or no later than first thing in the morning. Whadda ya say? Sound like fun?"

xxxxxx

Daniel may as well have fallen into the Abyss of Chaos for all the work he'd accomplished this morning. Vala had worked diligently, cross-referencing and pointing out things she thought might be errors in his translations. Errors! She pointed out non-existent errors! Then she'd start acting all stupid, rattling on in innocuous sentences about not really understanding and what a bunch of nonsense the whole thing was. Then! Then she kept quiet. Quiet, for heaven's sakes! Not once had she sat on his desk, toyed with his artifacts – well, except the one time she tried to juggle - nearly knocking herself out. And she hadn't made any lewd comments...not once. She'd pointed to that picture of a naked Greek god; she just noted that his Roman counterpart's name looked oddly familiar before discounting her statement and saying the guy looked really weird without arms or a head, and how stupid was that. Holy buckets, she'd sounded like Jack.

And what the hell was she wearing? She looked like a soccer mom!

Vala slammed the large reference book closed. "Alright, I've had enough of this crap. I have things to do. Call me if you need me." She stood up, heading for the door.

"What? Huh?"

"For crying out loud, Daniel, call me if you need me. You know, cell phone, punch the numbers?" Vala wandered out whistling the theme to the Simpson's.

--

Sam nearly choked on the gooey sweet roll when she caught her reflection in the mirror. She took a quick peek behind her at the negligee she'd tossed on the bed. With a loud gulp, she blinked, flushed red and looked away. It had landed in a perfectly cascading arrangement that was suggestive to say the least. She turned back to Jack, avoiding her reflection as her eyes skimmed past the mirror. "Sir?"

"Jack."

"Jack. What's this all about?" She made a slight indication towards the object on the bed, then realizing where she pointed, she folded her hands in her lap.

"Us. Darling. You. Me. You know…" His eyebrows did that odd waggle so much like Vala's that Sam nearly squeaked.

Unable to dispel her confusion, Sam popped a peach slice into her mouth and tried to smile as she chewed.

"Look. We can skip the whole mall thing if you want to. We could opt for the no-tell motel." Jack looked at his watch. "I'll just go check things out, you get dressed and packed. And don't forget the present."

When the door closed behind him, Sam once again turned to the mirror. She had no idea who the hell stared back at her. There was a decidedly peculiar sort of dreamy smile on the face of the woman with hair a rebellion of puzzlement – eyes wide and bewildered – and a flush so deep it spotted the pale cheeks. Holy Hannah, what had gotten into Jack!?

--

Peeking around the doorway to Dr. Lee's lab, Jack spotted Vala happily reading away on Bill's computer. "So. How'd it go?"

Smiling giddily, Vala turned to him. She waved him in with her usual perkiness. Palms rubbing hard enough to start flames, Vala whispered. "Perfect! He's so confused and flatergasted. He's speechless."

"Flabbergasted."

"Yes. That he is. Oh, Jack, this is wonderful! I'm going to dress in that outfit you picked out and wander back down there in a bit. I've got him stewing now. How about you?"

Settling on a stool beside her, Jack shrugged his shoulders, "I think it went okay. It felt kinda weird, but I have to say she was blushing like a school girl."

"Did she agree to the…tryst?"

"I didn't give her a choice, as instructed."

"Now remember, she won't be packed when you go back. She'll be standing uselessly, not knowing what to do. Just grab the nightie, stuff it in your pocket…you brought the leather Jacket, right?"

He nodded.

"Good. Then take her hand, and then kiss her. But don't do that smacking little thing you do. Lay a good one on her. Full, open mouth, tongue and all! Got it?"

"Yeah. The whole thing? I mean…right there in her quarters. By her bed. I have to…ya know, do it up?"

"Absolutely. Then you want to whisper hotly in her ear, all those little bits I told you."

"For cryin' out loud, Vala! I can't say those things to her. What if she's in uniform?"

"Jack. Be strong. You can do it. This is what she wants. No more of your holding back and waiting for her to make a move. That's been the problem all along. Samantha is a girly kind of woman when it comes to romance. Just because she can plow down a regiment of aliens with a P-90 like she's brushing her hair, does not mean she doesn't want the good girl parts in romance. Now. You up for this?"

He looked incredulous at her.

"Oh my, bad choice of words. Are you prepared to take this all the way…wait, that's not right…"

"Enough! Got it. Really, really, got it now. And the geek, you ready to incite a rebellion against Artifact Daniel Disneyland?"

"Oh yes. I have the tickets to the new exhibit at the Museum. 'Artifacts and Antiquities – A Journey Through Egypt'." Vala sighed a little despondently.

"Ah, come on, buck up. He'll love it. It'll turn him on. Just remember to hold his hand and act enthused."

"I'll give it my best. I've been studying so I can blunder smartly-stupid when I ask him questions. Then I'm supposed to take him to dinner at that place two doors from his apartment, forget my purse, and have to go back to get it when he heads back here. Then I'm supposed to lose a shoe somehow, then make him find it. Then I'm to catch my skirt somewhere, hopefully in his car door, and rip it, then I'm supposed to spill a drink on me…oh wait, am I supposed to do that first? Well, anyway, we will have to go to his apartment and I will have to put on something of his. And THEN, gods willing, he will take it off of me!"

"Keep your head! Don't act like you're expecting it. And, somehow, you have got to act surprised when he starts with the whole taking the clothes off. Act shy. That I would give a case of Guinness to see! Try to stop him. And that I'd give up beer for a week to witness. But do it! Let him initiate it. 'kay?"

"Yes. But Jack. What if he doesn't do the remove my clothes thing?"

"Plan B."

"Oh, right. Set myself on fire?"

Jack laughed. "Not exactly. I think the spilling of massive amounts of water on shirt over naked flesh will do the trick. He's not immune to you, Vala. I've seen the looks. I know."

Biting her lip and smiling coyly, she thanked him for the comment with a nod.

"Alright. Show time. Call me later."

"What if you're busy?"

"I've been on enough missions with Carter to know she's a sleeper. I'll put the phone on vibrate."

"Grrrrr."