Booshy Elections.
Summery- Now's your chance to vote for your favourite Boosh character to become the new Prime Minister Listen to their promises and mate your selection.
Disclaimer- I do not own the Boosh, and I hate politics. I just wanted to make them funnier this way I do not own Cadbury's Turkish Delight
Author's Notes- I want to say thanks to ButtonsMagoo for all her help and ideas for this story, to be truthful she thought of most of it, so big big thanks to her
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The break is about to end and the author is nowhere to be seen. The cameracrew look around for her, but there's no sign of her to be seen, so they try her mobile phone. A few seconds later, she rushes to her seat with her hair slightly messed up, lipstick smudged and clothes crooked.
Author- So sorry about that, got a bit tied up ahem Welcome back to Booshy Elections, sponsered by Cadbury's Turkish Delight, a little taste of the Middle East, or something like that. Now, I've just been told the vote have been counted in and the winner of the second part is...Bollo.
The wise ape beated his chest in triumph, then coughed loudly and reached for his inhalor. Fossil looked insulted and about to cry and Bainbridge just looked furious.
Author- Congrats Bollo, but first let's speak to our losers- I mean runners up. First Fossil.
Fossil gets up quickly and storms over to her, sitting down roughly into the large chair and amazingly, falls off easily. The audience goes wild at this feat of stupidity.
Author- Please get up and tell the people at home who didn't vote for you your message
Fossil- You suckwads all stink, I hate you all. Moooommmmmyyyy! Oh wait, she still thinks I'm in Vietnam.
Then a 50-ish year old woman stands up shocked in the audience "Robert Fossil!"
Fossil- Oh shit, Mother. What are you doing here?
Author- We thought it would give the show ratings if we sprung random surprises on our nominees, so here's yours
Fossil's mom- My own son, lying to me after all this time. Why did I never notise, even when I thought I kept seeing you in that zoo?
She then brakes out into tears and the author is calmly on the phone to sercurity to get rid of both the nutters while muttering 'Like mother, like son'
Author- Now for our next loser, and I mean loser Bainbridge
He stands up and walks to the author, angrily sitting down.
Author- Now, anything you want to say to the people that never voted for you?
Bainbridge- Yes, you can all fuck yourselves, in fact I'm getting Nestle to do it for you. What am I gonna do with all these kit-kats now?
Author- I could tell you where to shove th- Oh look, we're out of time. Now bugger off, i've gotta interview the winner.
Bainbridge- You have not heard the last of Dixon Harriet Bainbridge.
He storms off stage as the author shakes her head.
Author- Prick. Now let's talk to our winner, Bollo.
The audience goes wild as the gorilla sits down in the opposite chair.
Author- Congratulations Bollo. How do you feel?
Bollo- Bollo feels great, Bollo just wants hooka now to calm nerves
Author- Well, you can now as you are through to the final with Howard. Once again, congrats Bollo.
The gorilla waves to the cheering audience and walks off stage, muttering 'Have to run againest Howard, great, just great'.
Author- Now, it's time to meet our next three nominees, and they share something in common- they're all shaman like Naboo. Let's meet the first one, Saboo
Saboo stands up and bows, wearing his usual balck, feathery coat and hat.
Author- Hello Saboo, now I understand that once on a shaman stag do, you drank three turbans full of tequila and never passed out once?
Saboo- That's true, it's all because of my knowledge of the crunch.
From the table, a pink head desides to have his say.
Tony- Not the fuckin' crunch again, you're always on about the fuckin' crunch
Saboo- Shut up, you pink knob. No-one asked you
Author- Yes please wait until it's your go. Now Saboo, what's your promise?
Saboo- If elected, I will make sure people will know all about the crunch and people who are too ignorant about the crunch shall suffer because of it.
Author- Lovely, well thanks for your words.
Saboo sits down once more, but not before quickly throwing a dead glare at Tony.
Author- I can fucking pick them for nominees, I really can...Yes, sorry. Now for our next nominee, Dennis.
Dennis dosen't stand and bow, just looks around the room with his milky eyes in a dazed expression.
Author- Are you alright there?
Saboo- He's taken half an E, he thinks he's in 'The Shinging'
Author- ...Right, ok while he's...drugged, we'll go striaght on to our next nominee, Kirk.
The small child-like shaman stood and bowed, staring stairght ahead to the author.
Author- Kirk, is it true you are still an erotic adventurer of the most deranged kind and renowned for having the greatest capacity for taking drugs?
Kirk- Yes.
Author- Is it true that if you become Prime Minister, you'll promise to stop being a vehicular menace, rammin' down all in your path, also stopping your drug partys and shooting the drug raiders?
Kirk- Yes.
Author- Lovely, well that's all we've got time for for this part of the elections. Remember, only you can make your favourite go through. Byt for now.
Her phone goes off again and see reads the text saying 'Fancy a jazz/electro fusion seesion?' with a smile in her eyes and pelts off towards the broom cupboard full speed.