"Murray, could I see you for a moment?" Sly hissed after the dark ages of all uncomfortable silences. Murray and Mz. Ruby stood by the door that was still open and deftly avoided the gaze of everyone in the room. Sly was glaring at Murray and Bentley and Penelope looked on in open mouthed astonishment. Only Carmelita kept her expression neutral, but she took the time to discreetly undo the button on her hip holster.
"Uh, sure Sly," Murray replied, still avoiding his friend's eyes.
"Yeah, you guys can talk in our room," Bentley remarked. "I'll come too. Pen, will you get our guests some drinks and things?"
"Sure hon," Penelope said, determined to keep her cool in what was a pretty uncomfortable moment.
Bentley wheeled himself a hundred and eighty degrees in his chair and led the way to the back bedroom. Sly followed, and as he passed Carmelita he caught her eye and threw a dirty look at the crocodile near the door. The vixen nodded back at him, understanding. She made a small indication to her gun. Sly smiled thinly. Murray slumped after his friends, and they entered the bedroom in single file. Bentley closed the door behind them.
"Murray, what the hell is going on?" Sly asked immediately after he heard the sound of the door close. His voice was far to calm to be calm.
"Um…we met while I was in Louisiana. I…"
"What, and you thought you'd bring her back here? Seriously, is she threatening you or something?"
Murray took a deep breath. He'd prepared himself for this.
"She's changed Sly. She's done her jail time and she's nice now. She's come to apologise to you."
"Oh, well, that's perfectly acceptable then!" Sly ranted, pacing around the bed. "That'll sure take the sting out of my parents' murder!"
There was a long silence. Bentley looked between his friends, unsure of whom to side with. Murray wrung his hands, while Sly stared into the corner of the room with his arms folded.
"…that wasn't her. That was Clockwerk…" Murray said quietly.
Bentley visibly winced. Sly whipped round at electric speed and fixed Murray with a look of pure hatred. Then he relented.
"That bitch has done a number on you man. Seriously, did she drug you or something?"
A spark of fire appeared in Murray's eye, and after a moment Bentley recognised it as the look the hippo used to get when he was in a particularly ferocious battle. He also noticed that the hippo had clenched his fists so tight his knuckles had gone white. He felt the time had come for diplomacy.
"Whoa, now, c'mon guys, lets try and keep it civil ok?" He attempted. He also took the trouble to wheel himself an inch or so between his friends.
"She's not a bitch Sly." Murray said grimly, choosing his words extremely carefully. "I just need you to give her a chance. You forgave the Panda King."
"That was different," Sly snapped. "We needed him, and after a while he proved himself."
"She's proved herself to me Sly."
"Well, easy for you to say, she didn't kill your parents."
Murray closed his eyes in frustration. They were going around in circles.
"Look I told you…I just want you to give her a chance! Is that too much to ask?"
"Murray, you're talking as if all that's wrong with her is a bad fashion sense!" Sly jabbed a finger at the door. "She's a convicted criminal!"
"So're we!"
Sly faltered.
"The only difference is she's served her sentence!" He continued. "You're the one who suddenly ditched us to chase someone on the other side of the law!"
"I came back! And what's more is… wait a minute, why the hell am I defending myself? I left you all that money, and you repay me by shacking up with one of the people who helped take my family away? Some friend you are."
"You know, we're all orphans here Sly," Murray boomed, raising his voice for the first time, his voice shaking the very room. Bentley shrunk even more. "I thought we were your family!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I've always been loyal to you and Bentley! I'm sorry if you think that finally going after the woman I love means I'm ditching you, but…"
"No, of course not," Murray said in exasperation, "But you'd think that if we're so close you'd cut me a little slack here. I trust her."
"I don't Murray. I don't trust her an inch."
"Then you don't trust me either."
Murray turned his back on the raccoon. Sly too turned on his heel and stormed to the other side of the room and stared out of the window. The room was bathed in a grey glow from the twilight outside, and it was still raining. The water over the glass came down in little ripples that were cast over the entire room. Now that the shouting had stopped the pattering of the raindrops was almost deafening, a divine weeping for the rift of a lifelong friendship. After a few agonising minutes Bentley cleared his throat.
"Er, I could go get a knife and we could cut some of the tension in here."
The sound of the rain was the only answer he received.
"Ok, not cool with the jokes yet, that's fine. I'll just talk for a bit."
Although neither Sly nor Murray were looking at him Bentley knew that they were both listening. He took a deep breath.
"Both you guys are upset, and I think you've both said some stuff you didn't mean. But there's some things that you should both know. Sly, we owe it to Murray to give her a chance." Sly's ear's pricked up, but he didn't turn around. "If not for her, then for him. He's our best friend, and after the past two years on the team I think he's earned it, don't you?"
Bentley turned his head to address Murray's back.
"Murray, you have to understand, you did spring this on us a little bit. And, whatever happened, Sly and your new girlfriend do have a bit of a history and you have to understand that."
Murray shifted his weight from foot to foot, but he too made no reply.
"Guys, you gotta call a truce. For now at least. Sly, we'll see how it goes. Murray…well, just be careful."
Both Sly and Murray risked a glance behind them, and both, realising that they'd been spotted by the other, defiantly returned their gaze the opposite way. Bentley looked on. Now it was simply a matter of time, which one would make the first move? After a few more moments of rainy silence, Sly turned on his heel.
"Whatever. I'm going back out there to keep an eye on her."
He breezed past the hippo and closed the door behind him with a soft thud. Murray covered his face with a dinner plate sized hand. He groaned softly.
"Well, that went well." Bentley deadpanned from somewhere beneath him.
"Aw, god Benley…" Murray whined. "You think I've blown it with Sly?"
Bentley was silent for a moment.
"No, I don't think so. But you gotta understand, this is about the last thing we were expecting. You could have told us about it over the phone."
"I was worried that if I did that you'd all refuse to meet us."
The tortoise glanced up at his friend.
"Of course we would have…"
Murray pulled his hand from his face and looked into his friend's face.
"Well, I would have anyway." Bentley continued.
"Thanks man."
"Look, Sly's just shocked, that's all. You know what he can be like, once he sees that you and Mz. Ruby are ok he'll calm down."
Murray nodded, taking several deep breaths. Prepared as he was, he'd still buckled slightly under the raccoon's harsh words.
"And, er… you will be careful, yeah?" Bentley prodded as delicately as he could.
"Yes, I will." The hippo sighed.
"Like if she tries to eat you, or something."
"Yes Bentley."
"Or if she summons up a legion of her un-dead snotty hoards again…"
"Alright!" Murray snapped. "I'll be careful Bentley, I have the situation in hand."
"Right. Yes. Good. Great!" Bentley recovered, wheeling himself towards the door. "You know, I always assumed that the 'Mz.' meant she was married…"
"Yeah, I thought that at first." Murray said following him back into the other room. "Turns out it's just a title…"
His voice trailed off as he and Bentley crossed the carpet back to the living area. It wasn't the horribly awkward scene he'd expected it to be. Sly was sitting grumpily alone in one of the armchairs, no so much looking daggers at Mz. Ruby as looking anti-tank mortars at her, but that was to be expected. What was surprising was that the three girls were sitting quite jovially on the three piece sweet, Penelope in the middle with Carmelita and Mz. Ruby on either side. All of them were chatting like they'd known each other for years. Sly scowled at their words and light laugher, and began to claw at the armrests of his chair. The scene was just surreal enough to stop Bentley and Murray in their tracks, and though their disbelief was viscous, some of the girls' conversation seeped through.
"…well, you should see Bentley in the mornings. Sometimes I find him completely inside his shell. It's like waking up with a gigantic peanut." Penelope was saying. The other girls exploded into riotous laughter. After they'd calmed down Mz. Ruby spoke.
"Ah envy yew. Ah find that sleepin' with dear Murrah requiahs quite a degree of skill. Two nights now ah've had t'block and counter just t'keep mah side of the mattress."
Cue more giggling. The colour drained from Bentley's face. Murray blushed crimson. Sly dug his claws into the armrests even further, like he was in the dentist's chair.
"I'm not sure I like the way this is going…" Bentley said, transfixed by the girls on the couch.
"The horror…" Murray whispered.
"Just back away slowly, don't make eye contact…" Bentley said softly, wheeling his chair backwards quietly. Murray began to follow in kind when he paused.
"Sly!" He said louder than he'd meant to.
"Forget him, he's a goner!" Bentley hissed.
"We can't leave a man behind!" Murray whispered back. He tip-toed over to the back of Sly's armchair, trying to be as inconspicuous as a neon pink hippo tiptoeing across a living room could be. He attempted, with some success, to blot out the girls conversation until he was directly behind Sly's chair. He reached over the back and clamped an enormous mitt over the raccoon's muzzle. Sly tensed for a second, then began struggling beneath Murray's grasp. The hippo held him tight and wrapped his other colossal arm around his friend's chest to prevent him from escaping. Murray bent down and whispered directly into the raccoon's ear.
"Shh! I'm rescuing you!"
Sly rolled his eyes backwards to try and get a look at Murray, but all he could make out was the hippo's arms disappearing behind him.
"Mrph?" Sly said, in a confused and irritated tone.
"Come on!" Murray whispered, and with that, hoisted Sly over the back of the chair and sneaked off, carrying him under his arm, palm still firmly stuck over his mouth. He stalked over to the kitchen area, where Bentley was peeking over the countertop with a colander on his head. Murray arrived behind the counter with Bentley, and with a final quick look at the living area, dived down, still manhandling Sly. Bentley leaned forward in his chair, to get out of sight from the girls and also to better address his buddies.
"You got him out of there. Thank God," Bentley breathed.
"Mphhra! Muraaahy!" Sly commented. "Mrph. Memmphly! Mh."
"Sly, I can only let you go if you promise not to shout." Murray once again whispered into Sly's ear.
"He's right. You could give away our position…" Bentley muttered darkly.
Sly rolled his eyes so hard he pulled a muscle. After a minute pause, he gave a nod from beneath Murray's flesh. Murray slowly removed his hand from Sly's face. Sly threw the hippo a filthy look, then glanced at his kitchen wear wearing tortoise friend.
"What's going on?" He said with enormous restraint.
"Dude, do you not see what's happening over there? They're getting all chummy together…" Bentley said, with a face that said he had a nasty taste in his mouth.
"So?" Sly whined.
"They're exchanging boyfriend stories." Murray interjected grimly.
The colour drained from the raccoon's face.
"They couldn't… I mean they only just met… They wouldn't…would they? Let me see."
Murray nodded, and lifted Sly so he could peek over the countertop. He held him there for a few seconds, before lowering him back down to the safety of their hideaway.
"Oh God…" He whimpered.
"Bad?" Bentley asked.
"I caught the word 'premature'."
Both Bentley and Murray visibly winced.
"Whadda we do?" Murray spluttered.
"Try and get to the front door. If we can get outside then I can smoke bomb the building." Bentley whispered.
Sly threw him an exasperated look.
"Look, I say we slowly make our way back to your room." He whispered back. "We can hole up there for a while."
"What're you guys doing down there?"
All three thieves screamed loudly. Murray's was embarrassingly effeminate.
They looked up from their low position to see Carmelita leaning over the counter. Murray was still suspending Sly a few inches of the floor around his waist.
"Hi sweetie," Sly attempted, "we were just…um."
Fortunately his feeble excuse was put out of it's misery by the arrival of Penelope.
"What's going on back here?" She said, stepping around behind the boys. "Don't put that on your head! It's clean!" She shouted, noticing Bentley with the colander. The tortoise shrunk slightly into his shell.
"Wale, it seems lil' boys nevah do quite grow up." Mz. Ruby commented appearing beside Carmelita.
-
It took the girls quite a while to lure Bentley, Sly and Murray from the back of the kitchen counter. They eventually emerged on the express assurance that nothing to do with themselves as romantic interests would be discussed, and only then when it was put in writing. Instead they all sat around in chairs discussing past adventures and defeats, Bentley, Murray and the girls laughing at the various stories and new perspectives, and listening solemnly to serious stories and offering assurances. Still, Sly couldn't bring himself to participate. He listened quietly to the stories, but he passed no comment. He kept eyeballing Mz. Ruby, wondering what Murray saw in her, wondering even more what manner of hex she had in place of his hippo friend. He began to obsess, his thoughts becoming circular and always arriving at the same point; the deaths of his parents. She'd been there, she'd seen their blood spilt, and she still had the constitution to rip her share of pages from the Thievius Raccoonus, no matter what she said. His eyes drifted to the picture of his father propped up against the far wall. What would he say if he knew that his son was willingly tolerating the company of one of the persons responsible for not only his death, but the death of his wife? He wouldn't look so proud. The authoritative gaze of D. Cooper stared back, impossible to read. Sly scowled at his dark thoughts.
As the night went on, the party goers grew less. Bentley and Penelope were the first to drift away; they were obviously tired from all the planning. After showing their guests where their sleeping areas were, they made their excuses and left for the cosiness of the back bedroom. Murray was the next to leave for bed, the journey over having tired him out. He kissed his girlfriend on the cheek, and she assured him that she'd 'be with him soon'. Sly stared on with poorly disguised contempt. Murray left for the study, where a roll out double bed had been set up, with plenty of extra blankets and sleeping bags.
Shortly after Murray left, a lull in the conversation developed, largely due to the fact that with only three of them it was much harder for Sly to hide his true feelings. He glanced over at Carmelita, who yawned and stretched.
"I'm sorry hon, but I think I'm gonna have to head to bed too." She spoke softly.
"That's fine. I'll be along too in a little while." Sly nodded. He resolved himself to go to bed last. No way was he turning his back on Mz. Ruby.
Carmelita nodded back, and shot a worried glance between the raccoon and the crocodile. Sly forced a smile, to reassure her. She nodded finally, not entirely convinced, but paced to the spare bedroom and closed the door behind her with a soft click. The silence hung in the room like a quintessence of dust. Mz. Ruby was the first to break it.
"An then ther wuz too."
"Why don't we cut the crap, Ruby?" Sly snapped. "I've held back so far for Murray's sake, but once I find out what you're up to I'm taking you down."
Mz. Ruby looked away, looking hurt by Sly's words.
"Ah gess ah deserved thayt," She began. "Yew got so much anger inside yew, evan mah lil' friendship charm wuzn't enough to countah it."
Sly's eyes widened.
"I knew it!" He said raising his voice. "What, have you got Murray under a love spell, is that what's happening?"
"No." She replied, staring at the floor. "Thayt ain't how it is at all. If ah didn't have th' charm yew gahs would nevah have let me in tha door."
"With good reason." Sly said bitterly.
"Ah'm glad that we got a chance tew talk in private," she continued. "Too say ah'm sorry about what happened would be insulting, but ah want yew to know that ah nevah had a direct hand in your pahrents murder."
Sly remained silent. Ruby took a glance behind her, at the portrait of Sly's father.
"He's a fine looking mahn. Almost as fine as his son. Ah remember he fought bravely tew protect your mommy and yourself."
"Don't." Sly growled dangerously. "Don't you talk about him."
Mz. Ruby once again looked hurt.
"Ah can see that it'll take a while for yew to trust me." She said. "Ah'll leave yew alone now."
They rose from their chairs together, Sly keeping a careful eye on the crocodile. Mz. Ruby made to pace to the door to the study when suddenly she stopped.
"Oh," she said "ah almost forgot. Ah brought yew a birthday present."
She fished around in a concealed pocket in her dress.
"I don't want anything from you."
"Please, Slah," Ruby pleaded, pulling a clenched fist from the pocket. "If nothing else evah agin, please accept this gift from me."
Sly rolled his eyes, but stayed on his guard.
"What is it?"
Ruby smiled faintly, and opened her palm to reveal what resembled a small pile of grey dust or ash, with pieces of herb and spice chopped in. He was under whelmed.
"It looks like the inside of a vacuum cleaner."
Mz. Ruby closed her eyes for a moment, like Sly had uttered the very worst kind of blasphemy.
"This is ver powahful magick here Slah. This ain't something ah give to jus' anyone."
"Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks."
"This has unlimited powah Slah, yew can do whatevah yew whant with this. Yew could evan see back to your parents lifetime."
The raccoon's ears pricked up.
"Come here, ah'll show yew."
Cautiously, and with narrowed eyes, Sly stepped towards the crocodile. She held her palm flat for him to see. Her other arm hung limply by her side. He knew he was faster than her, but she had more magic inside her than a game of dungeons and dragons, so he was still wary. He reached her and looked down at the unimpressive pile.
"Now, concentrate. Hard."
Sly frowned, and stared down at the pile once more. He tried concentrated, but nothing happened.
"Trah lookin' more closely," Ruby offered. Sly met her gaze evenly. She stared back openly. He crouched down slightly, his hands on his knees and stared intently at the pile of dust. His nose was mere inches away from her hand.
"This is stupid. I can't see any-"
With that, Mz. Ruby gave a mighty puff, and blew the whole handful into Sly's face.
The raccoon reeled, the dust invading his airspace and burning at his eyes and nose. He couldn't help but inhale the cloud, and a fire consumed his insides, all the way down. His vision began to cloud as the foul material hit his lungs, and he keeled over. His head felt lighter than air, and he started to lose the feeling in his arms and legs.
"R-ruby…" He managed to choke out. Then he turned, positive that his only change to survive was to get to Carmelita, get to her gun. Ruby paced behind him, arms behind her back. She was in no hurry to stop Sly. She smiled down at him as he struggled with the handle to Carmelita's door, then as he fell into the spare room pathetically. She watched as he struggled across the room to the bed, where he collapsed next to his lover. He tried to call to her, but at this point he could barely manage a whisper. Carmelita stirred, but didn't wake up. Sly fought out of sheer anguish for another second, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, not now – and he lost consciousness. A thin trickle of blood oozed from his nose. Mz. Ruby grinned a wide toothy grin from the doorway.
"Nighty night, Slah Kewper." She said before closing the door behind her.