You Know You're Obsessed With CSI When…
By: PrettyMonsterMess
Your friends can say something vague along the lines of "What's that episode where the wife tried to kill that dude but ended up killing the wrong guy?" and you immediately know that they're talking about Grissom VS. The Volcano.
When your microwave explodes, the first thing you do is grab some tweezers, yellow index cards, a camera, and crime tape so that you can process the 'scene'.
You save all of your money to buy pencil lead, a ceramic bowl and crusher thing just so that you can pound the lead to dust and fingerprint your house.
Every day, you make sure that your fingerprints are everywhere you go so that if anything exciting happens, the CSIs will know you were there.
You eagerly await the phone call from Anthony E. Zuiker asking you to play a corpse on the show.
You spent your summer savings on all things CSI paraphernalia, including but not limited to forensics vest, those little CSI kits from Wal-Mart, keychain UV lights, every season of all three CSIs on DVD, Horatio Sunglasses, and a fugly farmer's hat.
To help yourself get sleep, you either replay episodes in your mind or make up your own.
Because your toy llama has spikey hair, you name it Greggo. That way, you can say things like 'Greggo and I were warm under the covers last night" without lying.
When something dangerous happens to you, the first thought to flash through your mind is 'If I die, I hope the CSIs who process the scene are as cute as Greg!'
You start introducing yourself as 'CSI (insert name here)
If someone insults CSI, you kick them in the shins.
You recognize the extras when they reappear in different episodes, then learn their names and eagerly track their acting careers.
People can count on you for complete and detailed recaps of each episode.
When you saw John Mayer on CSI, you immediately searched your house for any and all of his CDs and, when you didn't find them, went out and bought them all.
All of your science/math/English assignments are secretly linked to CSI.
You've thought up a name for each and every one of Greg's hairstyles.
You 'ruined' a windbreaker by ironing 'FORENSICS' on the back. You secretly feel it was improvement.
When you see an official looking SUV labeled 'Investigations' pass by your school in the middle of choir class, you cut off in the middle of the song and immediately begin to whisper amongst your friends about hat the crime might have been. A feeling of fulfillment follows you around for the rest of the day, and it is the highlight of your journal entry.
You read/write CSI fanfiction.
You are reading this.
This particular television show has influenced your career decisions, even though you realize that real life is never as glamorous as television writers make it out to be.
When you saw that commercial for the three new CSI DVDs on during CSI: NY, you nearly woke up the whole household with your shrieking/joyful giggles, and knocking over of furniture in search of your Christmas list and a pen.
You know what commercial I'm talking about.
You replace all of the lights in your house with UV lights just to see the stains on your carpet.
The Who were on tour (really, I'm not lying. at least, they were on tour when I wrote this. Which was a while ago.) and since they do the CSI theme, you beg your parents for tickets and, if they say no, you work your bum off just so you can buy ridiculously expensive tickets and see that one song played live.
When staying at hotels, you use that UV light keychain from #6 on the sheets to see what you're sleeping on. After that, you decide to sleep in your car. Forever.
You hear a song that was on CSI and you can name the scene, season, episode, and then give a synopsis of the episode.
You forget that the characters aren't real people.
You have a fish named Bobby Dawson.
Your children are to be named Greg, Nick, Sarah, Warrick, Catherine, and Gilbert, not necessarily in that order.
The writers' strike left you suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms.
The only reason you want to see 'Click' is because of the CSI reference. And you know what episode they're talking about. (I think it's XX)
You based your choice of college off of where your favourite CSI went to school.
You desperately want a house in Stokes Valley.
You look up people who have the same name as the characters in the phone book, ring them up, and then drop hints as to what to do in the show.
Your answering machine is the whole Grissom/Greg conversation from Let the Seller Beware, up to 'You infected me with mildew?' Then it beeps.
You scream advice at the screen during CSI.
You call your Grandpa Papa Olaf, even though his name is Cecil and your family is Scottish.
Your willing to sit on a hard wooden chair in a cold kitchen in front of a 13" black and white screen television just so you can watch CSI while your family uses the other TV sets.
You carry a portable DVD player and CSI DVDs with you around in a backpack for CSI on the go.
Even when your mom banned you from CSI, and told you to go spend some time with real people, you hid CSI DVDs in a CD case when you went to spend the night at your equally obsessed friends.
You start spelling and pronouncing 'fountain', 'funtain'.
When horror movies get the blood spatter wrong, that's what scares you.
You changed yours and your parents' cell phone's ringtone to 'Fell Like Making Love' in homage to Greg.
If anyone calls you between 9-10:00 Pm ON A Thursday night, they are permanently blocked from your callers list.
You unplug your phone on Thursdays.
You can actually relate to most of these and have been nodding along as you read and are planning on sending this to your other CSI friends.