I know this is up really soon, but I had one of those days where I couldn't stop writing. I hope you guys like it!
WARNING: The following chapter is rated T for violence, sexual references, and curse words. Reader discretion is advised.
My Saving Grace: Chapter IV
If Blair Waldorf was an uncontrollably aggressive person, Georgina Sparks would probably have been out of the window and falling to her death. However, Blair Waldorf was not murderous; she was just furious that a slut was proposing to bed the man she loved. Being killed was one thing; being a killer was another.
Chuck stared at Georgina as though she had two heads. Blair frenetically scouted the room, looking for anything she could use to stop Georgina. Her brain was turning a mile a minute with ideas that she could not follow through with.
"I can't beat her up," Blair thought. "I'm not like that. I'm Blair Waldorf, I don't physically fight anyone. Plus she can't even hit me back. She'd go right through me." Georgina's cackling laughter reverberated in her ears, which caused her to grit her teeth.
"Why the shocked expression, Chuck?! I thought you were used to hearing women say that to you!" Georgina exclaimed.
"You're not a woman. You're a psycho," Chuck said hatefully. Georgina laughed, her lips shut.
"Take a look in the mirror, why don't cha. This psycho made you, Charles Bartholomew Bass." She stepped even closer until her body was pressed against his. "This psycho started it all." Chuck backed away from her fiercely. Blair yelped, searching about the room again.
"What can I do to stop her?!" she asked herself, feeling utterly helpless.
"You're joking," Chuck said suspiciously. "You're saying that if I sleep with you, you're just going to leave without a fight and never come back?" Blair's thoughts halted as she looked at the two of them with doe eyes.
"I swear on my life that I'll never return," Georgina said. Chuck continued glaring at her distrustfully. "You don't believe me," Georgina said, her overwrought voice displaying her offended attitude.
"Not in the least," Chuck said. Blair sighed in relief, yet she found herself unsurprised. Chuck would never fall for a lie like Georgina's, especially since he knew how she was. Georgina laughed again.
"Oh come on, Chuck! It's not like you wouldn't enjoy it! I was your first!"
"The first girl I ever walked in on doing another guy while I still liked her," Chuck said. He scowled. "Although I should have seen it coming." Blair was astonished at his confession.
"That's why Chuck was openly insulting her," Blair thought. She wondered quickly if Georgina was part of the reason why Chuck became a womanizer. She came to the conclusion that Georgina was only one of the numerous factors.
"I was young and stupid. We were both young and inexperienced." Georgina groaned, but not in an angry way. "I still remember that room…and your face…" Blair and Chuck listened to her, utterly horror-stricken, even though they tried many times to block out her voice. "The way your legs trembled beneath mine…"
"Stop it," Chuck demanded, his voice strained. Georgina didn't listen, and Chuck turned his head away from her. Blair was so revolted and stunned that she could do nothing but gape at the two of them. Her brain had gone from working overtime to controlled mush.
"Your voice in my ear…'more, Georgina…oh God, Georgina…'"
"Shut up!" Chuck yelled. Georgina stood directly under him so that he looked straight into her owl-like eyes.
"More."
Not knowing what else she could do and very desperate, Blair picked up a glass vase that was on the center of a nearby table and threw it to the ground. It shattered into pieces noisily, causing Georgina to jump. She looked behind her and shrugged at the broken item. If she could have seen the menacing look on Blair's face, she would have been filled with much more fright.
"It must have been the wind that knocked it over," Georgina said, not remembering that all of the windows in her apartment were closed. She laughed at Chuck's reddened, discombobulated facial expression. "Got you turned on pretty good, didn't I?" She smiled proudly and let out another laugh that made both Chuck and Blair's stomachs churn. "God, I love messing with your mind, Chuck. And I know exactly how to do it." Chuck glowered at her.
"You're sick," Chuck sneered.
"I know." Georgina giggled in her throat. "You couldn't get enough of it a few years ago. Don't sweat, Chuckiekins; my little words even made me hot. After all, I was the first person to touch you where you were dying to be touched." Georgina reached her hand out and grabbed Chuck's arm. Blair felt her limbs shaking the way they had when Georgina whispered to Chuck at the bar. Her entire being became filled with a hatred that she never thought that she could feel. Enough was enough.
"Screw not hurting! No slut touches my man!" Blair ran over, ready to kick Georgina down and then kick her a million times more. She kept seeing Georgina's hand grasping Chuck's arm over and over again in her mind. But before she could reach her, Chuck grabbed Georgina's arm and forcefully tossed it off of his. Georgina let out a gasp of pain, for Chuck had yanked very harshly. Blair stopped, not believing what she had almost done.
"Keep your hands off of me," Chuck snarled.
"That's right, Chuck. Toss away the hand that fed you scraps before you had the feast." Georgina sniggered. "You're such a bastard." She raised both of her eyebrows at one time, her mouth curved upward. "I wouldn't have you any other way."
"You won't have me at all," Chuck growled. He turned in the direction of the door. Blair relaxed a little and thought about how close she had been to pounding Georgina until she was literally unconscious. Blair admitted to herself that she did not like some of the things that she thought about doing while she was a ghost. However, she did not fret as Chuck called back to Georgina. "I can't wait to screw you over, you slut."
"Oh, you can screw me, alright."
Blair's arms quaked.
"Don't do it, Blair…don't do it!" Blair reached over and knocked down a photograph in a ceramic frame in frustration. Georgina turned around, this time more annoyed. "What the hell?!" she exclaimed.
"Run Chuck, run! Get out of here!" Blair yelled. "I'm so going to haunt this bitch back to the Stone Age!" Chuck bolted for the door.
"Just a minute, Chuck," Georgina said. "You still haven't gotten the answer to the question you've been dying to ask." Chuck's hand was on the brass doorknob. He paused.
"Oh no," Blair thought. She knew that Chuck never turned down information, especially if it was an answer to something he had wondered about. "Don't turn around, Chuck! Go!" Blair yelled. She felt desperate tears building up in her eyes. She sniffled, pleading: "Don't acknowledge her, just go!"
Chuck slowly turned his head towards Georgina.
"Oh really? And what question is that?" Chuck asked snidely. Georgina smirked, taking immense pleasure in what she was about to say.
"Oh God…" Blair felt her hands shaking as she brought them to her face. Georgina was only a few steps away. "No," Blair commanded herself. "You don't hurt anyone. Don't even think about it. She'd be absolutely defenseless."
"You've been wondering this whole time exactly why I want to have sex with you," Georgina said. Chuck stared at her with revulsion, not denying it. "Well," Georgina said, "maybe I've just been gone for a long time and want someone who could satisfy me. An all-girls reform school does get awfully lonely. Or maybe I saw you earlier at the bar and acted on an impulsive attraction." She walked forward. Chuck stood up straight, more prepared for her words then before. Blair stood firmly as well. Georgina inhaled deeply before looking up at him and speaking in a sleazy murmur. "Or maybe I just want to hear you say that you need me the way I know you still need Blair Waldorf."
Blair felt her mouth drop open, realizing that she truly wasn't ready for Georgina's words at all. Georgina was so desperate for friendship and for love that she'd do anything to get them--even if that "anything" went past the point of being normal.
"She really is a psychopath!" Blair thought. Chuck eyed Georgina, his face displaying his spite and disgust.
"I'll never need you for anything, let alone as much as I need her." Chuck pulled the door open and he stepped out of its path. Blair's moment of lighthearted happiness was interrupted when the wooden door smacked Georgina in the head. She screeched as Chuck walked out through the doorway. Georgina grabbed Chuck's shoulder and tried to pull him back.
"You can't say no to me!" she exclaimed freakishly. Chuck's eyes moved to her forehead and he cringed at the large, deep mark that the door had made. It was already surrounded by a light purple, red, and yellowish color.
"Maybe you should have someone look at that," Chuck said.
"I need you!" Georgina exclaimed. She began to cry. "You don't know what it's like! I've lost all my friends and I've never had an actual boyfriend! You're all I have, Chuck!"
"All that you had," Chuck corrected maliciously. "It's your own fault. You need help, Georgina." She breathed deeply and wiped the snot dribbling out of her nose.
"I do NOT need help!" She began thrashing her arms around until Chuck grabbed hold of them. He looked down at her until she stopped heaving.
"You do," Chuck said, the edge lessening from his voice. He brought her arms down to her sides before dropping them. "I can have my father arrange something for you."
"I don't need doctors and I don't need boundaries and I don't need restrictions!" Georgina screamed. Blair stood behind them in the doorway. She realized that Georgina was probably listing off things that her parents or teachers told her that she needed. Georgina whimpered, deciding to make one last ditch effort. "I need you, Chuck!"
"No Georgina. You want someone to need you." Chuck turned away from her and began pacing quickly down the hallway to get to the stairs, thankful that the nightmare was over. He wasn't going to risk waiting for the elevator. Blair was about to run through Georgina and chase after him, until Georgina turned around and furiously ran through Blair herself. She shuddered and wept as she did. Blair watched her questioningly as she dashed to the broken pieces of the glass vase on the ground. She picked some of the bigger pieces up and placed them in her cupped hands. Then she stood up and ran in Blair's direction. Blair froze, alarmed as she realized what Georgina was about to do.
"Oh my God!" Blair shouted. She reached for the doorknob to shut Georgina into the room, but it was too late. Georgina ran through her and down the hallway to the top of the staircase. Chuck was more than halfway down when he heard her scream.
"I was the best you've ever had, you son of a bitch!" Georgina exclaimed. Chuck turned and saw Georgina raising a piece of glass over her head, poised and ready to throw it.
Blair ran down the hall, her heart pounding in her ears. Adrenaline pulsated through her body as she imagined the terrifying thing that Georgina was about to do. Tears continued streaming from her eyes as she imagined glass slicing Chuck's arms, his back, his face. She kept running and yet it seemed like Georgina kept getting farther and farther away with every step that she took. She imagined Chuck's screams of pain. One moment, Blair was standing in front of Georgina's backside. The next she had pulled Georgina backwards and punched her in the face. Georgina wailed and dropped the glass shards, not knowing what was happening. Blair took another swing, at her jaw this time. Georgina fell to the floor, howling.
"You lay a hand on him and I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Blair shook Georgina by the collar with one hand and kept striking her with the other. "Leave him alone!" She wiped tears away and her bloodied hand left glistening red liquid on her cheek. "Leave him alone, you psychopathic whore!" Georgina wailed as Blair let go of her shirt collar and began hitting with both fists.
Chuck had turned away when he saw Georgina, as he was too frozen with shock to run and he figured it would be better if the glass hit his back then his front. When he didn't hear the clanging of glass hitting the stairs or feel anything cut him, he turned and looked back up at the stairs. He watched in horror as Georgina Sparks curled up into a ball and jolted around violently. Blood appeared in different spots as she bawled.
As Blair continued listening to her rapid heartbeat and watching her fists fly in front of her, she saw the glass and the red droplets in her mind again. She reheard Chuck's invented cries of agony. She swung her hand into Georgina's shoulder. Then the images of Chuck and Georgina in bed returned to Blair's mind. She heard him moan and gasp as she stroked him. She remembered Georgina grabbing Chuck and pressing herself against him and whispering things to him at the bar. She kicked Georgina in the side.
"I'm glad that Blair's dead! I'd rather that she be dead than with you!" echoed Nate. She slapped Georgina in the face.
"She is such a slut!" the voices of the girls of Constance said after finding out that Blair slept with Chuck and Nate in the same week. She pummeled harder.
"You may find that fat free yogurt more appealing," her mother cautioned sternly. She hit Georgina's arm. She remembered a time when Serena walked into school looking like a mess and all of the boys still gawked at her. She kicked Georgina's side again. She remembered Bart and the many things he had said to Chuck. She punched Georgina's nose.
She came up for air.
Then she saw two large, dark brown, terrified orbs gazing up at her from a few stairs down.
She heard his hefty breathing and noticed his body shaking in fright.
Then she fell to the floor next to her bloodstained victim and wept.
Chuck called for an ambulance once he had unsteadily risen to his feet and checked to see if Georgina was still breathing. She was unconscious, but alive. Blair remained on the ground so that it looked like the blood spilled on her was actually on the floor. After the paramedics came and picked Georgina up, Blair ran through Georgina's apartment door and into the bathroom to wash herself off. She did not have a reflection so she sat in the bathtub for the longest time and looked at her hands as she sobbed. Every time she closed her eyes she saw her fists flailing uncontrollably into Georgina's lips and face.
"What have I done?!" She gasped. "I'm not a ghost, I'm a monster!" Blair cried and cried until she could no longer breathe. She did not know how long she was in the bathroom for. She was exhausted, but still found the strength to imagine herself in the hospital. She arrived at the waiting room, where Chuck was sitting. His eyes looked swollen and tortured. His one leg lied on his opposite thigh. Blair turned away, realizing that she could not bear to look at him. His horrified eyes were going to haunt her forever. She heard the elevator doors open as she let out more tears.
"Chuck, when you said you'd take care of her, I never dreamed that you meant like this!" Serena exclaimed. Chuck smiled amusingly as he rose to greet Serena and her boyfriend.
"I didn't do it, sis."
"Thank God!" Serena exclaimed.
"Then who did?" Dan asked, his eyes narrowing. Chuck's smile disappeared and he walked back over to his seat.
"No one. It was the strangest thing I've ever witnessed." He sighed and folded his hands together. "At first I thought she was having a seizure, but seizures don't cause blood."
"Unless you hit something when you're in one," Dan specified. Chuck nodded.
"Anyway, she finally stopped jerking around and I went to check her and…" Chuck stopped and shook his head a little as in disbelief. "There was so much blood oozing everywhere…" He stopped again, his mouth closing. There was a long silence. Blair walked over to the desk of the hospital clerk and used it to stable herself. She was crying so hard that it was affecting her stability.
"That's really weird," Serena said.
"It was as though someone invisible was pounding lumps on her," Chuck said, staring ahead of him.
"That's impossible," Dan said with an eye roll. He did not look like he believed a word that Chuck said.
"I'm not saying that's what it was," Chuck stated. "That's what it looked like. All I know is that she tried to kill me beforehand, so I don't feel as sorry as I feel shocked."
"She tried to kill you?!" Serena asked. Chuck nodded. "Why?!"
"I went down there to tell her to leave you alone, and she asked me to sleep with her," Chuck explained.
"What?!" Dan and Serena seemed to both ask in unison.
"Yeah. I told her no, so I began to walk away down the stairs. Then she all of a sudden was at the top again, ready to throw glass shards at me," Chuck said. Serena turned toward the emergency room door and gaped.
"That bitch!" Serena exclaimed. "Wait until your father's lawyers get a hold of her!"
"I'm going to let it go. There's something obviously wrong with the girl," Chuck said.
"Something wrong? That's too kind of a description," Dan stated.
"We can't just let her off the hook!" Serena exclaimed. "She tried to murder you!"
"Her parents are in there with her. They told me that she snuck away from boarding school and isn't even supposed to be here," Chuck said. Blair lifted her head at the news. "She stole their credit cards. Anyway, they said that they found a new place to keep her and I said that my father would get her a psychiatrist."
"I say that she deserves nothing less than Bedlam," Dan said.
"Well, it's an expensive school for the troubled, so they'll have guards around all of the time in case she tries to run away," Chuck said. "It's sort of a teenage Bedlam."
"Thank God. Now hold me back so I don't run into the ER and tear that bitch's IV out," Serena said.
"That's a little overboard," Dan said.
"She tried to kill my stepbrother! Well, almost stepbrother, that is! How can I not be upset?!" Serena asked. Chuck laughed a little.
"Hey sis, sounds like you've gotten used to me," Chuck said in an exasperating sugary voice. Serena bent down and hugged him.
"You nearly got yourself killed trying to defend me," Serena said. "It's the least I could do." She took his hands and pulled him up with a smile. "Thank you for that, Chuck."
"You're welcome," Chuck replied. Serena turned to Dan and grabbed his hand.
"Come on, let's all go home." They began to walk to the elevator. Blair watched them through blurry eyes.
"Hey Chuck? Why did Georgina want to sleep with you, anyway?" Dan asked. Chuck pressed the elevator button and the door opened. The three walked inside.
"None of your business, Humphrey."
The door closed.
Blair did not go back to the Palace for four days. She wandered around New York in a state of self-hatred. She understood that Georgina had to be stopped, but she could not let go of the fact that she beat her to a bloody pulp. If someone threatened her, Blair found back with brains. She never lost her temper; she never physically harmed anyone.
"What's happening to me?! I'm not who I was!" Blair remembered the anger that she felt at Nate and the jealousy she felt at Georgina. She remembered how badly she wanted to make them suffer at the moment the way that she was emotionally suffering.
On the fourth day, Blair walked to Central Park and sat on the fountain ledge. She looked down at the shimmering water. Two baby ducks swam along together, making little ripples.
"I'd never forgive myself if I let her hurt Chuck. Even if he'll be scared to death of me if I ever do talk to him, I'm not upset that I saved him. He's the reason why I get up in the morning. The reason why I put up with being dead." She saw his pleasantly astonished face in her head, the way he looked at her when she stood up on Victrola's stage that one night and when she leaned over and kissed him in the limo. Her eyes became blurry as she watched the ducks swim. "He's my whole world."
The ducks splashed around and picked at each other's feathers.
"Then I was thinking about Georgina and Nate and mom and my old clique. Why?!" Blair put her hand into the fountain and brought it up. She let a stream of water fall out of her palm. A biker riding by stopped to look at the water dropping out of nowhere and crashed onto a grassy patch. She closed her eyes and listened to the liquid droplets falling and making a soothing sound. She remembered all of the times that each of them had made her angry for one reason or another.
Her eyes shot open and she gasped.
"Oh my God…I never let it out!" She stood up and began walking away, her tear-filled eyes glued to the brick ground. "I always let things go or forgave things that I never got over! I never got any closure on anything!" She recalled once again all of the times that she had forgiven Nate, and all of the times that she had ignored her mother's nagging, and all of the times she had been jealous of Serena. She remembered being angry at Bart and the Constance girls for saying rude things about her and the people she cared about. She especially remembered Georgina grabbing Chuck. "I let it go. I got revenge on the outsiders, but I always forgave everyone else," Blair thought. She realized how much rage and envy she had been retaining for so long. "No wonder I was thinking of them all." She walked out of the black gates of Central Park. "I hate Nate for what he said and for wronging me, I hate my mom for wanting me to be perfect, I hate Georgina for trying to hurt and seduce Chuck, and I hate the rest of them for the things they say and do." Blair stopped in her tracks, a feeling of empowerment rising up from her chest. It was a feeling that she dare not have thought before about any of the Upper East Siders.
"Oh my God…I hate everybody! I'm so sick of everybody!"
Blair spent the entire day downtown. She knew why she had continued beating Georgina, but she still felt empty inside. She thought that discovering the reason was going to make her feel liberated and powerful and better. Instead, she felt lost. She went back to the Palace late at night. She saw Bart and Lily lying asleep on the couch together and she smiled a little at the corners of her mouth. Serena and Eric were in bed. When Blair entered Chuck's room, her was just exiting his bathroom and shutting off the light.
"God, I have to stop doing this to myself," Chuck whispered. He walked back to his bed, lied down, and pulled the covers up to his chest. Blair wandered over and sat on the bed next to him, guessing that he had woken up again. As soon as he closed his eyes she ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
"Hey baby," she whispered. She never called him that before, but she wanted to feel like she was still controllably watching out for him and that she didn't need any comfort. "So guess what? I officially discovered that I was mad at everyone except you for the longest time." She stopped, examining his moonlit face. "I got mad at you too, but at least I could let it out with you. You never judged me, no matter how I was feeling." She dropped her hand from his head and laid it by her side. She lied down beside him, the tears building up again. "I miss you so much, Chuck. So much that you can't even begin to imagine." Her cheeks felt hot, the warm moisture drenching them. "I feel so differently now, and I can't tell you what I'm going through because you can't hear me…" She buried her face into the pillow and sniveled. Her shoulders shook as she cried. She tried to calm down and turned her head so that she looked at his face. "I'm going to talk to you one day. I don't care who or what stands in my way, I will find out how to get through to you. Then I can tell you what I feel, and what I should have done, and you can see what a pathetic mess I've become!" She spoke with self-loathing in her tense voice and moaned loudly into the pillow.
That was when she felt a warm hand passing through hers gently. Blair looked up, wondering for a minute if Chuck had heard her. He was still asleep, but his arm had stretched halfway across the bed and his hand fell tenderly onto hers. Blair noticed that his lips were curved into a tiny smile, the way he used to smile at her whenever she needed him. She felt a joyful laugh rise up from her stomach and she let it out with one final burst of tears. It was the first time she had laughed in four days, and it felt so foreign to her that it hurt to release it. She placed her fingers in between his and she crawled in closer to him. Blair breathed in the air coming in through the slightly cracked windows and felt it invigorate her entire being. She smiled at Chuck's comforting, softened face one last time. Before her eyelids closed she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She didn't even care that he couldn't feel it; all that mattered was that she did.
The next morning, Blair woke up with the sun shining on her face. She stretched her arms up in the air and moaned. She was feeling much better--that is, until she saw Chuck at the foot of the bed, fully dressed and packing some clothes into a black suitcase.
"Chuck, where are you going?" Blair asked, extending across the bed and looking up at him. She pushed some of her long hair out of her face. There was a knock at his door.
"Come in," Chuck called as he folded a pair of beige shorts. The door opened and Bart entered.
"Almost ready?" Bart asked.
"Yes," Chuck replied. He lowered the top of his suitcase and snapped it shut. "This is going to be fun."
"Even I'm starting to get excited," Bart stated.
"No, why would you have any reason to be excited? It's only your bachelor party," Chuck said with a playful smile. Blair laughed at his animated expression. Bart looked the exact opposite.
"I've been so uptight and worried about the wedding that I haven't had a chance to relax," Bart said.
"Don't stress out so much. You and Lily love each other. It will all work out," Chuck said. Blair was surprised. Chuck never usually gave heartfelt advice, but she loved hearing it. Bart nodded.
"I hope you're right." Bart sighed, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets. "I'll see you outside," He walked to the door but turned toward his son again before exiting. "By the way, I'm…" Chuck looked up. Bart seemed nervous, as though he was about to give a speech in front of the president. "I'm glad you're okay," he finished. Chuck's face glowed.
"Me too father," Chuck replied. Bart smiled one last time and left. Chuck walked around the room and checked for anything he might have forgotten to pack. Blair sat on the black suitcase, her head propped in her hands.
"Have fun, Chuck. I'd come with you, but there's something here that I have to do here. I'm going to make good on that promise I made you. I'll probably drop in and see how you're doing though," Blair said. She saw Chuck walking back over. She did a backwards somersault on the bed, pulling herself off of the suitcase. Chuck reached down and grabbed it before walking to the door. Blair followed him and watched him tell Serena and Eric goodbye before he left the suite.
"Well, this is just like old times," Lily commented at the breakfast table.
"Lonely, isn't it?" Eric said. "I miss Chuck taunting Serena every morning."
"That's one thing I could live without," Serena said. Suddenly, a phone bleeped. "That's mine." Serena pulled her purse up and grabbed her cell phone out of it. She flipped the top open and read the text message she had received.
"Who is it?" Eric asked through a mouthful of oats.
"Dan," she replied. "He's wondering if we could do something tonight. Rufus is going to be gone and Jenny's going out with her new boyfriend Asher, so the Humphrey lot is going to be deserted." Lily and Eric both swallowed hard upon hearing different names. Serena texted something back before throwing her phone back in her purse. "I told him we could if I don't have a lot of homework."
"My daughter: studying before going out. I must say Serena, I grow prouder of you with every passing day," Lily said. Serena stood up.
"I told you that I was going to change," Serena said. Blair twisted her foot in a circle underneath the table, thinking about how practically everyone she knew had changed in some way or another, herself included.
Blair followed Serena to Constance. While the other girls stalled in the bathrooms or ran to class, Blair strolled to the library. She saw a freshman girl who was denied entry because she didn't have her ID.
"No ID for me…no ID for me!" Blair sang to herself. She walked through the aisles of books and searched for anything on ghosts. She found a lot of books and went to a deserted table in the very back of the library. It was practically deserted except for the occupied librarian and one junior girl on a computer. Blair opened the first book and began to read.
"What is a ghost?" Blair read the chapter titles out loud. "Where do ghosts come from? Why do they exist? Do all ghosts haunt people? Are ghosts harmful?" Blair continued searching through books but only found one thing about communication. "Humans can usually hear ghosts speak through an EVP or tape recorders. There have also been reports of humans talking directly
to ghosts in their sleep." Blair frowned. She had spoken to Chuck many times when he slept and he never answered back. It seemed sometimes like he sensed that she was there, but she did not know for sure. Blair closed the book and sighed. "I don't get it," she said to herself. When the final bell rang she left the library, her eyes sore from hours of reading and computer searching. On her way home with Serena, Blair realized that she wasn't having any luck on her own. She didn't want to make her ghostly presence known so soon, but there seemed to be no other option. She was tired of waiting to talk.
"I need some help," Blair thought. She looked at her best friend walking next to her and smiled.
Serena ended up having a lot of homework to do. Lily offered to take Eric out for dinner to give her some quiet time, a proposal for which both Blair and Serena were grateful for. As soon as Lily and Eric left the suite, Blair went to Serena's room. Her best friend sat on her bed with The Great Gatsby in her hands.
"Hmm, rich people from New York. This sounds familiar," Serena said to herself out loud. Blair walked over to Serena's nightstand and picked up a purple pen with fuzzy material at the top. Serena didn't notice. Blair then reached for her friend's English notebook. She flipped the pages until she got to a clean sheet. Serena put down her book and gasped at the flapping pages. She backed up into her bed's headboard as the pen began to write by itself. She tried to scream, but only a few moaning sounds erupted from her throat.
"S, it's only B. Don't freak out," Blair spoke as she wrote. Serena read the words and recognized the handwriting.
"Blair?! Blair?! What the--?!" She could not even find the words to express what she was feeling. Blair continued to write.
"I'm a ghost, but don't worry. I'm not going to haunt you or anything."
"Oh my God...Blair, it's really you!" Serena looked happier then Blair had seen her in weeks. "I don't believe it!"
"Well, it's me. The girl who you gossiped with and fought with and laughed with ever since preschool," Blair scribbled.
"I just can't believe it!" Serena looked like she was on the verge of tears. "B, you're a ghost!"
"Tell me something I don't know," Blair wrote sarcastically.
"How have you been?" Serena asked. Blair couldn't help but laugh. The pen shook, making her next words look squiggly.
"You mean outside of the dead part?"
"I thought you go to heaven when you die!"
"I thought so too, but here I am. I've been stuck on the Upper East Side ever since I passed away. I woke up on the sidewalk and finally realized that I was gone."
"You've been around this whole time and never told me?!" Serena exclaimed.
"I was hoping that I would get to actually talk to you, but it hasn't happened yet," Blair wrote. "I'm actually saying out loud what I'm writing right now, but you can't hear me, can you?" Serena shook her head. "I was there when you were talking to Dan about Georgina and I was there with you, Chuck, and Dan at the bar."
"Oh my God, this is crazy! In a good way," Serena said.
"Nice to know I'm entertaining," Blair wrote. "Let me tell you something else. Remember how your one arm got cold the day you found out that I was dead? Have you heard Bart complaining about how cold he is?"
"That was you?!" Serena asked, stunned.
"That's when I allow people to go through me," Blair jotted down. She stuck her one arm out and continued to write with the other. "Go ahead and wave your hand out in front of you." Serena looked ahead of her skeptically, and Blair laughed again. "S, I'm not going to tear you into a hellhole or anything. Just do it."
"It's just so eerie!" Serena reached her hand out and Blair ran her arm through it. Serena shivered, her arm turning very cold. "Oh my gosh, that's so creepy!" Serena said, though she smiled widely as she spoke.
"It's pretty cool though, no?" Blair wrote.
"Totally, but…wow!" Serena exclaimed, looking at her arm as though it wasn't even hers. "There's more. Remember when Chuck got saved from that truck and he thought someone had pushed him? Someone did."
"B, you're a hero!" Serena exclaimed.
"Just looking out for my friends," Blair said. Serena sat and looked at the paper for a few minutes, and suddenly she emitted a gasp from her mouth. Blair looked at her, perplexed. "S?"
"It was you," Serena finally said. She looked up, her eyes like saucers. "I wanted to believe Chuck so badly that he didn't do it, but I still thought he did! Especially after that Gossip Girl text…I feel so horrible now!"
"Wait, what are you talking about?" Blair wrote.
"You beat up Georgina, didn't you?!" Serena asked. Blair did not write for a few moments. She knew that she was going to have to admit it eventually; she just wasn't expecting so soon.
"She was going to hurt Chuck, S," Blair finally scribbled. Her voice shook as she spoke what she wrote. "I kept envisioning it in my head. I didn't want to beat her up so badly, but I just kept seeing the glass hitting him over and over again and I lost it. I couldn't stand by and watch any longer. I love Chuck too much to let anyone harm him."
"Well, I'm not blaming you. She deserved something to happen but...wait, wait!" Serena shrieked. "Did you just say you love Chuck?!" Blair looked down at what she wrote and felt like shrinking. She had not planned on letting out her feelings for Chuck out so quickly either, but she had just been writing down what came into her head.
"Yeah," Blair confessed.
"Oh my God, this is too much!" Serena leaned back and sighed. "I'm so glad that I'm talking to you right now B, but you need to give me a second."
"I'm so sorry," Blair wrote. "I know it's a lot to take in all at once." Serena did not speak for a few long minutes.
"You love Chuck?! Why?!" she suddenly asked. Blair picked up the notepad and wrote for a little while. She handed it back to Serena who read it carefully.
"I didn't know it for years, and then one day--one morning after, to be precise--I looked at him in a way I never had before. I kept trying to deny how I felt. I kept telling myself that I loved Nate and that Chuck could never be the perfect man I dreamed of. Then I died, and I woke up. I saw who really did love me and who I should have loved while I had the chance. I regret not choosing him every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall asleep. I know it sounds crazy, but I love him. Even though he slept around before me and even though we had our fights, I still love him. I love him so much that I'd beat the skank who tried to hurt him to a bloody pulp."
Silence ensued.
"Ew!" Serena suddenly shrieked. Blair laughed again. "I'm sorry. He's going to be my step-brother and he's done a lot for me and I've grown fond of him, strangely enough. But still…ew."
"There's a lot that you don't know about him, S. There's so much that he's going through that if I told you, you would pass out. All of this is already overwhelming without adding that to the mix," Blair wrote.
"Well, he'll be a lot better once you write to him," Serena stated.
"NO! You can't tell him!" Blair wrote in large, capital letters. Serena felt silly for being threatened by words on paper.
"Whoa B, chillax." Serena made a flat hand motion. "Breathe in, breathe out."
"Sorry, but he can't know!" Blair said.
"Why?!" Serena asked. "You let me know you're here."
"There's so much I have to tell him…so much he needs to know…I can't explain it to him like this. I've imagined speaking to him one-on-one again so many times that it's made me sad. I know so much more about him than I did before. This way would be too distant."
"I doubt Chuck would care as long as you're contacting him," Serena said.
"S, please! I need to talk to him! Imagine if you were dead, wanting just to hear Dan acknowledge you again the way he did when you were alive!" Blair scribbled. Serena pondered.
"That's a pretty depressing thought," Serena said.
"For me it's a reality. Don't tell Chuck about me, Serena. I want him to hear that I love him. Please."
After a long pause, Serena sighed.
"Alright, alright. I won't tell him. But how are you going to speak with him when he can't hear you talk?"
"That's precisely why I wrote to you," Blair admitted. "I've been researching a lot but I haven't come up with any plausible ways that I could get through to him. We've always come up with great ideas together. Will you help me, S?"
"I'm still confused about--"
"I'll explain everything in a minute." Blair gripped the pen tightly. "There's so much that I need to tell you about." She thought about why she could touch Chuck and then suddenly everything else. Then she remembered all of the anger she had released on Georgina. "I've learned that I've been holding back a lot of things. Plus, you need to tell me about that whole text message thing you mentioned."
"This is going to be a long talk," Serena said.
"You're like my sister. It's your job to listen," Blair said. Serena laughed.
"Of course I'll listen. I wonder how many people have ghosts for best friends?"
"You're a special one," Blair said sarcastically.
"Did you play any pranks, like in the movies?" Serena asked.
"Everything from dumping coffee into Hazel's hair to throwing fries as Nate. It's actually pretty interesting," Blair wrote. "But back to the original question: will you help me find out how I can talk to Chuck, and to you, and to everyone else?" Serena stared at the purple pen. Then she got up and left the room, motioning for Blair to follow her with her hand. She sat down on the couch and opened her mom's laptop.
"What creepy ghost question should I punch into Google?" Serena asked with a smile.
End of Chapter IV