Hey everyone! School's out, hooray! LOL, I'm such a geek. Anyway, here's chapter five and I hope you like it! Thanks to ChuckBassLover15 for an idea in this chapter!
My Saving Grace: Chapter V
"I still can't believe it."
"What?"
"That Chuck said a prayer."
Blair laughed and wrote another message to her best friend on the lined paper.
"I didn't believe it myself when it happened. It was cute."
Blair and Serena were sitting on the couch in the Bass-Van Der Woodsen suite. Lily and Eric had been gone for awhile. In that time, Blair managed to help Serena with her homework and explain everything that had happened to her in the past few weeks with her pen. Serena ate microwave popcorn as her ghost friend wrote down a day-by-day recap.
"That's so weird," Serena said. "How could you not pick up anything and then suddenly you could?" Blair shrugged, then remembered that Serena couldn't see her shrug.
"Beats me," Blair wrote. "I'm so tired of wondering."
"Well, the first priority on our list is finding a way for you to talk so that we can hear you," Serena said. She clicked the mouse on her mother's laptop and sighed in annoyance. "Still nothing! How long have we been researching for?"
"Two hours, but we took a long break so that you could hear my story," Blair wrote.
"Every site we go to it mentions either communicating through sleep or EVP's," Serena said. "Are you sure he doesn't hear you when he's asleep?"
"He's never answered me back, so I'm guessing not. Unless he just can't answer back," Blair said.
"Yeah, maybe we're thinking too 'Sixth Sense,'" Serena offered. "It says here that the person must be in a calm state of mind while they sleep in order for the ghost to communicate. From what you told me, it doesn't sound like Chuck is tranquil when he's asleep."
"I'm dying to know what's causing him to wake up so much at night," Blair wrote.
"I could ask him," her friend suggested.
"Yeah, but won't he wonder how you know? Your room is far away from his," Blair wrote.
"True." Serena threw her arms in the air and dropped them by her sides. "I don't know. Let's not worry about that now." She clicked on something else. "What is an EVP, anyway?"
"It stands for electronic voice phenomena. It's like an electronic device that ghost hunters use to pick up the voices of ghosts," Blair scribbled. Serena looked at the notepad and nodded, impressed.
"Wow B, I didn't know that you were so educated about this stuff."
"I spent hours in a library and that's the main answer I could find. If I didn't know what it was after all of that I'd be pretty dumb," Blair wrote.
"Why don't we try tape recording you? Then you can leave Chuck a message," Serena said. Blair pondered for a minute.
"I still want to talk to him personally, but we could still do it for fun. I want to hear what I sound like," Blair wrote. Serena smiled and jumped off of the couch. She ran for her brother's room.
"I know that Eric has a tape recorder in here somewhere," she called out. Blair picked up a bowl filled with popcorn that Serena had brought over. She began repetitively tossing the kernels up into the air. They fell back down into the bowl, the seeds making a chiming noise. When Serena came back into the room with the tape recorder she chuckled at the self-moving popcorn bowl. "Hey B, can you eat anything?" she asked as she walked back over to the couch.
"I don't know. I've never had the desire to try," Blair wrote.
"How can you not be hungry?" Serena asked.
"I'm just not. I'm never tired either but I still go to sleep at night," Blair explained. Serena picked up a piece of popcorn.
"Try eating it and see what happens," she said. Blair took it from her gently, and Serena watched in awe as the popcorn magically left her hand and floated in front of her. The piece was chewed in the air, which grossed Serena out but did not make her turn away. Blair swallowed, and the chewed piece immediately fell to the ground. Serena stared at it for a minute, mortified. "EW!" Serena bent down and picked the chewed mess up with a napkin, deaf to Blair's laughter.
"Your face was hilarious," Blair wrote.
"Oh ew…ew," Serena stated again, eyeing the floor as if the piece was still there.
"Hit record on the tape player," Blair jotted down. The grey tape recorder rested on Serena's lap. She hit the rewind button and the tape inside began to twirl counter-clockwise. "We won't tape over anything of Eric's, will we?" Blair wrote in question.
"No. He bought this during the first season of 'American Idol' and hasn't used it since. He was so certain he was going to be the next Justin Guarini," Serena said. The tape stopped rewinding with a click, and Serena pressed record. She nodded for Blair to start.
"What do I say?" Blair asked out loud. Serena didn't respond, naturally. Blair laughed at herself. "Well, hey anyone who's listening. I'm Blair Waldorf, I'm a ghost, and I want to hear what I sound like on tape." She added jokingly, "I like long walks on the beach and men with scarves." As Serena shook her head, Blair reached for her pen and notepad. "I'm done," she wrote. Her friend clicked the tape off and rewound it again. "What do you think I'll sound like?" Blair scribbled.
"Probably like yourself," Serena answered confidently. The tape stopped and Serena pressed play. The sound that came forth did not sound like a voice, but an extremely low, scratchy whisper. Blair recoiled at the crackling and made out the words.
"I'm a ghost, and I want to hear what I sound like on tape." As much as she hated to admit it, Blair felt afraid of her own voice. It sounded rough and hoarse as if she was sick. She recalled that Nate had a voice changer when he was a little boy and he brought it to second grade one day. Blair still remembered when she, Chuck, Serena, and Nate played with it and switched the knob to low so that their voices sounded very deep. Her ghostly recorded voice sounded even lower than the voice changer.
"Okay," Serena said. Her finger reached up and turned off the tape. She placed the tape recorder on the brown coffee table in front of the couch. She looked as white as if she were a ghost herself. "That was so creepy!" Her voice shook. "I'm really scared now!"
"Come on S, it's only me," Blair wrote.
"I know, but it's still eerie!" Serena exclaimed. "You don't talk like that!" It finally made sense to Blair why no one could hear her speak; her voice level was far below any frequency that human ears could hear.
"I guess that ghost voices are so low that they can only be picked up by a tape recorder or something like that," Blair wrote. "No wonder you all can't hear me."
"I'm kind of glad! If you came into my room talking like that, I would have peed in my pants!" Serena yelled. She looked disturbed. Her one arm twitched as it grasped her other one.
"Great. Now my best friend is scared of me," Blair wrote.
"I'm not scared of you. Just your creepy, murderer-like voice is all," Serena said. A sad thought entered Blair's mind.
"Am I going to talk like that forever? Even if I do find a way to talk to you guys?" she wrote. Serena sighed.
"I have no clue, B." Just then Lily and Eric opened the door and entered the suite. After making up school related lies about why she had her brother's tape recorder and after removing the tape, Serena ran to her room and locked the door. She put her books on the bed and tossed the tape in the garbage can. "That's enough of that." Serena inspected the room. "Wherever you are, I'm blaming you if I have nightmares tonight!" she whispered. Blair picked up the pen and notebook and sat on Serena's bed. She crossed her one leg casually.
"My voice doesn't sound like that to me. That's the weird thing," Blair wrote.
"It's because you're a ghost. Maybe if you met other ghosts you'd still sound the same, but to us it's paranormal." Serena put her hands on her hips. "Have you ever met any other ghosts?"
"No," Blair scribbled. "I wish I would. Another ghost may know things that I don't, like why we actually are ghosts or if we will sound like that all the time."
"Or they could be just as or even more clueless," Serena said. "You never know. I'm just sorry that we didn't find any information to help you."
"We can keep investigating. I'll meet you in the Constance library tomorrow at lunch," Blair wrote.
"Didn't you already check there?" Serena asked.
"I could have missed something. I'm going to leave now, though. You have to get some work done."
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. I'll find somewhere. By the way, when is Chuck coming back?" Blair asked.
"Not for four days," Serena said. "Bart's bachelor party is taking up nearly half the week." Blair groaned. "I know you're complaining right now, and I'm completely sickened by that," Serena said. "Why don't you go see him? I thought you could go wherever you wanted."
"I can, but he needs some time away from everything here, including me. Plus, I want to see how he'll manage without me and what he'll be like when he gets back," Blair said. "I'm giving him space even though he doesn't know I'm giving him space." Serena shrugged.
"As long as he's not in danger while you're not there."
"I hope not," Blair said. "That was one of my worries." Blair then realized that Serena forgot to tell her the story behind the text message she had mentioned. Blair decided to save it; it sounded like a juicy tale. "I'm going to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, S. Thanks for talking with me," Blair wrote. Serena smiled, grateful that she was able to meet with her best friend at school again.
"I'm glad you're back, B. Even if you are a ghost," Serena said. Blair put the pen and paper down and walked out of Serena's room, wondering just where she could go. She ended up in the exact same place that she had gone to nearly every single night since she died.
"I swear to God S, I'm going insane without him."
Serena looked at the blue pen that her spirit friend was writing with. They were sitting in the back table at the deserted Constance library.
"You're sick," she stated.
"I woke up last night, and I reached over to tell Chuck that everything was okay and that I was there for him, but he wasn't lying in bed next to me! Then I sat there thinking about how he probably woke up and I wasn't there for him! I was all lonely and sad and I kept thinking that maybe he was lonely and sad too, and that maybe he was too cold or too hot…"
"Oh, sweet Jesus!" Serena exclaimed. She had shouted in a prolonged tone that made her sound like she had a funny accent. Blair laughed. "He doesn't even know you're there!" Serena exclaimed. "Plus, Chuck's not a little kid; I think he's perfectly capable of getting up and getting an extra blanket for himself!"
"I know, but I like being there for him like that." Blair rested her chin on one hand and smiled dreamily while writing with her other hand. "Do you think he'll be back to how he was before I died when he comes home? Do you think he'll be himself again?" Blair asked.
"I don't know," Serena said. "I don't think about Chuck as much as you do."
"You should; it's fun," Blair wrote purposely. She laughed at Serena's revolted expression. She decided to lay it on even thicker. "Last night was so tormenting. My mom once told me that when I was a baby I would cry every night. The doctors said to let me cry without comfort and eventually I would stop. My parents did, but my dad always wanted to go to me so badly. Every cry was a knife through his heart, mom said. She had to yell at him just to get him to lie back down. I stopped crying, but my mom never forgot how concerned my dad was. That's exactly how I felt last night."
"Except that you were an innocent child and Chuck is a teenager who has lived independently for most of the seventeen years of his life, and not always in a good way," Serena said.
"Like you wouldn't be all over cabbage patch if he jolted up in bed every night next to you, his little cabbage patch face all alarmed and his beady cabbage patch eyes agonized," Blair commented half mockingly. Serena laughed at her friend's cursive words on the page.
"You got me there," Serena admitted. The mention of Dan's nickname reminded Blair of Gossip Girl's annoying nicknames for them all, which reminded her of something else.
"Hey S, what was the story behind that text message you were talking about?"
"Oh yeah; I forgot about that." Serena checked to make sure that no one had entered the library before bending down lower and whispering. "While you were gone for those four days, Georgina got out of the hospital. Chuck claimed he didn't hit her--"
"I know that," Blair said. "I saw you guys in the hospital. Go on."
"Anyway, Georgina was leaving. We were all worried that she was going to go to court and say that Chuck beat her. Chuck's idea of an invisible attacker is not a very good alibi, after all. Yet Georgina didn't say anything or press any charges. Her parents either felt apologetic or they realized that a jury is less likely to believe a teenager with a criminal record and an insanity label than a rich man's son."
"Okay," Blair wrote. "I get it."
"The morning that Georgina left for the airport, we all got a text message from Gossip Girl. Chuck and I knew that Georgina sent it," Serena said.
"What did it say?" Blair wrote questioningly.
"Here, I think I still have it," Serena said. She found her purse and pulled her cell phone out of it. She found the old message and let Blair read it:
Gossip Girl here with some top news for my frequent readers. Georgina Sparks has come and gone. We all remember G, party girl extraordinaire? She returned to New York from boarding school, but we heard nothing about her until she was mysteriously beaten up and admitted to a hospital! Pretty different from the rehab center, eh G? This morning she was spotted getting on a plane with mom and dad, leaving us once again. Where she's going is beyond me, but I hear that our favorite bad boy Chuck Bass was with her when the incident occurred. What could C be hiding from us? Rumor has it that they had a little thing many years back. But was C calling on G for sexuality or brutality? Hmm. XOXO.
"Oh no! Are you kidding me?!" Blair thought.
"No one knew about the ordeal except for me, Chuck, Dan, Bart and Lily. None of us would have sent that message, especially not Bart or Lily. They don't even know what Gossip Girl is. Plus, Georgina was scheduled to get on a plane and leave at nine AM. Who was at the airport that saw her when we were all supposed to be in school?"
"Someone could have been going on vacation," Blair wrote.
"Some random person knew all of that information? Not very likely," Serena said.
"How did other people react?" Blair asked.
"When Chuck walked outside for lunch, the courtyard was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. There were whispers all day long. Chuck didn't care, of course. I even think most people have forgotten about it by now. They probably figured that he was there for the sex," Serena said.
"Still, that was horrible. And I wasn't there," Blair said.
"What could you have possibly have done to get back at them? Haunt both of the schools? You can't save Chuck from everything, B. Like you said, he needs time alone without his guardian ghost around."
"I know," Blair wrote. "I just don't like seeing him hurt."
"When has Chuck Bass ever been hurt by a Gossip Girl post? He considers it free publicity and tells anyone who doesn't like him to go suck it," Serena said. Blair giggled.
"That's true," Blair wrote. She added a little smiley face next to her words.
"I knew that would cheer you up," Serena said. The two friends laughed.
When Eric Van Der Woodsen revealed that he was a homosexual, everyone was shocked. Not because he was what he was, but because his fling Asher lied about being with him and tried to humiliate him. Eric called Chuck to ask for help and Chuck suggested sending all of the texts and emails he had received from Asher to Gossip Girl. It worked in helping the teenage public believe Eric, despite Jenny Humphrey's excuses. Blair couldn't get over that Chuck's advice was the exact same thing that she would have suggested. The day after Eric's outing, Blair and Serena ran in front of Jenny Humphrey and her clique in one of Constance's hallways.
"Hey S, what do you think of the latest news?" Isabel asked sardonically. She waved her big white purse around like a weapon. Blair hoped that her friend would ignore the group, but she knew that Serena would not allow her brother's honor to be ridiculed.
"He's my brother. I love him no matter what," Serena stated.
"Poor, poor Serena Van Der Woodsen…" Hazel said in a sarcastic voice. "First her mother gets engaged to a man without a personality, then her almost-stepbrother beats someone unconscious, then her real brother switches teams. When did her life become so complicated?"
"Ever since lonelyboy took her for a ride on his cheap magic carpet of love, things just haven't been the same," mocked Isabel. Jenny did not defend her brother. Serena's chin tilted downward but her intolerant eyes remained on the cabal.
"Don't act like you're so much better then Dan when you're nothing but--" Serena began.
"Girl, I don't need to act like I'm better than him. I already know that I am," Isabel said with a sugary smile. Blair felt like whacking Isabel with her own purse. Serena looked like she wanted to say something but she changed the subject.
"You're wrong about Chuck too," Serena said. "He didn't beat up Georgina."
"No, of course he didn't. It was a ghost," Hazel said. The girls hooted with laughter. Blair laughed too at the irony that they had no idea how right their stupid words were. "Chuck denied everything, but there was no one else around who could have done it," Hazel continued.
"Lies, lies, and more lies…they're going to catch up to that naughty boy one day," Isabel crooned. "You too, Serena. Not even your precious lonelyboy defended him, and he's required by the boyfriend rule to defend your family members."
"Chuck didn't do it!" Serena exclaimed. The girls snickered--except for Jenny.
"Guys, leave her alone!" Jenny yelled pleadingly.
"Funny. I never thought Chuck was so filled with rage." Hazel sucked on her bottom lip. "Tell me, Serena. Did Bart beat Chuck when he was young? Was all of that fury just building up inside him until he had to release it on someone he despised?" Blair began to plot the trapping of Hazel's hair in a locker door.
"Guys, please!" Jenny yelled. "He's going to be her stepbrother, and she obviously cares about him and her real brother and my brother, okay?!" Blair was stunned. She had never seen Jenny talk back to the gossip circle. Isabel led the others in a hearty chortle.
"Jenny, what are you complaining about? You were the one who started the party!" Isabel said. Blair's eyes darted at Jenny who, filled with confidence a minute before, cowered in shame.
"What does that mean?" Serena asked demandingly.
"Serena, I…" The blonde freshman looked at the ground before she spoke again in a quavering voice: "I'm so sorry." Serena knew what her boyfriend's sister had done without a direct answer.
"It wasn't Georgina. You sent that text about Chuck," Serena said. Her jaw quivered as if she was about to cry. "Did Dan tell you?"
"No! I…I overheard him explaining what happened to my dad." Jenny looked up suddenly but immediately turned away again.
"Why did you send it?" Serena asked. Her eyes were glazed over. Hazel chuckled while Blair glowered at her loathingly. "What was the point of sending that?"
"She knew what good gossip it would make," Isabel answered. Jenny's eyes were still glued to the ground. Serena looked hurt and disgusted, not believing that her boyfriend who she loved with her whole heart could be a sibling to someone so cold hearted.
"You send untrue things about my stepbrother to every teenage cell phone on the Upper East Side, and you try to make my real brother look like a liar, and now you can't even grant me the dignity of looking me in the eye." Serena lowered her head. "I don't know what we ever did to deserve that."
"Your stepbrother's horny little self tried to rape her," Hazel stated bitterly. "Get over it. This is what happens when you try to keep a secret; you should know that by now."
"I'm sorry, Serena! I'm so sorry!" Jenny now looked like the one about to burst into tears. Serena continued looking at her sorrowfully. Blair watched, impatient to see what her friend would reply.
"Walk away, S. Just walk away."
"I'll forgive you only because you're Dan's sister, and no other reason. I know that he can't believe what you've turned into either. I'll never know how you can sleep at night or look at yourself in the mirror every day without being revolted at what you've become." Serena spun around and ran down the hall, her blonde hair swaying sadly. Blair watched, hating Jenny even more than ever before. She tried both directly and indirectly to degrade the two most important people in her life.
"Sounds like someone's got a little emotional management problem herself," Hazel commented.
"No wonder she's sticking up for Chuck," Isabel said with a snort. Jenny glared at all of them, her next words strained.
"Will you all knock it off?! I'm so sick of this!" she exclaimed.
"Obviously not, since you were the one who sent the message," Isabel commented snidely.
"Why did you sell me out, anyway?!" Jenny asked. No one replied. "Friends don't do that to each other."
"Friends don't send text messages with reputation damaging things in it, either," Hazel put in. Jenny shook her head quickly.
"That's it; I'm done. I'm through with all of this and all of you, and I couldn't care less what you think or say about me anymore," Jenny said.
"Really? You honestly don't care?" Isabel asked knowingly with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't!" Jenny exclaimed, her voice squeaking.
"If you didn't care, then you wouldn't be here right now. You would have walked out of this group when we banned you for stealing the dress or when we ditched Blair's funeral." Isabel laughed in her throat. "Face the facts, little J. What we think and what we do is all that you care about. Without us, you're nothing." Jenny fell silent.
"I don't even know why we keep you in our group if you hate us so much. We're the main focus, the elite, the popular. Why bother wasting our time?" Hazel rubbed in.
"I don't hate you, I just don't think you're right in what you do sometimes," Jenny said, immediately backtracking. Blair shook her head as the other members of the clique smirked.
"What we do doesn't concern right and wrong. We're what these schools revolve around. You should know that," Isabel said. Jenny nodded in agreement. "You know what we should do?" Isabel suggested. "We should skip next period and go shopping. I don't feel like going to chemistry today."
"Totally!" Hazel exclaimed. They seemed to turn around in slow motion. Jenny at first did not turn with them; she stood and stared down the hall. Blair felt like she was looking at her. Then Jenny slowly turned and began to follow them. Blair was about to run to them and trip them all and steal their purses and break their cell phones. However, then she remembered when she had taken revenge on Georgina and how guilty it made her feel. She remembered throwing things at Nate and how it did not make his cruel words to Chuck--or their effects--go away. Blair watched the freshie go, realizing that no matter what she did Jenny Humphrey would always be under the thumb of the Constance Billard rich clan. She would constantly see the wrong that they caused yet she would become a participant in the end. She would live her high school years carelessly without giving one thought to the people she mistreated until they broke down in front of her. Even then she would walk away from her problems and back into her selfish world where she would remain under the delusion that everyone adored her.
"You can't save Chuck from everything, B. Like you said, he needs time alone without his guardian ghost around," Serena's words echoed in Blair's mind. Blair turned around herself to go look for her friend, the words never sounding truer.
The day Chuck was scheduled to return home, Serena knocked over a garbage can. It was a secret code that she and her ghost friend created. Whenever Serena wanted to talk with Blair she would purposely trip over something or knock something over. If Blair was in the suite or wherever Serena was and heard, she would go to her friend. When Blair heard the metal garbage can hit the ground she ran to Serena's room.
"What if we used an Ouija board?" Serena suggested. "I could sit Chuck down and you could talk to him using the Ouija board."
"Chuck may not believe it," Blair wrote. "Besides, I'd still like to talk to him normally."
"I know B, but we've been searching and searching for information and so far we've come up with nothing. Maybe the only way you can talk to him is by not talking to him, if that makes sense." Upon Blair's silence, Serena added: "I have good news, though. Dan and I went to a Brooklyn library and did some research. I lied and said it was for a project. I think we found out a few things."
"What?!" Blair wrote eagerly. She hoped it was the breakthrough information she had been waiting for.
"We read in a book that sometimes ghosts communicate with humans in places where they once had a connection in life. For example, we always had croissants and watched 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' every Sunday in your penthouse, right? Well, maybe you would appear there or I could hear your voice there," Serena explained. Blair felt hopeful for a minute before her heart fell in her chest.
"I don't think so," Blair wrote. "I went to Victrola with Chuck and I said some things but he didn't know I was there. At school you and I had a lot of fun times but you can't see me or hear me there. Did you find out anything else?"
"Dan pointed out a passage that said about why ghosts stay on earth."
"Finally!" Blair exclaimed to herself. Then she wrote it down. "What did it say?"
"It said that something about the past keeps a ghost on earth," Serena said. "A ghost may have wanted to do something that they never accomplished when they were alive, so they wander the earth in helpless limbo trying to finish it. Or they could be there for some purpose."
"What purpose?!" Blair scribbled desperately.
"I don't know," Serena replied. Blair thought for a minute.
"I don't know either." She heard the noise of a door opening from the dining room and she gasped excitedly. "S, Chuck's back!" Blair wrote. She ran through the walls immediately and Serena rushed for her bedroom door.
Chuck stood in the entryway with Bart, Lily, and some suitcases. His swarthy hair was messy and windblown, the result of a powerful New York breeze. Apparent dark circles took form under his eyes yet otherwise he displayed a certain, vivacious expression that only he could have flaunted. Blair felt her nervous stomach knots untie and a wave of relief swept over her.
"He's okay," Blair thought. She smiled broadly as she watched Chuck talking pleasantly with his father and Lily. "He's okay."
"The trip went well, then?" Lily asked her fiancée.
"Yes, it was good," Bart answered. Even he was smiling cheerfully.
"First Chuck seems happier than before, and now Bart? Am I living in some parallel universe or the 'Twilight Zone'?" Blair thought.
"Hey guys, you're back!" Serena exclaimed. She hugged Chuck and said polite greetings to Bart.
"I knew you'd be dying without me, sis," Chuck said, his arm around Serena's shoulders. He looked at Bart. "I'll get my bags, father." He picked up one of his suitcases and Serena helpfully followed him with another. As always, Blair brought up the rear.
"You look tired," Serena observed. They entered Chuck's room.
"I didn't sleep very well over there," Chuck admitted. "The rest of the trip was fun, though."
"I wonder why," Blair said in sad sarcasm. She felt bad, even though she wasn't supposed to. Chuck smiled wryly at his almost-stepsister as he threw his suitcase on the bed. "How were things over here?"
"Normal," Serena answered.
"How's Eric doing?" Chuck asked.
"Why don't you go ask him yourself? He's in his room doing homework. I think he missed you," Serena said. She cocked an eyebrow. "How were you in that sun for four days and did not tan? Did you put on sunscreen?"
"No, I just know you think I'm sexy pale so I purposely stayed out of the sun," Chuck joked. Blair smiled at the classic Chuck Bass response. Serena slapped Chuck on the arm playfully before he walked out of his room to see Eric. Blair ran through the walls and into the young Van Der Woodsen's room. Eric looked up from his desk and saw the tall, dark-haired figure in his doorway.
"Hey Chuck! You're back!" Eric exclaimed. He grinned as if he had just won a million dollars.
"How've you been?" Chuck asked. Eric tapped his pencil nonchalantly on the desk.
"Pretty good," he answered. Chuck eyed Eric's prepared bed. He walked over to it and sat down, kicking his shoes off at the same time. His fingers stroked the soft, light blue quilt.
"Has anyone given you a hard time?" Chuck asked. Eric faced him and shook his head. "Good. If anyone does, just say the word and their ass is mine," Chuck stated. Eric laughed.
"I know. How was your trip?" Eric asked. Blair leaned against the wall, close to Eric's wooden desk. Chuck smiled and moaned a little tiredly. He brought one hand up and rubbed his left eye.
"It was fantastic," Chuck said. He lied down on the bed sideways and propped one hand behind his head. "It was so sunny and warm."
"You didn't even tan," Eric commented.
"It's physically impossible for me to tan," Chuck said. Eric laughed again before Chuck continued. "I needed that trip. I love this city but I had to get out of here for a little while." Chuck moved up on the bed so that his head was on the pillow. He flipped so that he lied on his back and closed his eyes. Eric turned back to his books.
"You are in a good mood. Were there any girls?" he asked. Blair saw a wide smirk spread across Chuck's face as he nodded once assuredly.
"Um hum," he answered with a lustful tone to his voice.
"Did you do anything?" Eric wondered. Chuck laughed once, softly. Blair was dumbfounded. She had not seen him laugh so pleasantly in a long time. She smiled, glad that he seemed more content then before he left.
"Actually, I looked but I didn't touch," Chuck said. Eric stared at him, astounded.
"You didn't sleep with any of them?! Since when does that happen?!" Eric asked.
"I just wasn't in the mood," Chuck lied. Blair smirked, knowing the real reason behind it. Eric did not know how he felt about a certain Waldorf girl, and Chuck would make sure that it stayed that way. Eric didn't question Chuck's answer.
"I saw Nate Archibald while you were gone," Eric said. Blair shuddered at the name and realized that she hadn't known that Nate and Eric had spoken. Chuck's eyes opened halfway.
"Oh no, here it comes. Eric, why did you have to say anything?!" Blair thought.
"Really?" Chuck inquired.
"He asked me how you were. He wondered if you were okay," Eric said. "I don't get it. Weren't you two best friends one time?" Chuck did not reply for a few seconds. "Well?" Eric finally asked. "Were you?" Chuck folded his hands on his stomach and looked up at the ceiling.
"Yes." There was another period of silence. Blair felt the uncomfortable tension surrounding her. "We don't talk anymore," Chuck finally said.
"Why? Did you have a falling out?" Eric questioned.
"I don't really want to discuss it," Chuck said. Eric put his finger on the cover of his math book and brought it up and down repeatedly.
"He seemed pretty apologetic. I think he wants to make up with you."
"That's too bad." Chuck continued looking up at the ceiling which hung over him like a giant sheet of white paper. Blair heard the clock tick and she hoped that Chuck's words were the last of the conversation. Instead, Chuck sat up and sighed. "Alright, I'm not going to lie to you. I swear though, you can't tell anyone how I feel about what I'm going to say." Eric nodded eagerly. Chuck's face drew out solemnly and he sighed. "I did something terrible to Nate that felt so right, and he said something awful in response. And now…" Chuck's mouth closed and he glanced down at his hands quickly before looking back up. "I miss my friend. I know we're both sorry, but things can never be the way that they once were." He lied back down and shut his eyes tightly. Blair walked over to him, feeling sorry that Nate was brought up again. She rubbed Chuck's arm gently, and she swore that his body became less tense. Eric sat, speechless.
"I had no idea," he managed to utter.
"No one does. Keep it that way, alright?" Chuck asked.
"Of course," Eric promised. Chuck relaxed even more.
"I just wish…" Chuck began. Blair stopped rubbing and stared into his almost-black eyes inquisitively. His sentence had taken her breath away because she really wanted to hear the end of it. So did Eric, who leaned halfway off of his chair. Chuck stopped speaking and shook his head slightly. "Never mind."
"What?" Eric urged.
"I've already said enough," Chuck said with an edge to his voice.
"Chuck, I--" Eric began. His bedroom door swung open, and Blair rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Charles, are you in here?" Bart asked. He saw his son lying on the bed. "Yes, you are. You said you were going to come with me to Victrola tonight and help show a joint investor around. Are you still up for it?"
"Yeah, I am." Chuck sat up and stretched his arms in front of him. Blair walked back over to the wall near Eric's desk.
"You can stay here and rest if you want," Bart said. "I know that you didn't sleep much on the trip." Chuck smiled.
"I'll come, father. Just give me a few minutes to change." Bart smiled back, nodded at both Chuck and Eric like an army officer, and closed the door. Chuck stood up. "For some reason, he's been extremely nice lately," Chuck said.
"Georgina almost killed you," Eric said. "He's probably happy that you're still alive."
"I almost got hit by a car too, and he didn't care less when I told him," Chuck said. "I think it's just because he's getting married."
"That should make him even crabbier," Eric said. He decided to challenge. "I guess you're not going to tell me what you were about to before, hunh?" Blair was wondering the same thing. Chuck grabbed his shoes and headed for the door.
"Sorry Van Der Woodsen. I have to have some secrets." Chuck grabbed the doorknob, twisted it, and left the room. Blair stood in the same spot for five minutes, watching Eric's lead pencil scratch against the paper. It seemed like Chuck hadn't forgotten anything that had taken place--he had just pushed it to the far corners of his mind for four days. She wished so badly that he would let her death go and try to work things out.
"Easier said than done, but still," Blair thought. "I'm happy to see that he got along well without me too, but I'm just so glad he's back. I needed him here."
That was when Blair felt it. It rose up from her lower stomach to her chest, and she began to recognize it. At first she doubted it, but as it rose up and out of her gaping mouth, it became a reality. It was the burst of knowledge, the moment of empowerment, the awareness that she had been missing.
"I needed him," Blair thought. Then she spoke the words aloud, her voice barely audible. "I needed him."
Blair remembered when she first discovered that she was dead and when she walked the New York streets alone. She felt Chuck's folded, praying hands under hers. She saw him waking up next to her at night and in the morning. She felt the wind underneath the truck and she heard Georgina's screams. Then she took a deep breath and put everything together.
Blair Waldorf was a ghost. And she was a ghost for two reasons.
"I love Chuck and he still doesn't know!" Blair thought back to what Serena said about ghosts being stuck on earth. "That's one thing holding me back! It's the thing I never accomplished when I was alive! I wanted to admit how I felt about Chuck and I wanted to let him know but I never did! I had to realize how much I need him!" Then she thought about the two times she rescued Chuck from death. "That's the unknown purpose! I had to save him from getting killed, too!"
She slid down the wall until she hit the ground. Her entire mouth went dry and her bulging eyes did not blink once. Most ghosts usually had one reason or the other for remaining behind. Blair had both.
"It all happened in stages! I was able to touch Chuck when I realized how much I loved him and how much he loved me. Then I could touch other things once I completed step two and saved him the first time!" Blair could not feel any part of her body. All she could do was think about everything that had happened since her death and how it all seemed so clear. Blair sat in complete disbelief. She did it. It was a puzzle that had many pieces, but she figured it out.
"Oh my God!"
Blair threw her head back and laughed and cried all at once. The confusion she had felt for weeks on end was finally over. She knew what her purpose and her destiny was.
"Oh my God!" Blair covered her mouth as her uncontrollable, boisterous laughter began to cease. The tears of joy fell backwards out of her eyes and into her chestnut brown curls. She wiped the moisture off of her face and flattened the droplets her hair. Her cheeks hurt from her mouth being stuck in a wide, toothy grin for so long. She continued to smile as she unsteadily stood up off the ground. As soon as her legs stopped shaking from the excitement, she ran through the walls. "Serena! Serena!" Blair entered her best friend's room and picked up the purple pen and the spiral. Serena was writing something and did not notice. Blair wrote down everything that she had discovered and placed it under her friend's nose. Serena took the spiral and read. When she put it down her face was radiant with glee.
"Blair, this is why you're here! This is why, it has to be why!" Serena began laughing too as she imagined how Blair was reacting to the situation. She kicked her legs in a crazy manner and tried not to scream. "Oh my God, you did it! You figured it out!" Blair took the spiral back and wrote more.
"I know! I can't believe it! It was right there all along but I just didn't analyze it!"
"This is incredible! Even if your ghost self does revolve around Chuck!" Serena exclaimed.
"Oh, you totally stuck up for him the other day in front of the rich clique! I will not be fooled by your appalled looks any longer!" Blair wrote teasingly.
"Wait B, if you figured it out, shouldn't you be in the next life?" Serena asked.
"I'm not done yet! I still need to let Chuck know how I feel about him! That's like, the entire first reason why I'm still here!" Blair wrote.
"What happens when you get through to him? Do you think you'll pass on?"
"I don't know!"
"It's a possibility. Or you could stay here; maybe you're not done. Since part of the reason why you're here is to watch over Chuck you may be sentenced to do that. Like a guardian angel," Serena suggested.
"Guardian ghost is more like it!" Blair scribbled.
"Hey, I said that earlier! That term is copywrited!" Serena exclaimed. The two friends laughed until they doubled over, more from the circumstances then what Serena said. Blair felt so lighthearted that she considered dancing around the room. A gigantic weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Hey," Serena said. "We're going to get an Ouija board and you're going to communicate with him, okay? You're going to tell that boy everything!"
"Totally S, totally! When I come back," Blair wrote. Serena looked at the spiral, befuddled.
"Where are you going?" Serena asked.
"I'm going to go see Chuck at Victrola." Blair smiled as she put the ink to the paper. "I need him."
"He'll probably be out late and be too tired for it. Tomorrow I'll get a board," Serena said.
"Sounds like a plan!" Blair wrote. Her face was still killing her but she did not care. "I'll see you tomorrow, S."
"Have fun!" Serena said.
"Hold on," Blair wrote. Serena still sat in her chair, confused. Blair reached down and hugged her best friend, making sure not to go through. When Blair stood back up she wrote: "I just gave you a hug."
"I didn't feel a thing, but thank you," Serena said.
"You felt it in spirit," Blair wrote jokingly. Serena laughed at the double meaning.
"Thanks, B." Serena pointed for the door and smiled. "Now go to him! Run! Tell him you love him!" Blair laughed as she pranced through the walls.
"I can't tell him!" Blair exclaimed back, even though she knew her friend didn't hear. She laughed all the way to the hallway and then imagined herself at the burlesque house.
When Blair arrived at Victrola, Chuck, Bart, and two businessmen were on the exact same orange-reddish colored couch. Blair took a seat on the couch's arm. It was closest to Chuck, who wore a black suit and tie. Bart was discussing something boring, so Blair watched the dancers up onstage. She smiled as she remembered when she had set foot on the black stage and how thrilled she felt when she noticed Chuck watching her. She placed her hand on Chuck's arm as she watched, the familiar burlesque house scent of tobacco and scotch permeating her nostrils.
"Charles?" Blair jumped at Bart's sudden voice. She looked over and noticed that Chuck had fallen asleep. He slumped over to the side, closer to her. She laughed at how the back of his hair stood up a little against the velvet material of the couch. Bart placed a hand on his son's shoulder and patted it gently. "Charles?" he asked again. Chuck's eyelids lifted and, after realizing where he was, sat up quickly.
"Sorry father. I didn't mean to doze off," Chuck said. Bart looked at his watch.
"It's ten thirty, Charles. You've been here for five hours," Bart said. Blair could not believe how quickly time had passed by. "You can go back home; you do have school tomorrow."
"I could stay longer," Chuck offered tiredly.
"No, no." Bart stood up. "Here, I'll walk you out." He helped pull Chuck up and turned to the two businessman. "Excuse me." There was no objection. Blair followed Bart as he walked Chuck out of Victrola. When they got outside, Blair realized that a gorgeous night enveloped her. The dark sky above them looked like something out of a film, and the air felt warm but not humid. She even spotted an untimely lightning bug. "Thank you for coming with me tonight," Bart said. "You've been better about attending business meetings lately."
"I'm sorry for falling asleep," Chuck said.
"Think nothing of it. There's the limo," Bart said. The two Bass men walked to the long vehicle together, a ghost skipping behind them. Chuck pulled open the back door. "Goodnight son," Bart said.
"Goodnight father. Thank you for walking with me," Chuck said. He put one foot in the limo.
"Charles," Bart said. Chuck looked at his father curiously, the streetlights reflecting in his eyes. Bart shook his head. "Never mind." Blair remembered the conversation between Chuck and Eric earlier and realized how similarly the father and son tried to hide their emotions. The glint vanished from Chuck's eyes as he climbed into the limo's backseat. Blair slid in next to him before he closed the door. Once the limo began moving, Bart turned and walked back to Victrola.
Chuck slid over to the far right side of the seat. Blair noticed that he usually always sat on the right, even when he was alone. Chuck leaned back against the black leather and gazed out the window at all of the lit-up buildings the limo passed by. Calming piano music played from over the driver's radio. Blair moved over to sit beside Chuck, her hands placed on her lap. She joined him in looking out the window at the blaze of shimmering colors.
"This city really is amazing," Blair commented. She heard the sudden sound of a siren and then heard it fade away. Blair looked back at Chuck and noticed that his eyes were closing. She moved in closer so that their thighs touched. In a matter of seconds, Chuck was fast asleep.
"You poor thing." Blair laid her head on Chuck's shoulder. She took her hand and tangled her fingers with his, the way she always did with him. Blair became soothed as she heard Chuck's calm breathing and as she felt his shoulders rise and fall slightly with each breath that he took. Blair sighed, feeling like she falling asleep herself.
"I missed you Chuck," Blair said, her eyes looking up at him. "It isn't the Upper East Side without you. Though I gotta say that it was nice to see you the way you were before the Nate conversation. I haven't seen you act like that since before I died." She nuzzled her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes and added playfully: "What were you going to say to Eric and I, Bass? You know better than anyone that I despise being teased."
"Blair?"
Blair's eyes shot open. Her head whipped upward at Chuck. His eyes were still closed, his head was still titled toward the window, and his chest still moved up and down with his breaths.
"You're imagining things again," Blair's mind said. She didn't believe her mind.
"Chuck?"
She watched aghast as Chuck's mouth opened slightly, and his facial expression looked animated and baffled even though he was technically asleep.
"Blair, is that you?"
End of Chapter V