Chapter Three: Seeing the Shrink
Jordan sighed. She hated shrinks. And Stiles was special in that area. She supposed he'd be an okay person, but he made a career about delving into people's personal lives. It's a wonder that Nigel the gossip queen didn't go into counseling. Maybe it was the confidentiality part that shied him off.
"You know, if this session is going to count, you can't just sit there and stare at me the whole time," Dr. Stiles joked, sitting comfortably behind his desk.
Jordan shifted in her less comfy seat. "You're the shrink, so ask me a question. Maybe I'll answer," she said snarkily.
"It can't ever be easy with you, can it, Doc?"
"That would take all the fun out of it."
Stiles chuckled softly. "Okay," he conceded. "Tell me about what happened on that DMORT."
Jordan didn't answer right away. "You know what happened," she said finally. "I'm not the first from that trip to see you."
"True, I know the facts," he replied. "But I want to hear your perspective."
Taking another deep sigh, Jordan began slowly retelling the story that she didn't ever want to think about again. She tried to be bland about it…leave all of the personal stuff out…but she began tearing up when she talked about Garret.
"I…I couldn't stand the thought of loosing someone else in my life," she sniffed. "I would have rather died first than watch him. Garret…he's like a cross between a dad and a big brother." She gave Stiles a half smile.
"How afraid were you that everyone would die up there?" he asked.
Tears fell then. "Terrified," she said. "But what was worse…thinking that I might be the last to die, or thinking about who could be. Loosing my whole family, and not being able to do anything to stop it…I felt so helpless."
Dr. Stiles nodded. "Not a feeling you deal with well," he said. Both of them remembered the time when someone had broken into her apartment and disturbed her feelings of security.
Jordan shook her head, and continued with her tale. She left out the part about Woody. Jordan wasn't really sure why…she was fine with other people knowing about them, but it just seemed too personal to tell the shrink.
If Stiles suspected that she was hiding anything, he didn't mention it. Instead, he continued his questioning.
"And how do you feel now…all safe and sound, back home?" He smiled then, but it was a sarcastic expression. He knew the answer already.
"No…not exactly," Jordan said. "I mean, I'm so happy to be back. I never dreamed that we'd be found in time. It was a miracle. It's just…my mind keeps asking 'What if?' What if the helicopters never came?"
Stiles interrupted at that point. "But they did come, Jordan. That's not going to happen."
"I know," she shook her head. "The rational part of me keeps telling me that…but the other part…gets stuck right there. It's like I can't breathe when I think about it."
Stiles was quiet for a minute, letting Jordan recompose herself. "Any other feelings?" he asked.
She wondered if this session was ever going to end. "No," she said.
This time, he didn't overlook it. "Are you sure?"
Jordan glared at him for a bit. "No," she finally acquiesced. "I feel…kind of like I'm in a dream. Not a nightmare, or a fantasy…everything is familiar, but it's just off. Like something is out of place. It feels…weird." She shrugged her shoulders and looked at him.
"You know, Jordan, what you're feeling is completely normal," Stiles said. "It's one of the most normal things I've ever heard you say."
That comment was met by another stare. "In all seriousness," he went on. "You will get over all of that. It takes time. Everyone who goes through a major life event, good or bad, has to adjust once it's over. The panic attacks and feelings of being out-of-place will come to an end."
Jordan rolled her eyes. "That's great…how long to I have to live like this, then?"
"It all depends on you. You have your family, who is going through the same thing, to lean on. My guess is that you all will recover quite quickly with each other," he finished, giving her a real smile. "Now, I believe you've been tortured enough. But, if you want to see me again, me doors are always open."
"Thanks…maybe later," Jordan said. Then she picked up her coat and headed out the door.
"Okay, big guy. Your turn," Jordan announced, walking into the waiting room.
Woody reluctantly put down his magazine and stood up. "Great. I get to trade an hour of boredom for an hour of discomfort."
Jordan smiled. "Just think that I'll be here waiting for you when it's over," she said.
He walked up to her and rubbed her arms gently. "How'd it go?"
"Oh, you know…not good, not bad," she replied. "Maybe better than I think." She looked off to his side, thinking to herself.
"It is a good thing, Jordan," Woody said. "Even if we don't like doing it. They wouldn't be employed if this stuff didn't work."
Jordan smiled her agreement. Then Woody kissed her softly and went back to the doctor's office.
Jordan settled down in a chair and picked up the magazine Woody had abandoned. She could see why he had been bored. She yawned and stretched…maybe she could get a nap in while Woody's head was being shrunk.