Chapter Five: Stumbling

Woody sat in his car for an hour trying to figure out what to do. He decided that he could sit there all year and not know what to say. Shoving aside his pride, Woody climbed out of the car and headed up to Jordan's apartment.

He had to knock several times before Jordan opened the door. She had changed into pajamas, and her eyes were still red-rimmed.

Woody dropped his eyes to the ground. He hated that he'd hurt her. When he raised his head back up, Jordan was staring at him with her arms crossed. She was clearly trying to decide whether or not to let him in.

"Jordan…," Woody began. She closed her eyes briefly, as if she was trying to keep her emotions at bay. Then she simply turned back into her apartment, but left the door open. Woody took this as a positive sign…at least she was willing to hear him.

By the time Woody had shut the door behind him, Jordan had taken residence on the couch. She was looking at her hands, waiting for him to make the first move. Woody moved cautiously over to the couch. He sat down, but not close enough to touch Jordan…he wasn't sure how close she wanted him. When she didn't move away, Woody relaxed a bit.

"Jordan," he started again. "I'm sorry…it was wrong of me to jump to conclusions like that. I just…I don't know...I'm just so scared." He looked away again; his explanation sounded so lame.

Jordan didn't say anything at first. "Don't you think I'm scared, too?" she said softly. Her voice was rough from her tears. "I'm not the only one with issues…you've pushed me away, too," Jordan said even softer.

Woody rubbed his face. "I know…it's been my fault the last few times. I'm just so afraid that one day you'll run away…somehow I manage to convince myself that it will be easier if I'm that one that pushes…like if I sabotage things, then it won't affect me as much."

Jordan just nodded.

Woody went on, "It's just…everyone I've been close to has left me, in some form or another. My parents are dead…Cal's gone…you're all I have, and I'm terrified of loosing you."

"Woody…everyone in my life is gone, too," Jordan said, finally looking at him. "I'm scared, too. I don't know how to do this…I've never been in a relationship that I haven't sabotaged. And I'm scared that you'll leave me for the next pretty blonde girl that comes along…but I love you. I don't think I'd ever get over it if we split up."

Woody met her eyes. "But in the car, you said…"

"I said I couldn't be with you if I couldn't trust you. I don't know if I can..." The tears came back. "There's not a solution to this!" she said angrily. "Maybe you should just go." Jordan stood up and walked swiftly into her room, shutting the glass door behind her.

Woody sat there with his head in his hands. No, there was no way he was leaving until this was sorted out. Jordan was wrong—there was a solution.

Carefully, Woody walked to the bedroom and opened the door. Jordan was lying on her side, her knees pulled up to her chest, facing away from him. Woody slowly sat down next to her, and gently brushed the hair out of her face. He was surprised that she let him do it.

"We're going to work this out, Jordan," he whispered. "You're right; we can't keep going like this. I love you…I know you love me…we just can't let our fears rule over us. We have to let love rule."

Jordan sniffed. "What if we can't?" she asked.

"We can…we have too," he answered. He stroked her hair again, and took her hand in his. "I'm not letting you go…I'm not leaving."

Woody leaned over and gently kissed Jordan's forehead. She sat up and gathered her thoughts.

"Woody…this has to be the last time. You can't fly of the handle every time I do…or don't do what you expect me too. Or assume that I don't love you because I'm not as open about it as you are," she said. "And I won't run…I won't betray your trust, either."

She looked up to him, silently asking if what she said was okay. Woody looked deep into her eyes and nodded. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed her lips. She responded, clinging tightly to him.

The kiss was chaste…hesitant. Both of them were afraid of screwing up this time. They held onto each other as if their lives depended on it. It would work out…it had to.