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Chapter 2

She didn't know if Katie had seen her or not, the snow was falling pretty hard, and she was trying to be discrete. She stood at the window in the attic, peering through the curtains as Katie's car pulled up. She watched her jump out; clad in jeans, a coat, scarf, and hat; and run to the front door. Her heart skipped a quick beat when she saw the brunette, who looked just as beautiful, if not more, than when she last saw her. Jessie was tempted to just run down there and fling the front door open, pull Katie inside, and tell her that she was sorry. However, Jessie wasn't one to admit her faults, and apologizing would be doing that. Instead, she stood at the window and watched as Katie placed the box in her car, got in, and sat there for a long second before pulling away.

Jessie kept the thoughts of the pain she felt Katie caused her in the front of her mind to block out the ache of her heart. She knew Katie lied about the whole dare, but she still didn't want to admit that she pushed Katie away. She could have dealt with Katie being 45 minutes away, it wasn't that big of a deal. She just wanted things her way, but it was Katie's life, and it was Katie's decision – not hers. At the same time, Katie hurt her. She hurt her by not taking into consideration that their relationship could have lasted past graduation; that they could still be together. That was Katie though, not thinking into the future, but living in the moment.

She thought about what Katie had said as she sat down on her bed. Why didn't she at least let her talk, explain herself, try to at least calm the storm that was brewing between them? Too many unanswered questions had been running through her head lately, the "what ifs." She was quite sick of them really, tired of wondering how things would have turned out. She could give Katie a chance, though, couldn't she?

She turned on the computer and looked at her buddy list, Katie's screen name blocked. Maybe if she just unblocked her, maybe Katie would put forth the effort to IM her. After all, if Katie truly wanted to fix things, she'd try to get in contact with Jessie the best way she could. At least, that's how Jessie saw it. She right clicked on Katie's screen name and unblocked it, watching the name switch from offline to online. She backed away and left it running, expecting nothing, and something at the same time. She did notice one thing as she stared at the computer screen, a little picture of mail in the top right corner which meant she had email. She must have been too preoccupied in her thoughts to hear the notification; either that or her speakers were off. She wasn't sure who the email was from, but in the pit of her stomach, she thought of the possibility it was from Katie. That she had read the note and retorted with some huge blowout. She didn't want to pack the letter in the first place, but thought it would have given her a little more closure than it actually did. She had re-written it so many times, knowing Katie would be home for break, and finally settled with the feelings she expressed on the final note.

She reached forward and clicked on the letter, her mailbox slowly opened to reveal the new email. She looked at her inbox only to find another spam mail from some holiday rip-off website. She sighed a heavy sigh as she trashed it. She couldn't help but be disappointed – because deep down she really did wish it was Katie.

--

Katie lifted her head from the pillow when she heard the familiar sound of a door opening from the computer speakers. She saw Jessie had logged on and slowly rose from the bed. She had to at least try to talk to her, explain, and how better to do it then with an instant message? She ran her fingers under her eyes, drying her cheeks, and gaining the composure to start typing. She brought up the window and began the long process of sharing her thoughts. It never really worked out before, she'd shut people out before opening up, she did it with Jessie, but she also did it with everyone else. She could hear her dad and brother's screaming at the television downstairs as she slowly began to type.

She'd get a couple of words written and hit the backspace, not being able to find the exact words she was looking for. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea…" She thought to herself, sitting back in the chair. Finally, she leaned forward and typed quickly, not giving a second thought to hitting enter.

"Jess, can you give me a chance to tell my side of the story?" She waited patiently for a reply. The bottom corner of the window read ladybillieday is typing a response.

"Go ahead." The words popped up on the screen and Katie could help but smile for a second, happy that she could at least explain herself.

"First of all, I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say that before you'll believe me, and you may never. I think that we both have a lot of explaining to do, we both made mistakes, and we both said things we shouldn't have. I did what I had to do for myself, I didn't do it just for Tad, so I wish you'd quit thinking that. I wanted to go to this school because it's something that I've secretly dreamed of for years. As for the things I said, yes they were lies; I only said them to hurt you because you hurt me! I did it because I was vengeful. I wanted to be with you Jessie, I truly did, and quite frankly it sucks that we fell apart so fast and when you refused to come to graduation for me (even though you had to for Grace) it was the last straw. I couldn't keep trying; I had given up hope on us ever being together the way we were for so long. I guess every good thing comes to an end, but I thought we'd broken that cliché. I thought we were different. I did love you Jessie – and truthfully - I still do. I'm pretty sure I always will. I just thought we'd at least end things on good terms and still be friends. I care so much about you, and even if you've hurt me, I still want what's best for you." She sat back for a second and pondered hitting enter before she pressed her finger to the key and watched it send.

--

Jessie stared at the computer screen, reading each word carefully, a single tear falling down her cheek.

"Come over, we need to talk face to face." She hit enter and watched the words emerge on the screen.

"I'll be right over."