Songs: (in order of appearence)
"Teaboy"...Ianto, Jack, Gwen, Tosh, Owen, Weevils #1, #2, and #3
Scene two
The team is in a warehouse, fighting Weevils.
Jack: Tosh
Pass me a grenade
Gwen
Do you have my back?
Owen
Careful with that gun
we still don't know
Where it came from
Tosh
Help me with this thing
Gwen
Kick it in the back
Owen
Tosh could use your help
There's a big cut on her arm
And it's bleeding fast
Gwen: Not a problem captain!
Awful glad that I can help
Tosh: press this button captain!
And it's just a scratch-but ow
Owen: Got it covered captain!
Tosh'll be good in a tick
Ianto: How can I be of service
Sir?
Could I get you
a weapon
I'll make it quick
Jack: That's okay Ianto
We don't really
Need your help
Ianto: Then Gwen
I'll assist you
Keep you cool
While you kick ass
Gwen: Thanks but no Ianto
I can do it well
Alone
Ianto: Need a hand Tosh?
I can work some
Of the tech
Tosh: Don't worry bout it Ianto
I have it under
Control
Ianto: Owen please
I need to help
Let me help
Let me help
Let me help!
Owen: Teaboy…
Ianto: yes?
Owen: get me a coffee!
Ianto: Now?
Owen: I need a coffee!
Ianto: What?
Owen: I NEED A COFFEE!
Ianto: Oh.
Everyone: Get me a coffee, teaboy!
Ianto: Is that all
That I'm good for?
Everyone: Get me a coffee, teaboy!
Ianto: Is that
My only
Talent?
Everybody: get me a coffee, teaboy!
Ianto: Why does
No one see?
As everyone is singing, Weevils sneak up behind them and knock out first Tosh, then Owen, then Gwen, then Jack. They begin to close in on Ianto, who pulls out a stun gun.
Weevil #1: get…
Weevil #2: me…
Weevil #3: A…
Weevil #4: Coffee…
Ianto zaps all off them, and they leap into the air.
All Weevils: TEABOY!
They fall to the ground in a heap. Jack groans and wakes up.
Jack: ow… hey! They're out cold!
Ianto: Yes, Sir, I-
Jack: I wonder what happened?
Ianto: I-
Jack: Maybe it was a time paradox!
Ianto: Sir-
Gwen wakes up along with the others.
Gwen: I wonder what could have done it?
Ianto: It was-
Owen: It could have been a tractor beam from a rival species!
Ianto: It was all-
Tosh: We're looking at this wrong. I'm sure it was a Rift fluctuation!
Ianto: (angry) HELLO!
Jack: (startled) what is it, Ianto?
Ianto: It was me! I knocked out the Weevils! I did something useful! Wow! Aren't you all so shocked! ME! Ianto Jones! I actually did something to help the team! ME! Wow! Aren't you impressed?
Jack: (taken aback) Um… great job, Ianto?
Ianto: Thank you!
He stomps back to the car, with the others following, all looking puzzeled.
End scene two