Chapter 5: Guilty Moments

By the morning, one from Elena's group was dead. The five came back, a little depressed, but the mission was successful.

As Vered drove, Arien was silent. "What's wrong?" Elena asked. Arien turned from the front seat.

"We should have had more people," she said pointedly. "Six was too few."

"Well, our mission was successful," Elena said.

"But barely." Arien stretched. "Oh well. I'm off from fieldwork for a while."

Andora opened her mouth to say something, but a glare from Elena shut her up. Arien rested her head on the seat tiredly.

The rest of the drive was silent. Arien looked at the stack of papers in her hands sadly. It was won at the cost of two lives.

For her, each paper was extremely expensive.

"Mommy," Vincent said quietly. "Mommy, what's wrong? Mommy?"

"I'm fine," she said tiredly, trying to cheer up. Vincent had come back from the check-up, with the usual results – apart from the abnormal amount of mako in the blood, which was ordinary for anyone who had received mako treatment, he was fine. His body was silicate-based as the test results were concerned. His sterility was not up to debate at the moment. But his reflexes were good, as well as his senses. Arien remembered the moment when she had woken up from the treatment, and groaning in pain as five senses seemed to attack her. She was used to it now – the variations of colors, the smell, the nightvision, the hearing. But when she had first acquired it, she had severe headache for days. For Vince, however… what did he see with those eyes?

"Where's your father?" Arien asked the child.

"I don't know," Vince scowled. "Daddy hit me."

Arien knew that Vince had probably done something again, and had earned the smack as a punishment. Reno only disciplined when it was absolutely necessary. She placed the small child on her lap. "Darling, what did you do?" she asked gently.

"Nothing!"

Arien stared into Vincent's eyes. This trick did not work with Reno anymore, but it still worked with Reno Jr.

"Okay, I typed on Daddy's computer."

"You know you're not supposed to do that."

"But…"

"No buts." She smiled at him. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes!"

"Okay." She made Vince stand up – he was getting heavy – and said, "Go and call Father, darling."

Reno sensed Arien's sad mood right away. He had changed; he was more sensitive with people's moods. As Arien slid in between the sheets, Reno put down the file and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, closing her eyes and leaning onto Reno's shoulder. Her white tank top was almost silvery, and her raven hair fell onto the shoulders in thick strands.

"Not nothing," Reno said. "I know somethin's bugging you. Come on. Out with it. Is it the two that died?'

"Partly." She felt his arm snake around her shoulders. "If we had more people, they might not have died."

"You're letting that bug you?"

"Yes."

Reno sighed. Maybe it was time to say what was on his mind. Maybe not. But he had to give a try.

"Arie?"

"Yes?" She looked tired… weary.

"Maybe you should become a wife and a mother. Ever thought about that?"

Instead of exploding at him, she sighed. "You mean, you want me to quit my job?"

"Well… uhh, yeah."

"I have," Arien replied. "I can do both, I think. I just…"

"Just what?"

"I just need time to think."

"You're gonna stay home?" Reno asked in the morning, as he was getting ready to leave.

"I think so. I need a break." Arien kissed him back.

"You're getting senile, yo."

"Just like you." She smiled, fixing Vincent's coat collar. "Don't pull anyone's hair, Vince."

"I don't do that, Mommy!"

"Oh, don't pull anyone's hair, Reno."

"I don't do that."

"Oh sure." Arien smiled. "I might go out, Reno. Call me on my cell."

"Why you goin' out?"

"I can't just forget about Rufus' mission."

"Oh." Arien saw a slight frown etched into Reno's face, but he said nothing. The door slammed.

Arien sat into the sofa and took a deep breath. It had been a while since she had this silence of the house all to herself. This household was loud with laughter and occasional shouts. Reno also tended to be loud anywhere. She took joy in the calm silence of the house.

It had only been a few minutes when her cell phone rang. She groaned, and went through her bag. She checked her caller-ID; Reno was so predictable. "Hello?"

"Can you check the network to see if there's anyone by the name of Tsubasa?"

"Er, okay." She paused as she pulled out her laptop. "Why?"

"She's annoying the hell outta me."

"That's it?"

"Isn't that enough? I'm gonna find a way to let her know how I feel, yo." With that retort, the phone died. Arien sighed, not even bothering to search. Why was Reno trying to use the network to wreak out havoc? She was tired. She was tired of pulling up this ridiculous charade with Jack, tired of being in conspiracies, her odd powers, and most of all, with herself. She sat there, a blank screen grinning at her from her laptop on her knees.

Time passed peacefully for her, who took a nap. She was making a simple lunch for herself when she heard the faint ring of the office phone. Someone must be calling her office; she had turned on the call forward when she last left the office. Cutting the sandwiches, she picked up the phone and turned it on speaker. "Hello?"

"Arien?"

The low voice that she had loved long before was now annoying to her. For a moment she thought about shooting a gun right next to the phone then hanging up. She definitely did not want this call, not today, when she was on a break.

"Hello, Jack."

"Hey, listen," he said breathlessly. "I'm off today, so I was wondering if you'd want to go somewhere with me."

"Your family?"

"They don't know that I'm off." He sounded guilty about it.

"Huh." She leaned on the counter. Should she go? Her mind told her no, but if she did this she'd be getting somewhere with this mission without wasting her time.

"Okay," she replied slowly. "Can you meet me at the library in half an hour?"

"Uh, sure."

"Okay. See you." Without waiting, she hit disconnect. She grabbed the books on the coffee table – picture books and thin paperbacks that Vince had read before he went to bed. She'd have to return these today. The colorful pictures reminded her of the grey sky.

Placing the books on the kitchen counter, she went into the bedroom to change. She brushed her long raven hair; she put on her watch, and stretched languidly in her pink sweater. After pulling on a different pair of jeans, she fastened the watch around her wrist. Hitching up her bag on her shoulder, she grabbed the books from the coffee table, and left the house.

The walk to the library was nothing out of ordinary. She waited patiently behind the queue, and smiled at Michele as she checked in the books.

"How's your son?" the librarian asked, shaking her brown-highlighted black hair out of her face.

"He's fine."

"He's adorable," she said affably.

"He's the cause of most of my headaches."

Michele laughed. "Bring him in next time."

"I will," Arien replied. "Bye."

"Bye."

She frowned as she left, wondering why Michele was so… attached to Vincent. But then, maybe to others' eyes he was an adorable boy. And how did Reno get to know her? Maybe she was just being paranoid; Turks did tend to see shadows where there were none. She shrugged it off, and kept on walking.

She saw Jack a few moments after he saw her. She nearly walked right past him.

"Hey," he said quietly. Nothing of that lust remained in his face. She slowly let down her guard, down but still around to put it up in need.

Silence ensued. Finally Jack broke it. "I never knew your eyes were so blue."

Arien smiled slightly. "They're blue."

"I thought they were brown."

Arien did not reply. She knew why Jack was so careful not to even physically get near her. All the better. She knew exactly what wanted to do, and she was going to deny him. She was a Turk, a person with an abnormally low level of morals, but she was not going to be that immoral.

"Arien?"

She smiled at him again, an empty smile. A smile that had no meaning to it. This man was not the person who would be her best friend, her partner, her companion for life. He was just a man, nothing else. She smiled again. Just the curve of the lips. Her mind wandered, but something bugged her irritably, like a sore that refused to go away.

Did Esile know of their trysts?

"Arie," Reno said one day, "You look like you're in a momentous amount of pain."

"I am," she replied.

"Why?"

Arien shook her head. "Jack is technically cheating on Esile with me, right?"

"Well…" Reno thought for a moment. "I can see where you're coming from, though I don't agree. Go on."

"It's Esile's fault for catching such a flimsy bonehead. It's partly Jack's fault for leading himself into this predicament." She paused, thinking on how to phrase the next sentence. "But it's not the children's fault that their father is cheating. I'm ruining their lives."

"Arie, life isn't fair," he pointed out. "It's not my fault my dad's that old bastard. It's not your fault that your mum's dead. But it's up to the person to make do or not. It's up to the kids to make different lives. Besides, it's not your fault. It's Rufus' order."

"I know, but…"

"Arie." Reno enclosed her in his arms. "You can be guilty or you can let go, babe. Your choice."

Months passed. Arien managed to keep distance with Jack; once she was in danger, when they were out for a walk and he had manipulatively led her to the front of a hotel. But she managed to walk past the building without a further ado.

She was getting sick of the charade. Vincent knew nothing about what was going on, but she knew he was a perceptive child. She felt like she was poison trailing into homes. She wanted to stop. Her vengeance would be done when she would leave Jack, when she would reveal that she belonged to another.

Perhaps this pity was because she began to understand Jack a little better, she thought often. She had harbored the vengeful tears in silence, believing that he had rejected her to fit into a social class. Perhaps this was so, but then, would he have been so kind in the beginning?

Perhaps.

But perhaps he had known that he did not have the capability to protect her. For Arien, her significant other had to be stronger than her, be her superior; she needed someone to protect her when she was hurt. Reno, in all his fluttery frivolousness, had that strength, to support her and guide her when she was lost.

Did Jack have that? No.

She hated lying to her son. Although technically she was not lying, Vince believed that the only man she was having any kind of relationship with was his father. Although this was a charade, a pretense, she was not confident that he would understand at such an early age. If she could convince herself that Jack knew about his incapability to fulfill her needs, then she would have no vengeance toward him.

She also did not like it that the part of the reason why he was attracted her was apparently her appearance. Was she all that was? She scowled to herself. Reno did not love her because she was beautiful or anything. Rather, he was attracted because she was quick, clever, and had humane priorities that he fully recognized that he had forgotten about. She could understand his pains and his triumphs.

Jack did not expect that of her. Rather, she was some decoration for him, a slender woman in her twenties drowning in money.

She had tried to treat Jack with respect, but day by day she was feeling the increasing distrust and dislike for him. She hated superficial people who could not value themselves before valuing others.

And for her, Jack seemed to be the epitome of that.