Thanks for the kind reviews. As you already know, I own nothing, so on with the show.
Part 5
Pacey's POV
I watch her leave, still believing I'm on one of those dreams...When Carter was telling me the staff names this morning, I felt something in my heart with the name Potter. And I almost choked when I felt the butterflies that I thought dead, even before I heard that voice, her voice. I turned around, almost paralyzed, the world spinning around me, and there she was, beautiful as I had her in my memories, elegant, even wearing scrubs, shock taking over her graceful features. Suddenly I couldn't form any coherent thought or sentence. I heard Carter introducing us like his voice was miles away, I must admit it, I was waiting for anger, charts being thrown over my head for leaving, closing her from my life, and then she smiled. Always the unexpected. She smiled and it was like ten years were just the other day. For the first time in the past two months I felt the need to smile again. But working at an ER means not much time to talk and we didn't pass from greetings.
She was gone to OR all morning. I kept stealing glances all day when she came back, watching her being everything I thought she could be. I had to go to the bathroom once or twice to wash my face to convince myself that it was reality, she was right there. How could I be so dumb then to leave her? Let to the old Pacey to screw up things. But I can't turn back time and correct my mistakes.
I was heading back home, ready to rest and try to absorb the new reality I was thrown in by Fate when I saw her, outside the building, obviously waiting for someone. The awkwardness of being ten years apart falls between us, I ask myself what to say, what to ask, but I don't find the right words. Carter arrived to break our uncomfortable silence, and I saw him holding her, taking her hands in his, and I can't help feeling a sharp pain, but at the same time I feel happy for her, he is a nice guy, and I had no right to feel anything but friendship for her, if she allowed me so. And when she leaves, something sparks in my memory. I call her, she turns around surprised as I yell Happy Birthday and she grins, in a silent acceptance.
I drive myself home, better, the place I'm living, since I'm crashing at my sister's until I find a place of my own. Gretchen was the decisive factor to my move to Chicago, she and Doug were the real family, the ones who cared and I needed to be around who cared. I drag myself through the steps to her apartment, the long nights with no sleep, the hard day at work and the emotional roller coaster I was in, charging their tolls over my body. I enter the warm apartment, my sister and her husband smile welcoming me, and I go straight to my room, trying to find comfort in silence. I smile when I see the baby sleeping on her crib, and I look at the picture that I had on the dresser, a silent reminder of everything I had lost. I take the hidden picture of Joey I always carried in my wallet and place it beside the newer one. I sit on my bed, watching what I had lost in my past, and at what I still have, until I fall asleep, feeling the silent tears in my eyes.