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Part 8

Joey's POV

I saw Pacey flinch, his eyes clouded with pain when I asked him when he got married, and I instantly regretted my question. What kind of question was that anyway? I don't see the guy in ten years, he shows up and the first time we actually talk, instead of finding some closure for our past, I make that stupid question, like I was still harboring feelings for him. He shifts on his seat, clearly uncomfortable, as I try to find words to say I'm sorry, even though I'm not so sure what I'm sorry for. He takes a long sip of his beer, and answers me in a low voice, his gaze avoiding mine.

"Can we not talk about this now?" I nod, embarrassed, the last thing I expected was seeing him so broken just by mentioning that. I feel his marriage is a sore subject for sure, and I don't know how much he's ready to tell me.

"So, Pacey what can we talk about it now?" I ask, trying to put him at ease.

"I don't know, tell me about your life, I never expected to find you in Chicago I thought you were in Boston." He looks relieved that I don't insist on my question.

"Pacey, cut to the chase. How much has Andie told you?"

"I should do the same question then."

"She never tells me anything, she tried to tell me how you were doing several times, but I always said no, I thought that was what you wanted."

"I thought that too, Joey." He explains, his face taken by regret ness. "first I wanted that. Then I started missing you, but I thought you would never forgive me to leave you like that, and I put the subject hidden back in my mind, trying to find the guts to face you again."

"And why didn't you do that? I would be mad at you, but at least I wouldn't find myself thinking that I hurt you so badly that you never wanted to see me again. Or that you regretted what happened…"

"I would never regret it, Jo. Do you?" Pacey asks me.

"No, Pacey, I don't. But it hurt me to know that you could still speak to Andie and not a word for me."

"I really didn't have too much choice about that." He chuckles sadly. "Andie bothered Doug so much that he gave her my address and my email. You know how annoying Andie can be when she wants."

"Pacey, why did you leave like that?" I have to ask it.

"I was scared, Joey. I thought days and days about what happened, and I was scared of what I felt for you then, I remembered how my heart was broken in junior year and I decided I didn't want to be a part of the Dawson and Joey saga anymore, I wanted to be just Pacey. It wasn't easy for me to be away like that. Many nights I asked myself if what I did was right, and deep inside I knew it wasn't."

"I really hurt you…" I whisper, ashamed that my indecision caused both of us so much pain.

"I hurt you too, Potter. We were both young and stupid then."

"And what do we do now, Pacey? Pretend that nothing happened?"

"I'm not that naïve to think we can do that. But I want to ask you if you can put our past behind us and be my friend again. We're both adults, we don't have to hold things against each other that happened so many years ago."

I don't know what to answer him. We moved on with our lives, but the past was haunting us for too long now. Maybe we could finally kill those ghosts. Maybe this is what growing up is really about, putting your ghosts behind you so you could face your future with nothing hanging on your shoulders.

"I have a proposition for you, Pacey. Let's start this from the beginning. We've been through a lot these past years; we could get to know each other again. And try to be friends again."

His answer is a weak smile and I wonder what happened to make him so sad like that. I know now that there's something wrong with his marriage; he didn't even want to tell me when he got married. But what happened?

"I would like that, Joey. You're the only person besides Gretchen that I know here, and she's my sister. And if we are going to be friends, there's something I need to tell you, but not here."

"Why not?"

"I can't, Jo, I have to show you something." He pleads and I nod, trying to figure out what he wanted to show me. We leave the restaurant and he takes me to his sister's place. Gretchen is really surprised when she sees me, but doesn't utter a word when Pacey takes me to a room, leaving me even more intrigued. I notice the crib, where a baby, not much more than a newborn lays. I watch Pacey picking up the baby carefully, and I don't know why I'm holding my breath.

"Joey, this is my daughter, Josephine Witter."

I feel the world spinning around me, he has a daughter with my name, I want to ask about his wife, but I can't find the words. Like in a dream I hear his shaky voice when he starts to talk.

"My wife, Maggie, she died in a car crash almost 3 months ago, she was 8 months pregnant, but they could save the baby."

I feel all the pain he must have been in these last months, but somehow I sense there's something more tragic in his story by the way he's looking at a picture over his dresser. I see the smiling blonde, blue eyes, holding a little girl that was a mini version of Pacey at the age of four. I find back my voice, but again the words don't seem the appropriated ones.

"Who's that kid?"

He turns around to face me and I see the tears in his eyes running freely, I never seen anyone in so much pain.

"That's my daughter Sam. She died on the accident too."