By Chance
Right now, nothing made sense to Sora. Riku had come here, in the rain, to apologize to him for yelling and then Sora had found him making out with his older brother. With Cloud. With his ex-love! Sora banged his head forcefully against his pillow as his limp body crashed onto his bed. Sora had earlier locked his door once he had slammed it in Riku's face. Locking it seemed like the best idea. Right now, Sora really didn't want to see neither Riku nor his older brother. All Sora wanted was some time to think and some alone time. And that's exactly what Sora was going to do, even if he had to fight for that time.
Sora sighed miserably as he nuzzled his right cheek against the soft pillow. Small streams of tears leaked from his eyes as he struggled to bat away the image of Riku and Cloud. Riku wasn't struggling- not from what Sora saw. Riku was returning the kiss. Riku was leaning into it, and Sora was certain that if Cloud hadn't spotted him, they would have ended up on the floor or in the bedroom. Sora shivered and nearly gagged at the idea of his boyfriend with his brother. This was so wrong.
So many things had happened today. First, Riku had hollered at Sora for claiming that he was replacement. Second, Sora had moved back in with Cloud. Third, Riku had apologized and Sora blindly was courted, yet again. Fourth, Cloud and Riku had been caught, by him, kissing on the couch. And fifth, oh good god, Sora had thrown Riku's notebook at him!
The realization dawned on Sora at once. The brunet hadn't even thought at the time what he was doing! His plan was to gently give it back to Riku in-between a kiss and apologize for not returning it sooner. Then he would continue kissing his boyfriend, secretly.
But nothing seemed to be going his way today. Sora sighed in utter defeat, punching his pillow seconds afterwards. Why was life so confusing? Why wasn't there a handbook for it? Sora shook his head in dismay, thoughts pouring back into his mind. Did this mean that he and Riku were over? Did kissing Cloud count as cheating? Did Riku hate him? What was Riku going to say about the notebook?
"Can today get any worse?" Sora asked in a strained voice. His eyes closed as he hugged the pillow tight to his body, trying to get a nap in. Perhaps sleep would do him some good? Clear his mind, perhaps?
But really…could sleep wipe away that horrible image of Riku with Cloud?… And the sad thing was, Riku looked happier kissing Cloud than he ever did kissing him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was hard to compare both of the brother's kisses. Cloud's were always so erotic, so lusty, so searing… it always left him breathless and craving more. More touch, more contact, more lips on skin. But Sora's were different. Sora's kisses were soft, gentle, teasing at times, even. They were always tempting, and oddly sweet. Without the brunet's sweet smile accompanied by a shy kiss, Riku felt rather….empty. And the feeling was so foreign. The brothers were complete opposites, and Riku was having s hard time disfurnishing what kind of person he wanted.
Riku groaned in slight despair as he leaned his tired body against the door to his bedroom. Without Sora here, everything felt so quiet and rather desolate. Without Sora, it didn't even feel like his home anymore. Had Riku become that accustomed to their earlier living arrangements? Riku shrugged away the thought as he rose a hand to rub his temples.
"Why would Cloud do that," Riku murmured to himself.
The kiss, Riku knew, probably just tore Sora apart. Especially seeing that Riku never did give a clear answer as to whether or not Sora was a replacement. Riku knew, in his heart, that Sora wasn't a replacement at all. In his heart, he knew that he was attracted to the brunet and desired nothing more than a healthy relationship where he continued to learn more about the captivating boy. But things were just not playing into his favor.
"Sora's probably going to break up with me over that," Riku decided pessimistically. The silveret sighed heavily as he entered his bedroom, leaving the door wide open. Without Sora here, what was the point of even shutting his door?
Riku paused, eyes flickering down to the item in his clutches. He hadn't realized, or remembered, that he had been carrying a book with him up until now. No… that wasn't Sora's diary, it was… his notebook? Sudden understanding spread through Riku instantly. Sora had his notebook all along?! Fear washed over him as cold sweat covered his body, clinging to his pale skin all over. Sora had his notebook. His sexually explicit notebook. All along. Ever since they-… and then Riku, somehow, understood entirely.
The subway… the boy next to him and Naminé…
Riku faintly sat down on the bed and flipped open the notebook. Weakly, the teen thumbed through the contents. "I can't believe that he read this stuff," Riku muttered, a sickening feeling covering his soul. "Every single bit."
Perhaps the story regarding Cloud and himself was really what threw the red card into the mix. "I completely fucked up this relationship," Riku laughed pathetically. The silver haired youth lowered his gaze to the notebook to the last entry. "I'm sorry, Sora…"
Riku halted his skimming over the last written page when he realized something was on the page behind it. Curiously, Riku fully flipped the page over and glanced at the sloppy handwriting that he immediately economized. Sora's handwriting?…
Riku,
I figured I'd give this back to you… I'm sorry I kept it so long! I just… really liked it! I mean, the way you write all in all! Not just because it was about…yeah… Uhm, I'm sorry, again, for not giving it back right away, but when I first met you I didn't really know it was yours. Then I went to see your mom (the old address in this) and she told me your cell number and I realized it was you… And yeah… I'm real sorry. But yeah, I'm glad I'm finally giving it back to you and I'm glad that we're together.
Love Sora
Riku's heart clenched as he ran his thumb along the pen-written words scribbled across the page. "Sora…" Riku murmured and placed the notebook back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "What did I just mess up?… Fuck you, Cloud…"
And he just realized that he had ruined the only good thing that had come into his life for the first time in awhile.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cloud had gone off to work at precisely two pm. The two brothers didn't really talk that morning. Sora remained locked up in his bedroom, his mind heavy with guilt, worry, and disgust. No matter what he did, he couldn't push away the thought of how wrong things were going. Cloud and Leon were over. Riku and he were dangling on the edge of disaster. Sora needed to put a stop to these hectic things and jumpstart everything back into a neat order. Sora needed to restore normalcy. Their kind of normalcy. And that was why the brunet invited the ever wise Leon over.
"Sora, I wasn't expecting you to call," Leon said, honest surprise glimmering in his eyes as he took a seat in the chair across from Sora. Their eyes met and Leon, at once, knew something drastically wrong was about.
"I wanted to talk to you," Sora explained.
"Regarding?" asked Leon, lacing his hands uneasily in his lap as he stared encouragingly at the younger brunet.
"A few things, actually," Sora admitted. The brunet shifted his gaze once again, unable to look at Leon, knowing that the older would probably feel uncomfortable, just like he. Sora lowered his gaze and cleared his throat before beginning. "Cloud and…Riku," he whispered into the stale air.
"Cloud and I have already come to an understanding, Sora. We've agreed that it's not fair for either of us if-" Leon began rationally. The brunet was instantly cut off by a somewhat furious and fractious Sora.
"He loves you, Leon! He's crazy about you!" Sora declared loudly. Desperation seeped from Sora's voice and he had no idea why. Was it because he wanted Cloud to be happy and therefore be with the man he loved? Or was it because he wanted Riku back and if Cloud was with Leon, there would no longer be that temptation? Sora shivered at the very thought. How could he possibly even begin to forgive Riku for what he did?
"If he had a problem with us breaking up, he would have told me," Leon reasoned, shaking his head in dismay. "Cloud's a judicious person. He can speak for himself and if he had something to say he would have said it."
"He didn't say anything because he thought that's what you wanted! For it to be over!" Sora rationalized, his voice weak and frail. Leon took note of this at once.
"You said this involve Cloud and Riku. Where does Riku fit into this?" Leon wondered calmly, lacing his hands together in his lap once more. Stoic eyes set upon Sora's form once again, silently gesturing the brunet to explain.
"Leon, I…" Sora trailed off and chewed his bottom lip. "It's nothing," he lied.
"Sora, I've known you and Cloud for months now, years even. I've always listened to you before, so why would this time be any different? Just tell me what's wrong. What happened?" Leon pried, his tranquil eyes staring at the disconcerted brunet with concern.
"Leon," Sora began again, sighing. "Please don't tell Cloud," he quietly begged.
Leon's eyebrows instinctively arched. "All right," he promised, gesturing with his other hand for the brunet teenager to continue.
"Riku and I… When Cloud left with you to Bermuda, I had to stay with Riku, right? Well… somehow, we sort of started dating. It doesn't even make sense to me. We just all of a sudden kissed and stuff and yeah… and Riku still likes Cloud… I can tell from the way he talks about him. And I just don't know what to do," Sora admitted, tears prickling his eyes. Sora denied the tears the privilege to fall. Not in front of Leon. Not in front of anyone. Big boys don't cry, Sora.
"Are the two of you still dating?" Leon asked, his head tilting to the side.
"I…think," Sora murmured.
"You think?" Leon echoed, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Riku…did something stupid," Sora explained vaguely. The last thing Sora needed was Leon angry at Cloud for kissing Riku out of nowhere. Right after they broke up. "And I'm not sure if we're still dating," Sora concluded, sighing heavily.
"Did he ever tell you that he wanted to break up?" Leon questioned.
"No," Sora answered quietly, eyes shifting down to the ground in shame.
"So the decision is in your hands, correct?" Leon asked, hoping to clarify.
"That's right," Sora said and then cleared his throat. "Leon, listen… I don't know if I can trust Riku, and I hate saying that out loud. I'm so worried that somebody I'm not going to be enough for him and he's going to turn to someone else. I'm terrified that he's going to break my heart if I let him get close, you know? He's my first boyfriend and I just don't know what to do."
"Do you love him?" Leon asked. "Honestly. Do you love him?"
"Too early to tell," answered Sora, honesty leaking from his voice. "I do like him. I like him a lot. He," Sora blushed, "gives me Goosebumps, I suppose. It feels good to be with him. Is that normal?" Sora whispered, desperately trying to seek guidance.
"Of course it is," Leon answered coolly. "If you're attracted to someone, you're supposed to feel good around them. It's only natural."
"Oh," Sora drawled, blinking. "That's good," he breathed in relief. "I figured you were supposed to, it's just I didn't know if I wasn't feeling something or yeah…"
"Cloud's never explained love to you, I assume?" Leon guessed, chuckling softly under his breath. His answer came when Sora briefly nodded, looking quite saddened at the prospect. "Well, I'm not going to bother you with the gritty details. All I'll say is that when you're in love, you'll know. You can tell. As for what you should do regarding Riku… it's entirely up to you. Whatever he did, is it worth ending it over?"
"I…" Sora began and then stopped, his hands clenching tightly by his sides. "I don't know."
"You're young," Leon pointed out, a fragile smile forming on his lips. "You're young and in your first relationship. You're not expected to fall in love and stay with that person forever. Relationships are a learning process for when you do fall in love."
Sora nodded hesitantly, absorbing every single word the older brunet told him. "But what if we really like that person and don't want the relationship to end?" Sora wondered, his breath catching in the base of his throat.
"You'll know what's right," Leon explained and offered another rare smile at Sora. "Like I knew that breaking up with Cloud was right."
"Do you love him?" Sora asked, tossing the same question back at Leon that the older had asked the younger. Sora eagerly awaited an answer, curious blue eyes staring solely upon the brunet.
"Love's a fickle thing," Leon murmured and rolled his shoulders into a shrug. "I might."
"Isn't love supposed to conquer all?" Sora wondered, tilting his head to the side.
'You have a lot to learn, Sora," Leon chuckled and proceeded to enlighten Sora.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Please, men…" Naminé cautiously interjected between the heated glares that were flying back and forth across the table. Blue eyes met fierce aquamarine. Naminé's own, lighter blue eyes stared worriedly between the two males, uncertain what to think or even what to say. The only thing that separated these two from one another was that flimsy table. And a few drinks, of course.
"Do you realize what you did?" Riku demanded, ferociously narrowing his eyes at his 'friend'. Usually expressionless sea-green hues were now frilled to the brim with anger, about to burst.
"Kiss you?" Cloud lamely responded.
By now Riku had gone from beyond anger to fury. Not only had Cloud kissed him, of all things, but he had just ruined his chances with Sora. Who would want to date someone who you just saw kissing your older brother? How much of a turn-off was that? Riku groaned at the very idea as he snapped, "Out of nowhere!" Even though Riku dumbly kissed back…
"Next time I'll give you a warning," scoffed Cloud, not a bit amused. A moment of unappreciated silence filled the room. "Listen, Riku… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so heavily. My emotions are a mess lately because of Leon. I didn't think about what the consequences would be. You should know me better than this," Cloud explained wearily.
"You know what happened between us!" Riku fumed, his clenched fists slamming onto the table. And it was apparent that, perhaps, Riku had more of a temper than Sora. "You know what you did to me!"
"Riku, I didn't mean to bring-" Cloud attempted but was cut short.
"You knew full well what you were doing!" Riku retorted. "You just went through a breakup and you what? Go for your best friend?"
"Riku-"
"What's worse is that Sora saw!" Riku hissed in vengeance. "Of all people, Sora. Didn't you realize what you were doing? How could you be so-"
"Stop it, both of you," Naminé interjected, yet again. Her tolerance to these two had finally ended. "Listen, you both are acting like you just want to forget whatever happened, and I agree. Just forget it and move on. There's no need to yell at each other for countless hours. And…" she tried to reason but was also cut short.
"He just ruined my relationship with Sora and you want me to remain calm?" Riku asked, his breaths quick and shallow. Silence, once again, ruled.
"What?..." Cloud questioned with utter confusion. The blond stared at his friend with bewilderment. "Your relationship?" he repeated carefully. Those usually stoic eyes suddenly seemed to team with unreadable emotions.
Riku stared back at Cloud for a elongated moment. Sudden dread swarmed through Riku's body, making his form numb to the core. Cloud knows… Cloud knows that Sora and I were together. Great. What else can I possibly screw up today? Riku thought in disdain. Guardedly, Riku cleared his throat. "Does that bother you?" he posed, eyes shimmering with undeniable fear, to be frank.
"You were dating my brother?" Cloud drawled; his tone indecipherable. "You and Sora were together?" he restated, changing the words around a bit, as if he was grappling to understand. After a few minutes, Cloud's face paled and he emitted a few incoherent sounds.
"Yes!" Riku declared, getting irritated. "Yes, Sora and I dated! Yes, I made out with your brother. Yes, I like him. And yes, we were dating when you-" Riku hollered and only silenced himself when he realized that wandering pairs of eyes had turned to stare at their table. Riku lowered his gaze, mumbling curses under his breath. He was beyond annoyed at the moment. Beyond enraged.
"You had no right-" Cloud began, narrowing his eyes at his friend.
"Just because he's your brother?" Riku demanded, ignoring the warnings that Naminé was throwing his way. "I was happy with him, thank you."
"Are you that desperate to replace me that you-"
"Everything has to be about you, doesn't it? It all comes back to you-"
"How could you take advantage of Sora. My brother. You are complete opposites. Sora's not even-"
"Like you would-"
"Men!" Naminé shouted, again. Her eyes gleamed with anger. "Can we please stop arguing already? Yes Cloud, Riku dated Sora. And no Cloud, he didn't take advantage of Sora. He would have said something if Riku had. And Riku… if you really cared about Sora you would already have confronted him," Naminé ranted, her voice quiet but extremely harsh.
"And you're suggesting I what? Get up and go see him now? I couldn't agree more," Riku declared, pushing his body up into a standing position.
Cloud stiffened and jumped to his feet as well, blond locks of hair concealing his stern gaze. "He hasn't said a word to me since last night. Riku, there's no way that he's even going to want to talk to either of us," Cloud attempted, biting his bottom lip apprehensively. The last thing he needed at this moment was Riku adding to the chaos.
"And he'd hate me for not even trying to fix things," Riku retorted stubbornly and grabbed his thin jacket. The silver haired male shot Cloud an annoyed glare as he tried to make leave. However, the blond brother had stopped him, latching onto his forearm. "Cloud, let go," seethed Riku.
"Sora needs time," Cloud reasoned, his fierce blue eyes meeting Riku's.
Riku was not amused. "Before you start spouting advice, maybe you should learn to help yourself," Riku rudely hissed and pushed past his friend. Cloud watched in sheer annoyance (and undoubtedly horror) as Riku left the café, pulling his jacket tight onto his body.
"Sora's not going to want to talk to him. I know Sora," Cloud murmured angrily, clenching his fists by his sides. "Why didn't they tell me? I didn't know."
"I don't know, Cloud," Naminé answered honestly. "There's no need to beat yourself up over it, though."
Cloud sighed and leaned against the table. He shook his head. Things were not going his way. First things ended with Leon and now Riku and Sora were together. And he had what? Ruined that as well? Wonderful. "What is with Riku?..."
"Cloud, you don't need a therapist to tell you that," Naminé murmured and shivered at the intense look sent her way.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Sora… listen, I'm sorry…"
No answer.
"Sora," Riku restated more sternly than before. "Please, Sora. Just open the door. Let me explain."
Sora remained silent, staring out his window. Blue eyes were clamped shut, refusing to let in any light or his surroundings. The tears remained in his eyes, painfully prickling his eyes. Sora whimpered to himself, hugging the pillow tightly to his chest. Sure, Leon had helped calm him down and Sora was thankful for this, but still. He couldn't face Riku. Not now. Not after Riku willingly kissed Cloud multiple times. How could someone that claimed to care about you do that and openly hurt you? What was Riku thinking when he did that?
"Sora! God, please!" Riku begged, banging his fists against the door in a frantic fury. After a moment of pointless banging, Riku rested his forehead against the locked door. "Sora, please… I didn't…" What could he possibly say? He enjoyed that kiss. Truly, he did. But he wasn't expecting it and he hadn't meant to hurt Sora. It just… happened.
"Sora, please. Just say something. Anything," Riku demanded. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How many times do you want me to tell you that? Cloud kissed me, all right? He had no idea that we were together. He was confused. God Sora, just open this damn door."
Sora refused. The brunet curled up further on his bed, making no attempts to stand up and let his boyfriend in. All Sora wanted was some time alone and away from Riku. Perhaps he'd invite Tidus over the next day and try to forget about Riku. All Sora knew was that he wasn't going to forgive his boyfriend for adultery. No. Sora wasn't that forgiving.
"Sora," Riku seethed, punching the door as he turned his back on it. Exhaling sharply, Riku made his way into the living room, in search of the skeleton key that would open the bedroom door. Now where was the stupid thing?
Sora remained silent in his room, gently bumping his head repeatedly against the windowsill. Sora's chest rose and deflated heavily, as if it were painful to breathe. Why didn't Riku just give up? It was obvious that Sora had no intentions of mending things or speaking to him. So why did Riku stay? He was just making it more painful for the pair of them.
Sora's head jerked up when he heard metal clinking. Was that... Alarmed, Sora watched in shock as the door opened. What? Key? There was a key for hisroom? Anger swelled inside of Sora as he at once tore his gaze away from the opening door. All right, so Riku was in the room, okay. But that didn't mean Sora had to acknowledge him.
"Sora," Riku murmured, closing the door behind him with a gentle thud. "Please, say something to me," Riku requested, making his way slowly over to the brunet.
Sora ignored the older, gaze set on the outside world.
"I'm sorry. Sora-"
Riku reached out to touch Sora, but his hand was slapped away. Riku winced and instinctively narrowed his eyes at Sora's ignorance. Dogmatically, Riku reached out again, in attempts to yank Sora into a standing position, but his hand was slapped away for a second time. "Don't touch me," Sora deadpanned- his voice harsh and broken.
"Sora, stop acting like a two year old," Riku scolded, reaching out with both hands. Riku firmly grabbed Sora's shoulders and pulled the brunet to the corner of the bed. Sora's hazy blue eyes stared up angrily into sea-green eyes.
"Riku," Sora growled under his breath.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, okay?" Riku informed Sora, leaning in to gently kiss the brunet. His lips were a fraction away from Sora's, his eyes lidded halfway, when he felt something hard against his cheek. At first it just felt warm and hard, and then it stung. And it took Riku a few moments to realize that Sora had just punched him, and for someone as small as Sora, boy did he pack a punch.
Riku doubled back, arms flying off the brunet as he literally fell down. Riku had not been expecting that. What he had been expecting was Sora to return the kiss, or even initiate it. He was expecting them to make up and then make out. Sora punching him came as a huge surprise. A very bad one, at that.
"What the fuck Sora?!" Riku demanded, his hand rising to feverishly rub the spot where Sora's fist had made contact.
"I told you not to touch me!" Sora snapped, glaring down at Riku with fire burning in his eyes. "Leave me alone. I don't want to even talk to you right now! I know that I won't ever be enough for you or matter as much as Cloud did, I understand. So just leave me alone!" Tears prickled in Sora's eyes, visible to only Riku.
"Sora, I-" Riku attempted, his anger melting as stun sank in.
"Just go home, Riku." Sora's voice fell to a whisper. Cloudy blue eyes flickered downward, staring at this bed. "Go home. I never want to see you again."
The words hurt. No other lover had ever taken Riku's hand and then given it back. An odd feeling of heartache entered Riku's body as he sat there on the floor, staring at the brunet. "So we're over, just like that? One kiss and you hate me?"
"You hurt me," Sora hissed and looked away angrily. "Just leave."
"I'm going to fix this," Riku promised in an angry tone as he got to his feet. "I'm going to fix this and I'm going to make you forgive me. You'll see. I'm not giving up just like that." Stubbornly, Riku shot Sora an indescribable look and headed out the door, closing it behind him in an audible slam.
Never before had Sora felt so damn alone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"…I don't think this is a good idea. I never did, Leon," Cloud murmured, his eyes shifting off to the side, staring out the window of the café. Cloud knew that returning home was out of the question. For now, at least. Riku had stormed off in search of Sora, and heading back home and getting in the middle of the two would just add more drama to the pot. So, instead, Cloud called up Leon and requested to see him. At the time, it seemed like a good idea…
"You should have told me," Leon answered calmly, his eyes suddenly expressive as he looked across the table to the blond. "If you thought that it was a bad idea, you should have told me. I thought that you wanted to break up and that it'd be better," he reasoned.
"I didn't want to interfere with your work," Cloud answered with a shrug. "I know that your career is important to you, and I respect that. I didn't want to get into the middle of it."
"Did you ever consider that I valued what you thought?" Leon asked, cocking his head to the side. "I wanted to be fair to you, Cloud. I rarely get to see you. I thought that perhaps that wasn't enough for you. I was giving you the chance to find someone more reliable for you. Someone who would be able to spend more time with you," Leon declared.
"I never wanted to be away from you," Cloud informed Leon, blue eyes sparkling over at the tall brunet.
"I didn't want to break up with you. I just thought it was a good idea," Leon murmured in explanation. "If you want to get back together, just say so."
"God, more than anything," Cloud admitted, his cheeks turning a barely noticeable shade of color. "I think I love you, is that all right?"
Leon edged on the smallest of smiles. "Really?"
"Yeah," Cloud confirmed, shakily nodding his head.
"I think I can live with that," he said, a warm expression appearing on his face. "I missed you, Cloud," Leon whispered, extending his hand across the table to interlace their fingers together on the top.
"Missed you too," Cloud echoed, a smile on his face as well.
there yeah have it , folks. Review, please?