I´m really sorry about how long it took...life happens.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them.

Part 11

Pacey's POV

I walk through the white corridors, the lights hurting my eyes. I reach the closed door, feeling my hands shaking as I touch the door knob. It's dark inside, so dark that I can barely disguise the forms lying there. I step closer, unsure of what to do, just to recognize the lifeless bodies. I immediately think about Maggie and Sam, but when I pay more attention, it's Joey and Bella lying there. I try to do something to save them, but it's too late, there's nothing I can do and I'm left in the darkness alone to face my ghosts.

The baby's wail brings me back from my nightmare. I leave the bed, still shivering, trying to figure out what that could mean. I take Bella in my arms, she's not hungry, just wants to be rocked again to sleep and that's what I do. It's the same dream I had through the first month after the accident, but it was always Maggie and Sam on it. And now, they've changed to Joey and Bella. After putting my daughter back to sleep, I lay awake in my bed, staring the ceiling; I have been doing this for a while now, so I know how much spots of dirt are there, I can even tell this room had been once yellow from a place where the old painting was showing up. Not that it really matters.

I know how tired I am, that I should go back to sleep, but my eyes refuse to close, and when I close them, I see again parts of my nightmares. Sometimes I dream about my old apartment in NY, about getting home to find everyone gone, other nights I'm again alone in the sea, in my old boat, trying to mend my broken heart. But all of them have the same theme: all my losses. The loss of my heart at the age of seventeen, the lost of my hopes for a future four months ago.

The alarm clock starts to shout out loud, making me drag myself out of bed, to face again the hard work at the hospital after a non sleep night. During the shower I wonder if I should tell anyone about these dreams, but I really don't wanna go back to some stupid grief counselor who will try the same talk that it will pass with time. Believe me, I already tried that.

I take breakfast not really tasting the food, and I promise my self that I have to find a place to live. I love Gretchen, her husband is a nice man, but I'm starting to feel I'm nothing but a burden on her shoulders, she's been taking care of me and my baby, but I have to go back to my feet. Maybe Joey could help me to find a place.

Joey…these past two months, with her back in my life have been the most contradictory I have ever lived. After all we have been through ten years ago; she had offered me her unconditional friendship, something I never expected. Maybe out of pity, I try to tell myself, but I feel like she really missed me through this years. Quoting her own words: I missed my favorite punching bag. But I have been nothing but that lately. It's like we are back again at those times that, despite our banter, we could talk about everything and sometimes words are not really necessary between us. She told me about her not so happy times in these years, like her failed marriage to a guy she met at college, but about happy times too, like when Bessie had her little niece, Rebecca, five years ago. And I'm slowly letting my guard down around her.

And here is where the contradictory thing comes. I feel like I shouldn't do that, that I'm already hurt enough, that she's a living reminder of some of the pain I have been through my life, but when I look at her , a single smile trying to comfort me when she senses my inner storms, and I immediately feel warm inside. I try to close myself to her, but it's getting harder and harder. How am I supposed to close off my own heart? And then guilty washes me, I feel again that I never was a good husband to Maggie, and it's not fair to Joey, cause she's happy with Carter, and I like the guy too. And that puts me in a daily emotional roller coaster.

I yawn loudly again while I close my locker at the lounge. Another free ride is just ahead me.

Joey's POV

I walk into the lounge, just to meet Pacey who's loudly yawning. Since we were kids, he has never been a morning person, but lately, he's always getting here like he had no sleep at all through the night. Whenever I ask the answer is still the same, the baby kept him awake, but I feel there's something else. He started talking about it the other day, but Jen chose that same moment to call me, and he closed himself off again. I know that he's been through a tough grieving process, better than anyone and sometimes I wish I could help him more but I just don't know what to do. What am I supposed to? Tell him I would do anything to put his smile back on his face? Would that be enough?

I'm trying to be for him the best friend I can, I listen to whatever he wants to tell me, but it's been a fight with myself. My conscience tells me he's just my friend, that I have a nice boyfriend that I like, that he's not been there for me these past years, but my heart…ah, my heart, it just melts anytime when I'm near him, I feel like a stupid teenage girl, my knees go weak, and I can't stop smiling when I see him. And I'm happy just about being near him, being there for him. And my life has turned into a big fight between my head and my heart, and I know it will be a battle with no winners.

"Morning, Jo." He greets me with another yawn, his eyes almost closing, giving him the looks of a little boy.

"Morning, Pace. Bella kept you awake again?" I smile when I remember the baby. Each day I'm more in love with that little girl, I have never been a fond of babies, but her little blue eyes just got me. The same blue eyes her dad has.

Pacey simply nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"I think I need a caffeine overdose to keep me awake today."

I involuntarily laugh and surprisingly he joins me.

"Potter, can I ask you a favor?" He looks a little bit embarrassed to be asking me.

"Sure, Pace, what is it?"

"I need help to find a place to live, and someone to baby sit Bella, and I don't know much of the city, you know."

"Pacey, I'd be really happy to help you; you wouldn't have to be embarrassed to ask me that."

"I feel like I'm being a burden to everybody…"

"Witter, stop the self pity road now, ok? Actually, I know there's a vacant apartment at my building, we could go there after work to check it. And about the baby sitter, I can talk to Dr. Corday, she hired one for her baby, she must know where to find a good one. "

He smiles and finishes taking his third cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Jo." And he leaves me there, thinking about what I have just done. Pacey would be living right across the corridor. Another reason to make Carter jealous.