Part 7 Creep

She offered a trembling smile. His steady gaze that had traces of doubt unsettled her. "Glad to see you're back," she managed as emotionlessly as she could, which was a great effort given the tight constraint of her throat. "I hope I got the sandwich correct. Chloe said it was your favorite."

His gaze wavered for a moment, as if the answer had taken him off guard. "It's good. You got it down perfectly."

She waited a bit before nodding and turning away. His eyes followed her as she vanished into the corridor. The moment that she was gone from her sight, Lex tossed the half-eaten sandwich into the trash. He shook his head free of inane fantasies. It was time to burn out the toxins of the day, the feelings of deprivation that consumed him, and set everything to rest.

He had done the last thing he needed to close the book.

If she could see all this, she would ask for nothing more, he thought as he entered his workout room and started unbuttoning the dress shirt he wore. Lex shrugged off the expensive clothing and dropped the shirt on the floor. He loosened his belt and took it off. Standing in the middle of the makeshift gym in office slacks and Italian leather shoes, Lex looked out of place in the space that had only a treadmill, a bike and a boxing sandbag.

Slowly he wrapped his fists in bandage. His movements were smooth, slow. Then suddenly his fist flew and slammed against the bag with a grunt. Punch after punch he threw his weight against the boxing bag, his rhythm punctuated only by grunts of effort, not pausing even for two second intervals, he hit until he could not hit more.

As sweat poured from his body, drenching his naked torso, his vision darkened at the edges until he could see close to nothing. Still he continued the beating that was more violent towards his body than towards the target. His breath came in loud gasps and his chest tightened until he fell onto his knees, his head hanging from his shoulders.

It took several moments to regain his breath, after which he raised his face towards the ceiling, still panting.

"This has got to be enough for you," he gasped. Lex could hear his heart's violent beating in his ear. "Because seeing her every day is almost more than I can take." It's her eyes—her fucking stolen eyes.

iWhen you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eyes
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry/i

When Clark remembered her, it was easy to glare at the woman who had effectively taken her place in their lives. Lois arrived in the Daily Planet office and took a seat in Chloe's old chair again, turned on the old computer and met his eyes.

"You do know that we would eventually have to work together, don't you?"

"We're partners," Lois admitted grudgingly. "Perry hates me."

Clark gave her a smile of discomfort. He took her words as a cue that maybe, they could be friends, and everything would be fine. "I'm sorry about what I said to you your first day back." He shrugged. "I think I have unattended angst."

"You lost your friend," she gave him as his own excuse. "I'm sure you could have been worse, given the circumstances."

"It's not just that. We weren't," he hesitated," we weren't just that."

She looked up at him in shock, at the words he admitted, of a truth she had tried to bleed out of her body when she had the chance. Her greatest mistake looked her in the eye. " I don't want to hear about it," she choked.

"I have to say it. It's the only way I can explain why I was the way I was."

"Clark, I understand. Believe me, you don't have to confess anything to me," she pleaded.

He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, but the images were straight from a dream and they kept coming back over and over again. "Sometimes I wonder if it will help me if I tell Lex."

"No," she said sharply. "Haven't you done enough?"

"I really thought when she came back that maybe, maybe we'd be together."

iYou float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special/i

i"Thank you," Clark gasped, with his face buried in her hair.

Chloe closed her eyes and swallowed deeply as she achieved her own quiet release. Her heart thundered in her chest. Her hands were splayed across Clark's sweaty bare back. Gently, she moved her arms so that her palms would rest on his chest. "Get off, Clark," she whispered. "I need to go."

"You can sleep, Chlo," he assured her. "I won't go anywhere."

"Clark, get up," she repeated more firmly. "I'm going to wash up."

Reluctantly he pulled himself up, leaving her body and wincing at the way she quickly curled herself into a ball. Chloe grasped for the shirt he had discarded on the floor and pulled it over her shoulders, hastily buttoning the front so that it was uneven at the hem.

Chloe padded across the motel room towards the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She turned on the shower and turned it to hot. While she was waiting for the water to heat up, Chloe fumbled with the buttons of Clark's shirt and dropped it on the tiled floor. Slowly the water seeped into the threat and darkened the cloth.

"Chloe," she heard Clark call from the other side of the door. "Chlo—"

"Not now, Clark," she called back.

"I know you, Chloe. You don't have to feel bad about this."

She didn't answer. She turned her face up towards the spray of water, feeling the burning drops of water on her skin. Her face crumpled and then she just knew she was crying, even though the water quickly washed her tears away.

"You know how I feel," Clark continued. "Don't be afraid."

And it was the words that resulted in the heaving sobs that racked her shoulders. Suddenly she was no longer willing to have the water fall directly on her face. Suddenly she didn't want to be exposed so much. She turned around and wrapped her arms around her body, covering her chest with trembling wet limbs, her soaked hair falling to both sides of her face, hiding herself from the rest of the world.

Clark's calls stopped and Chloe did not even notice. All she knew was she was crying until her eyes were so dry they hurt. She turned off the shower and grabbed the motel towel, wrapping it tightly around herself.

Clark looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed the moment she opened the door. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Clark, I'm going to leave."

His eyes were hurt. "Are you going back to Lex? You're not happy with him, Chloe."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Clark, but I can't be with him. Not after all he's done."

"Then you can stay with me."

She shook her head. "He's not going to just let me go."

He stood up, now only wearing his boxers. "It's not like I can't protect you from Lex Luthor, Chlo."

And didn't she know it. Just a couple of hours before, vulnerable and on edge after leaving Lex, Clark had found her waiting for a bus, always to her rescue. It was when he took her hand that she asked wonderingly, to herself, why she couldn't have fallen in love with a hero.

"I will protect you, Chloe," he repeated, his voice firm enough that Chloe almost believed him.

"You could," she admitted, "take Lex up so high into the air and then drop him into the Atlantic ocean. But I'm not going to let you."

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo

She hurriedly put her clothes back on and picked up her bag. "I shouldn't have come back here with you. Clark, my family is falling apart!"

He took her by her arms and his eyes blazed down at her. "And it's not my fault."

"I never said it was," she whispered. She had been shattered by his conversation with Lex, on Eric's birthday memorial dinner earlier, when he knelt before her and asked her to swear to stay.

"Stay," Clark said softly, without the tremulous fear that came with Lex's voice. "Stay and I swear I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. You say that you wish you'd fallen in love with a hero. Lex will never be one, Chloe. But I am. And I'm here."

What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

Gently but firmly, she pulled away from Clark and walked over to the door. Before leaving, she turned to face him and set expectations.

"Tomorrow morning I'm asking Perry to assign me out of the country. I need to leave, Clark. I need to leave Lex and I need to be away from you."

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul/i

"She wouldn't have come back to you," she concluded with a certainty that came with knowing herself more since her harrowing ordeal.

"You can't be sure of that."

He shook her head. "I don't believe you. We spent her last night here together. She was coming back to me until you came."

She regarded Clark with silent eyes, reading every curve and hollow on his face. He believed every word. Nothing that she could say now would fix it.

iI want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so Fuckin' special
I wish I was special/i

When Lex Luthor came back from the meeting and settled into his office chair, he leaned back and steepled his hands on the bridge of his nose. At that moment he saw the small greenish envelope peeking from underneath the stack of magazines on his coffee table. He walked over towards it and picked it up.

Inside the envelope was a piece of Daily Planet stationery. He unfolded the piece of paper. The handwriting made him pause, and the words sent a cold wave slamming on him.

iBut I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo/i

"When I swore you would be in heart forever, I had not been lying. Unlike many people in your life, I would not have deceived you willingly.

I leave with a heart heavy with anguish that our world has come crashing down around us, and also with unwavering affection. I cannot not love you, Lex, despite all of it.

I've betrayed you, but I am brave enough to face you in time. Now I'm running away from myself, towards myself… I don't know.

When I return, we will have an answer."

Chloe silently watched the lack of emotion or reaction on Lex as he read the letter that she had slipped under the stack of reading material only minutes before.

iWhat the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh/i

Lex folded the piece of paper and slid it into the envelope. He went over to his desk and settled back into his chair again, then tossed the envelope onto his desk, staring at it as if expecting it to burst into flames.

He raised his gaze towards the doorway and frowned at the sight of brown hair. He pushed his chair back and strode towards the door, then turned his head towards where she had run to.

He proceeded to the elevators and saw the waiting area vacant. Lex raised his phone and dialed his security department.

"I want the surveillance video of the corridor in front of my office."

iShe's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs runs.../i

Lex watched the video emailed by his security. Afterwards, he went to the Daily Planet, determined to find out what she was hiding. He was informed that she had stepped out for lunch, which he expected. Lois Lane would have had to make some excuse to leave the message in his office. She was wearing a coat when she came in, but she was unmistakable. Lex watched the sharp images that captured Lois Lane entering his office.

The moment he saw her, Lex stood up. She walked over closer to him.

"You forget that I'm paranoid, and that I have my building completely equipped with video surveillance."

She looked up at him. "Lex…"

"How could you keep the letter from me?" Lex asked emotionlessly. "Did she leave it with you before she left?"

She breathed in some relief. "I can't tell you that."

"What betrayal?" he asked.

And it was the easiest way she could unburden, but it would not have been fair to him, when he had no one to confront. "I don't know."

He grabbed her arms. "Who was it, Lois?" he demanded, his eyes throbbing with tears of rage, of anger, of despair. She wasn't certain.

She winced at the pain. "I'm so sorry, Lex," she cried.

iWhatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special/i

"Who?"

And for that split second her guilt overcame her good sense. She hurt him and he wanted to know this.

"Clark," she blurted.

And the face she saw was that of a shattered soul.

"But she loved you," she told him. "She loved you."

iBut I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here/i

He turned away from her. His stiff movements carried him towards the doors to the elevator. She closed her eyes. If there was one thing that had not changed out of the old her, it was that she could never bear to see him walking away.

iI don't belong here.../i

tbc