I guess this is something I should have put at the top of the first chapter, but I own nothing. I'm sure you guys already knew that though! Lol!
This chapter is a bit of a long one…so hope you guys enjoy!
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Chapter 4- A Right To Know
Then the dam broke and her tears were followed by small sobs.
"N…no. I…I'm n…not alright."
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Ryan sat alone in a booth in the far corner of the diner, his elbows resting on the table in front of him as he massaged his temples with his fingers.
He had slept badly last night; drifting in and out of sleep, thoughts flitting their way through his conscious and unconscious brain. He had fallen asleep with Taylor in his arms, as he had done every night they had spent together. However, instead of waking up to find her still there, as he was so used to, they had somehow moved to opposite sides of the bed throughout the night. He didn't believe in signs and he wasn't about to believe that that was a sign of things to come.
That was a stupid thought. They were stronger than signs.
A healthy dose of new guilt washed over him, he needed to apologise for snapping at Taylor. Ryan knew that she was just thinking about him, being logical, and it wasn't as if he hadn't thought about a paternity test. The first time around that this was all happening nearly 10 years ago, Ryan had known then that there was a chance the baby wasn't his. He had been willing to take the test then, but things were different now. He knew that Ryan was his. He had looked at him and just known. It wasn't the fact that Ryan looked exactly like him. It was more than that, he couldn't explain how he knew, but he just did.
It was that feeling he knew he couldn't explain that made him snap. Ryan needed Taylor to trust him with this. That's why he hadn't told Taylor about Eddie and the uncertainty surrounding paternity from so long ago. Somewhere inside, a voice was telling him that he was going to regret that decision; that she was going to find out eventually. But if he had told her, Ryan knew that she would have pushed the subject a lot harder, which he didn't need right now; and she would have trusted Theresa even less than she did already.
Trust.
Inside he laughed bitterly over the word. Here he was so worried about how much his girlfriend trusted his ex, when he was the one she had lied to. Theresa had broken his trust.
His heart rate increased as he felt a flicker, the start of a burning sensation, spark deep inside him. His hands formed tight fists. Ryan needed an explanation; what was she thinking, why did she do it?
The anger that he had been directing at himself since yesterday had been slowly doing a 180, and the more he though about it, the more his anger started to become directed towards Theresa. His guilt was still there. It was all mixed in together to form a particular shade of stormy grey that clouded his mind.
Some of it had cleared during his talk with Taylor. Her words had been an awaking, 'it's not going to change the situation you're in', and he had them on replay in his mind, hoping they would clear more of the fog; hoping that it would make this meeting with Theresa go easier, because when it comes to sorting things out, checking in the guilt, anger and accusations at the door, would definitely make things go easier.
The sound of the bell above the door of the diner rang out over the din of voices and cutlery, Ryan looked up to see Theresa scanning the crowd for him. He sat up straight and she looked his way.
"Hey." Her voice was quiet and her smile was uneasy, she obviously didn't know what to expect from him. It had been so long, would he be like he was before?
Taking one final deep breath he replied, "Hey."
Following Ryan's gesture Theresa sat down on the seat opposite, keeping her bag tucked in close to her, as though she could just grab it and make for a quick getaway if this got too heavy.
"So, he's not with you?" Ryan asked.
"No, he's at my mom's. He goes there every Sunday."
"Oh, right." Ryan hadn't expected Theresa to bring him, that wouldn't have been the best idea. But a part of him had been hoping she would.
"How have you been, Ryan?" That was a good a place to start as any.
Ryan laughed dryly, "I've been better. Finding out you have a son kind of knocks you back."
"Right." She looked down at her hands, she hadn't known what to expect but she didn't think that they would have started that conversation so quickly. But then again who had she been kidding?
"Were you ever gonna tell me?" His voice was hard and the flicker from before seemed to have increased in size now with her sitting right in front of him.
"No," Again her voice was quiet. "I was hoping I'd never have to." Theresa knew that saying anything but the truth now was pointless, the situation was already bad as it was, and there was no need to add to it.
"Just like that," Ryan seethed, the promise he made to himself earlier, to reign in his feelings, having been forgotten, "You were going to keep this from me. If we hadn't accidentally met, you were going to keep him from me, for what? Forever?"
"Yes, Ryan. Forever." Her voice was firm, "It was better that way. You were getting the life you deserved, the life you wanted." Theresa knew to expect anger, but she wasn't going to back down. She still believed that her reasons for what she did back then were valid.
"And I didn't deserve to know about my son? Or did you just assume that I didn't want to know, along with the life you assumed I wanted?"
"Being with me, bringing up a baby in Chino wasn't what you wanted Ryan, and you proved that by not putting up much of a fight when I told you to go back. I made a choice."
Ryan banged his fist down hard on the table, "I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW ABOUT MY SON!"
A few people in the surrounding booths dared a glance at the arguing couple; Ryan ignored them. She had hit a nerve, voicing the biggest guilt he had.
Theresa didn't reply.
"Regardless of what you thought I wanted, I can't believe you lied to me about something so important."
"Regardless of the fact that I knew it wasn't what you wanted, I did what was best."
Ryan began to say something but Theresa held up a hand,
"What you had back then," she continued, "Living with the Cohens, was an opportunity to make something of yourself, to have a future. I didn't want to hold you back from that. And look at what it brought you. You're an architect, with a degree and a good job."
"It's not as if having a baby held you back."
"Having the baby was a risk, but I got lucky. My mom was great, she helped wherever she could and I found a job that gave me a career."
They both remained silent for a while, each with their own thoughts. It was at this point one of the waitresses must have assumed that it was safe to take their order. As she left Theresa smiled a little.
"I have something I thought you might want." She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope, handing it over to Ryan, "It's his fourth grade school picture. I would have brought some earlier ones but there are so many, and my mom is a little anal about keeping them in their albums. She went a bit crazy over her first grandchild."
Ryan pulled the photograph out of the envelope and there he was, with the same blue eyes, short sandy brown hair and innocent smile he had seen yesterday.
"Tell me about him." He said around the smile that had formed on his face whilst he had been looking at the picture.
Theresa noticed Ryan smile, noting that it was the first time he had genuinely smiled since she had arrived. Her certainty over her decision wavered a little bit for the tiniest second. And then it was gone.
"Where to start!" She laughed. "He's obsessed with shortening his name at the moment, he'll only answer if you call him Ry. And he's in the middle of his fascination with animals; he started by keeping grasshoppers and caterpillars in old tubs and that frog you saw? Two months worth of begging, and I'm still regretting saying yes. Next it'll be a dog, I know it." She shook her head at the thought. This was her favourite topic, her son. To her he was perfect. There was not a day that went by that she wasn't thankful for him.
"He's a bit of a charmer as well, that's one thing you have to watch out for with Ry. He's a nine year old smooth talker, with a knack of getting what he wants."
"Hence the frog?" Ryan asked, still staring at the picture.
"Hence the frog."
"Does he ever ask about me? I mean, about his dad. Did you ever tell him?"
Theresa sighed, "I told him that his father loves him very much, but it just wasn't the right time to all be together."
"But he doesn't know that it's me. I mean when you introduced us…" He trailed off, it was hard thinking that the first time he saw his son and the first time his son saw him, there had been no indication of a connection in his eyes.
"He doesn't know that it's you, no. But he's a good boy, when I was telling him about why you weren't with us he never kicked up a fuss about it. It was like he just understood that that was the way he had to be." Theresa figured that Ryan would be worried about how they were going to tell Ry that Ryan was his father.
She moved her hand forward, as if she was going to reach for his, then thought better of it and picked up her coffee instead.
"You don't need to worry, he'll understand. With him, nothing's ever like you would expect."
Ryan wasn't too assured by her words; the possibility that Ry would reject him was too great.
"When do I get to meet him?"
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The bench was the perfect spot, it allowed for a view of the whole park. Though the sun was out and shining brightly with all its might, it still had to fight with the bite of the wind. The leaves on the trees rustled lightly in the breeze and a few children were playing tag under its shade. A dark haired boy was chasing a girl with pigtails round and round the trunk of the tree, before he changed tactics and caught her by going the other way. He pulled her hair and ran off as their positions had been changed and she chased him.
Yes, the bench really was the perfect spot. It was their bench.
He didn't know how long he had been sat there. He had come straight from the diner after saying goodbye to Theresa. The heaviness he had been feeling had lifted slightly.
"Hey, Kid," No matter how old he got, Ryan knew Sandy was always going to call him that. Funny how it seemed being called as such, felt so different only a few days ago. "How'd it go with Theresa? You guys talk?"
"Yeah, we did."
They both continued watching the people making the most of the Sunday sun, couples taking strolls, people walking their dogs, families spending time together. It all seemed dream-like and hazy in the sunlight. Everybody in their own worlds, moving slowly as though they didn't have anything else to think about apart from the moment they were in. He was one of those people 24 hours ago.
"She said I deserved a better life, to be able to make something of myself. That's why she told me she lost the baby."
Sandy merely nodded his head. He had his own thoughts on the fact that this woman had lied to his son, but Ryan didn't need to hear them. That wasn't why he was there. He was there because Ryan needed someone to listen.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to fully understand her reasons or accept them, but I guess it doesn't matter. All I have to be thinking about now is Ryan, he's what matters."
"That sounds like good advice."
"It was Taylor, she said that to me this morning."
"Well, she does have her moments." Sandy chuckled.
"Yeah." Ryan agreed, because for all her crazy, Taylor really did give good advice. It could have been because of the way she saw the world, in a whole different way to others. She picked up what others missed; it was what made her such a good friend. Or, it could have been because, despite having spent so many years being laughed at and ignored by her peers and put down by her mother, she always put others before herself. She thought about other people and wanted them to be happy. It was what made her such a good girlfriend.
"And, Ryan." Sandy's voice broke Ryan out of his musings, "I mean the other Ryan, boy that's going to get confusing..."
"He likes to be called Ry. Apparently."
"Ry it is then. Are you sure that he's yours?"
Ryan could tell that this was going to be a popular topic. Along with wanting to know what Theresa had to say for herself, his family was going to want to know if he was certain that the child was his. They had good reason; they had all been there the first time. Brushing off the subject with them was going to be a lot more difficult than with Taylor.
"I'm certain. Theresa put my name on his birth certificate when he was born."
"Ryan, I'm talking about a pate-"
"I know what you're asking, Sandy." Ryan felt bad, again. "I know he's my son. Can you just…trust me?" He felt drained. "Please?"
"It's not what I would advise, are you sure about this?" Sandy looked at Ryan, raising his eyebrows to make his point. "Getting involved, it's more than just you. It's Ry. You make the choice now and you know. Make your decisions from there. But get involved, that choice is going to be a lot harder to make later on. If it's not what you thought, it's Ry who's going to get hurt the most."
Ryan took in Sandy's words.
"Like Taylor said, it's Ry who matters now. You have to think about him."
"I have thought about him." Ryan responded resolutely, "I don't need the test now or later on to tell me what I already know."
"Ok." Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "Well, we're here for you, Ryan. You know that."
"Thanks." He was glad that Sandy wasn't going to push any further. "I, uh, may need legal advice, I think. Later on." Ryan hadn't needed Sandy to be his lawyer in a very long time. "That is if you can still…"
"'Course I can, Kid. You just let me know when."
The buzz of his phone vibrating halted Ryan's response. He pulled it out of his pocket and sighed.
"It's Seth. He's been calling all afternoon, this is like the 10th time."
Sandy sat back and laughed, "Well, you better answer it. Seth is bound to keep calling till you pick up."
"Hey Seth."
"Ryan, finally. I've like called you three times already."
"Ten, actually." Ryan corrected him.
"Three, ten. What matters is that I called. Where are you?"
"In the park."
"With Theresa?"
"Sandy." Ryan glanced at Sandy.
"You spoke to Dad before me?" Seth asked incredulously, "That's a violation of the Seth/Ryan code. It's like, the first rule. He better not be acting as my replacement again."
"There's a Seth/Ryan code? And no, he's not."
"Yeah, the code book came with the blood. Didn't you read it? Don't make me have to give you another copy."
"Seth."
"Yep?"
"What do you want?"
"Oh, right. Well, remember how Summer said that if you ever hurt Taylor that she was going to have to hurt you?"
"She tried to strangle me. Again." Ryan saw Sandy raise an eyebrow in interest out of the corner of his eye.
"Yeah, well, she may try and do that for the third time."
"Her hands are too small."
"Pregnancy, my friend. Everything swells, women complain."
Ryan grimaced; he didn't want to think about Summer's swelling, "I thought they complained about feet?"
"It's Summer, she's special so her hands have swollen. Dude, what happened?"
"I was an ass."
TBC
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