Chapter Two: Shout

Shou Shout

Let it aloud

These are the things I can do without

As keen to my strange behavior as he had been recently, I was happy that Jackson hadn't noticed that I'd been wearing long sleeve shirts since New Years. Or if he had, I'm glad he didn't say anything about it. I mean, he and my father had been researching assault. Many books and websites said that victims of rape often change their appearances, become more modest, cutting their hair. Both of them probably thought that's what I was doing.

Two weeks had passed since I had been served. We met with our lawyer, Sunday Sinclare, almost daily. She was great. She of course knew me only as Hannah. She told me exactly how to word things. I wasn't lying with what she told me, just saying in the best possible way so that Matt's lawyer wouldn't be able to attack me with what I said. My father had made a deal with the court and jury. The judge, jury, all county employees involved, and both lawyers were under a gag order.

"Let's go over this one more time." Sunday said. "Where were you on December 4th of last year?"

"I was at an early Christmas party at the Ryan household."

"As in Jake Ryan?"

"Yes."

"What was the purpose of your visit?"

"Jake asked me to perform. I agreed to do it."

"Can you recall all the events of that night?"

"I arrived and almost immediately started my first set. The only thing I did before that was drink a bottle of water in the green room.'

"And after that?"

"I had a quick conversation with Jake. He introduced me to Matt James."

"The defendant?"

"Yes."

"Continue"

"Jake got called away and Matt asked if he could get an autograph for his sister. We went into the green room because I had a few photos in there." This was the part where I always started crying. "I'm sorry Sunday."

"It's okay Hannah. There's no etiquette in court. Only that your language is clean and you dress appropriately. You're allowed to cry. Actually, that might be a good thing." a lawyer's lawyer side always came out. "Please, if you can, go on."

"Okay" I breathed deep and wiped the tears off my cheeks. "We went into the green room because I had a few photos in there. I started to get one to sign for him. He pushed me down on the couch and undid my pants."

"And did you protest?"

"Yes. I said 'no' and 'stop' several times. But he didn't stop and he didn't quit."

"What happened after that?"

"My manager came into the room a few minutes later. I asked if we could leave, but he said I had an obligation. I didn't tell him what had just happened. I went back on stage and sang another song, a negative song. Then my manager asked what was happening with me. And I told him everything. He took me to the hospital."

"And what happened at the hospital?"

"They did a rape kit and I talked to the police. Dr. Mary Huntington and Detectives Yager and Graff."

"Thank you." She turned off in court mode. "Very good Hannah. I'm sure the trial will go very well and the verdict will be in your favor. I'll see you on Thursday."

That is the way all of our meetings went. I was more than ready for court. I could tell a judge everything that happened, front and back. I could face Matt and I could face the press (if it ever leaked out). I just didn't know if I could face myself.

School was hard, too. Oliver still didn't know about it, and I kind of wanted to to stay that way. I mean, it really wasn't his business, right? That's what I told myself anyway. Lily was really supportive. She said that she would be in court for me. Things between her and Jackson had been going well, too. They really liked each other. And since he had been with Lily, Jackson was the happiest I had ever seen him. And Jake. Jake was really trying to be there. I don't know why, but I kept pushing him away. I was trying to find solace in something, and Jake was trying to be that. Instead, I found it in hurting myself.

Yes, the cutting continued. I'm not sure when it began. Somewhere between New Years and getting served. It wasn't a suicide thing that I was doing. I never cut near my wrist or any major arteries. I guess it was just my way of dealing with being raped. I know that's not an excuse, but that's what it was.

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Soundtrack

Shout by Tears for Fears

This was really just a filler chapter to kind of talk about Miley's problems a little more. But I'm updating 2 chapters at a time right now to make up for my lack of plot in this chapter.