Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own House. Thank you for the reviews! I know he was a bit ooc but this is all about vulnerable House and you guys seem to like that! Thank you!!

The day after….

House woke up late sometime after 11 am. Cuddy had been up long before he was. Breakfast aromas drifted through the air arousing House's senses. Eggs and bacon never smelled so good….

House decided it was time to join the living and get dressed. Within minutes, he was heading toward food and hopefully peace of mind.

Cuddy always woke up early even on her days off. This was no different. She wanted to be awake in case House needed her and it also gave her some time to do other things that needed to be done when he wasn't around: for example visiting Wilson.

Cuddy had first tried calling but got no answer so she decided to take a trip to Amber's apartment where Wilson was still staying. A week is not enough time to grieve…

Dressed simply in a jogging suit and sneakers, she headed to the front door and knocked cautiously. There was no response at first. Cuddy hoped that he wasn't home which would be a good thing or feared that he wasn't answering and crying himself to sleep somewhere in a locked room. Neither one of those things came to pass as the door finally opened and Wilson stood before her. Yes he had been crying, but not lost enough in despair to neglect a guest. Oh Wilson…

He was disheveled with a nearly 4 day old beard. His brown eyes stared blankly at her waiting for her to speak…daring her to mention House.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Cuddy took a deep breath …start slowly…

"I tried calling, but no one answered."

Wilson nodded avoiding her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry."

Cuddy 's features softened. "You have nothing to be sorry for. "

Wilson looked at his boss and friend as he rocked back and forth on his feet. "So, you were in the neighborhood?"

Cuddy shrugged, "Something like that."

Wilson stepped from the door gesturing her to come in.

Cuddy followed.

Cuddy went to sit on the couch.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Cuddy shook her head. "No thanks."

Wilson simply nodded and sat down next to her. Cuddy reached out and took his hand. Taking Wilson's hand was always easier. House on the other hand….too many complications…too much past…. Too many emotions…

"How are you sleeping?" Wilson stared off across the room at nothing.

"I'm not."

"Do you need something?"

Wilson looked to Cuddy. She's trying to help, but she's not….

"Yeah, I need Amber back. Can you do that?"

Cuddy bit her lip. "I meant…."

Wilson pulled his hand away. "I know what you meant."

Cuddy looked at her now empty hand. Even with House being who he is, he didn't pull away from her, but Wilson does? "Are you ever going to talk to him about this?"

Wilson shot her daggers. "I knew you couldn't resist bringing him up. No, I have no intention of talking to him anytime soon."

Cuddy was frustrated. "He risked his life…"

Wilson's icy stare sent shivers down her spine. "Did he? Or is that what he wants you to think?"

Cuddy had no response. What other reason would there be?

"House, as you know never does anything for others. There is always an ulterior motive." He paused allowing his next words to sink in. "He needed to know."

Cuddy returned the quip. "You wanted to know."

Wilson didn't deny it.

"Please leave."

Cuddy stood up knowing she was no longer welcomed. As she headed toward the door her hand brushed along the doorway frame.

"You can hate him if it helps," I hate what I am about to say, "but don't become him."

Wilson watched her close the door as she left.

House watched Cuddy flipping the eggs as he came up behind her snatching a crisp piece of bacon right from the pan disturbing her memories of that morning.

"Can't you wait five minutes?"

House licked his fingers with a sly grin. "Nope."

Cuddy sighed. "Here, it's done anyway."

House grabbed a plate and helped himself to the freshly cooked meal.

The two sat in silence. Cuddy every so often would look to House urging him with her eyes to talk. House would look back begging her with his to let it go. After breakfast, House stood up and inched his way to the living room. Cuddy stood up following. She watched him pause as he reached down to grab his cane. She saw his hand run over the wooden exterior damning it silently.

"Going somewhere?"

He looked up into her blue eyes. "I am going for a walk." He twirled the cane between his hands. Cuddy watched the deftness he had and his bare arms showing such life such beauty in their own way.

"Need any company?"

House looked to his companion under the shade of the maple trees. Their pace was steady and silent most of the way. House's original intention was to walk alone and think about what he should do. He knew logically he couldn't stay at Cuddy's forever although it wasn't a bad thought…

He needed to return to work or something constituting work at some point. Overall he felt better….minus the occasional hallucination…not any different than the other times although I was high when it happened then….

"What are you thinking?"

House looked down at her as he leaned into his cane. Her hands were tucked neatly into her pockets looking straight ahead. She's afraid of the answer…

"Going back to work." Cuddy turned her head with an incredulous stare. House took note. She wasn't expecting that…

"Work? House, you just suffered a …."

House interrupted her. "Yeah, yeah I know. I went through it remember?" He paused stopping in his tracks. Suddenly walking a d talking took up too much energy. "I can't stay like this. I need ..."

"Normalcy?" Cuddy completed his train of thought. House nodded. She knows me too well…

Cuddy began to walk again not giving him any answer.

"I saw Wilson today." House's head perked up as he began to walk again to catch up with her.

"How is he?"

Cuddy tilted her head daring him to meet her eyes. "Do you really want to know because you care or because you're curious?"

House blinked turning his gaze forward. "Both."

Cuddy's shoulders sagged a bit. "He looks horrible. He says…" Should I tell him? Ask him if it's true? "that you only did what you did because you needed to know."

House stopped walking again.

"Is that true?"

House stared at the ground suddenly finding some fallen leaves much more interesting.

"Does it matter?"

Cuddy knew that was her answer. She suddenly didn't feel like walking anymore. "I told him he wanted to know too." House slowly nodded his head. Too way street….

Before another word could be spoken, Cuddy felt her pager go off. Damn…

"It's the hospital. I have to go."

House couldn't resist a grin. "Hospital needs you. When Booty calls, Cuddy, you gotta answer it".

House looked into her eyes. They spoke volumes ignoring his latest shenanigans. This conversation is not over….

It had been nearly three hours since Cuddy left to care for her other baby. House sat on the couch twirling his cane looking out the window. He knew what he had to do today.

A tentative hand reached out to pound on the door. Once he started he found he couldn't stop. The door opened abruptly. House drew in a sharp breath. Wilson…you look like shit…

Wilson's eyes pierced deeply through House's very being.

"What the hell do you want?" he seethed.

House paused trying to choose his words carefully but they were jumbled and painful to his tongue. "I don't know."

Wilson closed his eyes breathing deeply. "Get the hell away from me. Go back to Cuddy."

"Wait." A cane….divider….stood between Wilson and the door.

"I….I'm…so sorry." He knew he said it before but for different reasons. Sorry I couldn't solve the puzzle fast enough…sorry for solving it only to find the missing piece was damaged….losing my best friend's girl…my best friend too…

"Sorry doesn't bring her back."

House nodded as Wilson relaxed slightly. House nodded.

"I know." My throat feels so dry…

Silence. I hate silence.

"Say something please."

Wilson eyed the man before him. He's begging …..

"There's nothing to say." House met his friend's eyes in despair.

Forman's face flooded into his mind. I can't forgive you because there is nothing to forgive you for….not this time….

"What can I do?"

Wilson was at a loss as much as House. I have no idea….nothing can be done to make this right….

"Time."

House kept his blue eyes steady on Wilson's haggard features. Time….time means nothing to me….

"O.K."

The cane slowly dropped releasing Wilson from his torture.

"You know she's only taking care of you because you're a "precious resource", a big money maker for the hospital."

House said nothing. That's not true….

"She can't stand you. If you weren't such a fucking good doctor, you'd be out a long time ago." The words hurt as they come out…

Wilson sees House's face fall. I want you to be in as much pain as I am…

"We're done here."

He was about to close the door when House finally found his voice.

"I don't want you to hate me, but more importantly I don't want you to hate yourself."

Wilson looked at House. He didn't deny that emotion, said nothing before slamming the door. House closed his eyes before limping to the corner to hail a cab.

The nearest bar sounds good…

Cuddy had been pacing for nearly an hour. The hospital wasn't in as much of a crisis as initially expected. It was nearing 7 pm. Where the hell was House?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the knock at the door. Please let that be him…

She ran to open it. House stood before her, glassy eyed and reeking of alcohol. Her face fell… Oh House…

He avoided her pity and spoke knowing what he was about to say would change everything.

"I think I'm ready to talk now."

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Up next: a bit of this and that. Memories from the past from House's childhood to Cuddy's memories of House after Stacey and even a bit of Amber thrown in.