Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own House. Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews again guys! You are the best! It might be a bit out of OCC but I hope it is still enjoyable. Hope you like this chappy! Once again passage in italics flashback-bold italics the characters thoughts. References to Half Wit.

House felt Cuddy's warm hand on his shivering arm. The goose bumps were etched in his flesh. He welcomed her tenderness although he knew he would have no recollection of it in the morning. He made sure of that.

"Come in, you're like ice." Ice….the word alone caused involuntary shivers. God I wish I had a drink with me now….

House said nothing as he followed her into the living room. She helped him onto the couch, carefully pulling off his shoes and wrapping him securely in a blanket nearby. His eyes were red and swollen….maybe from crying…or too much alcohol. Causes didn't' matter right now. Consequences did.

"How did you get…?

House swallowed hard. "A cab."

Cuddy breathed a sigh of relief. I don't think I could ever go through a night like that again….

Her eyes stayed on his body as she sat down near his feet gently lifting his legs onto her own for support. House cradled the blanket closer to his chin, sweat pouring down his face. Cuddy reached out a hand to his forehead. "I think you may have a fever."

House's eyes widened. "M'fine."

Her hand caressed his cheek tears in her eyes. "You are not fine."

House felt his own eyes water at the sight of her. He pulled one hand out from under the blanket in an effort to connect. He found his hand grazing her cheek as her tears fell from her eyes. "You're too beautiful to cry."

Cuddy closed her eyes suddenly whisked away to another time when those same words were spoken in a different context…

It had been two weeks since she had left. Cuddy watched him falling more and more into himself. He was lost most of the time in conversation, drifting into his own thoughts and memories as jokes flew by him, puzzles lay unfinished.

He was different …broken…a fragment of a fragment each piece tinier than before. Soon there would be nothing left to solve.

Today was like no other. Cuddy , House and Wilson had gone out in an attempt to draw House out of the despair Stacey had left him in. He had been drinking again much too much for Wilson to handle on his own. He had pulled Lisa aside in a desperate plea.

"I can't do this alone anymore."

Lisa nodded. She didn't want him to. It was her turn to make sure Greg got home OK. Stumbling into his apartment, he threw his leather jacket reeking of cigarette smoke into the nearest chair and slumped into it. His breathing was ragged and filled with unintelligible sounds.

"I don't understand what you're saying House."

House lifted his blue eyes up to gaze into hers. "Why are you here? Guilt? Torture chamber's down the hall."

Cuddy tried to smile at his attempt to tell a joke which fell flat.

"I'm here because I'm your friend."

House turned his gaze to the floor and stubbornly kicking a rumpled piece of paper that was there. "Don't have any friends…cept Wilson. Wilson's always there."

He looks at me so sincere…innocent…

"He's not here tonight…."

Cuddy reached out and grabbed his hand comforting him against her own battling emotions. She ran her fingers over his wishing with all her might that she could take all of his pain away with prayers and soothing circles.

"I'm here."

House took in her earnest, genuine words.

"Yes, you're here."

Cuddy smiled as he recognized she wasn't leaving.

"Don't leave me."

Cuddy gripped his hand tighter

"I'm not,"

House pulled her closer. Cuddy's heart began to beat so fast she thought she would pass out. What is he doing?

"I'm sorry."

Cuddy smiled nervously. "It's Ok. You're right. I do feel guilty. I hate myself for that."

House's hand ran across her cheeks. Cuddy stared directly into his eyes. He is so sad….so intent on …me…

"I need you Stacey."

Cuddy's breath caught in her throat. Stacey….I am such a fool…

"House…."

He shushes her sweetly leaning in for a kiss. "You're too beautiful to cry…"

His kiss is sweet and endearing. It lasts for but a moment before he closes his tired eyes and falls asleep in the arms of his friend.

Now she has come full circle. He never recalled what he did from before or if he did chose to avoid it. House is gazing into her eyes with that same longing for another ….never me….

"Do you…" I shouldn't be asking this…"Do you know where you are?"

He looked around the room taking in the images…processing them with fervor.

"Your living room." Cuddy smiled biting her lower lip. My living room… who am I?

"Cuddy…"

Her eyes returned to his. He said my name.

"You know it's me? Cuddy?"'

House blinked trying to keep his wits. I'm burning up…

"Yeah….what…."

Cuddy waved it off. "Never mind." Her hand gripped on his tighter.

"I'm listening."

House knew she was listening. She was always listening: listening to conversations that weren't hers to hear…conversations he tried to hide in his heart only to have them tumble forth from a loose tongue. Maybe it's time…

The words wouldn't come.

"Help me…"

Cuddy didn't; know what he was asking. Help you what?

"What do you need?"

House shrugged one hand warming it under the cover while the other was in her hand.

"Don't know."

She nodded. She understood.

"Was it about Amber?"

Maybe not…but Amber seemed easier to discuss….easier….

He seemed reluctant and tensed in her grasp, but nodded.

"Part of it."

He took a breath. "I was jealous. "

Cuddy cocked her head slightly to the side remaining silent.

"I wanted her. Wilson ….he always got what he wanted."

Cuddy wanted to laugh at the irony of that statement but thought it best not to.

"He could find any woman he wanted and …they were his."

He looked into her eyes. God his eyes…

"He could even get you."

Cuddy smiled at his innocence. "Wilson never had me" My heart belongs to another…

House seemed unconvinced. His heart was wounded and his hand withdrew.

"Why do you protect me?"

Cuddy sat up straighter. She's thrown off by my question…

"You're a good doctor…"

He shook his head. "I'm a 'precious resource'" Wilson's words haunt me. "You are consumed with guilt. If you never sawed off part of my leg or I sucked at what I did…we wouldn't be here now…"

Those words rang true in more ways than one…

Cuddy's shoulders sagged. "You're right. I am guilt ridden for what I did and I let you get away with more than anyone else. It's true too that you are a precious resource to the hospital." She leaned in making sure her words had the desired effect "That is not why I care about you. I would always be here for you no matter what."

"How do I know you aren't lying to me?"

Cuddy wished she could give him a guarantee but there are none.

"You can't. Have faith in me."

House looked at her locks falling into his face. He could smell her lavender scent and he closed his eyes. Intoxicating. He opened his eyes as he pulled her close whispering

"Prove it."

Cuddy wanted to pull back. "I just said…faith…"

House shook his head. "I need more than that."

Cuddy's eyes softened. I don't know if I can give you what you need….

House couldn't resist. He pressed her firmly to his lips. Rose Petals….scent of hyacinth on a spring day….arousing….releasing…..

He started gently until the overwhelming senses and memories overtook him. He hungrily searched her lips. She was kissing back. Kissing back… He thought of Stacey….Passion after a fight…always after a fight…Cameron…..attractive….urges keen….Cuddy….one word for Cuddy….complete….

He felt his lips grew cold as hers broke contact. Their eyes met briefly before she turned away.

"House….maybe…now's not a good time to do this….You're not …I mean you're intoxicated."

He nodded. "I know."

"I can't…" she shuddered. "It's not right."

He grinned. "It's OK. I won't remember this tomorrow."

Cuddy pinched his arm. "Then now is definitely not the right time."

House took in her words. "So….there will be a right time?"

Cuddy said nothing. "Was that all you wanted to say to me?"

House looked down at the covers. "No."

Cuddy waited. Silence.

She nodded. "When you're ready." He felt her standing up.

"Please…stay."

Cuddy raised and eyebrow in protest.

"You can trust me." House grinned. "Too much alcohol doesn't go well with…other things for me."

Cuddy smirked as she got comfortable again.

House kept his gaze on her, intent unwavering. She should know…know what she's dealing with….

"I hate ice."

Cuddy turned her head to face his. He's talking.

"Ever since I was a kid," the words were drawn out slowly, deliberately, "I hated to be cold. He knew that. He used that."

Cuddy frowned. House looked into her lost eyes. She has no clue…

"I was always a bit of a bastard; causing mischief, turmoil for everyone around me but particularly my parents. Typical kid stuff: fights at school, not eating my veggies, whatever….anyway…" his gaze fell. Cuddy reached out and held onto his hand. He looked at her. Don't forsake me Cuddy….

"He…my dad…would punish me, several ways actually. Sometimes it would be sleeping outside in the yard overnight with no supper especially when it was below 30 degrees." House tried to smile…deflect but Cuddy would have none of it. She squeezed his hand urging him to continue.

"Other times…" my tongue feels thick…" he would watch me strip and then submerge me in ice baths…." I feel like I am reliving it….God make it stop…."I….would scream for the first ten minutes. Then I went numb. He knew I had enough." He tried to smile.

"Until next time anyway."

Cuddy licked her lips trying to process what he had just said. House: enigma extraordinaire….his eyes open and his soul laid bear…human…

He looked to her squirming on the couch waiting for the final blow." Say something."

She was honest. "I don't know what to say."

House nodded looking relieved. "Thank you."

Cuddy wiped away the tears that were threatening to escape. "For what?"

He gripped her hand harder in return. "For not trying to pity me…serving platitudes on tarnished silver plates. You listened to me. That is enough."

Cuddy ran a finger over her bathrobe and sighed. She laid her head on his chest hearing his heart….beating…human….

House wrapped his arms around her giving and receiving comfort. His heart was lifted knowing he wouldn't remember bearing his soul to her tonight. As he looked at her resting form, his heart also fell knowing he wouldn't remember how she held his soul either.

What do you think? Like it or hate it? Please review!!. hope it's not too OOC . I was watching season two last night and House in many of the episodes revealed his vulnerable side. A nice mix hopefully!I