Just a one-shot done for kenyon87. Non requested but just thought it'd be nice.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Buffy characters.
Summary:A fuffy starts a family fic.
Buffy pov.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit. How the hell?! What the hell?! Faith is going to kill me! Its official...i'm going to die and stay there. Ok Buffy you can tell her. You can do this!
"Uh baby?" I call into her apartment. And oh boy what will everybody else think. They don't even know we're together!
"Back here B!" she shouts. Alright. I can do this. Yep. I make my way back to her bedroom. "Hey babe." she says not looking up from whatever she's pretending to read.
"H-hey." I say. She looks up at the slight stutter.
"What's wrong?" she asks putting the book down. I shake my head. "Buffy." dammit why is she so serious right now.
"I'm pregnant." I blurt out. She looks at me before laughing.
"Damn babe. Ya almost had me. Seriously what's wrong?" she asks. I look at her.
"That is what's wrong you it!" I yell. I can't believe she thinks I was joking! I swear I heard a count down 9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2.1.
"You're pregnant?!" Faith went pale eyes wide her mouth opened and closed then she frowned and narrowed her eyes at me and "You've been cheating on me B?!" What?! How dare she thinks...oh of course she'll think I cheated on her damn how I convince her- oh wait
"Faith! No I didn't cheat on you?!" Faith shook her head in disbelief
"B I haven't thought ..." Buffy cut her off
"Don't Faith! Don't say it I'm faithful to you and I am always being. This baby is yours no doubt about it"
"Mine huh? Haven't you forget something B? Or nobody told you bout the Birds and the Bees?"
"Birds poop on your head and the Bee stings hurt like a lot? Seriously, it's that Super Duper spell we used."
"Huh?!" ask a very confused Faith. She's so cute. Then two seconds
"It..." her mouth opening and closing. Then two seconds "It can't be B! It's a permanent spell!"
"Did you read the warning about the spell if there is any side effect of using it Faith?"
"No B. I was busy ogling your boobs." just like her. She's alw-
"Really?" I ask with a slight blush.
"Well yeah, I like staring them." she says with a shrug. I'm about to say something but then I remember.
"You idiot! You didn't read the damn warning?!" I ask loudly. She flinches at the level of my voice.
"Ok first off I'm not an idiot, I'm just very hormonal. B: it was you're fault cos you were the one with a bra on and just a bra I might add. And 44: why the hell would I waste time on that shit?" she asks me. Ok I've always worried about her counting skills.
"Because baby, shit like this..." I point to my stomach. "happens when nitwits like you..." I point at her. "don't read the warning labels on spells." I say sweetly. She looks like she wants to kill me.
"Why didn't ya read it ya damn self?" she asks. Great. Defensive Faith.
"Cos I-" why didn't I read it? "Well err...um..."
"Err um what?" she asks. I sigh.
"I didn't feel like it ok." I say. Her face softens.
"What are we gonna do Buffy? A relationship we can hide, a pregnant slayer we can't." she asks. I shrug.
"We could move away." she shakes her head.
"No, Giles cooks." she says.
"I cook!" I say.
"Badly." she answers earning a glare from me. She shrugs. "What? Truth hurts babe." she says. I think
"We could go on a vacation or an extended mission." I suggest.
"Russia, Italy, Turkey or China? It's a big area so they have million of demons there?"she asked
"..."
"B?" Inquired worried Faith but cut off by me.
"I heard you. We go to china for 3months,3 months in India then 3 month's in Italy "
"Three months in Italy?!"
"They have shoes to die for I want to check them up" I replied with a dreamy look in my eyes
"How B? With your stomach reaches the door and you can't see you4 feet?" asked Faith before realizing what she said. I know I went pale with scared look on my face
"Faith?! Don't say it! Oh god, I am going to be fat and ugly waddling like a penguin and all because of YOU!" pointing my finger angrily at sheepish Faith who put her hands up as a surrender
"Whoa B! I am sorry Italy it is but…"
"Who is gonna convince Giles to pay for the long journey?" I asked.
"lets flip a coin?" she suggested. I looked at her.
"Lets flip you cus you're the one who's asking!" I yelled. Her eyes got big.
"Why the hell am I askin?!" she asked
"Because this is your fault." I said. She looked at me. Uh oh. She's getting pissed.
"My fault?!" uh oh. "That's right Buffy gets pregnant and its my fault! Ha! Fuckin crazy! You shouldn't even be pregnant, but you are and I believe you didn't cheat on me, I do, but this isn't just my fault. You were kinda there too." she says. Ok its true but
"But its easier to blame you." I whine and regret it when her eyes change.
"Whatever B, I'll ask him." she says. Shit. Shit! I sigh. Why does our past have to bother us so much.
Faith pov.
I gotta ask G man. This is gonna go well.
"G!" I call walkin into his apartment. How the hell did I get a key? Oh well.
"Faith." he nods. He gave up tryina get me to call him Giles. Don't work.
"Hey how ya doin?" I ask. "Good I don't care. So, I need some money to go visit my grandma. Will ya pay?" I ask. S'always good to just ask right out. He nods.
"Of course. Send her my love. Where to?" he asks.
"Oh, just thought I'd tell ya B is comin with, and China." I say. He nods. Thank goodness for whatever the hell he's reading.
"Very well. You know the details of my credit card. It's in the kitchen." he says. I nod and go to get it and leave before he realizes it. Now, to just hurry up and get these tickets and get gone.
A few months later...
No pov
Willow was walking to Giles' office when she reached the door she heard
"GOOD LORD!" and a thud. She ran inside and found Giles on the ground, fainted with a credit card statement in his hand. She took it and looked at it and her eyes went wide.
"Oh Goddess!" she exclaimed "No wonder Giles passed out. Buffy what you were thinking?" then opened her cell phone and called Buffy. But it was Faith who answered, "Faith?! Where is Buffy?" then she heard Buffy yelling and cursing along with heavy breathing. "Faith?What is going on?! Why Buffy is cursing and shouting?" she asked.
"Um Red we are really...really busy we...um are...err in the middle of the fight now."
"FAITH YOU BITCH! COME BACK HERE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! WHERE ARE YOU?!" she heard in the background
"Um Red I really gotta go you hear her. She's really bitchy when she's left to fight demons alone...ok?" "Huh?! Hey, do you..." but Faith had already hung up.
Faith closed Buffy's cell phone ran back inside the Birthing Room and soon she stood next her Buffy grabbed her hand tight.
"WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN?!" she asked angrily.
"B!! MY HAND MY HAND! IT'S HURTING LIKE A BITCH! LET GO OF MY HAND!"Faith pleaded
"NO! I want you to feel what I feel now Aaaahhhhh!" screamed Buffy joined by Faith because her hand was crushed or nearly crushed by Buffy's steel grip. When the pain passed the grip on the hand loosened and Faith sighed in relief but it was short lived when, again, she screamed in pain.
"Ok senorita push one more time."the doctor tried.
"PUSH ONE MORE TIME?! WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS DOING?!BELLY DANCING?!"Buffy asked the idiot doctor
"B, please yell at him without crushing my hand." Faith tried.
"SHUT UP FAITH! YOU HAVE TO SHARE THE PAIN YOU BROUGHT TO ME!"
"Ouch! OH FUCK AAAAH!"
"Senorita, forgive me, but do you want to get your baby out of your body?" the doctor asked
"FUCK YESSSSS!"
"Then Senorita, STOP BITCHING AND PUSH! I HAVE A DATE TO CATCH!" the doctor said.
"Oh, uh Doc, wrong thing to say to my girlfriend"
"YOU WANT ME PUSH DR. ZAMPROTA?!" Buffy asked angrily.
"Si." he replied.
"THEN HERE IT IS!" as soon as the doctor was sitting between Buffy legs, he was slammed by a flying baby in the face, which knocked him out. The nurse was frantically checking on the baby and the doctor. Ignoring the wailing baby, Faith's eyes were wide as she said:
"Wow! B you nailed him good." then when she turned to Buffy who was panting and glaring and punching her. "OW! What the hell?! Haven't I felt enough pains today?!" Faith asked. Buffy glared more.
"'B you really nailed him good?!' Check the damn baby!" Buffy yelled.
"You don't hear your loud mouth ass kid? Damn, maybe givin birth caused you ta go deaf." Faith said. Buffy growled dangerously.
"Faith, baby, CHECK THE DAMN BABY!" Buffy yelled. Faith winced away but checked the baby.
"Hey there little dude." Faith said softly. "I'm one of your moms." she said walking toward Buffy. Buffy smiled at the sight of her girlfriend and baby.
"Boy or a girl?" Buffy asked. She didn't know because the sex wasn't announced and the baby was wrapped in a black blanket. Faith opened the blanket.
"Boy." she said simply. She sat beside Buffy. "This is you're other mom. She's kinda loud and annoyin, but you'll get used to it." Faith whispered while Buffy glared at the side of her head.
"Thin ice Faith. Really th-" she stopped when she got a sudden pain. Faith finally looked up from her son.
"What is it B? You ok?" she asked. She was worried automatically. Buffy shook her head though.
"No. Faith, go get a doctor." Buffy said. Faith was up in an instant.
"You're gonna help me find a doctor kid." she said to the sleeping baby. She walked out of the room and ran into a nurse. "Scuse me, my girlfriend just had a baby but she said somethin don't feel right. The doctor passed out not to long ago and we need somebody to check her out." Faith tells her. The nurse nods and walks back into the room and looks up the hospital gown and gasps.
"Well, seems like we have another one on the way." she says.
"Another what? We don't need another nothin." Faith says.
"Another baby." the nurse says happily.
"Another baby my ass! The doctor didn't say nothin bout twins! And what the hell are you smiling for?!" Faith asks the nurse.
"Babies are so precious." the nurse says dreamily. "I had eight kids." she says. Faith nods.
"Wonderful life story but uh, maybe you looked wrong cus B isn't supposed to have twins. Right B?" Faith looks at Buffy who's looking too innocent.
"I didn't tell you?" Buffy asks.
"Tell me what? You went and said the doctor said the baby was fine. BABY. That's singular babe." Faith says.
"Is that what I had said?" Buffy asks.
"Yes that's what you had said." Faith replies.
"I meant BABIES. You know babies as in more than one." she says. Faith's eyes bug out.
"We're having twins and I'm just finding out?!" she asks. Buffy looks disturbingly guilty.
"Triplets." she mutters.
"Who plets?!" Faith asks.
"Triplets, you know three at a time..." Buffy trails off.
"I knew you were big but triplets Buffy?! Triplets?! And you didn't think to tell me?!" Faith asks. The baby cries. "Shh. Not now kid, I'm fussin at your mom." she says rocking the baby who smiles up at her.
"I could have sworn I- Ahh!" Buffy screams. Faith looks at the baby who's looking at her with wide eyes.
"I agree." she says to him. "Lets go." she says walking out of the birthing room.
"FAITH GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! I NEED YOU TO HOLD MY AHHHHH!" Buffy screams. Faith just smiles at the baby.
"When this is all over, I'm gonna kill your mommy. Yes I am." she says in baby talk. The baby just grins at her.
After to damn many agonizing moments double wailing was heard in the room. Buffy dropped the hand of whimpering Faith, who then tried to smile but had teary eyes and the nurse who mistook the tears for tears of joy.
"I know what you are feeling now." the nurse said.
"You have no fucking clue crazy nurse."Faith replied
"Yes I do."
"No you don't. You are not the one who hands was broken after the birth of the triplets."
"Oh."
"Yeah but its more Ouch than oh."but The annoying nurse was still smiling as she brought still gooey squirming babies to Faith, who had just set her eyes on them and jumped.
"Ewwwwwww! What the hell they are covered by?"
"Faith please cut the cord because the doctor still in La Italiana land." Faith glared at Buffy knowing her crazy ass was the reason.
"Oh. Ok, B, um...my hand is out of commission."she said
"Use the other hand."Buffy suggested.
"Err...it won't hurt them? "Faith asked cautiously.
"No. Now will you please cut the cord?" Buffy asked impatiently. After cutting the cords and taking care of Faith's hands, the mommies and the triplets were having their bonding moments. Then Buffy's cell rang startling them all. Faith jumped out of the room to answer the phone leaving Buffy frantically trying to calm the angry triplets.
"Hello?"she answered.
"Faith for the heavens' sake, WHAT HAVE DONE WITH MY MONEY??"Giles' franticness was on the other line
"Err put it to good use?"she tried
"78,600 Dollars?! You put in good USE?! Good heavens this outrageous, unbelievable, irresponsible, reckless manner in wasting my money!!" he said. Then he added "What were you thinking? Dear Lord what was I thinking giving YOU my Credit Card. Faith you have to explain to me ..."she cut him off
"G, dude, I'm very busy now I'll send you the bills later."
"Faith, don't you dare close the lin..." there was a dial tone. Giles, who was fuming, called Willow and started wiping his glasses waiting for her arrival, which didn't take very long.
"Yes Giles?"
"Thank God! Willow, can you find me the information of what these c...um these...ahem, Buffy and Faith were doing during the past nine months? My God, every month the spendings are raising higher and higher." he said
"Giles it's the council's money and they hardly made a dent in the Credit Card balance." the red head put in.
"But Willow, it's still too much to spend in only nine months in China." he said. Her brows furrowed "They are in China? Last time I called Faith was last night and I heard someone or some demon speaking Italian. I guess, unless the Chinese change their language into Italian, that would be a different matter..." she started to babble. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Willow, I am this close to becoming Giles the Ripper. I don't care if they did or didn't, make a dent as you say, to the credit card's balance but it's still a waste of money! I am begging you, find them and bring them here. And NOW!!" he yelled.
"Ok Giles." she said putting her hands up in a surrender.
Faith, sitting with two sleeping babies in her arms, keeps looking back and at the two she has and the one Buffy has.
"B, which of the girls is Angelina?" she asked looking at the girls. Buffy glared at Faith and replied;
"The one on your left arm." she said. Faith still looked confused.
"How did you know B? They look the same to me." Faith says looking at the babies. With a tired sigh Buffy answered.
"Because, Faith, Selena is with me having her meal. So on your right arm is your son, Jacob, but you should notice the different blankets. Your son has blue and your daughter has pink." Buffy explains to a still confused looking Faith.
"Oh." is all she says.
Back at Willow's apartment, Willow is muttering under her breath doing a locater spell. Finally Italy starts to glow on her map.
"Gotcha." she says. She does a teleportation spell and ends up in a hospital room with Buffy, Faith, and three babies. "What the hell?!" she exclaims scaring the babies who start to cry. Faith and Buffy glare at her. Faith moves the two babies in her arms to their baskets. "Why the hell do you have three babies?! A-and what have you been up to?! Giles need-" Faith puts a hand over her mouth.
"D'ya hear that?" she asks right in willow's ear. Willow shakes her head no with wide eyes. "Ya don't? It's the sound of three loud ass babies cryin cus you came in here talkin like we out in the damn country. So now I'm gonna have to kill you because it takes twenty to thirty minutes to calm them down. Now, get them quiet then come see me so I can murder you." Faith says. Willow shoots her a look out the corner of her eye then looks to Buffy for help. Buffy just glares harder at willow,
"Faith, baby, keep it clean." Buffy says. Willow's eyes widen even more.
"T-The-" Faith cuts her off.
"Stop talking! Get them quiet please." Faith tries to be civil.
"Bu-" willow tries again.
"Get out get out get out!" Faith yells pointing at the door. Willow stares at her. Faith sighs and throws willow over her shoulder dropping her into a chair outside the room. "Move a muscle and I'll beat you with a baby." Faith offers one more glare before going back to Buffy and the babies. Buffy looks at Faith with pleading eyes. Faith clears her throat.
"Children shush!" she yells and the babies get quiet. She nods and Buffy looks amazed. "Now, don't worry, that lady you just saw is auntie willow, but you won't have to worry about her long." Faith says. The babies just gurgle in understanding and Buffy looks at Faith like she's a...something.
"You can't tell them apart but you can communicate with them?!" she asks loudly and the babies start crying again.
"Hey!" Faith says and they once again quiet down. "Buffy, if you raise you're voice one more time, I'll strangle you with you're hair." Faith says lowly. Buffy nods and looks down at the baby in her arms.
"Your momma's a meany isn't she baby?" she asks and the baby starts to whimper and tear up. "No, no do-" too late the baby started crying. Followed by her brother and sister. Faith sighs.
"Hey you guys. Shh...momma's getting a headache." Faith says and they all get quiet. Buffy pouts at Faith.
"Why do they only listen to you?" she asks. Faith glares.
"Cus we don't like you." she says before turning to leave the room, but after looking at Buffy she felt guilty at the stricken look on Buffy's face. Especially the teary eyes and pouty lips. She looked down at her shoe and thought 'Better buy a new shoes.' then looked up to Buffy and sighed walking inside and stood next her bed
"B. I love you. I'm not sure about the babies if they love you or not but don't doubt my love for you." At that Buffy, smiling with tears of happiness, answered
"Thats ok and I love you too." Buffy replies happily.
"And B. If you are knocked up for second time tell me and how many ya carrying so I can hall ass before it's too late." Faith says. Buffy smiles
"I know you won't but, Ok babe." then Faith leaned closer to Buffy and kissed long soft kiss and the babies rolled their eyes and told each other telepathically 'Now we know who's whipped in the family'
Then Faith straightened and said before going
"I gotta go I have someone need to be killed" and left.
Willow jumped when she heard the sound of the door close and Faith walking to her. She started babbling" Gilestoldmetofindyouandbringyoutohimtoexplainwhyyouspentalotofmoney!" Faith blinked at her saying
"Huh?"
"Please don't kill me Faith you can't raise your children from jail. Err they are yours? Right?Wait you and Buffy are together right? How?Where?When?" willow asked in a rush. Faith shook her head.
"Wait, whoa Red calm down. Yeah, me and B are together. For about a year and a half. We kept it a secret for a while. How? The old fashioned way I 'spose. When, well they were just born. And yeah, they're mine." Faith says with a proud smile. Willow offers her a smile.
"Well I'm happy to hear it." she says. Then she looks at Faith curiously. "Can we go talk to Buffy?" she asks. Faith nods and they make their way back to the room to find Buffy talking to the babies. They're smiling at her for once.
"Look Faith, they like me." she says with tears. Faith gives her a warm smile.
"Of course they do babe, you're their mommy." she says kissing the side of Buffy's head and sitting beside her.
"Uh Buffy?" willow calls. She could swear one of the babies glared at her.
"Hmm?" Buffy answered absently still smiling at her babies.
"Uh...how did this happen?" willow asks. Buffy glares at Faith for a split second before smiling fondly.
"That forgot to read the warning label on that spell you gave us." Buffy says nodding towards Faith. Willow's eye brows furrow.
"The stamina spell? But it was for patrol!" she says. Buffy nods.
"We did use it for patrol. Amongst other things..." she trails off. The babies make grossed out faces and willow goes pale.
"That's why you're supposed to wait three hours before imitating bunny rabbits! What did you two wait three seconds?!" she asks. Faith looks at her like don't be ridiculous.
"Don't be crazy Red. We didn't wait that long." Faith says. Willow's eyes bug out.
"But that... I have to fix you now!" she says. Buffy's eyes widen.
"No!" she exclaims. Faith, willow, and the babies all raise eyebrows at the crazy lady that is Buffy.
"Why not B?! We can't have ya getting knocked up Every time we try and do the nasty!" Faith exclaims Buffy blushes a little.
"Well I was hoping we could have a few more first. I've always wanted a big family." she says. Faith's eyes soften.
"Sure baby. How many did you have in mind?" she asks. Buffy beams at her.
"Not too many. Bout 9 more." she says. Willow's eyes widen and Faith keeps smiling. Then she passes out. While she's on the floor you can hear her mumbling about not being able to count that high and there was no way she was having that many more. Buffy just smiled at the babies.
"You see that? Mama's excited too. Yes she is." she says to the babies. Willow has one thought. 'Poor Faith.'
so this was just a one shot me and a friend did just for you kenyon87. Sort pf a thanks for givin my non-fuffy fics a shot. The idea came from you're review to my Fanya fic so here goes you're fuffy fic! Hope you enjoyed it.:)