Chapter Seven: Good hunt (But what the hell has happened?!)
Everything was really bad. Everything was terrible. Everything got screwed up. It was a month and a half since the Alucard and Seras has eaten something (someone). They were angry… really angry. Well, Seras was the one who lustfully looked at everything that moves. Her eyes were glowing like rotating beacons thanks to her hunger. During the night, when it was dark, everyone was slaughtered by these special effects. Lord Alucard, who, however, didn't sit in the dungeon and was walking in the castle almost every day, was a worst case. He had a wide (even wider than usual) smile on his face and was trying to sneak up on someone. Knowing him, you must assume that it was always successful. After trapping the first person he sees in the corner, he stood up, looking down on them, while wheezing quietly. After 14 people were sent to the hospital with hysterics, depressions, nervous tremors, faints and several attempts to slit their throats, the principal threatened Alucard with garlic and made him stop these actions. The game-keeper, who shot down more then half of the forest, was sent to some mental hospital. That's how the only Alu's homie in this castle was gone. And there were only a few bullets left. As a result: boredom and hunger. The vampire was slowly going mad. It wasn't obvious on the outside, but getting stronger and stronger inside Alucard. And finally, it happened…
Everything has begun, when Alucard had finally met Peeves. The local essence. That thing was harming everything and everyone. Nobody liked it. But caution didn't allow the poltergeist to approach Alucard. But it made a big mistake – it attacked Victoria. She could've dealt with him by herself, but Alu wasn't far away. After chasing after it for about 15 seconds, he caught the poltergeist and read him a lection about ethical issues. After ripping ¾ of ghost's extremities, he left only one leg and sent the ghost to Hellsing headquarters. The local butler was so happy, that he brought him and Seras a few bottles of blood. The big mistake was that it was dragon blood. No, the vampires liked it, and liked it a lot. But it had a strange side effect…
…Alucard opened his eyes, with a huge effort. His head was hurting like hell. While trying to move, he understood that someone is lying on him. He managed to lift his, head and saw that this person is Seras. His fear had no limits. She was absolutely naked. They were tied hand by hand with Alucard's tie. He didn't have any clothes on too. But the most frightening thing was that he remembered nothing. Nothing. Alucard has quickly grown some clothes and put the naked police girl in her coffin. He looked around, trying to determine the situation. The coffin was lying on its back, whining and jerking its hands. A global reconnaissance was needed immediately.
There was nothing but dead silence in the castle. An absolute silence. Filch's cat bumped into a wall two times, while trying to get away from Alu. Something was really wrong. The first teacher he saw has courageously jumped from the window. He didn't say a word. Alucard didn't even have time to ask. From time to time, he saw the remnants of mass destruction, like huge bullet holes right through four walls in a row. Slowly losing his mind, Alucard was continuing to look for something alive in the castle. Finally he saw a butler, who was trembling in the cornier. He had some obvious signs that someone or something has hit him really hard, especially on his face. After trapping him, Alucard quietly asked:
-And what happened here?
The story that Alucard heard went beyond any imagination. The dragon blood had the same effect on Alucard and Seras as the champagne with vodka on college girls. It means bad. Plus, the vampires fed the remnants of it to the coffin. Everything has begun fairly simple. Alucard and Seras got off from the dungeon, singing songs in the name of Hellsing and went "for a walk". Swinging their guns, they were catching everything that moves and everything that didn't move because they fainted the vampires were kicking first, until they were able to move and then catching the rest. After placing about twenty students, three teachers, one cat and two cockroaches against the wall, Alucard said:
-Everyone… Shall… Be… Executed…
-Yes, masta – Seras mumbled and started shooting.
But after about half a bottle of dragon blood (remember: champagne and vodka mixed together!) she could not hit any targets. Then Alucard tried, with the same result. After 31 seconds of shooting, they spat upon them and walked away. After half an hour, everybody has managed to get out from the remnants of the wall. Lucky for them, the vampires moved on to the village. The outcome: There was no village. Nothing. Only a clear field and dirty water.
While the vampire was listening to the events of the last night and thanking Filch for his gift, Snape decided to sneak in Alucard's study. He wasn't however prepared for a hentai scene of a girl, lying naked in a coffin. At the same time, Victoria managed to wake up. After seeing her state and blushing Snape near her, she became furious. And being in what Alucard has left her, she dashed to wipe out the assumed offender. When the vampire came in, he saw an amazing scene: Seras swinging her um… hands and furiously kicking the potions master. Alucard took away the human from the brutal Seras and read Snape a lection about the dangers of rape.
It took a week for everyone to calm down after the incident. 48 people were sent into a hospital.
-Walter! What the hell is this thing??
-I don't know sir Integra
-Kill it!
-Yes sir.
-That dumb vampire has hurt their butler…
-Noooo! Pleeaaase!!
-Yes Walter, yes…
-Father Anderson!
-Yes, Maxwell
-In the heretics' haven – England, Hellsing corrupts the minds of children! Alucard became a TEACHER!!
-I shall save the children!
-You have to teach too! You have to show them, that the true belief in God is stronger!! May the Force be with you – what the hell am I talking… Amen…