A/N: I'm sort of nervous about this chapter…I hope it's believable, at least a little! Please, review, tell me what you think of it!
To Hell and Back
-xXx-
Chapter 5: Miracles are a Bang
"Deidara?!"
"Un! Now come on!" Deidara said, thrusting his middle finger in the air at Madara and then grabbing Kakuzu's hand, pulling him up the stairs.
They ran down another corridor, turned a sharp corner, and then jumped out of a massive hole in the stone wall. Kakuzu grunted as he landed on soft grass. Deidara was light on his feet. He had never been much of a physical fighter, yet he was pulling Kakuzu along as if he were a rag doll.
Kakuzu felt a tug in his gut and knew the Kyuubi brat must be nearby. Sure enough, he heard Naruto's growling voice.
"OOY! GET BACK HERE!" Naruto yelled.
Kakuzu felt an unbelievable surge of chakra. Deidara smirked and ran faster. Kakuzu could barely keep up. He felt his feet leave the ground and looked down. Something feathery brushed his face. Deidara was sprouting wings. Angel wings.
"D-Deidara? What the hell?"
"All artists go to Heaven, un," Deidara said with a laugh.
The wings were composed of translucent feathers, the color hard to determine. They had a pearly, iridescent sheen to them. Deidara wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's waist.
"Hold on, old man, un!"
Kakuzu sucked in air sharply through his nose as Deidara took to the air. They flew up into the canopy of the nearby forest. Deidara and Kakuzu landed on a branch hundreds of feet up in the air and the Iwa nin's ephemeral wings faded.
Deidara pointed at Kakuzu and frowned.
"You're so damned tall, un. Bend down," Deidara instructed, but tugged Kakuzu's hair before the old nin could move and forced Kakuzu to lean in. The blond pressed the tip of his finger to Kakuzu's forehead. A cold, tingly feeling spread from the top of Kakuzu's head down to his fingers and toes.
"There. You'll be hard to see for a bit, un."
Kakuzu straightened.
"Deidara…"
"Sh, they can still hear you, un," Deidara said, jerking his head downwards. Kakuzu squatted and looked through the tangles of branches to the ground. At the roots of the massive tree, he could spot the blond head of Naruto, as well as others. One had red hair, and for a minute, Kakuzu thought it might be Sasori.
"He had a bijuu in him once, un," Deidara said, "but we drew it out. Remember? He was possessed by the Ichibi."
"Aah, I remember him," Kakuzu murmured, nodding slowly, "Sabaku no Gaara. I see the gourd on his back."
"Un. But he's not the one we have to worry about. It's that other one."
The locket grew heavy, weighing down Kakuzu's neck. His head bowed.
"That damned locket! Let me see it, un," Deidara insisted. When he reached for it, Kakuzu batted his hand away.
"NO! No…I don't know what it'll do if you touch it!" Kakuzu hissed.
Deidara's eyes widened and he slapped his hand over Kakuzu's mouth.
"SSSH! You are so thick headed! They might hear you, yelling like that, un!"
Kakuzu jerked his head away. The mouth on Deidara's palm opened and a tongue lolled out. Kakuzu glared at it.
"I see not even being dead could cure you of those," Kakuzu said quietly, keeping his voice down. The nins underfoot headed deeper into the woods, still searching, though Naruto trailed behind. He could no doubt sense the locket.
"Hey, I like them, un! What would Deidara be without his four mouths?" Deidara said indignantly.
"Normal."
"Psh, normal is overrated, un! Oh…damn…I wish I could stay longer," Deidara sighed. He was starting to turn transparent, just as Sasori had.
"Danna warned me not to use up so much chakra, un."
"Why do you disappear so quickly?" Kakuzu asked, keeping his eyes on the ground. Naruto had stepped away with his friends. Deidara hesitated for a moment, eyeing the ground apprehensively.
"Well, I don't belong here. Neither do you, for that matter. That locket is pretty powerful, to keep you physical so long, un."
"Yeah…" Kakuzu murmured, squeezing it in his palm.
"Hey, I think they're far enough away, un. You should be able to get back to that hole…"
Kakuzu searched the immediate area for any signs of the Konoha nins. He squinted into the distance. He felt a strong chakra signature a good mile away.
"There's something going on with that Jinchuuriki kid."
"It's the Kyuubi. Bijuu are from Hell. It's only natural they'd be drawn to Hell water, un."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes.
"So this locket attracts bijuu. Great. And we never got the Hachibi either."
"Nope. And I fear that one may be close. You should go, Kakuzu, un. Hidan needs you."
"Heh…Hidan. Why am I so compelled to save him, I wonder?" Kakuzu said. Deidara gave Kakuzu a sly smile.
"What's with the look?"
"Oh, nothing. Just go rescue your damsel in distress, un."
"Hn," Kakuzu uttered, hopping down to the forest floor. He landed with a soft grunt.
Kakuzu glanced up in time to see a twinkling light race towards the sun, and then dashed through the forest, weaving in between trees. Hidan was still helpless, stuck down in a pit. If Kakuzu did indeed have Heaven on his side, there wouldn't be a welcoming party waiting for him. Though, the phrase 'the Lord works in mysterious ways' surfaced in his mind, and he felt uneasy. Kakuzu ran faster.
-xXx-
As soon as Kakuzu was within sight of the pit (Banshee Pit), he heard a woman shout "DAI KAMAITACHI!" and the old nin leapt out of the way as a slicing wind reduced the tree he was just leaping from into thousands of splinters.
Kakuzu kicked off from another tree seconds before it was slashed to pieces as well.
So much for his miracle.
"Ch-Chouji! Don't! Get out of the way!" the woman screamed.
"But moooom!"
"Grab your sisters and go back to the house!"
Kakuzu took the opportunity during the domestic argument to creep down closer. Temari slashed her fan once more. Kakuzu dodged, edging closer to the pit. Another slicing whirlwind.
'I need that miracle, Deidara,' Kakuzu thought.
"You called, un?" a voice asked right behind him. Kakuzu didn't turn around. He had to keep his eyes on the kunoichi in front of him.
"Distract her," Kakuzu growled and ran towards the pit, towards Hidan.
Deidara cracked his knuckles and summoned a mound of clay. He set his hands working on it and formed a small raccoon. He dropped the bomb a safe distance away from Temari and her children, but the explosion was enough to shake the ground and knock all three kids off their feet.
The brief distraction worked. Temari rushed to get the small ones out of the line of fire. Kakuzu ran over to the hole and peered down.
"Hidan?"
"Uuuugh," a voice moaned from below.
Kakuzu detached his forearms and sent them down. He felt around for Hidan, and then grasped the priest under the armpits and tugged. Hidan was terribly light. Once his partner was above ground, Kakuzu set Hidan over his shoulder. There was another blast and a delightful laugh. Kakuzu darted under the shadows of the trees, fleeing as Temari struggled to make sense of the invisible explosions.
With a flurry of angel wings, Deidara disappeared. A single iridescent feather drifted over to Kakuzu as he retreated and stuck into Hidan's hair. He groaned again. Kakuzu thanked God under his breath. Hidan uttered something. It might have been 'Jashin, bastard,' but Kakuzu wasn't sure.
Kakuzu ran for hours. He felt like he was a fox, a pack of wild dogs hot on his heels. When the moon hung high in the sky, a pearly sickle against a backdrop of indigo, Kakuzu collapsed onto the ground, laying Hidan down beside him. The priest inhaled deeply and let it out in a long, drawn out breath. Kakuzu studied Hidan's face. It was still filthy, age old blood encrusted at the corners of Hidan's lips.
"K-Kuzuuu," Hidan whispered, opening his eyes. They were still bloodshot, his pupils dilated so that his eyes looked black.
Kakuzu said nothing as he walked away. He knelt down by the stream and slipped off his sash. He stuck it in the water and got it dripping wet, then returned to Hidan's side. He prodded Hidan's lips apart.
"Drink," Kakuzu instructed and squeezed the rag, a gush of water raining down on Hidan's tongue.
Hidan coughed and hacked, but managed to swallow some of the water. He suddenly flung an arm out, squeezing Kakuzu's shirt, his fingertips brushing against the bulge where the locket lay hid.
"W-water," Hidan gasped.
"Not that kind. Not for you," Kakuzu said, prying Hidan's bony hand off of him. He forced the priest's hand onto his own chest. Kakuzu laid his hand on top, feeling the rapid pounding of his heart. It fluttered like bird's wings.
Hidan closed his eyes and his heartbeat slowed, steadying. Kakuzu removed his hand, satisfied, and watched Hidan sleep.
-xXx-
At daybreak, Kakuzu was busily working at a small fire, cooking something in a hollowed out turtle shell. The missing Falls nin had chanced by the turtles while washing up in the water. He couldn't pass up such an easy kill. God knows Hidan needed the nourishment. When the meager soup was ready, Kakuzu set down the stick he'd been using to stir the meal and grabbed hold of the priest's hair. He yanked Hidan up into a sitting position. The priest blinked, furious.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
"Eat your soup before it gets cold," Kakuzu ordered, thrusting the steaming bowl into Hidan's hands. Some of the hot liquid spilled and Hidan yelped, spouting a string of curses.
"You sound much better," Kakuzu observed, sipping at the scalding hot soup.
Hidan glared, wiping his hands on his lap. He sniffed the bowl and pulled a face.
"What'd you put in it? Rocks?"
Kakuzu swallowed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Turtle meat, salt, water…and chives."
"Urgh, I'm not eating this shit."
Hidan tipped his bowl, spilling the contents onto the grass. Kakuzu caught the priest by the wrist, squeezing hard enough to break bones.
"Ow, fuck, dude!"
Kakuzu pressed his bowl against Hidan's lips.
"Eat it. You need to put some meat on your bones."
Kakuzu and Hidan glared over the bowl, pink eyes staring defiantly into green. Hidan finally blinked and rolled his eyes.
"Fine, you bastard!" Hidan sighed, opening his mouth.
The older man tipped the bowl. Hidan's Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he drank. The broth dribbled down his jaw and neck, and Kakuzu drew the bowl away. He set the shell on the grass and took his damp rag. He began to wipe the soup off of Hidan's skin. When he rubbed the cloth down Hidan's chest, the priest gasped and both men stiffened.
Hidan narrowed his eyes and snatched the rag out of Kakuzu's grasp.
"I can do it myself, mother," Hidan slurred, wiping away the broth that had trickled down his belly.
Kakuzu watched in silence. Every single one of Hidan's ribs jutted out from the skin. His belly was concave, his bare arms mere sticks. His body was a patchwork quilt of black stitches and pale, luminous fabric. Hidan wasn't so different in appearance than Kakuzu, though quite a bit smaller. The seams on Hidan were nearly clean now, he was dirty and far too thin, but the old missing Falls nin surmised that in a couple of days, Hidan would be good as new.
Right as rain.
"Argh, fuck!" Hidan snarled as cold, wet drops began to fall on their heads. Kakuzu glanced up to see gray clouds rolling in. Thunder rumbled.
"It's only rain, Hidan," Kakuzu said, knowing exactly what Hidan would say.
"Oh yeah, well, you're not half naked! Pneumonia is not a fucking good time, you know!"
"Hidan, look," Kakuzu uttered, standing up and raising his arms to the heavens as if in praise, "it stopped."
"Already? Jashin-sama, thank you!" Hidan said, laughing and also getting to his feet. He pressed his right hand to his chest, grasping for his rosary, but met only bare skin. Hidan's eyes widened.
"My…my rosary…Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled, pointing a finger accusingly at the missing Falls nin.
"If you sold it, I'm going to eviscerate you!"
"I didn't sell it, dumb ass. It must still be in Kono…" Kakuzu paused as an idea hit him. Hidan raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
"I think Konan has it. Your scythe too."
"Konan?" Hidan echoed, confused.
"Yeah. We're heading to Hidden Rain now. Two days' time you'll have your weapons back."
The weather kept Hidan in a foul mood. It would clear up, the mixture of sun and high humidity making the ex Akatsuki members sweat. Then, when they were nearly dry, the clouds would roll back in and dump heavy torrents of water on them once again.
Kakuzu kept to uninhabited areas, following a small brook, which twisted and turned through the dense forest. When they wandered into Rain country, however, Kakuzu led Hidan back out onto the road. Zetsu's Woods were far more dangerous than the prospect of being recognized by the locals. Even with a Jinchuuriki on their tail.
By the time the two travelers reached the gates of Hidden Rain, both men were dirty, tired and extremely bad tempered. Kakuzu ignored the gawking nins as they headed down the main street, seeking out Konan's house. Hidan hugged himself tightly, looking subconscious.
"I think it's a left down here," Kakuzu murmured to himself, stopping to read a street sign.
"Are you looking for something?" a bearded shinobi inquired. Kakuzu considered him for a moment. Hidan snorted, rolling his eyes.
"What's it look like, dumb fuck?"
"Hidan, quiet," Kakuzu growled and turned to address the shinobi.
"Does this street lead to the Amekage's residence?"
"Yeah, but she's not…"
Kakuzu and Hidan were already half way down the small street.
-xXx-
"This looks like the place," Kakuzu announced, kicking the door open and heading inside. Hidan followed, his eyes taking in the scuffed wooden floor, the unadorned living room, the long oval dining table topped with a bouquet of wilting lilies.
"It suits her," Hidan said simply, wiping his soiled feet on the rug and stepping onto the floor.
Kakuzu kicked off his sandals and padded over to the table. He pulled a chair out and sat down.
"I'm exhausted," Kakuzu sighed, resting his head on his hand.
"I'm taking a shower. If Blue shows up, ask her if she'll fix us some real grub."
Kakuzu chuckled as Hidan stalked away in search of a bathroom.
Blue. Most of the Akatsuki had called Konan that, since they didn't know her name. True, Kisame was bluer, but there was something about her sad eyes, her sorrowful demeanor.
There were raised voices and scuffling feet. Konan burst into the room, paper fluttering about her like snow, the bearded Rain nin at her heels.
"Don't worry, he's a friend," Konan assured her subordinate, dismissing him.
Konan pushed the door to close it, but it was hanging off of one hinge. It bounced off the door frame.
"You're going to pay for that."
"I will."
Konan took off her heels and strode gracefully over to the table. She leaned against it, sighing. Pipes clunked and hissed above their heads. Konan cocked her head and looked up.
"Water's running."
"Hidan's washing up. I can…pay for that too, if you want."
Konan placed a hand on Kakuzu's shoulder.
"No, no that's alright."
The Amekage pushed away from the table, heading for the kitchen.
"I'll make you some lunch."
"Hn."
Kakuzu hunched forward, elbows on the table. He slid his hand under his shirt, squeezing the locket. It was cold, immobile. Pining for the Kyuubi. Kakuzu felt his eyelids grow heavy and he rested his head on the table. He fell asleep listening to the clink and clang of pots as Konan bustled in the kitchen.
-xXx-
"Hey! I said the bath's free," Hidan was saying. A hand shook Kakuzu awake. He straightened with a snort.
"Wha?"
"You smell like shit. I'll lose my lunch if I have to sit next to you."
The priest tugged on a strand of Kakuzu's hair.
"Urgh. You're head's full of grease. And what's this? A twig?"
"Piss off," Kakuzu growled, rising out of his chair.
Konan entered, carrying a large pot. She saw Hidan and dropped it onto the table, upsetting the vase of flowers.
"H-Hidan!" Konan gasped, setting the vase upright.
"Hey, Blue. I nicked some clothes, hope you don't mind."
"No, not at all! Hidan, I'm…I'm really glad to see you again."
Hidan looked confused.
"Yeah, okay," Hidan replied, rolling his eyes.
"No, I really am! It's been so long…I thought you were dead!"
"Dead? I'm immortal. That means 'not mortal.' As in, I can't die."
"Everyone has the ability to die," Kakuzu said, nodding thanks as Konan filled his cup with sake.
"I know you always said you were immortal…Hidan, oh God, I'm so sorry we didn't come get you."
Hidan gulped down his own drink.
"Yeah, well…didn't think Akatsuki gave a fuck anyway."
"Well, most of Akatsuki actually were concerned, but…"
"Fucking Leader," Hidan growled, filling his cup back up and downing it.
Konan's face fell, frowning at her tea. Kakuzu cleared his throat.
"Hidan…there's a lot you don't know about Akatsuki. Pein…" here, Kakuzu paused, gauging Konan's reaction, before plowing on, "Pein wasn't the real leader. It was Madara Uchiha."
"Who the fuck's Madara?" Hidan asked, shoveling rice into his mouth and swallowing audibly.
"Tobi."
"Tobi? Fucking Tobi?"
"Yeah…"
"Any other revelations you'd like to tell me?" Hidan asked, staring from Kakuzu to Konan.
The kunoichi and the old man exchanged an anxious look. Kakuzu grasped the pendant and nodded.
"I'll tell you the whole story, if you answer whatever questions I ask you later."
"Psh. Sure, whatever, old fuck."
-xXx-
"All artists go to Heaven" is from my dear Emmy-danna (AKA xcupidxstuntx). I think I was inspired by Harry Potter for the…jutsu? That Deidara did to Kakuzu, to make it hard for people to see him. Not exactly invisible…I think there was a camouflaging spell or whatever…never mind, I'm a dork!