The Abridged Series of Haruhi Suzumiya

Recap: Haruhi and Mikuru took a look in Victoria's Secret, Yuki reencounters Ryoko, Kyon keeps Itsuki away from gayness. What next?

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The gang hung out at a big room in a Best Western nearby, where they would be staying for the time being. Haruhi complained about how this room just had to be the only room vacant at the time.

"Nothing perverted will happen to any of the members! If things go too far..." She glanced at Kyon.

Why are you looking at me!? I have to deal with a gay guy here!

"Well, I truly don't care about you and Itsuki," Haruhi said after an awkward pause, eyeing the light-brown-haired dude who fell asleep next to Kyon, and was waving his hands in the air, trying to grasp the dark-brown-haired dudette... I mean, dude. After all, dudes and dudettes can never sleep together with Haruhi around...

"Hmm..." Haruhi rubbed her head with her elbow at random. "It's a bit hot. Do you guys think so?"

"I'm not hot," Yuki muttered from behind a thick book on the Titanic.

"True, but I am..." Itsuki said in his sleep. Kyon jumped. "DON'T POKE ME THERE! YOU'RE NOT AT ALL!!" Asahina-san on the other hand...

Haruhi caught Kyon's glance, nodding her head. "Idiot. Look away from afar. But as of now, face away. For I bought Mikuru-chan a little present for herself and you. You're hot, are you, Mikuru-chan?" Mikuru backed away. "N-no! Not at all! I... I'm not hot!"

Oh, hell yeah, you are! Kyon thought.

Just then, the group heard a crash. Haruhi stood up, saying, "Oh my! It's attack of the aliens!" before flying out the room. At the same time, Tsuruya walked into the room, confused. "Ara, was that Haru-nyan!?" She spun around. "Oooh, it is! C'mon!" As the fang-tan ran to catch the Brigade Chief, Kyon reluctantly followed, with Yuki and Mikuru trailing behind and not talking to each other.

Mwaha, I mean... teehee! Mikuru thought as she looked at the shorter girl. I won't lose!

I'm too smart to be a rotten egg, thought the shorter girl. so I won't lose.

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"Hm..." Haruhi saw the ever so present woman-at-the-desk suspiciously eyeing every corner of the room. That sparked Haruhi's imagination for a very poor plan with little chance of a successful execution, but nevertheless useful and creative. "She knows our faces, since we're one of the hotel guests. We must disguise!"

Kyon sighed. "Wouldn't the need for disguising mean that we'll be involved with criminals?"

"Hm, that'll be nice," Haruhi mumbled as she walked out. "But I prefer hoboes."

Yuki nodded. "After all, it is a known fact that this group of beings drawn together by gravity and space."

Itsuki thought for a bit, putting on his teacher cap act again. "I beg to differ from that statement."

"Well then, I'll prove it." Yuki took a deep breath then continued to speak. "After all, my grandmom's second stepmother's friend's chicken's great great ancestor..."

"We get it," all the brigade members yelled.

"Well, I didn-"Tsuruya cupped her hand over Mikuru's mouth and one could hear cute little "Fuwah" sounds from the muffled voice when Haruhi spun around, causing Kyon to faint.

"Hahaha. Yuki, if you're not up for this plan along with Itsuki, too bad because I wouldn't have come up with this idea if it weren't for you!"

weren't for you!

weren't for you!

Once upon a time, Koizumi fainted, and Yuki mercilessly stepped away letting him fall to the ground like a twig.

Kyon and Koizumi both got up, realizing that they fell on each other... and Koizumi's senses urged him to attempt to do stuff. Haruhi passed out walkie-talkies that she found out of nowhere, and dragged Koizumi and Yuki to who knows where.

Tsuruya-san yawned. "We mustn't fall asleep, 'cuz Haruhi might be a comin' back, or calling us."

Kyon thought for a bit and decided, "I'm being a man! You two, go ahead and sleep."

Mikuru disagreed. "No, Kyon-kun, you just have it so harsh for you! I mean, Koizumi-san already does enough to you nowadays. Sleep," she said, happily. After agreeing on alternating with watching and sleeping, Kyon fell asleep with Tsuruya on the walkie-talkie...

...and Mikuru once again trying not to laugh like a maniac, stood by Tsuruya just in case Tsuruya fell asleep.

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Itsuki and Yuki sat back to back, chairs facing opposite directions, both with blank expressions, tied up with a cheap jump rope. Yuki was slightly frowning; it was her own fault for being forced to wear a suit from some random store. Itsuki was dressed in a frilly black dress, that was kind of revealing. One would say this situation came from a sitcom.

"You just HAD to say something that wasn't smart for a change..." Itsuki said, sleepily.

"You just HAVE to be gay," Yuki countered. Both looked at the window, then lifted the rope that kept them hostages. Standing up, both nodded and said simultaneously in a whisper,

"We just HAVE to get out of here!"

Both ran out the door when they couldn't get out.

"You know that anyone with common sense will know that two bodies that charge towards a thin door side by side can't get out," Yuki said in her bored tone.

Koizumi laughed a little. "Oh, right. Ladies first." He gestured towards the door when Yuki was pointing at Koizumi's outfit. "You're the one in a dress. And that puffy and useless thing is nauseating and an eyesore."

Koizumi was about to walk out the door when a security guard looked at them. The two cross-dressers took a step back, when Yuki, using a weak attempt to speak like a man said in a foreignese accent, "Oh my, the surface world was this way,"

"THIS WAY!" Koizumi said in a high-pitched European woman voice. "We must take our leave y'know, so we could--"

Koizumi has grabbed by the wig which came off. Both stared in horror and ran off.

"Pip-pip-da-doodly-doo," Koizumi called out to the security guard.

The security guard sighed in disappointment. "Those idiots should've took me with them!"

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Ryoko sighed, still trying to re-organize her boxes of random things; boxes that had EVERYTHING imaginable. Yes, even extinct beings. Frustrated, she kicked them, causing another sharp bang that echoed into the garbage dump from behind the hotel complex.

Meanwhile, Kyon, Mikuru, and Tsuruya-san all fell asleep, with Haruhi yelling into the walkie-talkie.

"Yuki and Itsuki escaped! Over! This isn't a date, and that applies to everyone! Over! Hey! Over! Pick up! Over!" she started to cry. "Why must you all abandon me!? Over!" She threw the walkie-talkie out the window and heard a scream of "WAWAWAAAAAHAAAA!!"

Taniguchi!?

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