The Abridged Series of Haruhi Suzumiya

Recap: Yuki and Itsuki managed to break free from Haruhi's decoy, and Tsuruya, Mikuru, and Kyon fell asleep. As Asakura Ryoko causes more trouble for everyone, what happens when Taniguchi happens to have followed her and the gang?

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"Taniguchi!?" Haruhi looked down to see her broken walkie-talkie along with a dude that looked similar to Taniguchi with a deep imprint of the walkie talkie left on his face. "No... nononono. I'm not the Taniguchi. I am..." He brushed back his already gelled hair back and attempted a heroic pose.

"Indiana Jones."

"Yea right! You look like Taniguchi! You speak in the same phony voice as Taniguchi!" Haruhi stuck her tongue out at him and he smirked. "Stop pretending. You know I look like this Taniguchi because I'm hot!"

Wait a second... Haruhi narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "How da hell do you even KNOW what Taniguchi looks like!? Because you ARE him!"

"And you're definitely Haruhi," Taniguchi said, sighing and taking off a fishermen cap that he thought made him look like a hero.

"And YOU definitely ARE hot, Jones man!" Itsuki, still in the puffy dress that Yuki thought was an eyesore glomped the poor man. "UWAH!? YOU KILL JOY CROSSDRESSER!" Taniguchi jumped back, and was sickened even more to realize who the crossdresser was. "You're one of the SOS Dan? Jeez, that happy club is just too weird."

"Get off that person." Behind the "ladies-man" and the crossdresser was Yuki, still using her foreignese accent.

"And YOU! Why are you crossdressing as a man!?" Taniguchi stuck his tongue out at Yuki. "You're ruining that A- beauty ranking of yours... or could it be that you and Itsuki are... NO WAY!! You were with Kyon! No wait... he's with Haruhi--"

"Noisy thing," said the poker-face, as she threw a random business card thingy at Taniguchi. "My BEAUTIFUL FACE!" He screamed and started to run. Itsuki tried to chase after him to no avail. "Wait! Your face is still as beautiful as mine, come back!"

You're not a woman, you homo get away from me! Taniguchi thought and said this at the same time, making an ugly face at the dude in a dress.

"I'm not homo..." Itsuki said while sniffling. "I'm just a girl." Yuki shook her head. She was never good with feelings, but for sure she never saw Itsuki this miserable and pathetic... and never so feminine either.

"No you're not. Just get rid of the costume and let's go. At least you're human," she said bluntly while kicking him and trying to help him up.

"And your not?" Koizumi choked back more tears.

"Maybe, maybe not," she said matter-of-factly, her voice trailing off a little.

"I dunno what I am anymore," Itsuki said while getting up. "But who knew you could be even just a bit considerate sometimes... and ..." He looked at Yuki, who was still in the suit, looking slightly confused. "you actually look kinda--"
"IDIOTS!!" Haruhi killed the touching moment between them. "Listen up, Koizumi-kun! Yuki! None of this nonsense in front of me!"

The two Brigade members started to run for their lives, when they found Asakura Ryoko complaining about a broken cupid arrow.

"YOU! You were causing all this noise in the night!" The two glared at the blue-haired girl who shrunk back like the "angel" she was. Haruhi caught up with them and saw Ryoko there, and her mouth hung open. "COOL! IS THAT A DINOSA--!"

"No!" Both Yuki and Asakura shoved Haruhi away from the box, and Haruhi started to whine. "You idiots! This is out of the ordinary! Now let me go and check it out!"

"You need to eat something, you're starting to hallucinate!" Ryoko lied.

"Satisfy your hunger and you'd think straight," Yuki said, for once starting to genuinely agree, and finally being able to ditch the costume and poker face. After she stuffed the suit into one of the random boxes lying around, the two girls dragged the Brigade Chief off to a nearby Chick-Fil-A. Koizumi just stood there, mouth hanging open and all.

"Indiana Jones to the rescue!" Taniguchi said screaming and running towards the garbage dump with a fishing rod. Koizumi shook his head. "You seem to be too late don't you...?" He said as his usual easygoing self. There was too much on his mind after what just happened. So, I'm not a woman after all... He sighed, but started to relax knowing that he had more to worry about.

"Let's shake hands and grab a bite, no homo," Itsuki said, sighing.

"Ah, sure... those three girls are over there too," Taniguchi said, as the two walked while elbowing each other. Kyon, I know your pain...

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Mikuru woke up, and stared in horror at the two bodies sleeping on an unusually red piece of carpet... she screamed, waking up Kyon and Tsuruya with a jolt. "You two... are zombies!?" She stepped back.

"We're alive! This hotel is just slightly darker! This piece of carpet was always red," Tsuruya said with much consideration. "This isn't what you think, it's not blood!"

"Lies..." Mikuru said. Kyon stepped up to her and tried to pat her head. "Calm down, you just need something to eat. Let's just go to Chick-Fil-A"

"LIES! LIES LIES LIES! YOU TWO ARE LYING!" The two stepped back from Mikuru who was now sweating and breathing hard. "I shocked you two with a taser, and made you guys feel pain to avenge the pain of my own! It was all supposed to be over, when I seemed to have woken up, seeing you two bloody..." As she took three steps towards the two, the two took three steps back. "Yes... I fell asleep haven't I?"

"No! It's a bad dream! You snapped after all Haruhi made you go through today,"

"NOOO! I got even with everyone and everything! There IS no pain left! You two are just zombies and lying to me!" She pulled out a mini taser-gun. "Feel the wrath of an updated Mikuru Beam..." she said. Tsuruya gasped, when she stared straight into Mikuru's eyes. They were blank, lacked light, and the light from Tsuruya's eyes reflected off those blank eyes, and Tsuruya stared in horror as it looked as if she was falling into a hole...

Taniguchi and Itsuki were watching the whole thing, and both were out of disguises. Itsuki pulled out his infamous bagpipes, and after a nod from his new friend, he started to play while Taniguchi sung out of tune as always.

"Mmm what you said..

Mmmm that you only meant well... well of course you did..."

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